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My iPad Just 'Spoke' To Me

Most of our data, I think, has been mined years ago. But I too will not have Alexa or any other of that type of device. I use a tablet but not a laptop so haven't got a webcam to cover up. There isn't one on the desktop PC either as we have no need for one.
 
On a related note: my Google Home Mini is becoming an utter & complete pain in the a$$. I'd mentioned earlier that it spontaneously started addressing me by my first name (which is ok, but...)

Now, it keeps going through a stupid random sequence of foreign-language phrases training, if I want to ask it any questions. For example, I found it useful (if I'm woken up at night, for whatever reason) to be able to just simply ask it the time. I mean, simply treat it as an on-demand speaking clock. This used to work well, for me, in that this avoiding opening my eyes to look at a watch/clock, and tended to get me back to sleep faster.

Original effective conversations were as follows:

Hey Google, Hey Google
Hi __________ how can I help?
What time is it?
The time is two thirty-five AM

Now THIS is what happens:

Hey Google, Hey Google
Ola! That's Spanish for hello! What can I do for you?
What time is it?
(Silence)
What time is it?!!
(Silence)
Hey Google, Hey Google!!!
Konnichiwa! That's Japanese for hello! What can I do for you?
What time is it?!!!!
(Silence)
What time is it?!!!!!!!!!
(Silence)
(Silence)
Hey Google, Hey Google!!!!!!!!!!
Hi __________ how can I help?
What time is it?!!!!!!
The time is four thirty-seven AM!

(I then want to swear at the damn thing so much, knowing what time it is, is the least of my problems!!)
 
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David Plankton said:
Shirley?
Click to expand...
Shirley not.

I had previously been relating the uneasy Master & Servant relationship between me (its liege lord) and It (a grey plastic jelly donut wrapped in a sock) over on the FT Robot Round-up thread but the earlier technical advice offered to me by @Coal rings ever-truer as time goes on:

Coal said:
Take it out back and smash it with a hammer.
Click to expand...

However, I wouldn't do that to a real person- it seems a bit defeatist to do that to a genetically-modified woopie cushion that thinks it's got a future in stand-up.

Am I the only owner of one of these damn things?

Perhaps it needs another one in the house to talk to. Then it can be a proper blend between a smoke detector, a tribble and a Furby.
 
David Plankton said:
Have you got the Scottish Accent App installed?
Click to expand...

My Scots burrr is sanded-down by necessity, due to decades of interaction with cloth-eared contact centre zombies and London cab-drivers. It only becomes vocally-affective after five drams o' whiskey.
 
David Plankton - yes the tablet has a camera on it. Hopefully that will stay safe.
 
Spudrick68 said:
Hopefully that will stay safe.
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Self-adhesive rubber foot, affixed to the CCTV spyhole on said device
s-l225.jpg

Has the added advantage of protecting the screen against some tip-forwards smash-ups.

No camera can see through 4mm of black rubber. Unless it's Kirilian, X-Ray or toy.
 
Spudrick68 said:
Most of our data, I think, has been mined years ago. But I too will not have Alexa or any other of that type of device. I use a tablet but not a laptop so haven't got a webcam to cover up. There isn't one on the desktop PC either as we have no need for one.
Click to expand...


I too primarily use a Tablet these days. Usually with a small blob of blu-tac over the front facing lens, and the case blocking the rear facing one...

I appreciate that that probably sounds a little paranoid, but if I want/need to take a photo I can always clear the path for them again.


Ermintruder said:
On a related note: my Google Home Mini is becoming an utter & complete pain in the a$$. I'd mentioned earlier that it spontaneously started addressing me by my first name (which is ok, but...)

Now, it keeps going through a stupid random sequence of foreign-language phrases training, if I want to ask it any questions. For example, I found it useful (if I'm woken up at night, for whatever reason) to be able to just simply ask it the time. I mean, simply treat it as an on-demand speaking clock. This used to work well, for me, in that this avoiding opening my eyes to look at a watch/clock, and tended to get me back to sleep faster.

Original effective conversations were as follows:

Hey Google, Hey Google
Hi __________ how can I help?
What time is it?
The time is two thirty-five AM

Now THIS is what happens:

Hey Google, Hey Google
Ola! That's Spanish for hello! What can I do for you?
What time is it?
(Silence)
What time is it?!!
(Silence)
Hey Google, Hey Google!!!
Konnichiwa! That's Japanese for hello! What can I do for you?
What time is it?!!!!
(Silence)
What time is it?!!!!!!!!!
(Silence)
(Silence)
Hey Google, Hey Google!!!!!!!!!!
Hi __________ how can I help?
What time is it?!!!!!!
The time is four thirty-seven AM!

(I then want to swear at the damn thing so much, knowing what time it is, is the least of my problems!!)
Click to expand...


That would be supremely annoying. It's like it's withholding telling you the time until after it indulges you in some kind of basic trivia.


David Plankton said:
Have you got the Scottish Accent App installed?

Click to expand...


Man I love that sketch. Not seen it in a while. :)
 
CuriousIdent said:
It's like it's withholding telling you the time until after it indulges you in some kind of basic trivia.
Click to expand...
Precisely. Also, it appears to log everything it says back to you, in a text file (which is readable via the unavoidable Google Personal Assistant app).

Not sure if it creates a 'court report' of what it thinks you've said, but I have an old-school squeamishness about telling anything to go f*** itself, if that request is actually likely to be recorded as an html textfile.

