Limericks

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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'You snake in the grass' screamed my wife
'You've totally ruined my life!'
This, to a Martian
is really too much, an'
We emigrated to Venus - no more strife.

***

You won't believe how fast I talk
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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You won't believe how fast I talk
whenever I go out to walk
I'm back before I leave
The stories I weave
would make another story teller baulk.

My fantasies are wild beyond description
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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My fantasies are wild beyond description
Written down, they'd make prize-winning fiction.
Take that, Barbara Cartland!
I'm off to a strange land
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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My fantasies are wild beyond description
Written down, they'd make prize-winning fiction.
Take that, Barbara Cartland!
I'm off to a strange land
Check out my impressive diction.

***

While out surfing I met a huge shark
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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While out surfing I met a huge shark
Who said unto me as a lark
"Fancy a quick bite?"
"I'm veggie-you'll be alright."
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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While out surfing I met a huge shark
Who said unto me as a lark
"Fancy a quick bite?"
"I'm veggie-you'll be alright."
I said 'no thanks, I'm off to the park'.

My shark said 'go try Echo Beach'
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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My shark said 'go try Echo Beach'
'And drink some brandy, flavoured peach'
Then go for a swim
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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My shark said 'go try Echo Beach'
'And drink some brandy, flavoured peach'
Then go for a swim
You look a bit grim
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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My shark said 'go try Echo Beach'
'And drink some brandy, flavoured peach'
Then go for a swim
You look a bit grim
just make sure that you stay out of reach.

Those young surfers make such a nice snack
 

ChasFink

Ephemeral Spectre
Joined
Jan 22, 2016
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Those young surfers make such a nice snack
That they're served in a beach cannibal shack
"All you can eat"
Said Lord "Salty" Pete
"They've got taste that other folk lack."

*-*-*-*

If you're going to market, my dear,
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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If you're going to market, my dear,
In that outfit you've nothing to fear
step out in your bikini
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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If you're going to market, my dear,
In that outfit you've nothing to fear
step out in your bikini
And drink this martini
but be sure that Big Daddy is near.

I live in the back streets of Moscow
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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I live in the back streets of Moscow
Where I search in vain for a Tesco
No Sainsbury's or Lidl?
(their all on the fiddle)
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
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I live in the back streets of Moscow
Where I search in vain for a Tesco
No Sainsbury's or Lidl?
(their all on the fiddle)
Guess I’ll give up and head for the disco


As I thrust my hips to the beat
 
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