Inexplicable Attraction To Strangers

Are you all sure that its not a case of the very fact you find someone attractive makes you simultanously BELIEVE they're "out of your league"....if you didn't believe that, your degree of attraction would be considerably less. "Phwoar! He/she is of a similar level of attractiveness or less to myself. I'm in love!" must be a rare thought process.

I would tend to agree - but only to the extent this implies evaluation of 'same or different league' follows the initial impulse of attraction to the stranger, rather than being an intrinsic part of the initial realization (of finding oneself drawn to the stranger).

In cases where I've been unexpectedly drawn to a particular stranger it's rarely been linked or attributable to visual attractiveness. I'm more likely to be triggered by something in the stranger's behavior than looks alone. In other words, it's the person's dynamics rather than static form that cues prospective kinship for me.
 
Last edited:
No. I've not been aware I've been posting it irrelevantly - so I obviously can't judge it. Ergo the blanket self-ban.
 
@Frideswide, what does "NT" mean? I do know some people who are autistic and also work with some people who are autistic who need personal support. I do agree that the labeling ranges of functionality, based on a concept of "normal", is of no real value.
 
No. I've not been aware I've been posting it irrelevantly - so I obviously can't judge it. Ergo the blanket self-ban.

Nobody said or suggested you'd already been posting about it without regard to relevance.

You claimed a secret ambition to infuse mention of autism into every corner, nook, and cranny of the forums.

As such, you set the context as prospective / future actions, and it was within that context escargot responded.
 
In cases where I've been unexpectedly drawn to a particular stranger it's rarely been linked or attributable to visual attractiveness. I'm more likely to be triggered by something in the stranger's behavior than looks alone. In other words, it's the person's dynamics rather than static form that cues prospective kinship for me.

Exactly what happened in my case. I had never ever been drawn to superficial physical attractiveness and certainly never to someone somewhat younger than me. All I can say is that I was intrigued when I first met her for reasons even now I can't explain. There was no real getting to know you period- she simply exploded into my life. A completely one off experience. Very very lucky really and I try to remember that every day.
 
Nobody said or suggested you'd already been posting about it without regard to relevance.

You claimed a secret ambition to infuse mention of autism into every corner, nook, and cranny of the forums.

As such, you set the context as prospective / future actions, and it was within that context escargot responded.

The topic of autism is of interest to more than one person on this board and the remarks about autism were certainly relevant to this thread (in fact rather more relevant than the tidal wave of smug marriedness which later engulfed the discussion) I took Frideswide's remarks about `every, nook and cranny` etc to be tongue in cheek.

I have thought in the past about setting up an Autism thread - but was not sure If I was the right person to do so (given my lack of medical diagnosis). Perhaps Frideswide could?
 
The topic of autism is of interest to more than one person on this board and the remarks about autism were certainly relevant to this thread ... I took Frideswide's remarks about `every, nook and cranny` etc to be tongue in cheek.
^^ Very much agreed. I've been saddened by the responses that came her way.
the tidal wave of smug marriedness
Apologies that it landed with you like this - I genuinely meant my addition to be an example of inexplicable attraction. Both before and since meeting my other half, I've encountered plenty of women who would likely be considered very attractive without experiencing anything that even approaches the intensity of my response to her.
 
I'd like to expand a bit on what I said in my response to Zeke, because this exchange has really saddened me:
That could get old fast.
That's me told. Won't do it again, even on threads such as this, where it is relevant.
There are plenty of apparently gratuitous off-topic references in pretty much any thread you care to mention e.g. Cromer pops up pretty often (and I'm just as guilty myself of perpetuating this particular trope). One of the joys of this place is the tangents that people wander off along, and the specialist knowledge that each of us brings. I probably mention Russian frames of reference more than I should. We are all of us people with hammers of one description or another, so maybe we don't always recognise each other's nails.

