Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 56 50.5%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 16 14.4%
  • No

    Votes: 12 10.8%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 27 24.3%

  • Total voters
    111

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
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The man who devised the M & S food ads has died.

He will be cremated tomorrow in an applewood and mesquite fire with blistered marshmallows and charred Madagascan vanilla pods.
This is not just a cremation, this is an M & S cremation.
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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195090759_2546213018858024_6601482527542033763_n.jpg
 

Lord Lucan

Justified & Ancient
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I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop this morning.​

I said, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift!"
"Fuck off!" he said.
I thought to myself, "What an ungrateful person he is."
So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
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Aesop warns us that they will drill a hole in your back!

Of course, he was referring only to scorpions, bad ones at that, and this should not be taken . . . :pipe:
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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Possible reposts BICBATC

A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
_________

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
_________

My friend told me that his memory is getting so bad it's caused him to lose his job.
He's still employed, he just can't remember where.
_________

My friend told me that nothing rhymes with 'orange'.
I said "No it doesn't"
_________

My friend told me that the word 'sugar' is the only word in which the letter 'S' is pronounced as 'Sh'.
I said "Are you sure?"
_________

So what if i don't know what Armageddon means!? It's not the end of the world!
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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This reminds me of a similar situation at my old workplace. We had a real obnoxious idiot of a manager who called the maintenance manager to his office and ranted and raved about how he saw the joiner walking down a corridor. He was told he was going to a job but idiot manager screamed that if he was walking down a corridor he wasn’t working and if he wasn’t working he was going to get fired.

The maintenance manager told the joiner. So the next day the joiner was walking down a corridor when the idiot appeared. The joiner yelled “Hey Harry! Look I’m working!” and hammered a nail into the wall and did that every time he saw him after that.
 
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