Last night. I had things to figure out concerning somebody I last had contact with, in bad circumstances. In the dream it was one of those pitch black nights that somehow feels "primal", as if there's more out there than just darkness. I found myself in a garden, lying on top of a hedge staring the black night full in the face and being unafraid. And the hedge, a trimmed and topiaried thing, felt comfortable and nurturing. I thought this was odd - wouldn't have thought it, I expected twigs and branches poking me in the back, but none of this. Just comfort and support while I faced down ancient black night. (The person I was trying to figure out was somebody I knew at university who I parted with in bad circumstances. Elsewhere I've spoken about this and cast her as "The Girl". Recently looked her up on Facebook: yesterday I was a bit consternated that after my first look at her account, she's now changed the privacy settings so that only the absolute barest minimum of information is publicly visible... I know that is unlikely to be down to me, (there's no way of monitoring exactly who visits your FB home page?) people do change their settings on FB for many possible reasons, but you can't help but wonder!)
So in the dream I am staring up into the dark starless night sky and somehow gaining strength from this: I remember an Army instructor from many years ago passing by, thought he was going to order me back into barracks or something, but he just smiled approvingly and walked on. Got the feeling he approved...
Second dream - was about sixteen again, with a girl I wanted to get closer to. Some sort of day trip from school or college. This girl very friendly,very sweet, asked if I wouldn't mind paying her bus fare for her on this trip. Wanting her to think well of me I agreed; then as I paid the driver for two of us, this other boy turned up and she started using real emotional blackmail on me to get me to pay his fare as well. Bus driver looked at me expectantly and hinted I was holding everything up. So I paid for this other guy as well - really resented doing this - and sure enough once she'd got what she wanted out of me they went off together upstairs. Felt used and furious and angry. The dream ended on my deciding to go and find them upstairs on the bus and shout at them and have it out - seriously angry and thinking "It ends here."
Funnily enough, when I went to bed I'd been a bit anxious and dejected over the person on FB who'd changed her privacy settings in between my first and second look at her account, wondering, however irrationally, if she'd done this to exclude me (our paths had crossed tangentially on a UEA-related discussion page where we both have a right to be). Also been a bit sad and moody that so long after the event, she might have felt a need to do this. Felt a bit more depressed over this than I rationally should have been.
Woke up, all the anxiety and depression and sadness had gone, and I genuinely didn't give a shit any more about long-gone events that have recently resurfaced, as if something had worked out in the dream. The thought was "I can't control how you may or may not have responded to me after so long. If you felt you had to do that because we both cropped up on the same group of which we are both members, and you saw my name there, and you got alarmed about it, then that's your choice, and I'm not going to lose sleep over it. Have a nice life, we're done, if I was honest it was all done thirty years ago. So, goodbye, S------. " (Edited - was tempted to use the lady's full real name, but you have to be responsible, so she's now an S and six dashes... )
Nice and liberating.