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Loch Ness Frivolity (Satire, Spoofs, etc.)

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Anonymous

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:eek!!!!: I frequently visit the website: lochness.co.uk/webcam Today I noticed a 'news flash ' which states that Ufo radiaton has been found at lochness. and this could be what has helped prehistoric animals to survive until now. There will be further updates on the web site. They are updating the webcams and hope to include an under water web cam in the near future.

The link to this SATIRE SITE is dead. Here's the text of the report in question:

Amazing discovery of radiation beneath Loch Ness

Researchers using nothing more technical than an old oil drum and bits of plastic toilet pipe have cored into the silt beneath the surface of Loch Ness and discovered chemical and radioactive deposits. These are believed to come from the exhaust emissions of impacting meteorites, UFO and military stealth aircraft, which are regularly spotted by locals and visitors to the area.

A researcher told the Loch Ness Inquirer about their efforts: "we initially thought we were dealing with pollution from the recent Japanese nuclear accident or Chernobyl. What quickly became apparent was the massive quantity of kineton particles, which are very rare on earth but frequently turn up in meteorites originating in the Van Allen belt and low gravity drives.

The core samples were taken from a number of locations a few feet beneath the surface. "Most of what we turn up is just rubbish, old tin cans, car engines etc.", said the researcher, "but every now and again we find very strange bone shaped objects and chemical deposits that we cannot explain".

The Loch Ness Inquirer has been informed that the quantity of radiation is tiny and there is not thought to be any risk to public health. The radiation researcher added "obviously we hope that in the future the military spy planes and UFOs will take a more responsible attitude towards safeguarding the environment. The emissions are small but should be cleaned up altogether".

Salvaged from the Wayback Machine:
https://web.archive.org/web/20011006061828/http://www.lochness.co.uk/exhibition/radiation.html
 
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:confused: Is UFO radiation special is someway then?
(possibly a dumb question - don't tend to visit the UFo forums..)


and for the love of god could lochness.co.uk stop it with the fonts and the colours and the piggin exclamation marks. It's like being poked in the eye with a poking thing.


:eek!!!!:
 
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:confused: Also confused. I don't think that there have been any special claims for "UFO radiation".

At a push we could be talking about "destructive orgone energy" here. According to Willhelm Reich (watch "WR - Mysteries of the Organism", I think, for more fun,) Orgone energy (the energy of the afterlow) was the ultimate energy source. Clearly, as an advanced technology, UFOs would be powered by Orgone energy. Just as a petrol engine produces nasties in its exhaust, so does a UFO in the form of "destructive orgone energy."

Don't have a clue how anyone could even attempt to test for this. (Particularly as I'm less than convinced about its existance.;)) WR did have a machine to remove it from the atmosphere though. The "Cloudbuster". (Yes, it is the one from the Kate Bush song. :D ) This was supposed to remove the nasty destructive orgone energy and deposit in a body of water such as a lake/pond etc. Don't know what the fish thought about all of this though.;)
 
I don't know anything about orgone energy, UFO radiation or anything, basically. What I do know is that Loch Ness didn't exist until about 65 million years after Dinosaurs became extinct.
 
bigsmegger said:
I don't know anything about orgone energy, UFO radiation or anything, basically. What I do know is that Loch Ness didn't exist until about 65 million years after Dinosaurs became extinct.
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What ever the creature is, I dont think it would be classed as a Dinosaur.:confused:
 
Obviously there can't be a dinosaur in Loch Ness. But, going back to the original post; they are implying that a prehistoric creature has survived. What's the difference?
 
That's a reasonable explanation. I just wanted to find out what the general definition was so as to distinguish between the two.

I also accept that creatures believed to have died out millions of years ago can still exist. Coelocanth for example.

What is unlikely is that anything of any significant size could exist in the loch for very long. I know that scientists have often been proven wrong, but it is fairly well accepted that the loch has virtually no food chain at all existing within it to support a large creature.
 
