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Police Conclude It Is Impossible For Baboons To Speak English

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Anonymous

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Saw this posted on another message board, no source was quoted, though google is likely to turn up the original if you put in the first paragraph:


MYSTERY OF THE SEX-CRAZED, HUNGRY, ENGLISH-SPEAKING BABOONS

A troop of baboons which attacked single women and demanded food and Sex (in English) had the people of Swaziland, southern Africa, so terrified that the Swazi Parliament even passed a motion to have baboons exterminated in the country.

The baboons, calling each other by names such as ?bottle juice, would attack women at night, jumping on the roofs of their houses, demanding food and Sex. If neither was provided, they stole the women's livestock.

However, the mystery was solved after police investigators came to the conclusion that it was impossible for baboons to speak English and laid a trap to catch them. The result was the arrest of three youths, aged between 12 and 16, after numerous reports by terrified women of a plague of baboons which smashed windows, teased children or stole animals unless they were pacified by Sex and food.

Hundreds of women left their homes and fled to the villages and towns.
One woman said that she had been chased out of her house by the baboons. I was sleeping when I heard this gruff voice calling me from the roof. It demanded food and Sex. The voice said the baboons knew that I stayed alone. They killed my chickens and ran off with some of them.

Seeing the boys fleeing in the moonlight, she was convinced they were demons in the form of baboons after seeing their fur and ears.

Another woman complained of bewitched baboons who said they would roast her pig if she didn't let them into bed with her. I refused and they stole the pig. They should be punished, she said.

Punished they have been. The local court sentenced the 12-year-old to 5 lashes of the whip and the 15- and 16-year-olds will spend 20 months in jail. The mystery of how they convinced people that they were baboons is simple: they had stolen some ceremonial baboon skins.


 
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