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People Who Feel Right

Naughty_Felid

kneesy earsy nosey
Joined
Mar 11, 2008
Messages
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Ok first off it wasn't sexual


We had a women in her early twenties come up to our doorstep to get us to pledge money to a local hospice, very good cause.

Normally I go "yeah yeah" and ask for a website to donate and ask people on my doorstep to kindly f off.


This women was different, full of positive energy, she was foreign, she was captivating. Brilliant and I couldn't brush her aside as she was essentially so good and positive. She left me feeling very happy.

I signed up.

I've never had this happen before, I just signed up straight away and it was not the cause but the fact this women felt, sounded, looked so right.

Very Odd
 
Ok first off it wasn't sexual


We had a women in her early twenties come up to our doorstep to get us to pledge money to a local hospice, very good cause.

Normally I go "yeah yeah" and ask for a website to donate and ask people on my doorstep to kindly f off.


This women was different, full of positive energy, she was foreign, she was captivating. Brilliant and I couldn't brush her aside as she was essentially so good and positive. She left me feeling very happy.

I signed up.

I've never had this happen before, I just signed up straight away and it was not the cause but the fact this women felt, sounded, looked so right.

Very Odd

There's a woman on our street who just radiates positivity .. she's got brown skin but I don't know where she's from .. her kids are both dead nice as well and again, in a non sexual attraction way, I'm just drawn towards her 'energy' everytime she comes in our shop because she's just so bloody nice ! :) .. I've never tried to get to know her more, it's just that some people give you, for want of a better description, an 'angel on earth' vibe .. it's all in the eyes and the actions IMO ..
 
I've met quite a few people who've had magnetic personalities and even a few with the elusive star quality, but one person really stands out in the way you describe.

We had to find a new home for one of our cats, and this lady and her young daughter had come over to meet her. I don't know what it was about this lady, but she was special somehow.

We talked while her daughter sat there cuddling the cat, and it's hard to describe but I felt a sort of "hum" around her. Like...I'm trying to find a good metaphor here...as if we were two radios tuned to the same station. A sort of peaceful, harmonious feeling that I've never encountered from anyone else.

She was an ordinary-enough looking woman in a business suit, with a business-y hairstyle, so not necessarily a look that makes you think "warm and fuzzy", but she did have large dark eyes, the nearly black kind that seem almost luminous. She had charisma, yeah, but there was something more to it.

Her little girl was sweet, too and the cat was happily purring in her lap the whole time, so we felt they would provide the right home.

After they'd left, my husband and I talked about it and he said he'd felt the same, this pure, light feeling. If you've ever read the Harry Potter books, the bit where Harry drinks the luck potion reminded me of this.
 
My missus had that. I'm not judging by my reaction because obviously I'm biased, I'm going by other people's reaction. She made lots of other people happy. Cats loved her too. And dogs.

I reckon that radiating that 'tuned in' feeling - not only tuned in, but tuned in to some nice comfortable part of Radio 4 - its part of what they call 'love at first sight' - if that exists at all it's certainly not all about sex.

Damn, it still hurts like hell.
 
Awww Cochise, I'm sorry you lost her. She sounds absolutely fantastic.
 
I met the actor Ricky Tomlinson at work a few weeks ago. He was hilarious and self-deprecating. I didn't recognise him, just thought he was another sweet old Scouser! but I was really charmed by him. I actually thought, I could run off with this man. :oops:

Funny men, they just do it for me, I s'pose. You can keep your Adonis looks and sports cars. I'm a sucker for a joker.
 
My best friend, who's been mentioned in a few of the mystery stories I've posted on here, has that effect on people.. I think. He's externally very attractive, so it can be easy to assume the affection he engenders in people around him is of the shallow kind..but observing him his popularity is far more in his nature. "Charisma" is not the word, as that to me suggests one capable of holding court in company...no, it's more that he displays an affectionate goodness with everyone he meets.

He embraces the newest of friends like they were his oldest and best, and leaves most people feeling that he's genuinely excited to see them again. He lacks shallowness in his choice of friendships, too..often honing in on those who get or expect least attention. And then sometimes his personal charitableness slips out and amazes me,as much for his failure to ever have mentioned or drawn attention to it.

