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Intergalactic Sounds Of Ballerinas' Vaginas (Joe Davis; Poetica Vaginal)

GNC

GNC

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In FT 387, Peter Brookesmith mentioned this story:
The facts

Basically, one scientist was annoyed at NASA censoring of the female figure on the Pioneer plate, so in retaliation in the 1980s he broadcast the sound of ballerinas' contracting vaginas to Epsilon Eridani and Tau Ceti, among others. The denizens of those two star systems would have got an earful in the mid-to-late-1990s.

I'm certain this is why extraterrestrials have never visited Earth.
 
No mention of how he actually obtained these recordings.
Or what perverted mindset would even think of wanting to do this.
 
Why is it perverted?
 
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INT21 said:
No mention of how he actually obtained these recordings.
Or what perverted mindset would even think of wanting to do this.
Click to expand...

It's a prank worthy of Alan Abel himself, but it needs a very specific sense of humour to appreciate. Do aliens even have a sense of humour?
 
GNC said:
It's a prank worthy of Alan Abel himself, but it needs a very specific sense of humour to appreciate. Do aliens even have a sense of humour?
Click to expand...

Do they even have vaginas ?
 
Two radio astronomers on Tau Centi.

Hey, Joe. remember when we received that odd signal and I asked you what the hell it could be; the one coming from Earth ?

Sure Sid, I also remember that I said I dunno,it sounds like some C*** going around in circles. why ?

Well, you may just have been right.
 
Those amongst us who claim to have been abducted may like to pass on their knowledge at this point.
 
Here's the details in easy to understand terms. I for one would like to hear these recordings.

A "vaginal detector" was built in a laboratory of mechanical engineering and consisted of a water-filled polyallomer centrifuge tube mounted on a hard nylon base that contained a very sensitive pressure transducer. Dancers and other female volunteers (unsolicited) hygienically invaginated the detector in order to characterize vaginal contractions (the fastest was clocked at 0.8 Hz). The embedded pressure transducer was sensitive enough to detect voice, heartbeat, and respiration as well as voluntary and involuntary vaginal contractions.

Electronic music software was used to generate real time harmonics of vaginal contractions until that frequency matched one of the frequencies in the set of unique frequencies of English speech. A collaborating linguist bit-mapped those speech sounds (called, "phonemes") so that they could be generated in real time corresponding to vaginal "inputs." A digital map of the analog detector output was also made in real time. Thus, three forms of the message were simultaneously generated: 1) an analog signal directly generated by vaginal contractions; 2) a digital map of same and 3) voice (English phoenetic maps of vaginal contractions).

[...] The Vaginal Excursion Module was assembled at Haystack and preliminary test transmissions of vaginal signals were undertaken with sample vaginal signals recorded on audio tape. Then, on the eve before live broadcasts were to be made, the Millstone project Group Leader, a United States Air Force Colonel (Millstone Radar had been contracted tothe Air Force by MIT) terminated the project. Still, a few minutes of test transmissions were made to each of the four sunlike stars.
Click to expand...
 
Oh, when you put it like that...

Hell of a way to go for a prank.
 
If this story is actually based upon any kind of experiential reality (which I doubt: I'll go with parody before project on this one- but) the statement....
The embedded pressure transducer was sensitive enough to detect voice, heartbeat, and respiration as well as voluntary and involuntary vaginal contractions.
Click to expand...
....this means that the transducer was succeptable to any/all biokinetic inputs with little or no targetted selectivity.

It exhibited incidental microphony, which is when analogue systems (either through faults/poor design/overload) respond in an undesired fashion to collateral mechaccoustic inputs (TLDR: "pops'n'crackles when knocked or tapped")

Regarding the beaming of the recorded event-streams, via the Haystack array at MIT's observatory: I don't buy it as a story. Unless the facility has changed its capabilities massively, it is a short-throw peri-equatorial/polar geometeometric radar system: not a deep space radio astronomy lab.

Transmitted how: on what frequencies? At what radiated power? With what modulation standards and with what bandwidth/repetition rates? And based upon what logic?

The whole thing just sounds like over-the-top mischevious made-up metaphor.

EDIT and of course I love the compulsory USAF Colonel putting a stop to the activity: presumably the local chapter of the MIB was stricken down with food-poisoning since Labor Day Weekend
 
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SWM seeking SWF(s)

Dancers and other female volunteers wanted for Vaginal Excursions. I can assure all participants that they will be invaginated by my detector in a hygienically proper manner. My embedded pressure transducer is sensitive to both voluntary and involuntary vaginal contractions! Need I say more?

Reply with photo to Box 19782.
 
But more importantly, can anyone find a copy of the actual audio of the aforementioned ballerinas froo froos? I'm desperate to hear it now o_O
 
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