Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 60 51.7%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 16 13.8%
  • No

    Votes: 12 10.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 28 24.1%

  • Total voters
    116

ChasFink

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Some would argue that all economics is a zero sum game.

The joke here is that one of the characters has made a net $10 profit, but the other has been fooled into thinking he has made a profit as well, because he bought a box with $40 in it for $30. His previous actions (putting money into the box) are not considered part of the transaction, but we all see that it is a part of the reason that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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beat.jpg.1f980d0198db04115c314661872d22cd.jpg
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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This flash-mob isn't what I expected, everyone else is singing and dancing, and I'm the only one with my knob out.
Naughty naughty stealing Gary Delaney jokes!
 

blessmycottonsocks

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saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop this morning.​

I said, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift!"
"Fuck off!" he said.
I thought to myself, "What an ungrateful person he is."
So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

Times are hard for dwarfs.
One I know struggles to put food on the table...
 

ChrisBoardman

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(another trip to the old jokes home)

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have a sense of humour.
_________

A man walks into a hardware shop.
He says: "I want some nails."
The shop worker says: "How long do you want them?"
The man says: "I want to keep them."
_________

My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
_________

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
_________

I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand. – It’s seven.
_________

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have a rare and very contagious disease.
We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed processed cheese slices .”
“Will that cure me?” the patient asks.
“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”
_________

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you like, he's not coming.
_________

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle?
Because dogs can’t whistle.

Went to a restaurant in Chernobyl, had a great leg of salmon.
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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I'll tell you what I know about dwarves:
very little.

View attachment 40811
I never ever laugh out loud in real life ..... until the night 'Matt' decided to recount the night he had sex with a local woman with dwarfism. I wasn't laughing about her being a dwarf, none of us were, it wasn't about that .... it was the sheer unguarded enthusiasm that he told the story with that hit me after we'd all finished work .. local waitresses were stunned into silence .. (I haven't seen her in a while but she was/is awesome) .. but he felt the need to mime and re live the experience in front of all of us for some reason? .. he was a top chef and we'd all had a hard day at work .. he was miming his body actions etc etc you probably had to be there but his retelling and the stunned into silence waitress's moment was fantastic.

Matt also cooked the last meal I ever shared with my Mum. The last time I ever saw her. And he shagged a dwarf woman.
 
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Dinobot

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Matt also cooked the last meal I ever shared with my Mum. The last time I ever saw her. And he shagged a dwarf woman.
There you have it! Perfect opening to the book you refuse to write.

Salinger had nothing like this! :clap:
It's the opening line to Pride And Prejudice - that Jane Austen, what a weirdo.
 

Swifty

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There you have it! Perfect opening to the book you refuse to write.

Salinger had nothing like this! :clap:
My Mum did accidently pat a dwarf on the head once because she thought he was me. We were in a carpet store in Birmingham in the 70's. She said something like "Come on then sausage!", looked down, realised she's just patted a stranger on the head then was absolutely mortified with embarrassment so said "Oh I'm so sorry. I thought you were my Son!" .. the little chap quickly came back with "I can be if you want me to be Madam?" .. she was a good looking woman.
 

Dinobot

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My Mum did accidently pat a dwarf on the head once because she thought he was me. We were in a carpet store in Birmingham in the 70's. She said something like "Come on then sausage!", looked down, realised she's just patted a stranger on the head then was absolutely mortified with embarrassment so said "Oh I'm so sorry. I thought you were my Son!" .. the little chap quickly came back with "I can be if you want me to be Madam?" .. she was a good looking woman.
Your mum was Snow White?!
 
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