A while ago he apologised for getting back to me so late as it was a Tuesday so he'd only got back from working at the soup kitchen. Say what now? I had no idea he did anything of the kind, and he'd never mentioned it before or since or on any social media. He'd made no casual postings to advertise his own goodness. Then last year I watched something that had me staring at him in awe...I won't paint the whole scene, just say merely that I watched him be approached by, excitedly embrace and spend half an hour talking to a strange looking young man with "spastic" limbs and who was completely mute. Wondering how he knew him gave way to wondering how he was conversing with him...till I realised he was interspersing lip reading with basic sign language. WHAT?? I've known him 10 years, so when the hell did he learn sign language?! It's never been mentioned or alluded to ever. The story transpired he'd met the disabled man, Johnny, in a nightclub (!), assuming him to be on drugs he went to see if he needed help and spent the next several hours talking to him. He subsequently learnt some sign language in order specifically to better communicate with him. And drew no attention to it anywhere. Drink helped but I found myself choked watching him, thinking my friend is bordering on being a saint.

A perception not lessened by his taming the wild squirrel in his garden with patience and kindness, so it now enters the house and climbs all over him. Leaving his house one day I saw and photographed his neighbour's cat jump up to take residence on his shoulders.

I'm painting too holy a picture, he certainly has faults and lacks a halo. But if a person can be said to be sincerely good, I feel that he is and that people quickly notice it.
 
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Haha.

Here are some pics of him with his animal friends (I couldn't embed the video, so had to screen capture. And blurred out the very unsaintly writing on his tshirt)

Interesting that several of the people described on this thread are said to have been brown skinned..maybe there's a cultural/family element to their upbringing that shapes the quality described.

10515094_10153048034373572_4031097143107595809_o.jpg


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13567298_10154956217218572_4979884672713135591_n.jpg
 
(A few other people here may, actually, also know something about FETs. But even if you don't, read on, because you'll understand this analogy, I'm sure).

Most people in the world can be thought of as Gates, Sources, or Drains.

Sadly, the vast majority of that 'most' are "Drains". They always soak up effort and positivity, and give nothing back. Nothing much is left behind to show that they've swalllowed-up all your work. There's no reciprocation, no reflection, no true communication. It's gone, sucked away, and you're doomed to be dragged down by their sheer negativity. Keep a safe distance ...especially when surrounded by lots of them.

The next small minority are Gates. They tend to be usually neutral in their dealings with others, but they're sometimes able to be channellers/facilitators/enablers. The best ones do it well, and often. They're either rare people who used to be Drains, that've made a change, or (more often) it's just been their way since birth.

The very rarest people of all are Sources. Of fun, ideas, capability, direction, energy. They are extremely rare, because, like stars in the sky, they need to be shining when you're looking at them, there when you're looking for them, and not washed-out by either clouds or sun. Unlike superficially-popular people (most of whom.are Drains, or rarely Gates) they are genuine to the core, and deliver lots....sometimes to their own personal cost.

If you feel there's bias in this analogy, you should try to resist such thoughts. It'll be to your gain (and if you've understood my schematic here, it shows we share some common connections)
CPC3703C_SCHEM.jpg
 
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I like your analogy, thank you for sharing it and I'll be thinking about it in the future .. I used to be 100% a source type of guy but as most of us know, the drain type of people flock to you like moths to a candle and some will drain you without offering anything back. I can think of three at least three 'back stabbers' that I've helped along the path of life in the last few years that didn't return the favour but instead used me as a stepping stone ... I would say I'm more of a gate person these days and have learned to be more selective about who I give a leg up to .... my BS radar is improving, it's just a shame that personal innocence has to suffer because of that.

On a more cheerful note, there's a fellow who's dead keen to help me out because he knows I've had financial problems .. he practically forced me to borrow 20 quid off him one night and went to great lengths to tell me not to worry about when I could pay him back .. I knew I wouldn't be able to pay him back quickly enough so I stuck that note in a money bag at work and pretended the cash had been useful after my boss gave him his same note back :) .. his faith in me was more important to me than his cash, there are kind people about and I don't like to abuse their trust.

I can handle being a gate person these days but not a source person very often anymore .. although I do still enjoy cheering people up ..

 
I like that as well, Ermintrude. I suspect it will get stuck in my mind, because I've felt that way about people for a while but had not been able to categorise it.

Swifty, I find myself in much the same position as you have described. I've become quite reluctant to accept help from people who offer it in case they turn out to cost more effort to maintain than they give back as help - I've had rather a lot of encounters with folk who offer help but who, having given it somewhat half-heartedly, then think they own a part of you.
 
I like that as well, Ermintrude. I suspect it will get stuck in my mind, because I've felt that way about people for a while but had not been able to categorise it.

Swifty, I find myself in much the same position as you have described. I've become quite reluctant to accept help from people who offer it in case they turn out to cost more effort to maintain than they give back as help - I've had rather a lot of encounters with folk who offer help but who, having given it somewhat half-heartedly, then think they own a part of you.
"Never a borrower or a lender be" was the classic advice wasn't it .. I've strayed both ways, if you lend someone money, only do it if you can afford to write it off if you don't get paid back. If you borrow money, pay it back.
 
