Limericks

[IamSundog]

‘Twas an accident, Doctor! I swear!
I've no idea how it got there
Suddenly aflame
Nobody to blame
But the wax is all stuck in my hair


I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder

 

[escargot]

I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder

 

[GNC]

I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder
Most important is this:

 

[escargot]

(I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder
'cos then you're ensurin')

 

[Dinobot]

I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder
Most important is this:
Make sure you don't, miss

 

[feen5]

I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder
Most important is this:
Make sure you don't, miss
when you empty yourself to be gladder

(I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder
'cos then you're ensurin'
The strength of your urine)

It's important when having a piss

 

[IamSundog]

I’m hanging lights, up on a ladder
It's more fun when you have a full bladder
'cos then you're ensurin'
The strength of your urine
As the height quite enhances the splatter


It's important when having a piss
To take aim at the Germans and Swiss

 

[Tigerhawk]

It's important when having a piss
To take aim at the Germans and Swiss
Ever so vulgar

 

[Peripart]

It's important when having a piss
To take aim at the Germans and Swiss
Ever so vulgar
Just like a Bulgar!


(Yes, probably a touch xenophobic if taken seriously, but you try finding another rhyme for "vulgar")

 

[escargot]

It's important when having a piss
To take aim at the Germans and Swiss
Ever so vulgar
Just like a Bulgar!
Let rip with that sweet yellow kiss!

So Bob Dylan has sold all his songs

 

[GNC]

So Bob Dylan has sold all his songs
To spend millions collecting new thongs

 

[Tigerhawk]

So Bob Dylan has sold all his songs
To spend millions collecting new thongs
Lacey and racy!

 

[IamSundog]

So Bob Dylan has sold all his songs
To spend millions collecting new thongs
Lacey and racy!
Pimped with high voltage AC

 

[Dinobot]

So Bob Dylan has sold all his songs
To spend millions collecting new thongs
Lacey and racy!
Pimped with high voltage AC
Now he's out all night, righting wrongs!

=================================================

Say, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

 

[GNC]

Say, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
My usual reindeers had such a fright

 

[IamSundog]

Say, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
My usual reindeers had such a fright
When a strange UFO

 

[IamSundog]

Say, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
My usual reindeers had such a fright
When a strange UFO
Gave a luster of midday to objects below

 

[IamSundog]

Say, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
My usual reindeers had such a fright
When a strange UFO
Gave a luster of midday to objects below
And put Prancer through a probing plight

Come let’s get cozy by the fire

 

[GNC]

Come let’s get cozy by the fire
Before we all start to expire

 

[Peripart]

Come let’s get cozy by the fire
Before we all start to expire
What a shit year we've had

 

[GNC]

Come let’s get cozy by the fire
Before we all start to expire
What a shit year we've had
But if you think this is bad

 

[Peripart]

Come let’s get cozy by the fire
Before we all start to expire
What a shit year we've had
But if you think this is bad
The outlook for next year is dire!

As old Nostradamus foretold

 

[escargot]

As old Nostradamus foretold
Feen's bum is a sight to behold

 

[GNC]

As old Nostradamus foretold
Feen's bum is a sight to behold
Watch it rise like the Moon

 

[Tigerhawk]

As old Nostradamus foretold
Feen's bum is a sight to behold
Watch it rise like the Moon
Shriek like a baboon

 

[IamSundog]

As old Nostradamus foretold
Feen's bum is a sight to behold
Watch it rise like the Moon
Shriek like a baboon
When you realize it’s plated in gold


If a shapely behind is your thing

 

[feen5]

If a shapely behind is your thing
Or a pert puckered ring makes you sing

 

[Tigerhawk]

If a shapely behind is your thing
Or a pert puckered ring makes you sing
Avoid The Brown Note!

 

[GNC]

If a shapely behind is your thing
Or a pert puckered ring makes you sing
Avoid The Brown Note!
I suppose you can gloat

 

[escargot]

If a shapely behind is your thing
Or a pert puckered ring makes you sing
Avoid The Brown Note!
I suppose you can gloat
When it plays and Peri's bum-cheeks go Ping!

When I looked up the chimney last night