Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 59 51.3%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 16 13.9%
  • No

    Votes: 12 10.4%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 28 24.3%

  • Total voters
    115

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
Joined
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I've watched John Carpenter's 'The Thing' ... this is not going to end well ..
And this
InvasionOfTheBodySnatchers-838x520.jpeg
 

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
Joined
Sep 18, 2001
Messages
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Location
Inside a starship, watching puny humans from afar
The man who devised the M & S food ads has died.

He will be cremated tomorrow in an applewood and mesquite fire with blistered marshmallows and charred Madagascan vanilla pods.
This is not just a cremation, this is an M & S cremation.
 

Lord Lucan

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop this morning.​

I said, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift!"
"Fuck off!" he said.
I thought to myself, "What an ungrateful person he is."
So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
Joined
Aug 2, 2001
Messages
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Aesop warns us that they will drill a hole in your back!

Of course, he was referring only to scorpions, bad ones at that, and this should not be taken . . . :pipe:
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
May 29, 2009
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Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
Possible reposts BICBATC

A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
_________

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
_________

My friend told me that his memory is getting so bad it's caused him to lose his job.
He's still employed, he just can't remember where.
_________

My friend told me that nothing rhymes with 'orange'.
I said "No it doesn't"
_________

My friend told me that the word 'sugar' is the only word in which the letter 'S' is pronounced as 'Sh'.
I said "Are you sure?"
_________

So what if i don't know what Armageddon means!? It's not the end of the world!
 
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