Luckily I've never been in a position to have to borrow money , but the only occassions I've lent it its because I wouldn't be impoverished by doing so, care more about the person than the money, and I've made a point of never asking for it back. If they're worthwhile people they'll give it back without being pestered, if they're just using you you've learnt your lesson and they'll only get to do it once. Either way resenting them does neither of you any good.
 
^^You're a generous soul, gattino. I'm more inclined to follow Polonius's advice to Laertes. The two people who've asked to borrow money from me in the past have been entirely responsible for their own misfortunes. Neither was a victim of circumstances beyond their control. I felt that if I were to give them money I would simply be encouraging their irresponsible behaviour, and I feared I wouldn't see the money again. Also, I was raised to believe it was very bad manners to discuss personal finances with anyone other than a financial advisor or immediate family members. Perhaps that's an antiquated idea, but I have to admit I was startled when each of them asked for money because it seemed to me a highly inappropriate request.
 
You're wise. It clearly depends on the depth of relationship, how long you've known them and how much you trust them..and of course the amount involved!

Problem pages and tv phone ins and shows like Judge Rinder are full of destroyed friendships or torn apart families when one person has borrowed from another and not paid it back. The more it's requested the more resentful the debtor grows toward the creditor and so its never paid. Similarly the creditor fumes to see the debtor, who has failed to repay, going on holiday or on nights out ahead of paying the money back.

I certainly wouldn't reccomend bailing out someone who is in debt to others, or handing over large amounts to help them set up a business (that's what banks are for!)

But that's why the advice is always given, as Swifty said, never lend unless you can afford to lose it..and treat it in your own mind as if it were a gift, if you do .
 
I currently owe an old friend a tenner .. it's the second time in about 10 years I've asked him for the favour .. then I found out my work hours were being hugely cut so I can't get it back to him when I promised it ..

If you can't pay someone back when you've promised to, the worst thing to do is to hide it from them. If they were cool enough to help you in the first place, not telling them what's going on will hurt them more than not getting that tenner back. I popped around to see him last night, explained my genuine problem and he was very kind about it and changed the subject quickly to save me further shame.
 
But that's why the advice is always given, as Swifty said, never lend unless you can afford to lose it..and treat it in your own mind as if it were a gift, if you do .
Sound advice. But it soon changes such a conversation if you say "We should write this down, date it and sign it in case something happens to one of us." sounds mean, but while I'm willing to pay a fiver to find out some folk really will take your £10 and 'forget it', useful information, the second time however...

One of the Coalettes wants to borrow the other's car while she's at uni. It's in writing not because neither can be trusted, but because this way they'll won't fall out with each other over a crappy car and a stupid misunderstanding.
 
Sound advice. But it soon changes such a conversation if you say "We should write this down, date it and sign it in case something happens to one of us." sounds mean, but while I'm willing to pay a fiver to find out some folk really will take your £10 and 'forget it', useful information, the second time however...

One of the Coalettes wants to borrow the other's car while she's at uni. It's in writing not because neither can be trusted, but because this way they'll won't fall out with each other over a crappy car and a stupid misunderstanding.
Very wise mate ... I do the exact same thing if and when I have to give or lend credit, even if it's between me and my Mrs, her memory's better than mine but she still sometimes forgets. It avoids any misunderstandings as you've said but also mistrust. I also NEVER use the back left pocket in my jeans or trousers for anything except her money, I even call it her 'office'. When I haven't got any transaction of hers in her 'office', only then will it becomes my workplace 'office' and I never mix the two fund flows .. only the people closest to me know that (and the whole internet now) ..
 
In my earlier post on this subject I should have mentioned that the two people who asked me for money requested the loan of rather large sums -- in each case the equivalent of a few thousand pounds. Both individuals had jobs that paid decent salaries and both found themselves short of money because they chose to live beyond their means. I suspect they approached me because they had previously been turned down by the bank. I wasn't willing to risk throwing away that amount of money, so I refused. I can understand giving money to someone who is in a tight situation through no fault of their own.
 
One of the Coalettes wants to borrow the other's car while she's at uni. It's in writing not because neither can be trusted, but because this way they'll won't fall out with each other over a crappy car and a stupid misunderstanding.

