Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 55 50.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 15 13.9%
  • No

    Votes: 12 11.1%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 26 24.1%

  • Total voters
    108

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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child.jpg
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
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"Who has put their lipstick on the stair-carpet? You? Aw, poor little fella . . . Kiss it better for you."

Animal Hospital Outtakes, coming soon in the Big Rolf Memorial Edition. :sneaky2:
 

uair01

Justified & Ancient
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Found this on project Gutenberg:

'IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND'​

Since it can never be too late
To change your life, or else renew it,
Let the unpleasant process wait,
Until you are compelled to do it. :)

The State provides (and gratis too)
Establishments for such as you.

Remember this, and pluck up heart,
That, be you publican or parson,
Your ev'ry art must have a start,
From petty larceny to arson;
And even in the burglar's trade,
The cracksman is not born, but made.

So, if in your career of crime,
You fail to carry out some 'coup,'
Then try again a second time,
And yet again, until you do;
And don't despair, or fear the worst,
Because you get found out at first.

Perhaps the battle will not go,
On all occasions, to the strongest;
You may be fairly certain tho'
That He Laughs Last who Laughs the Longest. :)

So keep a good reserve of laughter,
Which may be found of use hereafter.

Believe me that, howe'er well meant,
A good resolve is always brief;
Don't let your precious hours be spent
In turning over a new leaf.
Such leaves, like Nature's, soon decay,
And then are only in the way. :cool:

The Road to—well, a certain spot
(A road of very fair dimensions),
Has, so the proverb tells us, got
A parquet-floor of Good Intentions. :cool:

Take care, in your desire to please,
You do not add a brick to these.
For there may come a moment when
You shall be mended, willy-nilly,
With many more misguided men,
Whose skill is undermined with skilly.

Till then procrastinate, my friend;
'It Never is Too Late to Mend!'

https://gutenberg.org/files/36702/36702-h/36702-h.htm#Page_96
 
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GingerTabby

Carbon-based life form
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Found on Twitter:

Exasperated Spouse: (after following one of our kitties around the house with her food for the fifth time today) “I wonder if coroners or prosecutors have a category for ‘death by cat’?” Me: “yes. It’s called Feliny murder.”
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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Another visit to the old jokes home.

I got rid of my pocket calculator. I realised I knew how many pockets I've got.
________

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected
________

6.30 is the best time on a clock, hands down
________

Apparently humans eat more bananas than monkeys, which must be true because I can't remember ever eating a monkey
 
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