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Inexplicable Attraction To Strangers

catseye said:
I have deep faith in the elastic.

I think I've written on here before about my lack of intuition about strangers (which maybe feeds into 'instant attraction' but is that thing in reverse). I've felt instant antipathy towards people. Just seeing someone on the other side of a room and thinking 'oh, no, I don't like the look of them.' And practically EVERYONE that I have had this thought about has turned into a close and dear friend.

Example, when I moved to Yorkshire, nearly 30 years ago, I joined a Mother and Toddler group. There were two women there who I thought were stuck up, overly involved with their children (helicopter parenting) and another whom I instantly disliked.

Thirty years later, one of them is my very best friend, and the other two were close friends until our children grew up and we all moved away from one another, although I recently went out for dinner with one of them.

I can only assume that the antipathy I felt came from them not being comfortable in the room (they, interestingly, were all also incomers, although one from only a few miles away), and not looking relaxed.
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Yorkshire people could come across as not the friendliest to strangers as my mother (a staunch Lancastrian) found out in the early 60's when we moved to Yorkshire. She wanted to move back but dad wouldn't hear of it and she settled in but it took a while and she wouldn't then move back to Lancashire. May be different nowadays when there is much more population movement and multiculturism.
 
In 2017 the UK National Health Service had a questionnaire filled out by many people about sexual partners.

According to the answers, women in their life time would have 7 sexual relationships and men on the average had 8 sexual relationships.

Are these people talking about a “one night stand “ or trying a real relationship ?

I personally would not have the time, energy, or money to make 8 women happy.
 
charliebrown said:
In 2017 the UK National Health Service had a questionnaire filled out by many people about sexual partners.

According to the answers, women in their life time would have 7 sexual relationships and men on the average had 8 sexual relationships.

Are these people talking about a “one night stand “ or trying a real relationship ?

I personally would not have the time, energy, or money to make 8 women happy.
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Those seem to be rather low numbers, don't they?
I can see back in the 1940's and 1950s, but nowadays?
 
PeteS said:
Yorkshire people could come across as not the friendliest to strangers as my mother (a staunch Lancastrian) found out in the early 60's when we moved to Yorkshire. She wanted to move back but dad wouldn't hear of it and she settled in but it took a while and she wouldn't then move back to Lancashire. May be different nowadays when there is much more population movement and multiculturism.
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Two of the three weren't from Yorkshire at all! And, to be honest, I think this might apply maybe more in the cities, but out here in the rural communities I've always found Yorkshire folk to be perfectly friendly. I suppose it might be because we have to rely more on one another for help, being stuck in the back of beyond? There's no point being stand-offish to someone who might be your only hope of a lift into town in their truck when the snow comes down!
 
catseye said:
I wonder how many people are 'instantly drawn' to people who are - how shall I put this - extremely ugly? I'm not even talking about ordinary ugliness, because one person's plain is another person's attractive, but people who have facial deformities like being covered in warts or with open sores?

The two people I have felt immediate 'I know you' vibes with were both conventionally attractive, although one was female and I am a completely straight woman there still could have been a 'draw' in a symmetrical face.

And I still think scent may well play a part. Anyone been drawn to anyone who smells dreadful (pig farmers etc)?

Because a story of anyone being 'pulled' towards someone who is objectively unattractive and/or who smells of something other than human would be good to hear.
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"And I still think scent may well play a part. Anyone been drawn to anyone who smells dreadful (pig farmers etc)?"

I've mentioned her on the forums at least once before... but around age thirteen-fourteen, we had a supply French teacher covering for the regular woman who was on mat leave. Rita was possibly middle forties, maybe nearer fifty than forty. So of course most of the guys wrote her off as an old hag and a crone. Me? I was drawn to her long blonde hair. It was also obvious she had a physically neat figure. It was also obvious that by about two in the afternoon she had an obviously sweaty smell, and there was, let's not deny it, an underlying note of body odour. (Might have been the formal business suits she wore - thick, heavy, woolly, the sort of layers that would absorb sweat - if she wore the same suit two or three days in a row, then...) But I really loved that smell when she leant in close to me to discuss my work, or if I stayed back after class to talk to her (at her invitation). It was something that went straight from the nose to the hindbrain.

And no, nothing of THAT sort happened. I suspect she'd have been horrified at the suggestion and her interest in me was more pastoral - maybe she'd read the background notes on us, or something, and sensed I was having a harder time, and this was just normal human feeling, the pastoral stuff you get from a very good teacher.

