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People Who Just Disappear (Go Missing)

I could never get over how many parents dumped their kids in the library while they buggered off somewhere else. A couple of times we had to wait around after closing waiting for the parents to come back from shopping. We always called the police as a common reaction from the parents was "We left him/her in the library, you've got staff to keep an eye on them." Yes, of course we know every child and carer who comes in the place - idiots. The one time we did have a kid screaming that the man carrying him was not his dad, we stopped them and called the police - the man was the kid's dad but was actually grateful to us as, as he put it; supposing I hadn't been?

We had a library in a multi use building where they found a kid who'd been locked in when the library closed. The parents had left him (age 6) 10 minutes before the library closed while they walked to the other end of the High St, about a third of a mile, to get a burger. It turned out the kid, by his own admission had hidden when the library closed and staff were checking the rooms. I found the centre manager having a go at the library mangager the next day. She had apologised to the parents and bought the mother flowers! She didn't appreciate me telling her that she should have called the police and that she was a ****ing idiot. As said centre manager was several grades above me in the pecking order this nearly turned out badly. It was only when I suggested calling the police for their opinion and giving them the names of the parents that it all went quiet.
 
Even in busy pub/restaurants, some parents don't maintain responsibility for their children and assume that the responsibility for their children's safety. I recall one time in a 'family' pub while the parents were drinking, scoffing food and watching a football match, their children were ignored to run wild throughout the pub ... while servers were carrying sizzling, hot fried food to diners' tables. If a child had tripped over and got a face full of cast-iron hot skillet and food, I'd lay money on the parents blaming the servers for the accident.
I maintain that the parents are responsible for the care and safety of their child, regardless of setting. Accidents happen, children sneak off, terrible injuries are inflicted (and worse), but it's down to the attention of the parents. And when the worse happens, a lot of parents cannot accept self-recrimination and in their fear, turn to complete strangers to blame.
 
escargot said:
Great work, well done. :bthumbup:

That's often the age of kid that does this. They are physically up to it but of course have no sense of danger. Disaster is minutes away.
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Also if ADHD or autism comes into the mix. Certainly in my family ADHD means almost no ability to risk assess, even in the adults, and doing something that seems like a good idea at the time can lead to risky situations when much older than four.
 
Tunn11 said:
I could never get over how many parents dumped their kids in the library while they buggered off somewhere else. A couple of times we had to wait around after closing waiting for the parents to come back from shopping. We always called the police as a common reaction from the parents was "We left him/her in the library, you've got staff to keep an eye on them." Yes, of course we know every child and carer who comes in the place - idiots. The one time we did have a kid screaming that the man carrying him was not his dad, we stopped them and called the police - the man was the kid's dad but was actually grateful to us as, as he put it; supposing I hadn't been?

We had a library in a multi use building where they found a kid who'd been locked in when the library closed. The parents had left him (age 6) 10 minutes before the library closed while they walked to the other end of the High St, about a third of a mile, to get a burger. It turned out the kid, by his own admission had hidden when the library closed and staff were checking the rooms. I found the centre manager having a go at the library mangager the next day. She had apologised to the parents and bought the mother flowers! She didn't appreciate me telling her that she should have called the police and that she was a ****ing idiot. As said centre manager was several grades above me in the pecking order this nearly turned out badly. It was only when I suggested calling the police for their opinion and giving them the names of the parents that it all went quiet.
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I lmentioned a kid who used to do that on this very thread a few years ago.

#146

A kid at a playgroup I helped run used to hide. A couple of times people were there long after the place had closed, still looking for him, and the police were about to be called before he was found.

He wasn't afraid to go home or anything like that, he was just playing tricks.

I was up for telling his mother to take him elsewhere and would have insisted if he'd done it when I was on duty. Once was bad enough but repeatedly wasting everyone's time was beyond a joke.

He could have done it once too often and got himself into a serious mess.

Hiding as a prank must have been part of his family culture. Perhaps his parents found it cute.
I'd have shown any kid of mine doing that a different sort of hiding.
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If he carried on doing that as he grew older he'd finding more unlikely places to hide in. Might one day be found stuck behind a forgotten freezer in an abandoned outbuilding, mummified. Like in a Mr Ballen story.
 
catseye said:
Also if ADHD or autism comes into the mix. Certainly in my family ADHD means almost no ability to risk assess, even in the adults, and doing something that seems like a good idea at the time can lead to risky situations when much older than four.
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Yup, it's unusual in adults. Normal mindset for under-5s though.
 
Stormkhan said:
Even in busy pub/restaurants, some parents don't maintain responsibility for their children and assume that the responsibility for their children's safety. I recall one time in a 'family' pub while the parents were drinking, scoffing food and watching a football match, their children were ignored to run wild throughout the pub ... while servers were carrying sizzling, hot fried food to diners' tables. If a child had tripped over and got a face full of cast-iron hot skillet and food, I'd lay money on the parents blaming the servers for the accident.
I maintain that the parents are responsible for the care and safety of their child, regardless of setting. Accidents happen, children sneak off, terrible injuries are inflicted (and worse), but it's down to the attention of the parents. And when the worse happens, a lot of parents cannot accept self-recrimination and in their fear, turn to complete strangers to blame.
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Total agreement here. :nods:

However, emergencies can arise. In that case, parents/guardians can only hope a concerned stranger will step in.

