That's a rather ambiguous comment, does that mean that you think that there should be no leeway for an autistic person, when they interact with other people, or do you think that autistic people don't have any option other than to attempt to function in a world that they don't understand?
I didn’t think it ambiguous. I was not referring specifically to people with autism. I was referring to the use of the word brave when people try to compliment others for living with something that they have never had a choice in, this can be any physical or mental challenge that comes to people in life.
I understand that people make these comments to others when they are trying to make a connection; however, imo, it prevents people from furthering their understanding of others who are different from them. My take on what is the unspoken message is “ you are brave, I could (or would) never do that and thank god that I don’t have to”. But the person in that situation, never had a choice. They are doing what they have to.
My personal, but inconsequential, example, I am left handed in a right handed world. I have some difficulty in using a manual can opener. I don’t know how to knit because my grandmother who tried to teach me was right handed. I am not brave for trying to overcome these difficulties, I have to overcome these to function in a right handed world.
Please don't take my comment as a personal affront. It was not intended in that way. It is only my thought on the use of the word "brave".
I work with people who have developmental challenges that are both physical and intellectual. I do not call them brave because of this. They are living as they are, the best they can. They have no choice in how they do this.
This is the original post by
@catseye that started this conversation:
I have a regular customer who is on the autistic spectrum. I know this now, from having dealt with him for nearly ten years, but I can imagine that he gives some of the newer, younger members of staff some bad feelings, poor chap. He's obviously been having coaching in 'how to fit in with NTs', because he now does the 'approach till, switch on unnaturally wide smile for three seconds....count....count... switch it off and behave as usual'. The smile is unnatural because it's a learned thing not a natural 'I am happy to see you' smile, and it makes him look a bit like a ventriloquist's dummy. It's far more unnerving than when he just avoided all eye contact and stayed expressionless. But he's trying....
This is not bravery. It is a person who is trying to fit in, and rather than others learning how to help him feel comfortable in his community, he is still required to change himself. Others are not changing themselves. They don't see what is really wrong with their attitudes.