I still remember her fondly and one of the things I remember - I do wonder why some of the other guys in the class professed revulsion - was her gorgeous physical smell. And... ah well. Nothing happened. Maybe that was for the best!

(Had a dream about her during the lockdown - it's in the Covid Dreams thread)
 
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catseye said:
I wonder how many people are 'instantly drawn' to people who are - how shall I put this - extremely ugly? I'm not even talking about ordinary ugliness, because one person's plain is another person's attractive, but people who have facial deformities like being covered in warts or with open sores?

The two people I have felt immediate 'I know you' vibes with were both conventionally attractive, although one was female and I am a completely straight woman there still could have been a 'draw' in a symmetrical face.

And I still think scent may well play a part. Anyone been drawn to anyone who smells dreadful (pig farmers etc)?

Because a story of anyone being 'pulled' towards someone who is objectively unattractive and/or who smells of something other than human would be good to hear.
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Maybe it can curve back on itself and become a form of attractiveness in its own right? The original posting I made here that kicked off this thread (and that long ago...) stressed that Girl On The Bus was not favoured with good looks and came out on the less-than-homely-face side. I was absolutely sure there wasn't that great a physical attraction - but the draw was there and powerful.

Also - I was watching one of the weekday afternoon game shows on TV earlier, the "Riddles" one on ITV. The eventual winner was... well. On the short side, on the wide side, with what we can kindly describe as not the most attractive female face in the world. As completely physically unattractive as you could find anywhere - yet she was so bloody personally engaging and so sharply intelligent that I'd have asked her on a date. For that amazing brain.
 
AgProv said:
Maybe it can curve back on itself and become a form of attractiveness in its own right? The original posting I made here that kicked off this thread (and that long ago...) stressed that Girl On The Bus was not favoured with good looks and came out on the less-than-homely-face side. I was absolutely sure there wasn't that great a physical attraction - but the draw was there and powerful.

Also - I was watching one of the weekday afternoon game shows on TV earlier, the "Riddles" one on ITV. The eventual winner was... well. On the short side, on the wide side, with what we can kindly describe as not the most attractive female face in the world. As completely physically unattractive as you could find anywhere - yet she was so bloody personally engaging and so sharply intelligent that I'd have asked her on a date. For that amazing brain.
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I also wonder whether there's a subconscious attraction to some people who remind us of other people we have known. Has anyone ever approached someone in a case of 'mistaken identity' and found themself to be as drawn to the mistaken person as they were to the person they were mistaking them for?
 
catseye said:
I also wonder whether there's a subconscious attraction to some people who remind us of other people we have known. Has anyone ever approached someone in a case of 'mistaken identity' and found themself to be as drawn to the mistaken person as they were to the person they were mistaking them for?
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That's kind of a thing, I might still have a study on that somewhere. Your reaction to a person can be affected by their resemblance to a previous acquaintance and it can be negative and positive. Iirc if can be down to a few gestures or mannerisms, the overall physical resemblance can be quite small.
 
Coal said:
Iirc if can be down to a few gestures or mannerisms, the overall physical resemblance can be quite small.
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I am always amazed at how many mannerisms and gestures are common in immediate family members.

I have known some people for several years and then meet their siblings. When you know someone well, it is funny to see the same mannerisms in a stranger. Only then do I realize that people do have recognizable, but often subtle mannerisms.
 
catseye said:
I also wonder whether there's a subconscious attraction to some people who remind us of other people we have known. Has anyone ever approached someone in a case of 'mistaken identity' and found themself to be as drawn to the mistaken person as they were to the person they were mistaking them for?
Click to expand...

Or both subconscious and conscious?

I suggest this because of Boris Becker.

So many of his wives and lovers have looked similar.

So perhaps on a subconscious level he was somehow trying to make up for the errors of previous relationships by seeking out a similar looking woman, but simultaneously on a much simpler level, just happens to find that look attractive?



I suggest this because in my dim and distant past I got to know a woman who I was very attracted to.
We became friends, but it never became romantic and after a while the friendship ended.

16 years later, I had a crush on a woman who was mildly famous.
I had never met her, but had a strong attraction to her, and all kinds of feelings.

The attraction was obvious to explain, she was very attractive.
But the emotions attached to it worried me, as I had never met her!

I then did meet her a couple of times, and she was polite if reserved.
We chatted a bit, and I got to know her a little.

But nothing like friendship.

Then a female friend saw her and remarked how much she reminded her of the woman I had liked many years earlier.
It had never previously occurred to me, but that explained in a large way why I had so many emotions.

