Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 56 50.5%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 16 14.4%
  • No

    Votes: 12 10.8%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 27 24.3%

  • Total voters
    111

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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What a total dickhead. If he tried that conversational gambit down the Dog and Duck he'd be picking his teeth up in no time.
Funnily enough, that's what happened to him! He was at a work's night out when he saw a guy standing at the bar with his shoelaces undone. A normal person would say "excuse me mate, but your lace is untied" and leave it at that. But not him, he called the manager over and started lecturing him about selling booze to people who were too drunk to tie their laces. That was just the start, he was constantly nipping at the guy and demanding to know why his lace was undone "Are you too drunk? Do you actually know how to ties your laces?"
The bloke decided to leave and idiot started ranting about how he better not be driving as he couldn't even tie his laces and followed him out to make sure. A short while later someone came in and asked the bar staff to call an ambulance as someone just had the shit kicked out of him in the car park. Broken nose, split lip, bruised ribs - as someone said "It's a pity they didn't break his jaw, we might have got some peace for a while."
 

escargot

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Funnily enough, that's what happened to him! He was at a work's night out when he saw a guy standing at the bar with his shoelaces undone. A normal person would say "excuse me mate, but your lace is untied" and leave it at that. But not him, he called the manager over and started lecturing him about selling booze to people who were too drunk to tie their laces. That was just the start, he was constantly nipping at the guy and demanding to know why his lace was undone "Are you too drunk? Do you actually know how to ties your laces?"
The bloke decided to leave and idiot started ranting about how he better not be driving as he couldn't even tie his laces and followed him out to make sure. A short while later someone came in and asked the bar staff to call an ambulance as someone just had the shit kicked out of him in the car park. Broken nose, split lip, bruised ribs - as someone said "It's a pity they didn't break his jaw, we might have got some peace for a while."
Love it! :rollingw:

Sounds like he had a mental health problem.
After that he had a few physical problems to go with it. :wink2:

Did it shut him up at all?
I'm inclined to hope it didn't and he copped for more later.
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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Love it! :rollingw:

Sounds like he had a mental health problem.
After that he had a few physical problems to go with it. :wink2:

Did it shut him up at all?
I'm inclined to hope it didn't and he copped for more later.
He was actually lucky that night. The person he was bothering was a member of a local family that has a bit of a "reputation" - luckily he picked on the quiet, sensible brother.
He's still the same. One colleague reckoned he knew why he behaved the way he did - "He's from Hull, everyone I've met from Hull has been an arsehole."
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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I used to work with someone whose conversational opener would usually be "What's your problem?" That would be followed by some petty argument that could last days.
I worked with someone similar once.
I realised early on that he was a dick so pretended to be nice to him. He drank adulterated coffee for many months.
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his pack of ink blots.
"What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having sex."
The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture.
"And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's also a man and a woman having sex."
The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "Again, that's a man and a woman having sex."
The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient.
"You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
 

Dinobot

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He was actually lucky that night. The person he was bothering was a member of a local family that has a bit of a "reputation" - luckily he picked on the quiet, sensible brother.
He's still the same. One colleague reckoned he knew why he behaved the way he did - "He's from Hull, everyone I've met from Hull has been an arsehole."
I take it that Hull is the Anti-Cromer? (Cromer being full of smart, witty, compassionate and very sexy people....)
 

escargot

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I take it that Hull is the Anti-Cromer? (Cromer being full of smart, witty, compassionate and very sexy people....)
donald.jpeg
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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William Shatner steals Blue Origin rocket to search for reborn Leonard Nimoy​

An arrest warrant has been issued for Star Trek actor William Shatner, who is reported to have stolen the Blue Origin rocket he launched in today.
It is believed that Shatner carried out the audacious theft with a group of friends after claiming they just wanted to ‘look the old bird over’ before overcoming the crew and taking control shortly before launch.
Jeff Bezos is reported to be incredulous about the crime, as the rocket is not designed for more than five minutes in space, let alone five years..
A spokesperson said, “We just don’t understand how they got her going. She’s not got the power or thrust to escape Earth’s gravitational field.”
“Quite simply, the engines cannae take it.”
“The only way they could get that thing properly spaceworthy would be to steal parts from a nuclear vessel, and who has the ability to do that?”
https://newsthump.com/2021/10/13/wi...sNXmgt6hIw0WwN5pYNBhiFUH0zJu2qtTsLGDEjkKZa_KM
 

Naughty_Felid

kneesy earsy nosey
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I used to work with someone whose conversational opener would usually be "What's your problem?" That would be followed by some petty argument that could last days.
One example - he came into work one morning and the receptionist said "Good morning."
"What's your problem?"
"Eh?"
"You said 'Hello' yesterday and 'Good morning today' so why did you do that? What's your problem with saying 'hello'?"
That ended up with her in tears and idiot ranting to her manager about the level of staff training in his department.
We had that on a daily basis with him but the powers that be would never get rid of him, just shunt him off to another unit until they got fed up and he was moved again.

Could be two reasons. It's bloody hard to get rid of someone these days particularly if they "Lawyer Up". Or he knew where the bodies were buried/had some major dirt on someone important.
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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Could be two reasons. It's bloody hard to get rid of someone these days particularly if they "Lawyer Up". Or he knew where the bodies were buried/had some major dirt on someone important.
We had a really weak, spineless management who didn't want to get involved in any kind of conflict. We had another situation with two of the security staff who, instead of being on patrol would be in the local pub every night. When they were found out they said that they had a drink problem, got 6 week's paid leave and counselling which they treated as a joke.
 

Naughty_Felid

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We had a really weak, spineless management who didn't want to get involved in any kind of conflict. We had another situation with two of the security staff who, instead of being on patrol would be in the local pub every night. When they were found out they said that they had a drink problem, got 6 week's paid leave and counselling which they treated as a joke.

I'm open to a career change. :beer:
 

Mythopoeika

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He was actually lucky that night. The person he was bothering was a member of a local family that has a bit of a "reputation" - luckily he picked on the quiet, sensible brother.
He's still the same. One colleague reckoned he knew why he behaved the way he did - "He's from Hull, everyone I've met from Hull has been an arsehole."
My boss is from Hull. He's actually a nice guy.
 

escargot

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We had a really weak, spineless management who didn't want to get involved in any kind of conflict. We had another situation with two of the security staff who, instead of being on patrol would be in the local pub every night. When they were found out they said that they had a drink problem, got 6 week's paid leave and counselling which they treated as a joke.
The person into whose shoes I stepped in my last job was sacked for bunking off to pubs.
If he'd admitted he had a drink problem he'd've been treated differently.

(What puzzles me is that he could have stayed slightly drunk all day on vodka or whatever and kept his job, rather than conspicuously disappearing.)
 
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