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Notice To Earthlings

A

Anonymous

Guest
********NOTICE TO EARTHLINGS********

Earth is to be destroyed to make way for a new intergalactic bypass.
Due to the cost of relocation, it has been decided that the Earth's human inhabitants will be destroyed also.
After clandestine surveys of your planet, we have decided to preserve the most valuable lifeform - cattle.
In accordance with Federation guidelines on the preservation of intelligent species, we are in the process of collecting genetic samples of this specimen.
We also intend to strip your planet of the last of its natural resources. Your moon will be towed to a new orbit around Jupiter where it will serve as a golf course and hotel complex.

The destruction will take place on June 23 2012 using a Federation compliant Class A Planet- F*cker Mark 7
under the supervision of the Federation Intergalactic Superhighways Management Conglomeration Department Team, and will be sponsored by McDonalds as part of their 'Free Big Mac on Jupiter'(tm) promotion.

In order to prevent undue suffering and alarm, the Federation is commencing a planet-wide gassing program to dull the senses. We also intend to employ "other techniques", the details of which we are not required to disclose until July 23 2023.

Sorry.



********TRANSMISSION ENDS********
 
Re: Notice to Eartlings

Sorry to be pedantic, but we've had prior notice that the demolition date was December 21st, 2012. We have therefore arranged the party for December 20th, 2012. If you move in six months early, a lot of ethanol will go to waste, and you won't get an invite either.

It is therefore suggested that alternative arrangements should be made by your good (?) selves.




PS BYOB
 
Thank you for the advance warning, as per regulations. Please send the legally required compensation package to me, acting on behalf of the inhabitants of Earth. The approximate dollar value of Earth and surrounding space, or appropriate part thereof, will happily settle any concerns regarding ownership issues.

Yours Sincerely, Daniel Walker, Chancellor of Interplanetary Monetary atters For Earth.


P.S. please ignore any similar messages from others, several hoaxers have been masquarading as holding my position.

P.P.S. do you take Hitch Hikers?
 
Ok who do I believe, is it June or December. Well either way I'll be 31! Oh and if they jokes are true I wont be here anyway. My dads chums would of picked me up in one of there ships (lol).

lucydru
 
DanJW said:
Please send the legally required compensation package to me, acting on behalf of the inhabitants of Earth. The approximate dollar value of Earth and surrounding space, or appropriate part thereof, will happily settle any concerns regarding ownership issues.
Click to expand...

Due to high intergalactic exchange rates, coupled with the negligible amount in question, offset by the enormous clean-up costs, I regret to inform you that you actually owe us.
Considering your status as representative of the Earthlings, we are currently securing permission to extract this amount from your bank account. There is no need to inform us of your details, we already know. We also believe you should remain to comfort your fellow Earthlings during this traumatic process.

Earlier communiques from this department referring to 21st December 2012 should be disregarded. This was a typing error caused by a stray gamma particle. The particle in question has been suspended on full pay pending an enquiry.


Thank you for your co-operation.

****************************
 
P*ss off Tubal C. me & me dog have got squatters rights, (not forgetting ancient lights privileges & rights of burgage & tythe).

Also, don't forget Magna Carta wot gives us the right to do what we want, as long as we do wot were told!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
**************System Error
**************Dog + String = Special Brew Crust Displacement
**************Does Not Compute
**************System Error
**************
**************
**************
 
Oh, yeah...

'Sorry, sir, it was a computer fault'

Listen, pal, we weren't born yesterday, we know that civilisation starts when you learn to bang the rocks together....

And we've even evolved Special Brew.....

So build your bypass by all means - but NIMBY! :mad:

(And you're also mistaken about the most valuable life forms. Surely you should be looking after your own - the cockroaches?)

(And you haven't got a 'Redo from start' !! :eek: )
 
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