If some Scottish geezer turned up with a bloody great Pleisiosaur strapped to the front of his boat I'd be delighted. Also, if it remained a mystery forever, with occasional sightings I'd be happy. I do love a mystery.

BTW Iceberg? I've been informed that the loch NEVER freezes. I don't know why. It was bloody cold when I went.
 
The Above posts by me do not make any sense. They did once but some posts by Shuggy have been removed. OK :eek:
 
shuggy was deleted by the moderator of the board because he offended some of the regulars on the board
 
see this one before, whatever it is i doubt its any creature due to its strange shape. Its legs are too long and straight to be any kind of aquatic creature for one
 
it does look like a fake, its too small compared to toher supposed nessie pictures.

it looks like that yellow banana-dog that passes as art near the albert dock in liverpool.
 
Literally could be everything. Let's see one with better resolution.
 
Three people and a dog! The strange pink thing surrounding them is interesting though...

Jane.
 
Yup obviously a couple of people doing summat, rather than Nessie.
 
Looks to me like three people, the one in the middle is bent over (perhaps looking into the water?).

The thing is, if they think that is the Loch Ness Monster, what exactly do they presume the monster to be? I can only seem to force my mind into thinking it to be an over-large long legged dog/camel type thing!
 
do you remember those movies from the thirties where there was a bal masqué and there were always two guys disguised as a horse?
 
ginoide said:
do you remember those movies from the thirties where there was a bal masqué and there were always two guys disguised as a horse?
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That's it! It's the Inverness Players production of "Babes in the Wood" going on a fishing trip.

"She's behind you!!":)
 
The thing is, if they think that is the Loch Ness Monster, what exactly do they presume the monster to be?
Click to expand...


and what about the people to the right of the monster think?
"We were a couple of yards from nessie which DOES look like a dog with a peculiar spine";)
 
there looks like there is a guy in the boat on the left of the pic staring right at it, im sure he would of came forward with such a close encounter of nessie.
 
I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would think this was a picture of Nessie on a jetty, let alone send it to a paper, and then for it to be published ....

It's a bunch of people, for God's sake.
 
Stu, its a little more suspicious than that.... it was one of the guys who worked at the website who took the photo!

Hmm...

I wonder why he didnt get closer?
I wonder why he didnt take more pics?
I wonder why he isnt coming forward with his own account?
 
lochness.co.uk/exhibition/plankton.html
This link to a SATIRE SITE is long dead. The text (fully quoted below) is accessible at the Wayback Machine:

https://web.archive.org/web/20011006055547/http://www.lochness.co.uk/exhibition/plankton.html

Swimmers Warned: "Avoid fist-sized Loch Ness plankton"
In a bizarre twist to the recent reports of a radiation belt beneath Loch Ness, swimmers and fishermen are being warned of a new peril. "Super plankton" are believed to have already attacked and killed several trout and at least one seal.

Dr. Postna of the Institute for Bio Aquatic Analysis told the Loch Ness Inquirer, "we normally find microbe sized plankton living on a diet of microbial vegetation, but this is something new. Some of the plankton in Loch Ness are aggressive carnivorous predators, which have mutated and grown upto 7.5cm (3 inches) in diameter."

"The only possible reason is the existence of formerly undiscovered radioactive elements beneath Loch Ness. We are going to have to carry out a great deal of research and the ramifications for the rest of the planet are quite obvious."

The Loch Ness Inquirer has been told that some researchers wanted to keep the discovery quiet. One well-known individual said, "Loch Ness already has a reputation for 'pseudo science' and attracts a variety of dabblers and paranormal enthusiasts. A story about massive plankton chasing after human swimmers is only likely to attract more unorthodox interest and that could harm the serious hunt that is continuing for the Loch Ness Monster".

Attempts to poison the killer plankton have been ruled out; Loch Ness is home to many salmon and other aquatic wildlife and the Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (SEPA) is not likely to approve dumping of toxins and PCBs into the loch.

