Ridiculous Accidents

Sidecar Jon was heroicly rideing his BMW and sidecar back from Penzance. I was about at Leedstown on the back roads when it sort of poped and banged, thinking it was a missfire i made a note to investiagate the wif of a small explosion when i got home, as the bike picked up and carried on. A few miles further on the bike started to splutter and shudderd to a halt. I pulled a plug and checked it had a spark, it had a week one, so i replaced it and investigated the sidecar. Where i had not a few weeks ago secreted a huge car battery linked to the bike by big cables..... oh dear the side car was awash with liquid..... i pulled the seat forwards.....the battery was opened up like a daisy!...bits of caseing and lead plates scattered all over the place...yes it had over charged, produced hydrogen and oxygen gas and exploded!.... Oh dear i said....lucky the wife wasnt in there.... What to do next?... see if it ran... it started rather spluttery but it ran and i got home, parked it in the car park, and quick thinking i sprinted to the local Scoop and Save shop and purchased a pound of Bicarb to nutralise the acid. I poured it in and it fizzed a bit so i went and got a couple of pounds more.... and a bucket of water....... The wife arives home to find me leaping backwards from a sidecar fair erupting with foam, seemingly gallons of it rose up the sidecar and surged over the edge like a volcano.... cleaned up the car park a treat tho.
I once stabbed myself in the thigh :p I was pottering about carrying a stanley knife, I needed to pick up a hammer on the floor, put the knife in my pocket (I know :rolleyes: ) and bent over stabbing myself quite deeply. It bled like hell, but didn't really hurt.

Oh, I also managed to knock myself out chopping logs last year - I was chopping very near to my washing line and thought "meh, I won't hit it", swung the axe down hitting the line, it stretched down and the sledge end rebounded square in my fo'head :)
Papa Lazarou said:
Adam was a student chef at Exeter College. . . In Alan’s infinite wisdom, . . .

er, name ;)

my woodwork teacher in high school told a similar story to that, only involving someone slicing their finger off with a circular saw being asked to show how they did it:rolleyes: UL?

my own dislocating of my jaw by yawning (yes, really) should be noted here again. "Yawwwwwwwwwn . . . . mmmmph .... argh . . . olloks":cross eye
I can report this one, which is a bit silly but genuinely happened to me.
It was about 06.30 and I was half asleep, getting ready to go to work. Unfortunately I didn't have a shirt ironed, so I had the iron plugged in and upright on the ironing board. I also had the toaster on.
I think the toast was burning, so I moved quickly towards the toaster, forgetting the cable to the iron. I tripped over it, and as a reflex action, put my hand out to save myself and accidentally put my fingers right down inside the toaster. Yelping in pain, I failed to break my fall, hitting the deck, and then the iron toppled off the ironing board, sharp end first, and stabbed me in the bum.

On the lumberjack front, a mate of mine was doing some tree surgery the morning after a very heavy night on the lash, apparently cut the branch between himself and the trunk...


No prizes for guessing what happened :p

Another time he was felling a tree (when half drunk again) and instead of stepping sideways to avoid it run cartoonesque in the same direction it was falling :D

He broke his pelvis, both legs, 6 ribs and both arms :(
I think there is a message there for your mate. Like maybe drop lumberjacking - gardening is also outdoors, and safer...

That said my brother has had similar experiences. He was cutting tree butts with a chainsaw, while at the same time pondering his overdue dinner and looking at his tractor and considering where he would move it too next. Somewhere in this sequence he mistook his thigh for a tree. The resulting cut took about 30 stitches, but oddly it did not bleed much. He thinks the heat of the blade cauterised the blood vessels.

A few months before that he nearly killed himsef falling about 5 foot out of a tree while cutting holly for Christmas. Does not remember what happened, he awoke on the ground covered in cuts having lost his glasses. I spent most of that Xmas holidays in the f...ing A&E ward. He went in for a check up and they sent him home but he had brutal headaches and went back a couple of times until they finally took him in for a few days. Not a nice Christmas really.
heh, he only almost kills himself once a month - the odd's aren't too bad :p
There was the dreadful time I tried, repeatedly, to get my contact lenses out, having already removed them. (Yes I was drunk) It hurt so much I was sent home from work next day. Hubcap couldn't look at me my eyeballs were so ghastly.
My sister thought that inflammable was the opposite of flammable and set her sofa alight. She was a teacher and in her thirties at the time. :(
A work colleague said that she put dettol in the bath once to try and help with a skin disease, only she found it smarted rather badly where you really wouldn't want it to smart.

I'm yet to meet a triage nurse who can't tell a cracking tale about foreign objects in the rectum. The best variant I heard on this involved a man who came into casualty at 9pm one Friday night with a large (~not~ Giant Black African) dildo stuck you know where. My friend wasn't too phased by this, but was surprised when colleagues told her that the man came in every Friday night at 9pm with said item stuck in said location. The running joke went something like 'one week he'll only want us to change the batteries'.

Do I recall an entry from the Darwin Awards where a man was sleeping with a phone and a gun on the table next to him? When the phone rang he woke up and half asleep picked up the gun instead of the phone, put it to his head and shot himself.

You know how when you're schooling a young horse and he refuses to do something so you have to make him? Well as a teenager, my horse didn't want to run up a near-vertical slope, so he stopped dead from a flat-out gallop ditching me straight over the handlebars. As we were out in a field a good way from home, I kept hold of the reins as I hit the deck. He backed up to the extent of the reins, reared, came down on my leg then kicked me in the shoulder as he tried to run off.

I soothed him, remounted, and faced him at the slope and galloped forth.....

This time he broke my nose.
Talking of broken noses, I've managed to break mine three times...