To be less gnomic, another of the joys is the general respect for difference that permeates these boards. I don't share Maximus Otter's enthusiasm for shooting, for instance, but his own pleasure in, and knowledge of, and the care he devotes to, the subject shines through in the posts that he makes, and it is impossible not to resonate with that. And I certainly can get carried away by excitement - kinda obvious, really - at the things that excite me. I don't want to, and obviously in fact cannot, speak for Frideswide, but I read her initial remark as an expression of enthusiasm, rather than as a literal statement of intent, and the response seemed like someone swatting a butterfly. :(
 
Last edited:
I took Frideswide's remarks about `every, nook and cranny` etc to be tongue in cheek.
I read her initial remark as an expression of enthusiasm, rather than as a literal statement of intent

Thank you :) It was indeed a tongue-in-cheek self-deprecating self-acknowledging throw-away line.

Let us move on! with a group hug! (also a tongue-in-cheek line: the horror the horror!) :group:
 
I've mentioned before how back in the day I used to throw caution to the wind and approach strangers to ask for a date, if I was attracted to them or thought them interesting. My mindset was "What if I never see this person again? I don't want to miss this opportunity. I am attracted to them and would like to get to know them". Seize the day and all that. But that was mostly I suppose physical attraction (although not always).

Only a few times in my life, have I have seen a person and been genuinely spell bound. As if their very personality/aura/presence captivates me and I am fascinated by that person, almost knocked off balance and hypnotised. In those cases, I am far too shy to approach them. It could be a person I see at a party (and will be in their vicinity for a few hours) or just someone passing on an escalator. I know from memory that in those cases it is not about physical attraction, it's more of a spiritual attraction. Something about them speaks to your soul.
 
I've mentioned before how back in the day I used to throw caution to the wind and approach strangers to ask for a date, if I was attracted to them or thought them interesting. My mindset was "What if I never see this person again? I don't want to miss this opportunity. I am attracted to them and would like to get to know them". Seize the day and all that. But that was mostly I suppose physical attraction (although not always).

Only a few times in my life, have I have seen a person and been genuinely spell bound. As if their very personality/aura/presence captivates me and I am fascinated by that person, almost knocked off balance and hypnotised. In those cases, I am far too shy to approach them. It could be a person I see at a party (and will be in their vicinity for a few hours) or just someone passing on an escalator. I know from memory that in those cases it is not about physical attraction, it's more of a spiritual attraction. Something about them speaks to your soul.

Exactly this Ringo. People speak of an "aura", and I have wondered whether, in rare instances, auras are in fact matching up somehow.
 
A couple of years ago at work (where I deal with the glorious public) I met a lovely old chap, all bearded and smiley in a mariner's cap, who bantered *Scousily with me.

We had a good laugh and I thought, wow, I could run away with him!

Not in a sexy way, more like noticing a feeling of warmth and generosity that seemed to be around him.

After he'd gone I was told he's a famous comic actor (* this is a clue!) and the staff often see him, and they all love him. Unexpectedly charismatic.
 
A couple of years ago at work (where I deal with the glorious public) I met a lovely old chap, all bearded and smiley in a mariner's cap, who bantered *Scousily with me.

We had a good laugh and I thought, wow, I could run away with him!

Not in a sexy way, more like noticing a feeling of warmth and generosity that seemed to be around him.

After he'd gone I was told he's a famous comic actor (* this is a clue!) and the staff often see him, and they all love him. Unexpectedly charismatic.
Uncle Albert from Only Fools...?
 
A couple of years ago at work (where I deal with the glorious public) I met a lovely old chap, all bearded and smiley in a mariner's cap, who bantered *Scousily with me.

We had a good laugh and I thought, wow, I could run away with him!

Not in a sexy way, more like noticing a feeling of warmth and generosity that seemed to be around him.

After he'd gone I was told he's a famous comic actor (* this is a clue!) and the staff often see him, and they all love him. Unexpectedly charismatic.


