Limericks

[GNC]

When I looked up the chimney last night
I was dismayed not to see the twilight

 

[IamSundog]

When I looked up the chimney last night
I was dismayed not to see the twilight
Instead, Santa’s fat ass

 

[Peripart]

When I looked up the chimney last night
I was dismayed not to see the twilight
Instead, Santa’s fat ass
Emitting foul gas

 

[IamSundog]

When I looked up the chimney last night
I was dismayed not to see the twilight
Instead, Santa’s fat ass
Emitting foul gas
Was looking back, jammed in there tight


I’ve just about finished gift wrapping

 

[Dinobot]

I’ve just about finished gift wrapping
A fit young man who is strapping

 

[GNC]

I’ve just about finished gift wrapping
A fit young man who is strapping
On a device

 

[Dinobot]

I’ve just about finished gift wrapping
A fit young man who is strapping
On a device
Designed to entice

 

[Ogdred Weary]

There was a young man from punt

 

[ramonmercado]

There was a young man from punt

Whose mode of discourse was blunt.

 

[Dinobot]

There was a young man from punt
Whose mode of discourse was blunt.
Shoot straight from the hip

 

[feen5]

I’ve just about finished gift wrapping
A fit young man who is strapping
On a device
Designed to entice
Now time to give him a good slapping

There was a young man from punt
Whose mode of discourse was blunt.
Shoot straight from the hip
Always giving Lip

 

[IamSundog]

There was a young man from punt
Whose mode of discourse was blunt.
Shoot straight from the hip
Always giving Lip
So was widely considered a c***


I’m very accomplished at napping

 

[GNC]

I’m very accomplished at napping
Between hedges that there is a gap in

 

[escargot]

I’m very accomplished at napping
Between hedges that there is a gap in
In the 'bike rack' position

 

[feen5]

I’m very accomplished at napping
Between hedges that there is a gap in
In the 'bike rack' position
I lay in submission

 

[escargot]

 

[Peripart]

I’m very accomplished at napping
Between hedges that there is a gap in
In the 'bike rack' position
I lay in submission
Waiting for something to happen

The best way of falling asleep

 

[escargot]

The best way of falling asleep
When your waterproof pants start to seep

 

[GNC]

The best way of falling asleep
When your waterproof pants start to seep
Pretend you're out at sea

 

[IamSundog]

The best way of falling asleep
When your waterproof pants start to seep
Pretend you're out at sea
Then let loose and pee

 

[Peripart]

The best way of falling asleep
When your waterproof pants start to seep
Pretend you're out at sea
Then let loose and pee
And if that fails, then try counting sheep!

I've spent this week carving a totem

 

[IamSundog]

I've spent this week carving a totem
Even though, where I live, it’s verboten

 

[feen5]

I've spent this week carving a totem
Even though, where I live, it’s verboten
to use pubic hair

 

[escargot]

I've spent this week carving a totem
Even though, where I live, it’s verboten
to use pubic hair
When it's still growing there

 

[GNC]

I've spent this week carving a totem
Even though, where I live, it’s verboten
to use pubic hair
When it's still growing there
I'm sure this torpedo's a photon.

***

This gymnasium, it helps me to train

 

[Dinobot]

This gymnasium, it helps me to train
My mighty and throbbing man brain

 

[escargot]

This gymnasium, it helps me to train
My mighty and throbbing man brain
Which I keep in a jar

 

[Peripart]

This gymnasium, it helps me to train
My mighty and throbbing man brain
Which I keep in a jar
In the boot of my car

 

[IamSundog]

This gymnasium, it helps me to train
My mighty and throbbing man brain
Which I keep in a jar
In the boot of my car
But use it? Too much of a strain

My awesome cerebral cortex

 

[Peripart]

My awesome cerebral cortex
Can create its own temporal vortex