They were old stored-up emotions relating to the first woman, somehow triggered by the second one.
 
brownmane said:
I am always amazed at how many mannerisms and gestures are common in immediate family members.

I have known some people for several years and then meet their siblings. When you know someone well, it is funny to see the same mannerisms in a stranger. Only then do I realize that people do have recognizable, but often subtle mannerisms.
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Yup, a few weeks ago Techy and I bumped into my ex's beloved uncle in a pub beer garden.
Uncle was widowed a couple of months ago and his two sons take great care of him.

He told me all about the circumstances around his wife's death. I'm at ease with this type of discussion so took great interest in the details, and we agreed that the lady and her family had been well looked-after and the death had been made peaceful.

All the time, I was thinking how much like his late sister, my onetime mother in law, he was; It's just like talking to Vi.
His accent, turn of phrase and mannerisms were just like hers. Almost spooky.
 
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catseye said:
Because a story of anyone being 'pulled' towards someone who is objectively unattractive and/or who smells of something other than human would be good to hear.
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Had a bloke, a biker, wore leathers, who generally presented well and was big on personal hygiene. All good.

He was not remotely handsome (banter had it that a good crash in an open-faced helmet would sort him out ;)) but he stood at 6'3" and had the most amazing hair. A mass of blond curls, which he grew long but only barely reached his shoulders because it was so bouncy.
Gosh, it was gorgeous.:loveu:

Wherever we went, women's heads would turn and he'd be approached quite openly by some. Shoulders would be tapped and the term 'Excuse ME!' spoken.

I sometimes see children with hair like that. If they're boys I consider warning their mothers about the attention they'll receive as they grow up. :nods:
 
escargot said:
Had a bloke, a biker, wore leathers, who generally presented well and was big on personal hygiene. All good.

He was not remotely handsome (banter had it that a good crash in an open-faced helmet would sort him out ;)) but he stood at 6'3" and had the most amazing hair. A mass of blond curls, which he grew long but only barely reached his shoulders because it was so bouncy.
Gosh, it was gorgeous.:loveu:

Wherever we went, women's heads would turn and he'd be approached quite openly by some. Shoulders would be tapped and the term 'Excuse ME!' spoken.

I sometimes see children with hair like that. If they're boys I consider warning their mothers about the attention they'll receive as they grow up. :nods:
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What is it with women and blokes hair? In the relationships I've had it's always been "why have you cut your hair short?" Now it's never been that short but apparently me and shortish hair don't go together.
 
PeteS said:
What is it with women and blokes hair? In the relationships I've had it's always been "why have you cut your hair short?" Now it's never been that short but apparently me and shortish hair don't go together.
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Ummm, men and long hair. I have always had short hair, and in my younger years I had several guys say they were only interested in women with long hair. Whatever.

I like seeing someone (either sex) with long hair if it is well kept and luxurious. I don't want it because I know what kind of work it entails to keep in that condition.
 
I was in my first year at Uni and went down to the Union to meet some friends. As I was waiting, I sensed someone staring at me, so I turned my head and locked eyes with a complete stranger, whom I proceeded (with some internal delight) to out-stare (years of practice at school!). Didn't think any more about him until six months later when a guy in a toga sat down beside me and said "So I'm too short, am I?" Turned out to be the same chap, and we're been married 29 years. So he had the instant attraction but I didn't!
 
And I walked into a pub in town with a girlfriend, we used to hang out at another pub three houses down and had never been to this other place.
I had been having dreams for months, seeing myself walk in, and then everything in the dream turned black.
So one night we walked down the road and went in, I didn't see anyone I knew there, my brother hung out there but not that night. We walked up to the bar to get a drink and I took one look at the bartender and told my girlfriend, 'That's him! That's the man I've been looking for my whole life, it's him!'
She asked me who he was, and I replied that I had no idea, but that 'I was going to marry that man' - and two weeks later he asked me to marry him.
The place was packed, but I didn't see anyone else, it all faded away because I was so mesmerized by this man. He had long black wavy hair down to his elbows, and it was love at first sight.
 
PeteS said:
What is it with women and blokes hair? In the relationships I've had it's always been "why have you cut your hair short?" Now it's never been that short but apparently me and shortish hair don't go together.
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Men don't realize how longish hair can frame their face and make them look gorgeous -
Longer hair can accent cheekbones and bring out positive features.
The right hairdo is so important - I don't look like the same person with short hair, I always keep it long.
A good hair stylist cuts your hair to fit the shape of your head, your face, and considers all your features in giving you the right hairdo.
 