As I've freely admitted, my own very young children tried their best to bust out and explore. A couple of times they succeeded. It's natural.
I wouldn't castigate any diligent parent whose toddler gave them the slip. Been there. Every parent has.

Letting children charge around a public place and make a nuisance of themselves - nope.
I can't understand why the parents would let them. My lot certainly wouldn't chance it, if only because they knew I wouldn't allow them to make me look such a fool.
 
escargot said:
I wouldn't castigate any diligent parent whose toddler gave them the slip. Been there. Every parent has.

Letting children charge around a public place and make a nuisance of themselves - nope.
I can't understand why the parents would let them. My lot certainly wouldn't chance it, if only because they knew I wouldn't allow them to make me look such a fool.
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I'd never criticise diligent' parents - there's only so much you can do.
I think that parents who 'deputise' the care of the children to unwilling staff members are displaying a certain amount of privilege. The parents have been raised on a culture of 'blame others than yourself', and the 'power' of claiming ones rights as you see them.
 
Fanari_Lloyd said:
Yes, it’s in the book and although it might sound macabre to some people, that was one of the moments I teared up.
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In the Observer piece Marian discusses examining and touching the skull. She describes its smooth, light bronze-coloured surface.

I could swear there was a photo of her with it, in a dark room with a small high window behind her, as in a mediaeval chapel.
Sometimes I remember the skull before her on a black surface and other times she's actually holding it.

That must be how deeply Marian's word-picture sank into my mind. It's part of me now.
 
The earth is pretty vast with lots of lonely empty places even over populated places like the UK have huge areas that rarely visited by many people

Having said all that, talking to policemen I know, it's getting rarer and harder to disappear without trace especially in the UK, there are cameras everywhere, (it's also a reason that unsolved crimes are getting rarer) just drive down an A road or a motorway and your car will be recorded many times, walk down any high street and you will be recorded, and that's not to mention mobile phone activity
 
I dreaded reading Martin Amis's observations about the West case and most particularly his reflections on Lucy, his relation; so much so that I didn't actually read these. Amis, for all his literary skill, had an awful habit of using people and events in his endless campaign to be recognised as a literary great, and this unseemly straining was deeply distasteful to me (in regard to morals, I mean - it doesn't bother me whether he was/is regarded as a great or not).
 
Robbrent said:
The earth is pretty vast with lots of lonely empty places even over populated places like the UK have huge areas that rarely visited by many people

Having said all that, talking to policemen I know, it's getting rarer and harder to disappear without trace especially in the UK, there are cameras everywhere, (it's also a reason that unsolved crimes are getting rarer) just drive down an A road or a motorway and your car will be recorded many times, walk down any high street and you will be recorded, and that's not to mention mobile phone activity
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And yet that bloke who slept in a skip and was carted off to landfill was never found, even though all the evidence pointed to the rough area where his remains should be.
 
Robbrent said:
The earth is pretty vast with lots of lonely empty places even over populated places like the UK have huge areas that rarely visited by many people

Having said all that, talking to policemen I know, it's getting rarer and harder to disappear without trace especially in the UK, there are cameras everywhere, (it's also a reason that unsolved crimes are getting rarer) just drive down an A road or a motorway and your car will be recorded many times, walk down any high street and you will be recorded, and that's not to mention mobile phone activity
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This is true. However, I live in a very small village (no cameras, no street lights). If I walked off out of my house I'd be recorded leaving on next door's Ring doorbell (assuming I walked past their house, if I went the other way I'd just vanish) and if I walked down the country lane towards the next village, which is three miles away, I'd be unrecorded all the way. Anything could happen to me in the countryside between here and there, I could be abducted by someone in a car or van who'd come in down one of the side roads from the main road who would likewise be unrecorded, or disappear and drown in the beck or a ditch. Nobody would have the faintest idea where I was until my body turned up.

Right, so now if I vanish in the next few weeks, the police will know it was one of you lot wot dun it.
 
catseye said:
This is true. However, I live in a very small village (no cameras, no street lights). If I walked off out of my house I'd be recorded leaving on next door's Ring doorbell (assuming I walked past their house, if I went the other way I'd just vanish) and if I walked down the country lane towards the next village, which is three miles away, I'd be unrecorded all the way. Anything could happen to me in the countryside between here and there, I could be abducted by someone in a car or van who'd come in down one of the side roads from the main road who would likewise be unrecorded, or disappear and drown in the beck or a ditch. Nobody would have the faintest idea where I was until my body turned up.

