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Hollywood's Pointless Remakes, Reboots, Prequels & Sequels

Wastrel said:
Solaris is coming out in the US in November. Trailer here (Quicktime). Blurb;

'There are some places man is not ready to go.'

Couldn't agree more.

Satire is wasted on these people.
 
The Haunting? Get Huntit!

I've just endured the 1999 remake of The Haunting. What a pile of crap.:mad:

You start out okay, with a good, craftsmanlike, study in psychological terror, The Haunting (1963). This comes complete with all the necessary (black and white) gothic accoutrements and shadows, supplied by director Robert Wise, who worked with Orson Welles on Citizen Kane. There are a minimum of special effects. Was it all in the mind, or...?

Then you take a huge budget, state of the art CGI effects (1999), and Jan de Bont, who made Twister and Speed and you end up laughing with contempt at just how bad it is. Really, really, boneheaded stuff.

Every empty space and hanging question is filled and answered. Every i is dotted and every care is taken to remove ambiguity and possible cause of mental anxiety in the popcorn munchers, sitting in front of the screen.

My point? As the desperate, lazy and greedy accountants, who pass for film execs. and producers nowadays, go over their back catalogues and seek out the classics, cult and mainstream, we are going to see a lot more of this. Save your pennies, watch the originals and read books. :hmph:
 
Re: The Haunting? Get Huntit!

AndroMan said:
I've just endured the 1999 remake of The Haunting. What a pile of crap.:mad:

You start out okay, with a good, craftsmanlike, study in psychological terror, The Haunting (1963). This comes complete with all the necessary (black and white) gothic accoutrements and shadows, supplied partially by Robert Wise who worked with Orson Welles on Citizen Kane. There are a minimum of special effects. Was it all in the mind, or...?

I forgot the Haunting when I mensioned the remakes of Carnival of Souls and The Night of the Hunter.

If anyone has seen the 'pile of crap' remake but not the origional then I urge yous to go and buy it now.


As well as being a 'study in psychological horror' it is also a thesis on lonalyness and the need to belong and how groups bond. As well as this it contains a suprisingly (for it's time) positive lesbian character who's sexuality as much as her humanity alows her to reach out to the central character and almost save her from her fate.
 
Re: Re: The Haunting? Get Huntit!

jamesveldon said:
As well as being a 'study in psychological horror' it is also a thesis on lonalyness and the need to belong and how groups bond. As well as this it contains a suprisingly (for it's time) positive lesbian character who's sexuality as much as her humanity alows her to reach out to the central character and almost save her from her fate.
I saw Tura Satana being interviewed on Dutch TV tonight. If you haven't seen it, I urge you to go out and acquire a copy of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)! :devil:
 
Re: Re: Re: The Haunting? Get Huntit!

AndroMan said:
I saw Tura Satana being interviewed on Dutch TV tonight. If you haven't seen it, I urge you to go out and acquire a copy of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)! :devil:

I havn't seen it but I have seen 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.' 'I know your tipe, you'r just another prety little virgin whore' best line in a movie ever.

Fancy remaking it?
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: The Haunting? Get Huntit!

jamesveldon said:
I havn't seen it but I have seen 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.' 'I know your tipe, you'r just another prety little virgin whore' best line in a movie ever.

Fancy remaking it?
Yes. But, who'd play Martin Borman?
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Haunting? Get Huntit!

AndroMan said:
Yes. But, who'd play Martin Borman?

Erm...Oh I know!

Mat Damon! (I refer you to my origional Sloaris remake joke)
 
The ultimate insult. From the BBC:

'Pop stars Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue are to provide voices for a new film version of children's television classic The Magic Roundabout.

Williams is to star as Dougal whereas Minogue will play the ever-sensible Florence, in the animated movie due to be released in 2004 it was announced on Thursday.


The old favourites of the hit children's television series will be joined by new characters using computer-generated graphics.'

The horror, the horror...
 
From http://www.empireonline.co.uk

Manga Mayhem
10/10/2002

Well, you could never accuse them of being unambitious. Warner Brothers have set themselves the mammoth task of producing a live-action remake of Japanese anime classic, Akira. Trust us, the effects budget for this one is going to be huge.

Enormous nuclear explosions, delinquent bikers and vengeful terrorists compete for attention with visuals that make The Matrix look positively pedestrian in Katsuhiro Otomo's stunning cult animation released back in 1988. Set in 2019 in a Tokyo devastated during World War III, a bike gang leader must rescue his kid brother from getting sucked in by secret government project Akira while simultaneously battling with anti-government activists, corrupt politicians and some very crazy scientists. The normal day of a bike courier this is not.

And the man foolish enough to tackle this monstrously manic manga? That would be one Steve Norrington, who has just finished directing the similarly cartoon-based flick, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen starring Sean Connery. With more anthropomorphic mutations than you can shake a stick at and a mind-bendingly weird plotline to cope with, he'd just better be feeling lucky.
 
Adrian Veidt said:
From http://www.empireonline.co.uk

Manga Mayhem
10/10/2002

Well, you could never accuse them of being unambitious. Warner Brothers have set themselves the mammoth task of producing a live-action remake of Japanese anime classic, Akira. Trust us, the effects budget for this one is going to be huge.

What the...no it can't be true!

give them a clasic and they creat a monstrosity.
 
I can't be botherd linking (I have a line from the doctor for my lazyness) but looking at Empire in a friends house last night I found out that it's all horably true!