My younger grandson is 1/4 Italian and has a head of hair to make a horse jealous.

Being a college student, he works part time in a sports clothing and sports equipment store.

He laughs because he says older and married females are attracted to his hair, and not so much the younger females.

In fact one married lady claimed he was a double for her son and just fell in love with him.
 
When my youngest first met her future husband she thought he was too old for her and she didn't like his long hair.
He dated another woman his parents detested so later on when they broke up they said" Good, now you can go after A again.
His parents were friends of her best friends family so they knew her.
I guess she changed her mind as she got older and he still has his long hair.
She keeps their son's hair short for school though.
 
Iris said:
When my youngest first met her future husband she thought he was too old for her and she didn't like his long hair.
He dated another woman his parents detested so later on when they broke up they said" Good, now you can go after A again.
His parents were friends of her best friends family so they knew her.
I guess she changed her mind as she got older and he still has his long hair.
She keeps their son's hair short for school though.
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I'm female, with very short hair. I just don't suit hair, I used to have it long but I just look ridiculous. Now, the downside is that I keep getting called a man. It seems that humans make very snap judgements about people based on very superficial appearance and I'd guess that a majority of men with long hair look 'male' on first glance, so we don't get loads of men being called 'madam' (unless they want to be, of course). But I am frequently referred to as 'mate' by men who assume me to be male (I am female-shaped, quite noticeably so, so there's no other excuse).
 
I've been idling and reading old submissions i have made on the Guardian forums - back in the day when most Guardian articles actually had a comments field underneath. They're as rare as hens' teeth now.

I found this, from 2012. And it sort of neatly reverses the proposition of this thread... this is a case of seeming repulsion to a stranger. In this case, of me. I find it baffling even today:

A strange event from my life. Could anyone elaborate, as occasionally I think about this and wonder. This is from a discussion on an opinion column by the Guardian/Observer's resident "Glenda Slagg", Barbara Ellen.

************************


A couple of autumns ago, I commuted into Manchester on a very early morning bus. (well, 7:00 is early enough for me, thanks).As this bus was of the one every twenty minutes sort, it followed on that people got into routines and you recognised much the same people travelling every day. It took a route up past the main hospitals, university, poly, the BBC (well, the old BBC) and terminated by the town hall, so just about everyone aboard might have been going to an office-based job. (Students? At seven ay-em?)

When i got on, there was only one vacant seat on the bus - people being prone to habit, I realised the "regulars" chose their preferred seats and tried to get them every day. So I gratefully fell into the vacant seat, intending to veg out till I got off at the town hall for work. After a minute or two, I realised the woman sitting immediately in front of me had got very uncomfortable: she stood up, gathered her bag and coat, glanced around to make sure there wasn't a spare seat downstairs, then abruptly got up and went upstairs. I shrugged this off: sometimes people do change seats. It wasn't necessarily me.

The next morning - people being creatures of habit - the only vacant seat was again behind the same woman. I sat down there - well, it was the only vacant seat. The same thing happened. she got up, gathered her things, and went upstairs. I started worrying and went down the inventory. I didn't smoke at the time. I clean my teeth. Every item of clothing I was wearing was fresh. My shoes were clean and not pongy - new on that morning after time to "rest" since previous use. . My coat was clean. Was there anytihng smelly in my bag, like a long-dead lunch-pack? What was on today's lunch? Anything offensive in the lunchbox? No, I make sure that's clean and I was carrying cheddar, not StAgur. Had I met the lady before and given offence in any other situation? No, she was a tiotal stranger.

The next morning I was as utterly clean - squeaking clean - as I could make myself. I'd even asked Herself to be candid - if she was sitting in front of me on the bus, was there anything offensive about me?
not more than normal, she said, at least nothing that would make me switch decks to get away from you.

OK.

Again- only one vacant seat. Again the woman in front swept her things up and went upstairs. I was beginning to pass from concern to a sort of "fuck you, what is YOUR problem?" by then, as you do. (No doubt that's proof of my evil male intractability to Barbara Ellen). But in truth I was feeling part concerned and definitively embarrassed - were other people watching this woman pointedly moving away from me in the morning? And what was it making me look in their eyes? The absolute truth is i had no more or no less attraction to her than to any other fellow passenger, and by the time that bus got to my stop there was only one free seat, immediately behind her. And all I wanted to do was zombie out in the 35 minutes or so that it took the bus to get to Albert Square - the most beautiful woman in the world could have got on and i would not have given a damn.