Surely there are some fellow sufferers here in FTMB? Or are you lot either Alexa/Ecodot or sensible?
 
Mythopoeika said:
If you have Windows 10...
Click to expand...
Myth, if that was addressed to me, I'm using Android Lollipop 5.0.2, which doesn't currently have Cortana (I didn't actually know that Cortana was a Virtual Assistant option for OSs other than Windows, but it seems I was wrong https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortana).... notably not Apple (what's that called now, OSXI Snow Leopard Pterodactyl?)

EDIT "macOS High Sierra"....no, I would not have guessed that.
 
Ermintruder said:
Myth, if that was addressed to me, I'm using Android Lollipop 5.0.2, which doesn't currently have Cortana (I didn't actually know that Cortana was a Virtual Assistant option for OSs other than Windows, but it seems I was wrong https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortana).... notably not Apple (what's that called now, OSXI Snow Leopard Pterodactyl?)

EDIT "macOS High Sierra"....no, I would not have guessed that.
Click to expand...
I was just making a general statement, not addressing you in particular. I thought Cortana was Win 10 only.
 
Ermintruder said:
My Scots burrr is sanded-down by necessity, due to decades of interaction with cloth-eared contact centre zombies and London cab-drivers. It only becomes vocally-affective after five drams o' whiskey.
Click to expand...

Your Scots spelling also appears to have been sanded down. Whisky with an 'e'?!
 
Dr_Baltar said:
Your Scots spelling also appears to have been sanded down. Whisky with an 'e'?!
Click to expand...
REALITY1 - I now need to report back to the High Commander that my fake identity has been compromised...Nanu Nanu, beam me up, Jim!

REALITY2 - Too much Jim Beam, dram it!

REALITY3 - I typed this whilst at the gym, and I'd lost my keys earlier on in the evening, at the pub, drinking in the Troll's Head

Only one of these realities might be untrue. But not unreal. Really.
 
Ermintruder said:
On a related note: my Google Home Mini is becoming an utter & complete pain in the a$$. I'd mentioned earlier that it spontaneously started addressing me by my first name (which is ok, but...)

Now, it keeps going through a stupid random sequence of foreign-language phrases training, if I want to ask it any questions. For example, I found it useful (if I'm woken up at night, for whatever reason) to be able to just simply ask it the time. I mean, simply treat it as an on-demand speaking clock.

Hey Google, Hey Google
Ola! That's Spanish for hello! What can I do for you?
What time is it?
(Silence)
What time is it?!!
(Silence)
Hey Google, Hey Google!!!
Konnichiwa! That's Japanese for hello! What can I do for you?
Click to expand...

Maybe it can't figure out what time zone it's in.

ShadyCavalier said:
Why does your television have a camera on It???
Click to expand...

Why would you watch television when you can waste time on the forums? Reading threads like this one is so much more amusing and thought provoking! :hapdan:
 
Ibis said:
Maybe it can't figure out what time zone it's in.
Click to expand...
No, it's a frequency-of-use effect. The damn thing now says, sarcastically
Welcome back!
...after maybe 12hrs of non-use. I think it needs a playmate. Which it's not getting.

ps I wonder if it's reading this post?

pps If it locks the doors to my cell, can one of you send me a daily pizza from now until the Resistance retakes the Citadel. This may be my last transmis
 
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Analogue Boy said:
“Alexa... look for Christmas getaway vacations”.
“You’re not going to need that....Tee Hee”.

On Radio 4’s Today, their tech correspondent said ‘Alexa, order 200 toilet rolls’ on air.
Granted, he did rescind the order afterwards... but still.
Click to expand...


Just stumbled across this thread, and when I saw this post... how ironically apt it is given our current collective circumstances...

... no need for getaway vacations...

... ordering toilet rolls...
 
I did once have my Mac (when I could afford one) speak to me unexpectedly-- I forget what it was; it was some system notification that I only had happen once. It spoke it aloud, and I was very startled.
It wasn't part of any media I was listening to, though, just an audio thing I wasn't expecting.
I could mention that iMovie (back when it functioned on a professional level) had a habit of rendering errors in its audio. You'd get segments in the wrong place occasionally.
That said, none of that is really the same thing...
 
Siri keeps trying to butt in the last couple of days. I think he’s jealous of Alexa these days.

I remember we had one of those old dot matrix printers. There was a thunderstorm and lightning struck near by. It made a weird noise that we’d never heard before (or after). It didn’t make any noises so god know where that came from.
 
I was trying to use Siri to control my Netflix last night. She ignored me.

You know you have really sunk to the depths when you are shouting 'Siri! Find Time Team!' at increasing volume and nothing is happening.

I wonder if she's taken Social Distancing too far?
 
MorningAngel said:
Siri keeps trying to butt in the last couple of days. I think he’s jealous of Alexa these days.

I remember we had one of those old dot matrix printers. There was a thunderstorm and lightning struck near by. It made a weird noise that we’d never heard before (or after). It didn’t make any noises so god know where that came from.
Click to expand...
Thankyou MorningAngel, I laughed till I cried (still laughing).
 
catseye said:
I was trying to use Siri to control my Netflix last night. She ignored me.

You know you have really sunk to the depths when you are shouting 'Siri! Find Time Team!' at increasing volume and nothing is happening.

I wonder if she's taken Social Distancing too far?
Click to expand...
Did you say 'please'?
 
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