The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board and the Inland Oceanography Council for Bio Aquatic Diversity Sciences was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.
Click to expand...
 
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woops, it's a spoof site. But a good one, i think lochness.co.uk/exhibition/:rolleyes:

Edit: Emphasis added in case anyone missed the point ...
 
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This is highly dubious, but I came across it after clicking a link on an official Scottish Tourist Board website:

lochness.co.uk/exhibition/operationpangea.html
The link to this SATIRE SITE is long dead. The original MIA webpage can be accessed via the Wayback Machine:

https://web.archive.org/web/2018102...ochness.co.uk/exhibition/operationpangea.html

Here's the text of the MIA webpage ...

Exclusive: We reveal the government secrets behind “Operation Pangea’s Box” at Loch Ness

In 1954 the British government developed a secret plan to test the possibility of inducing earthquakes and tectonic movements by exploding massive hydrogen bombs on a known seismic faultline. The place they chose was Loch Ness, which lies directly over the Great Glen Fault.Hydrogen Bomb Code named "Operation Pangea's Box" after the giant ancient super-continent Pangea, the results would have been nightmarish...
Some of the plans have recently been revealed under the 50 year rule but secret documents shown to this website add more details and demonstrate a startling disregard for the local population, flora and fauna of the Highlands of Scotland and Loch Ness. The Ministry of Defence (MoD) used divers to position four 100 megaton thermonuclear bombs at 3.3 mile (5km) intervals in trenches excavated deep into the rock beneath Loch Ness (some of these caves have since been discovered but this is the first time their origin has been revealed). The document makes clear that an enormous explosion was expected to result which would have caused a 200ft (60 metre) high wave of water to pour out of Loch Ness, destroying an area from Fort Augustus to Drumnadrochit and killing at least 3000 people. It was also expected that radiation would kill all wildlife in and around the loch, including the Loch Ness monster, but this was regarded as “a price well worth paying to keep Britain ahead with its allies in the cold war”.

Locals are understandably outraged by the news, which follows hard on the heels of devastating news of biological weapon tests off the coast of Stornoway. In that case, as reported by Scotland’s Sunday Herald newspaper and the BBC, live Rhesus monkeys and guinea pigs were placed in cages on barges moored just offshore and bombs filled with plague germs were detonated nearby. The animals were observed to see how quickly they contracted the disease and died but a fishing boat unwittingly strayed into the test zone and a mass cover-up by the Admiralty was rapidly organised to hide the government’s shame.

Stornoway Plague Bio Hazard“We have known about anthrax tests on islands off the north west of Scotland", said one local spokesperson who did not wish to be named, "and we know there was an idea to explode a nuclear warhead over Wick in the 1950s to test the effects on a city but this is even worse. They actually planted the bombs and were ready to explode them. This would have killed everybody in my village and wrecked the tourist industry for generations.”

Hydrogen BombIf the bombs had gone off the Admiralty were hoping to induce a huge earthquake beneath Loch Ness possibly causing the north side to drift slowly away from the rest of Scotland and move out into the Atlantic Ocean. This would be a reversal of its tectonic movement since the super continent Pangea split up millions of years ago and would prove that hydrogen bombs could be used to change the shape of whole continents.

Fortunately Operation Pangea’s Box was called off at the last moment; if it had proceeded it could have triggered a catastrophic Super Volcano (the existence of which was not known in the 1950s).

In a bizarre twist of history a Wellington bomber sent to recover the bombs crashed into Loch Ness.

Nobody from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was available for comment at time of going to press.
Click to expand...


There's nothing to back it up online, but equally there's no apparent joke in the article. Does anybody know anything about it?

(posted in General as it's not strictly Cryptozoology).
 
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Why use Pangea instead of Pandora?

I remember that the US goverment also had some ideas about using nuclear bombs to create dams and other superstructures. Luckily none of this was ever done.
 
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