And I could not have tapped her on the shoulder and said "excuse vme, can we talk about this?" as this really would have marked me down as a predatory molester.

So what the hell do you do?

I have to add that after Day Five, she gave up and went straight upstairs. (Good luck , as one morning a bloke got on who was one nasally obvious step ahead of tramp-hood. I had a vision of his sitting nearby to her...)


This mystifies me still. It also irritates that I might, inadvertantly, have given somebody else cause for concern, although God knows how - I certainly seemed to count as sad and sick and offensive and all the stuff in Babs' lexicon, to this woman, and this part worries and part irritates me. Any ideas?
 
AgProv said:
I've been idling and reading old submissions i have made on the Guardian forums - back in the day when most Guardian articles actually had a comments field underneath. They're as rare as hens' teeth now.

I found this, from 2012. And it sort of neatly reverses the proposition of this thread... this is a case of seeming repulsion to a stranger. In this case, of me. I find it baffling even today:

A strange event from my life. Could anyone elaborate, as occasionally I think about this and wonder. This is from a discussion on an opinion column by the Guardian/Observer's resident "Glenda Slagg", Barbara Ellen.

************************


A couple of autumns ago, I commuted into Manchester on a very early morning bus. (well, 7:00 is early enough for me, thanks).As this bus was of the one every twenty minutes sort, it followed on that people got into routines and you recognised much the same people travelling every day. It took a route up past the main hospitals, university, poly, the BBC (well, the old BBC) and terminated by the town hall, so just about everyone aboard might have been going to an office-based job. (Students? At seven ay-em?)

When i got on, there was only one vacant seat on the bus - people being prone to habit, I realised the "regulars" chose their preferred seats and tried to get them every day. So I gratefully fell into the vacant seat, intending to veg out till I got off at the town hall for work. After a minute or two, I realised the woman sitting immediately in front of me had got very uncomfortable: she stood up, gathered her bag and coat, glanced around to make sure there wasn't a spare seat downstairs, then abruptly got up and went upstairs. I shrugged this off: sometimes people do change seats. It wasn't necessarily me.

The next morning - people being creatures of habit - the only vacant seat was again behind the same woman. I sat down there - well, it was the only vacant seat. The same thing happened. she got up, gathered her things, and went upstairs. I started worrying and went down the inventory. I didn't smoke at the time. I clean my teeth. Every item of clothing I was wearing was fresh. My shoes were clean and not pongy - new on that morning after time to "rest" since previous use. . My coat was clean. Was there anytihng smelly in my bag, like a long-dead lunch-pack? What was on today's lunch? Anything offensive in the lunchbox? No, I make sure that's clean and I was carrying cheddar, not StAgur. Had I met the lady before and given offence in any other situation? No, she was a tiotal stranger.

The next morning I was as utterly clean - squeaking clean - as I could make myself. I'd even asked Herself to be candid - if she was sitting in front of me on the bus, was there anything offensive about me?
not more than normal, she said, at least nothing that would make me switch decks to get away from you.

OK.

Again- only one vacant seat. Again the woman in front swept her things up and went upstairs. I was beginning to pass from concern to a sort of "fuck you, what is YOUR problem?" by then, as you do. (No doubt that's proof of my evil male intractability to Barbara Ellen). But in truth I was feeling part concerned and definitively embarrassed - were other people watching this woman pointedly moving away from me in the morning? And what was it making me look in their eyes? The absolute truth is i had no more or no less attraction to her than to any other fellow passenger, and by the time that bus got to my stop there was only one free seat, immediately behind her. And all I wanted to do was zombie out in the 35 minutes or so that it took the bus to get to Albert Square - the most beautiful woman in the world could have got on and i would not have given a damn.

And I could not have tapped her on the shoulder and said "excuse vme, can we talk about this?" as this really would have marked me down as a predatory molester.

So what the hell do you do?

I have to add that after Day Five, she gave up and went straight upstairs. (Good luck , as one morning a bloke got on who was one nasally obvious step ahead of tramp-hood. I had a vision of his sitting nearby to her...)


This mystifies me still. It also irritates that I might, inadvertantly, have given somebody else cause for concern, although God knows how - I certainly seemed to count as sad and sick and offensive and all the stuff in Babs' lexicon, to this woman, and this part worries and part irritates me. Any ideas?
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Don't give it any more thought, AgProv. Some people are completely up their own arse, like this woman.
She may have some 'issues'... they're her issues, inside her own head.
Next time you get on and see her, fake a smile and say 'good morning' or whatever is applicable to the time of day, then sit down.
Then laugh inwardly as you gain the moral high ground. :twothumbs:

Edit: Oh, it's not you... it's somebody else, recounting their experiences.
 