I've had this with James Cosmo. He somtimes goes in to the Oxfam Bookshop. Not that he was offering to take my hand and we'd go round the world together /in any way shape or form/ . But I remember clearly thinking that if I did I'd go.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Cosmo
 
Oh, wow. Just catching up on this discussion - only good manners, I started it.

An update.

I wrote, way back

It's weird. The most recent instance of this was brought about by a shift pattern where I travelled to work on the same bus as a lady who, to be kind, would not win a beauty contest; late twenties or early thirties, impeccably turned out, but not at all pretty in any sense. So it's not a sexual attraction but the feeling of "something about her is calling to something in me. I feel a link or an association with her. But I'm buggered as to what it is".

Time for an update....

The lockdown year over and masks coming off, like the ballroom at midnight, I realised something about this mystery lady that went a long way to explaining things. We had continued to occasionally ride the same bus together, but with masks on - still the same truly odd pull on my part.

Very recently I saw her on the bus again: masks were off. Sitting two seats behind her on the left, I glimpsed her face in profile and I realised - maybe the mask coming off after a year restored a sense of "newness" to the situation and offered space for insight.

In profile, she reminded me of a girl I had a thing with at university, over thirty years ago. I was, I realised, seeing somebody I shall just refer to as CP. What had obscured me to this realisation was a combination of the mask-wearing plus the fact that Girl On Bus is, physically, nothing at all like CP, who was rather petite and a natural Size Six-To-Eight. Girl on Bus, on the other hand, would be nine inches taller and a natural Size Sixteen-To-Eighteen.

I was responding, perhaps, to a person I remember from around 1985 with whom I had a bipolar sort of relationship (I was probably the more bipolar) in which the good times were fantastic and the bad times unspeakable. Lots of emotion and a breakup more my fault than hers. But I just did not see this until maybe a week or two ago. (I feel constrained from going into details: I just have a suspicion that it some point, maybe even still now, "CP" has had an account on these forums and it would not be fair.)

So... that's where it is now....
 
Last edited:
Oh, wow. Just catching up on this discussion - only good manners, I started it.

An update.

I wrote, way back

It's weird. The most recent instance of this was brought about by a shift pattern where I travelled to work on the same bus as a lady who, to be kind, would not win a beauty contest; late twenties or early thirties, impeccably turned out, but not at all pretty in any sense. So it's not a sexual attraction but the feeling of "something about her is calling to something in me. I feel a link or an association with her. But I'm buggered as to what it is".

Time for an update....

The lockdown year over and masks coming off, like the ballroom at midnight, I realised something about this mystery lady that went a long way to explaining things. We had continued to occasionally ride the same bus together, but with masks on - still the same truly odd pull on my part.

Very recently I saw her on the bus again: masks were off. Sitting two seats behind her on the left, I glimpsed her face in profile and I realised - maybe the mask coming off after a year restored a sense of "newness" to the situation and offered space for insight.

In profile, she reminded me of a girl I had a thing with at university, over thirty years ago. I was, I realised, seeing somebody I shall just refer to as CP. What had obscured me to this realisation was a combination of the mask-wearing plus the fact that Girl On Bus is, physically, nothing at all like CP, who was rather petite and a natural Size Six-To-Eight. Girl on Bus, on the other hand, would be nine inches taller and a natural Size Sixteen-To-Eighteen.

I was responding, perhaps, to a person I remember from around 1985 with whom I had a bipolar sort of relationship (I was probably the more bipolar) in which the good times were fantastic and the bad times unspeakable. Lots of emotion and a breakup more my fault than hers. But I just did not see this until maybe a week or two ago. (I feel constrained from going into details: I just have a suspicion that it some point, maybe even still now, "CP" has had an account on these forums and it would not be fair.)

So... that's where it is now....
Ah - there's nothing like final illumination of something that's been nagging at you to resolve, is there? Almost like a touch of catharsis.

Good times fantastic, bad times unspeakable. I can relate to that:chuckle:
 
Back
Top