Misinterpreted Headlines

JamesWhitehead

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The term kennel used to apply to open sewers but I'm sure you are right about the words being variants of channel.
 

rynner2

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This headline had me baffled:

Churchers dominate Christmas stableford at Falmouth Golf Club
http://www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/sport/1 ... ub/?ref=la

Especially as the story started:
Falmouth Golf Club are pleased to announce that they have taken delivery of a defibrillator for the club.

Director Steve Burrows said: “I am delighted that we now have the defibrillator, which is a state-of-the-art machine, and I would like to thank our captain Lucien Trathen of Kelsall Steele investment services for offering to pay for half of the investment which was very much appreciated.

“Whilst I hope that we never have to use it in anger, all of the staff recently completed a first aid course which included the use of the defibrillator.”
WTF!? As Churchers was linked to Christmas I wondered if it was something to do with church-goers, or the baby Jesus in the stable...

But the next paragraph shed some light on the headline:
Meanwhile the Christmas Draw stableford attracted 83 entrants on Saturday, where the weather remained dry until the last few groups were caught in a heavy downpour.

The green keepers managed to present the course in excellent condition considering the amount of rain that fell throughout the week.

It turned out to be an event dominated by the sporting Churcher family.
Robert played well to take the top prize with what turned out to be an uncatchable 44 points, with Ian "Henry" Churcher giving it his best with a brand new set of irons only to come up short by one point.
It only remained to pin down 'stableford' - and Wiki has page on it!
Stableford is a scoring system used in the sport of golf. Rather than counting the total number of strokes taken, as in stroke play, it involves scoring points based on the number of strokes taken at each hole. Unlike traditional scoring methods, where the aim is to have the lowest score, under Stableford rules, the objective is to have the highest score.

...

The number of points awarded on each hole is determined based on comparison of the number of strokes taken to a fixed score, usually par. This fixed score is then adjusted in relation to the player's handicap. Once a player has taken two strokes more than the adjusted fixed score, he may pick up their ball as it is then not possible to score any points on that hole. They can then resume play on the next hole. Because of this, it is still possible to be competitive even allowing for a few bad holes. At the end of the round, the number of points scored on each hole is totaled to give a final score. The winner of a Stableford competition is the player with the highest point total.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stableford
Something I'd never heard of before, and I'm not sure I understand it now! But as I have no plans to take up golf, it hardly matters! ;)
 

rynner2

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Asbo prevents Vicars from being drunk in public

I suppose vicars can't hold their drink as well as RC Priests...

Oh, hang on...


"A 22-YEAR-old Mousehole man has been handed a three-year Asbo which forbids him from being drunk in any public place in Cornwall.
Ross James Vicars was issued with the order at West Cornwall Magistrates' Court on Monday."

Read more: http://www.thisiscornwall.co.uk/Asbo-pr ... z2rJ508SSZ
 

ChrisBoardman

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This isn't so much a misread headline but supposedly what a BBV TV news presenter said:

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

... that's open to interpretation.
 

JamesWhitehead

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Not really a headline but an unfortunate acronym and website address.

The First Evangelical Lutheran Church of Greensburg, Pennsylvania is the proud owner of Felchurch.org! :oops:

"Every week, we provide a free hot lunch for members of the community, and all are welcome!" :eek:

An uplifting quote from Pastor Jerry's Blog:

"Sunday after Sunday that grace of God thunders and throbs as we gather together, shaking and rattling those deflated black holes so that the holes God pierced in them might not scab over ever again. Maybe you have never thought of going to church in this way….maybe to you it seems more like a sedative than a shot of divine adrenaline….but you just might be surprised…surprised to find out that something deep is going on under the surface….God is at work, infusing you with his grace, building a pressure of his love and mercy, that cannot be tamed but will explode in your life…bursting black holes and drawing you closer to him and casting your vision and care well beyond the glasses sitting upon your nose." :confused:

You may be wondering which God this Pastor has in mind. Especially after this quote:

"God’s eye is on the horizon and his heart is attached to the hearts of his children pulling them back to his side, where when they are back God’s greets them …. greets you and me….with tail awag!" :cool:
 
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GNC

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I think that's the first time I've heard the word "awag". And in this context, I hope it's the last.
 

JamesWhitehead

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It gets worse! I can't bring myself to quote all the stuff the Pastor writes about his "man-cave!"

There is another blog . . .

Avert your eyes now!

"Also, Sunday School classes will begin this week and The F.L.Y. Café will open for high school students!"

"Kip Boggs, our Stewardship Committee chairperson will be speaking briefly in order to kick off our big stewardship “Plan of Thanks”. I think this year; I will show my thankfulness by donating some of my cheese to our hunger outreach programs!" :confused:
 

rynner2

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Caught this on BBC sport website :
Derby sign Angers striker Camara

I imagined Camara had seen some abusive sign in Derby that angered him, but only when I read the paragraph again more carefully did I realise that Angers is a French Ligue 1 side, and Derby had signed Camara from them!

Doh!
 

GerdaWordyer

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Not really a headline but an unfortunate acronym and website address.

The First Evangelical Lutheran Church of Greensburg, Pennsylvania is the proud owner of Felchurch.org! :oops:

"Every week, we provide a free hot lunch for members of the community, and all are welcome!" :eek:

An uplifting quote from Pastor Jerry's Blog:

"Sunday after Sunday that grace of God thunders and throbs as we gather together, shaking and rattling those deflated black holes so that the holes God pierced in them might not scab over ever again. Maybe you have never thought of going to church in this way….maybe to you it seems more like a sedative than a shot of divine adrenaline….but you just might be surprised…surprised to find out that something deep is going on under the surface….God is at work, infusing you with his grace, building a pressure of his love and mercy, that cannot be tamed but will explode in your life…bursting black holes and drawing you closer to him and casting your vision and care well beyond the glasses sitting upon your nose." :confused:

You may be wondering which God this Pastor has in mind. Especially after this quote:

"God’s eye is on the horizon and his heart is attached to the hearts of his children pulling them back to his side, where when they are back God’s greets them …. greets you and me….with tail awag!" :cool:
 

EnolaGaia

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Yahoo's BBC feed of this article:

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-36737426

... was displayed with the title: Female-only race to become next UK leader.

Operating under a coffee deficit this morning, I temporarily flashed on the notion the post-Brexit turmoil had become so bad London had given up and decided to embrace a population of alien overlords. (Over-ladies? Over-mistresses?)
 
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