Limericks

IamSundog

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Now there is a worrying thought!
You're too fat for the new jeans you bought?
What looks the most rum
And the hue of ripe plum
Is the bruised ass your struggling hath wrought


To stay thin I resort to starvation
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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To stay thin I resort to starvation
Though I can't help the odd salivation
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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To stay thin I resort to starvation
Though I can't help the odd salivation
To wipe up the drool
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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To stay thin I resort to starvation
Though I can't help the odd salivation
To wipe up the drool
That's starting to pool
 

Recycled1

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To stay thin I resort to starvation
Though I can't help the odd salivation
To wipe up the drool
That's starting to pool
I use old vests and pants, in rotation.

.............................................................................
Would you like to taste my home made bread?
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Would you like to taste my home made bread?
Or Sundog's fresh spotted dick instead?
 

Recycled1

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Would you like to taste my home made bread?
Or Sundog's fresh spotted dick instead?
Are those currants I can see?
 

GNC

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Would you like to taste my home made bread?
Or Sundog's fresh spotted dick instead?
Are those currants I can see?
How's the taste? Quite fan-cy?
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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Would you like to taste my home made bread?
Or Sundog's fresh spotted dick instead?
Are those currants I can see?
How's the taste? Quite fan-cy?
But why does it smell like it's dead?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tempting you with something tasty
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Tempting you with something tasty
Into acts both indecent and hasty
 

IamSundog

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Tempting you with something tasty
Into acts both indecent and hasty
Right here in the table
 

GNC

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Tempting you with something tasty
Into acts both indecent and hasty
Right here in the table
Do you think we're that able?
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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Tempting you with something tasty
Into acts both indecent and hasty
Right here in the table
Do you think we're that able?
Considering we're so pasty?
===========================================

Since I'm here on this tanning bed
 

IamSundog

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Since I'm here on this tanning bed
I’ll fry my whole face livid red
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Since I'm here on this tanning bed
I’ll fry my whole face livid red
Along with other bits
 

GNC

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Since I'm here on this tanning bed
I’ll fry my whole face livid red
Along with other bits
It gave him the shits
 

IamSundog

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Since I'm here on this tanning bed
I’ll fry my whole face livid red
Along with other bits
It gave him the shits
His girlfriend took one look and fled


I’d like to make a proposition
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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I’d like to make a proposition
It fits your predisposition
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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I’d like to make a proposition
It fits your predisposition
For all things depraved
 

Recycled1

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I’d like to make a proposition
It fits your predisposition
For all things depraved
And the thrills that you craved
 

GNC

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I’d like to make a proposition
It fits your predisposition
For all things depraved
And the thrills that you craved
How about a night Soho expedition?

***

As the whole wide world's temperatures rise
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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As the whole wide world's temperatures rise
Its time to deploy custard pies
 

IamSundog

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As the whole wide world's temperatures rise
Its time to deploy custard pies
Deftly thrown in the faces
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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As the whole wide world's temperatures rise
Its time to deploy custard pies
Deftly thrown in the faces
And other places
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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As the whole wide world's temperatures rise
Its time to deploy custard pies
Deftly thrown in the faces
And other places
Of world leaders who spew out these lies.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Who on earth can I vote for next time?
 

Dinobot

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Who on earth can I vote for next time?
@escargot dressed up as a lime
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Who on earth can I vote for next time?
escargot dressed up as a lime
She'll kiss all your babies
 

IamSundog

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Who on earth can I vote for next time?
escargot dressed up as a lime
She'll kiss all your babies
And cure them of rabies

I almost said “And give them all scabies” but thought better of it
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Who on earth can I vote for next time?
escargot dressed up as a lime
She'll kiss all your babies
And cure them of rabies
All of this in a five lined rhyme!

____________________________________________

When a snail goes on a rampage
 

IamSundog

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When a snail goes on a rampage
The air rings with howls of rage
 
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