Your post's just prompted/reminded me to call the mate who lent me the tenner to tell him I can give him it back on Wednesday cheers Coal. Friends like him need to be kept in the loop X

I once decided to give a mate/female co-worker a driving lesson in a Back To The Future sized car park next to McDonalds in ******** one night, the car park was deserted ...... I've used the stars because she managed to drive my car into a huge lamppost which was knocked down. she was mortified and crying but I managed to get her to get back into the passenger seat and I fled the scene quick sharpish even though it was classed as private land, I still would have had to pay the bill for the lamppost. She was awesome about the incident afterwards and volunteered to pay privately for the damage to my car, we were both completely sober at the time and we spoke no more of it after that. I was lucky we weren't picked up on CCTV.
 
Very wise mate ... I do the exact same thing if and when I have to give or lend credit, even if it's between me and my Mrs, her memory's better than mine but she still sometimes forgets. It avoids any misunderstandings as you've said but also mistrust. I also NEVER use the back left pocket in my jeans or trousers for anything except her money, I even call it her 'office'. When I haven't got any transaction of hers in her 'office', only then will it becomes my workplace 'office' and I never mix the two fund flows .. only the people closest to me know that (and the whole internet now) ..

It's things like this that makes me realise other folk, other ways. No offence, just its different is all. Maybe my life has been more out of step with the real world even than I thought.

Both my marriages money was just a resource, like food or bog roll. If we didn't have any we went and got some. It's only since missus mk 2 has gone (and left a right financial mess - not that I mind, bless her) that I've found myself a bit trapped by the need to repay stuff against a relatively fixed income. I've been broke many times in the past, but until we got in this house and started a business together I had avoided any serious borrowing or mortgages or whatever. Should have stuck to my principles. And should have remembered we were getting old. Never mind - as long as I don't get ill before I'm 67 I'll be fine.
 
I've just met a great bloke .. I can't remember how the conversation evolved but he lives just up the road from me and was telling me all about his passion for playing the piano and why and how, he told me he had a piano at his house and I was cheeky enough to tell him I'd love to hear him play. He first decided
to get into it after hearing some piano tunes in 1935 on the radio so I knew I'd be in for something special, I wasn't wrong .. he doesn't do classical music, I'd hoped he'd kick out some Gerry Lee Lewis but he agreed to allow me to film him ..

Being a nosey sort, my eyes drifted around to his book collection which appeared to be Fortean in flavour so I asked him about that afterwards and he told me about paranormal experiences he'd had and also showed me a framed newspaper clipping from January the 16th this year of a poem that The Daily Mail had published, a fun poem about Martians.

I've just lent him three back issues of Fortean Times, he was interested in the 'Who is the real Shakespeare' issue because he's currently researching that himself anyway he told me :)

A lot of people would think it suspicious that a man of my age would be 'chilling out' with a bloke almost certainly into his 90's but I say screw it! .. we had a great waffle together and age didn't matter to either of us! :cool:

One of those people who just feel right ..
 
(A few other people here may, actually, also know something about FETs. But even if you don't, read on, because you'll understand this analogy, I'm sure).

Most people in the world can be thought of as Gates, Sources, or Drains.

Sadly, the vast majority of that 'most' are "Drains". They always soak up effort and positivity, and give nothing back. Nothing much is left behind to show that they've swalllowed-up all your work. There's no reciprocation, no reflection, no true communication. It's gone, sucked away, and you're doomed to be dragged down by their sheer negativity. Keep a safe distance ...especially when surrounded by lots of them.

The next small minority are Gates. They tend to be usually neutral in their dealings with others, but they're sometimes able to be channellers/facilitators/enablers. The best ones do it well, and often. They're either rare people who used to be Drains, that've made a change, or (more often) it's just been their way since birth.

The very rarest people of all are Sources. Of fun, ideas, capability, direction, energy. They are extremely rare, because, like stars in the sky, they need to be shining when you're looking at them, there when you're looking for them, and not washed-out by either clouds or sun. Unlike superficially-popular people (most of whom.are Drains, or rarely Gates) they are genuine to the core, and deliver lots....sometimes to their own personal cost.

If you feel there's bias in this analogy, you should try to resist such thoughts. It'll be to your gain (and if you've understood my schematic here, it shows we share some common connections)
This would seem to be the polite alternative to the Team America monologue that starts "See, there's three kinds of people"
 
This would seem to be the polite alternative to the Team America monologue
Somehow I'd forgotten that glowing prose shortly after I first heard it. Now I've reacquainted myself with it, I can remember why. But the general sentiments have some common strands.
 
Somehow I'd forgotten that glowing prose shortly after I first heard it. Now I've reacquainted myself with it, I can remember why. But the general sentiments have some common strands.
For anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, here's the Team America speech ... definitely NSFW ... lots and lots of swearing

 
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