Right, so now if I vanish in the next few weeks, the police will know it was one of you lot wot dun it.
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True, but if you carry a mobile phone it's almost impossible to go missing
 
escargot said:
You really ought to take it wherever you go on your own. That's what it's for.
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I've got the dog for defence. And I really only leave it behind when I just go round the village, the rest of the time it's in my pocket. Although I've just upgraded and this new phone is bigger and a bit heavy, so I sometimes leave it on the side. If I'm going any further than half way down the lane, I take it. Usually.
 
catseye said:
I've got the dog for defence. And I really only leave it behind when I just go round the village, the rest of the time it's in my pocket. Although I've just upgraded and this new phone is bigger and a bit heavy, so I sometimes leave it on the side. If I'm going any further than half way down the lane, I take it. Usually.
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Well don't come running to us with two broken legs when a speeding 4x4 has screeched up behind you and flipped you over the hedge.
 
Robbrent said:
...talking to policemen I know, it's getting rarer and harder to disappear without trace especially in the UK, there are cameras everywhere, (it's also a reason that unsolved crimes are getting rarer) just drive down an A road or a motorway and your car will be recorded many times, walk down any high street and you will be recorded, and that's not to mention mobile phone activity
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SimonBurchell said:
And yet that bloke who slept in a skip and was carted off to landfill was never found, even though all the evidence pointed to the rough area where his remains should be.
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@Robbrent's observation is true of intentional disappearance, but I've always suspected that it's much easier to disappear by accident than we ever really credit. In fact, I can't help wondering if it might be easier to go missing by accident than to do so on purpose.

The thing with intentional disappearance is that - by definition really - a protagonist will be intentionally covering their tracks because they know that there's a likelihood that someone will, or may, come looking for them. But paradoxically, the processes they use to disengage from their previous life, create a new one, and obfuscate the trail connecting the two will, to a certain extent, be based on some sort of predictable framework, and may in fact leave their own shadow traces.

Misadventure however is a totally unpredictable fiend, which is always looking over our shoulder and has the means, the opportunity, but absolutely no palpable motive, to affect our lives – and those who fall under its influence may not be obvious candidates for going missing, may not even be missed until it’s too late, may not even be missed at all - and will not be leaving that potential secondary trail which might be left by someone deliberately trying to cover their tracks.

I'm often reminded, in this sort of context, of the death of Michael Bentine's son - killed with another man in a plane crash in the 70's. The light aeroplane he and his companion were in was found in a vertical position in woodland, with the bodies still strapped in their seats.

It was just over two months before they were discovered, despite being barely four miles from Petersfield town centre, in what was - relative to the size of a human body at least - quite a big box, and one with wings attached.

If that's possible, then just imagine what could happen when an individual is even just a little more isolated from the ebb and flow of everyday human existence, and encased in nothing but their own clothes.

Kind of sobering.
 
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I can't help linking the 'how hard is it to disappear into the dwindling wilds of the UK' with 'how often can you go down a country lane in the middle of nowhere and find MacDonalds litter, knowing the nearest outlet is over 10 miles away?'
Sure, wind action on litter can account for much, but really ...

Anyhow, my interest in crime (both fiction and fact) has always made me gaze out of a train or a car and think 'How - exactly - easy is it to get rid of a body?'
We should look at it from all 'ends' of the process.
1) If you want to get 'lost' from your life, how can you avoid people?
2) A lethal accident happens to you, how are you discovered?
3) A killer has disposed of you - where d'they put the remains?

In the first case, the ages long gone held the answer; casual labour. Do a runner, change your appearance, get a job with no questions asked. Doesn't happen now - even in the 'cash only' society.
In the second case, where were you? Why? Is there no one looking out for you?
In the third case, what was the method of killing? What facilities does the killer have for disposal?
 
Stormkhan said:
In the first case, the ages long gone held the answer; casual labour. Do a runner, change your appearance, get a job with no questions asked. Doesn't happen now - even in the 'cash only' society.
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People sometimes go missing and are found in unexpected places. This happened to one Nial Atkin who has been mentioned here before.
He went missing from Huddersfield in West Yorkshire in 2020 and was found in Lapland a year later. Seemed to have had some sort of breakdown.
 
Stormkhan said:
I can't help linking the 'how hard is it to disappear into the dwindling wilds of the UK' with 'how often can you go down a country lane in the middle of nowhere and find MacDonalds litter, knowing the nearest outlet is over 10 miles away?'
Sure, wind action on litter can account for much, but really ...

Anyhow, my interest in crime (both fiction and fact) has always made me gaze out of a train or a car and think 'How - exactly - easy is it to get rid of a body?'
We should look at it from all 'ends' of the process.
1) If you want to get 'lost' from your life, how can you avoid people?
2) A lethal accident happens to you, how are you discovered?
3) A killer has disposed of you - where d'they put the remains?

In the first case, the ages long gone held the answer; casual labour. Do a runner, change your appearance, get a job with no questions asked. Doesn't happen now - even in the 'cash only' society.
In the second case, where were you? Why? Is there no one looking out for you?
In the third case, what was the method of killing? What facilities does the killer have for disposal?
Click to expand...
Deliberately disappearing is very difficult and requires the assistance of many institutions either legally or not, in fact without it it's virtually impossible (in the UK anyhow) once you have an NI number that's it, however there are undocumented immigrants who work in the shadow economy and they make up a good portion of the unidentified bodies found

It's not that difficult with the right amount of planning to dispose of a body even in the UK, luckily many murders are spur of the moment and the killer does not have the time of the knowledge
 
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