Limericks

[IamSundog]

Is it me, or is it hot in here?
Hell certainly has an atmosphere!
That sulphurous stench
From that old bar wench
Leaves a sour aftertaste in one’s beer

My most morbid preoccupation

 

[escargot]

My most morbid preoccupation
(after necrophilia-inspired masturbation)

 

[GNC]

My most morbid preoccupation
(after necrophilia-inspired masturbation)
Was it your conscience?

 

[escargot]

 

[Dinobot]

My most morbid preoccupation
(after necrophilia-inspired masturbation)
Was it your conscience?
Soul Deliverance

 

[Dinobot]

My most morbid preoccupation
(after necrophilia-inspired masturbation)
Was it your conscience?
Soul Deliverance
Which gives you emancipation.

===================================================

Unleashed a strange, tentacled "thing"?

 

[IamSundog]

Unleashed a strange, tentacled "thing"?
It’s snatching children, on the wing

 

[Tigerhawk]

Unleashed a strange, tentacled "thing"?
It’s snatching children, on the wing
Normal for Cromer

 

[GNC]

Unleashed a strange, tentacled "thing"?
It’s snatching children, on the wing
Normal for Cromer
And mentioned by Homer

 

[feen5]

Unleashed a strange, tentacled "thing"?
It’s snatching children, on the wing
Normal for Cromer
And mentioned by Homer
It would not make a suitable plaything

When choosing a pet for a child

 

[GNC]

When choosing a pet for a child
Don't go looking for one in the wild

 

[Peripart]

When choosing a pet for a child
Don't go looking for one in the wild
'Cos a ferret or fox

 

[escargot]

When choosing a pet for a child
Don't go looking for one in the wild
'Cos a ferret or fox
Won't use the litter box

 

[Tigerhawk]

When choosing a pet for a child
Don't go looking for one in the wild
'Cos a ferret or fox
Won't use the litter box
And the result won't be mild!

==========================================

Restrictions eased - looking for fun?

 

[escargot]

Restrictions eased - looking for fun?
I'll crack out the whaling gun!

 

[IamSundog]

Restrictions eased - looking for fun?
I'll crack out the whaling gun!
Rock out with Ahab!

 

[ChasFink]

Restrictions eased - looking for fun?
I'll crack out the whaling gun!
Rock out with Ahab!
And fire! A whale jab!

 

[Peripart]

Restrictions eased - looking for fun?
I'll crack out the whaling gun!
Rock out with Ahab!
And fire! A whale jab!
Oh heck, it's Greenpeace - must run!

A fisherman's life's not for me

 

[GNC]

A fisherman's life's not for me
I turn green if I look at the sea

 

[ChasFink]

A fisherman's life's not for me
I turn green if I look at the sea
And the sickening motion

 

[Tigerhawk]

A fisherman's life's not for me
I turn green if I look at the sea
And the sickening motion
From that love potion

 

[Dinobot]

A fisherman's life's not for me
I turn green if I look at the sea
And the sickening motion
From that love potion
Has robbed me of my girlish glee.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If told "You're a wizard, Harry"

 

[GNC]

If told "You're a wizard, Harry"
By Frank Bruno, then, probably

 

[Dinobot]

If told "You're a wizard, Harry"
By Frank Bruno, then, probably
Curse the bugger, hard!

 

[escargot]

If told "You're a wizard, Harry"
By Frank Bruno, then, probably
Curse the bugger, hard!
An' 'e'll cry 'cos 'e's marred

 

[Maahi Dayani]

I knew an old woman from Ealing
who had a very peculiar feeling
The sign on the door
said not to spit on the floor
so she looked up and spat on the ceiling

 

[feen5]

If told "You're a wizard, Harry"
By Frank Bruno, then, probably
Curse the bugger, hard!
An' 'e'll cry 'cos 'e's marred
he's not a formidable adversary

Some rhymes can be rather taxing

 

[GNC]

Some rhymes can be rather taxing
So let's try something far more relaxing

 

[Dinobot]

Some rhymes can be rather taxing
So let's try something far more relaxing
Like taxidermy!

 

[ChasFink]

Some rhymes can be rather taxing
So let's try something far more relaxing
Like taxidermy!
(If it won't make you squirmy.)