AgProv said:
I've been idling and reading old submissions i have made on the Guardian forums - back in the day when most Guardian articles actually had a comments field underneath. They're as rare as hens' teeth now.

I found this, from 2012. And it sort of neatly reverses the proposition of this thread... this is a case of seeming repulsion to a stranger. In this case, of me. I find it baffling even today:

A strange event from my life. Could anyone elaborate, as occasionally I think about this and wonder. This is from a discussion on an opinion column by the Guardian/Observer's resident "Glenda Slagg", Barbara Ellen.

************************


A couple of autumns ago, I commuted into Manchester on a very early morning bus. (well, 7:00 is early enough for me, thanks).As this bus was of the one every twenty minutes sort, it followed on that people got into routines and you recognised much the same people travelling every day. It took a route up past the main hospitals, university, poly, the BBC (well, the old BBC) and terminated by the town hall, so just about everyone aboard might have been going to an office-based job. (Students? At seven ay-em?)

When i got on, there was only one vacant seat on the bus - people being prone to habit, I realised the "regulars" chose their preferred seats and tried to get them every day. So I gratefully fell into the vacant seat, intending to veg out till I got off at the town hall for work. After a minute or two, I realised the woman sitting immediately in front of me had got very uncomfortable: she stood up, gathered her bag and coat, glanced around to make sure there wasn't a spare seat downstairs, then abruptly got up and went upstairs. I shrugged this off: sometimes people do change seats. It wasn't necessarily me.

The next morning - people being creatures of habit - the only vacant seat was again behind the same woman. I sat down there - well, it was the only vacant seat. The same thing happened. she got up, gathered her things, and went upstairs. I started worrying and went down the inventory. I didn't smoke at the time. I clean my teeth. Every item of clothing I was wearing was fresh. My shoes were clean and not pongy - new on that morning after time to "rest" since previous use. . My coat was clean. Was there anytihng smelly in my bag, like a long-dead lunch-pack? What was on today's lunch? Anything offensive in the lunchbox? No, I make sure that's clean and I was carrying cheddar, not StAgur. Had I met the lady before and given offence in any other situation? No, she was a tiotal stranger.

The next morning I was as utterly clean - squeaking clean - as I could make myself. I'd even asked Herself to be candid - if she was sitting in front of me on the bus, was there anything offensive about me?
not more than normal, she said, at least nothing that would make me switch decks to get away from you.

OK.

Again- only one vacant seat. Again the woman in front swept her things up and went upstairs. I was beginning to pass from concern to a sort of "fuck you, what is YOUR problem?" by then, as you do. (No doubt that's proof of my evil male intractability to Barbara Ellen). But in truth I was feeling part concerned and definitively embarrassed - were other people watching this woman pointedly moving away from me in the morning? And what was it making me look in their eyes? The absolute truth is i had no more or no less attraction to her than to any other fellow passenger, and by the time that bus got to my stop there was only one free seat, immediately behind her. And all I wanted to do was zombie out in the 35 minutes or so that it took the bus to get to Albert Square - the most beautiful woman in the world could have got on and i would not have given a damn.

And I could not have tapped her on the shoulder and said "excuse vme, can we talk about this?" as this really would have marked me down as a predatory molester.

So what the hell do you do?

I have to add that after Day Five, she gave up and went straight upstairs. (Good luck , as one morning a bloke got on who was one nasally obvious step ahead of tramp-hood. I had a vision of his sitting nearby to her...)


This mystifies me still. It also irritates that I might, inadvertantly, have given somebody else cause for concern, although God knows how - I certainly seemed to count as sad and sick and offensive and all the stuff in Babs' lexicon, to this woman, and this part worries and part irritates me. Any ideas?
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I have had an immediate revulsion to people. I always think it's irrational, but I suspect that the person reminds me, possibly subliminally, of someone who has harmed me in the past. One of my customers had a partner who physically made my flesh creep, but no idea why, and if he had come onto a bus I was sitting on and sat behind me, I would have moved.

Don't forget that women often have a history of sexual or physical abuse, and therefore it doesn't take much to 'ping' us into not liking someone or something, and it could have been that this woman had once been attacked on a bus by a man sitting behind her, whom the questioner (uncertain if it was @AgProv or not) may have reminded her.
 
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