Yes, there is an American version of The Wicker Man being made with Nick Cage and Neil La Bute directing.

That la Bute better be carefull or I'm going to forget that he directed the sublime 'In the Company of Men'
 
AKIRA?

I thought the whole point about AKIRA was that it was a beautifully drawn piece of Manga as a comic and as an animation.

The daft plot was an entirely secondary consideration, when I saw it (several times).
 
Re: AKIRA?

AndroMan said:
I thought the whole point about AKIRA was that it was a beautifully drawn piece of Manga as a comic and as an animation.

The daft plot was an entirely secondary consideration, when I saw it (several times).

Manga and Anima always have silly plots, it comes with the terirory. But then so do american action movies (xxx anyone? Snowboarding secret agent?)
 
Oh the humanity

Reported in Empire this month;

Keanu reeves to play John Constantine in the movie of Hellblazer (words fail me!)

And James Marsden (cyclops in X-Men) to play jesse Custer in the Preacher movie! :headbutt:

And, on this subject, why oh why has the wimpy Jennifer Garner been chosen to play Elektra in the Daredevil movie? Surely if you're going to use a tv female action star, Jessica Alba would be far more appropriate. At least she resembles the character!

Mmm, Jessica Alba *sigh*
 
mhmm yes, Jessica Alba....*dewy eyed, dreamy look of pathetic, testosterone driven drooling*...
Ahem, anyway, back to what I was going to say. What was it again?
Oh yeah.
They're also remaking Dawn of the Dead but not being satisfied with just remaking it they're changing the title as well, into something like The Dead Walk.
I am not amused.
 
River_Styx said:
They're also remaking Dawn of the Dead but not being satisfied with just remaking it they're changing the title as well, into something like The Dead Walk.
I am not amused.

Less blood, less politics I supose
 
jamesveldon said:
Less blood, less politics I supose

Well the one good thing is that at least they're not calling it Dawn of the Living Impaired.
But still I say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 
River_Styx said:
Well the one good thing is that at least they're not calling it Dawn of the Living Impaired.
But still I say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tagline:

'When hell is full the living inpared will walk the earth. But they have every right to walk the earth.'
 
jamesveldon said:
Tagline:

'When hell is full the living inpared will walk the earth. But they have every right to walk the earth.....

...and eat you."
 
They'll march on all capital cities carrying banners.
"Dead does not mean different!" Urrghhhh, garghhhhh.
 
Is it wrong of me to pray that the Big One comes and takes Hollywood, and much of the US' film industry, into the Pacific?
 
Was anyone aware of this? Apparently it's set in LA, so quite how it gets to be a remake with the same title I've no idea.

Hollywood is an industry, not an art form. Most recent example: Madonna's patently awful Bond theme. No-one who made the film cared it was awful, but it was by Madonna, which made it clearly a marketing exercise with absolutely no regard for its predecessors. They would have accepted whatever she threw over the fence. Even the word "franchise" shamelessly flaunts Hollywood's obsession with the dollar.
Where are the next generation of brilliant directors? Will we ever get any more? If you have one successful film these days, you're financially set and can retire. In the case of some of the current crop of directors, it seems to be a Good Thing.
 
From the IMDb, Italian Job (2003) Message Board
...Anyhow, what I think should be done about this abomination is fairly simple:

What I'm suggesting is an overseas job to help this country's (UK) Film Industry. We send a bunch of boys over to LA and take the rushes out from under the Yank's noses (and then escape through the busiest traffic jam in the city's history)... ;) Of course we burn the movie as soon as we're all on the Legionnaire. Of course I'm joking (I wish I wasn't), but I do sincerely hope that this... this... insult bombs so bad that it's permenently forgotten.

Niles "here's for greataunt Bessie kicking in a few Paramount teeth" Calder
 
From todays, um, Guardian. Like in the, um, film pages:

The Farrely Brothers are to direct a remake of the Chistmas classic 'It's a Wonderful Life'.

The gross-out duo, famous for fart gags and jokes about penises in films such as 'Dumb and Dumber', are to take the helm of the cosy yuletide tale, which originally starred James Stewart as a man saved from suicide by an angel on Christmas Eve.

"We'll try and keep the feel of the original," says Frank Farrely. "There will be fart gags and a great scene with some spunk, but apart from that a gentle yuletide heartwarmer. With barfing!," he laughs.

Jim Carrey will take Stewart's role, with Chris Rock as his angel helper Leeroy.

Note: I may be lying.
 
Reminds me of what Terry Pratchett says happened when he was approached by Hollywood to make a film of Mort "We really love the story but could we lose the character Death? People will find him too depressing" :rolleyes:
 
Inverurie Jones said:
Or we could just nuke Hollywood; it deserves it.
They turn up almost four years too late AGAIN and spend the next sixty years trying to cover up their guilty secret.

You mean Errol Flynn didn't really kill the Japs single-handed in Operation Burma with nary a British or Commonwealth soldier in sight??

Well, bless my soul, what a surprise that was! :rolleyes:

Carole
 
It's getting personal now.
Not content with remaking one of my favourite films of all time, Dawn of the Dead, they're going to be remaking my other favourite The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Guess which internationally infamous director has been attatched to the project, go on. Give up?
Okay I'll tell you all my fluffy little kittens, Michael Bay! Yes. That's correct. The man responsible for the american wank fest that is Pearl Harbour will be allowed to go in and fuck it up.
TWATS.
 
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