I've fallen on ice whilst explaining that "it's perfectly safe to go out in this weather in high-heels"; I've fallen over a 3-foot high wall that suddenly appeared from nowhere and I've put my foot into a rabbit hole and fallen head-long into a tree that, I swear, leaped out to hit me.

Needless to say, none of these were my fault ;)

For those who can bear to look, rotten.com has a very horrid photo set of
a meat grinder accident. No not the auto-erotic kind.

While taking the plunge into that little sewer, you may also check out the shot
of the bloke with his finger up his nostril and out of his eye socket.

Not an accident, more of a party trick.

It's such shots of the damaged living which upset me far more than the shredded
dead. :cross eye
Aww! I fell for that one, thinking the guy may have lost his
eye and sinus. My browser doesn't zoom in on images so
I should really scrutinize them in Photoshop.

Do you think the meat grinder shots are for real?

It's really rotten of them to put up fakes. :D

Mercifully, there are no pics with this tale, posted on Ananova

Industrial sex aid lands Romanian in hospital
A man ended up in an operating theatre after his penis got stuck in an industrial bolt he used to try and maintain an erection.
The 46-year-old man, from Oradea, Romania, named only as Janos, decided to try using the bolt to help him keep an erection after seeing a porn star do the same in a film.
But after slipping his penis through the bolt it became stuck and began to swell up painfully.
He eventually went to hospital where doctors tried to remove the bolt.
Dr Gheorghe Bumbu from Bihor County Hospital who operated on the man, told local media: "The penis was so swollen I could hardly see the bolt around it. It was a massive steel bolt and any attempt to cut it could have hurt the man.
"My surgery room soon turned into a locksmiths shop. I even called engineer friends to see if there was any way of cutting the bearing.
"I almost gave up hope of saving the man's penis when I realised that I could make several longitudinal cuts and let the blood come out so that the penis could deflate. After that the bearing came off easily."
He added: "There are men who have erection problems and they're trying all these tricks. They should see a doctor first."
Story filed: 11:09 Tuesday 19th August 2003
They actually did the rounds a few weeks back, I remember my brother mailing them to me zoomed in for a laugh :(

I think he got them off ogrish, but I'm not too sure - they really are foul though :cross eye
I think there was a bit of mistranslation in the Romanian story - I assume they mean a nut, not a bolt.

Doctor: we've got to get this nut off...

Nurse: Which one, doctor, the left or the right?

Fired Fair Employee Strips, Hit by Train
MONROE, Wash. - A 24-year-old man who led Snohomish County sheriff's deputies on a bizarre chase through the Evergreen State Fair on was seriously hurt when he tried to jump aboard a moving train.

The man, a fair employee, was seen on the midway Tuesday smoking "an unknown narcotic" from a glass pipe, sheriff's spokeswoman Jan Jorgensen said. He was fired on the spot.

The man attempted to steal money from another carnival worker, then went to a women's restroom, where he exposed himself, Jorgensen said.

When deputies arrived, the man put on his pants, took off his shirt, and fled through a window in one of the restroom's stalls.

He groped women as he ran, then scaled a chain-link fence to U.S. 2, where he attempted to steal a car from a woman.

When that failed, he ran across the highway to a train and tried to jump aboard, even though it was traveling about 45 miles per hour, Jorgensen said.

He was knocked back by the train, and was airlifted to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle with multiple fractures. He was reported in serious condition Tuesday night.

When he's released, Jorgensen said, he'll likely be charged with indecent liberties and attempted robbery.
I convinced my (young and naive) brother to whack a golf ball witha hammer if he wanted to see what was inside. He did and knocked himself out.
Yesterday I was removing the doghairs from the stairs when I suddenly caused myself excruciating pain. :eek:

Next Sunday I'll put my bra on before grappling with the Dyson tube. :rolleyes:
Smoker burned as petrol ignites

From Auntie Beeb:
A motorist who filled his car with petrol while smoking a cigarette suffered serious burns when the fuel caught light.

The man was engulfed in flames as he poured petrol from a can into his car at the side of the M5 near Wellington in Somerset.

It is thought he had been driving north along the motorway in the early hours of Friday morning when he ran out of petrol.

He bought a can of the fuel, but as he was filling up the car the vapour ignited, setting fire to his clothes.

'Serious burns'

A spokesman for the Somerset Fire Brigade said: "Fire crews from Wellington were called to the northbound carriageway of the M5.

"When they arrived at the scene they found a male casualty with serious burns to 20% of his body.

"He was given first aid at the scene before being taken to hospital by ambulance."

Fire safety officer Chris Snook said: "Whenever you are dealing with petrol you should never smoke or have any naked flames around.

"This applies to garage forecourts or any other areas where petroleum spirit is used.

"Fire is very unforgiving, so think about your own personal safety at all times".
Genius :rolleyes:
escargot said:
Yesterday I was removing the doghairs from the stairs when I suddenly caused myself excruciating pain. :eek:

Next Sunday I'll put my bra on before grappling with the Dyson tube. :rolleyes:

yeee yee im sure casulty has heard That one before....
yeee yee im sure casulty has heard That one before....
Ooooooooooow, the pain, and the shame..........

I must have grabbed the flexible hose too close to my chest somehow, and TWANG! One very long nipple.

I can also expain the banana, cucumber and Prickly Pear.................;)
We believe you, you were "doing the hoovering" and "slipped". ;)

After this I trust you'll be a touch more understanding and a little less sceptical if you ever find yourself working in A&E again?
Physick said:
We believe you, you were "doing the hoovering" and "slipped". ;)

After this I trust you'll be a touch more understanding and a little less sceptical if you ever find yourself working in A&E again?

i think if i ever find myself in casulty with a hoover induced injury, no matter how it was caused , im gona say...i was rogering the hoover and thats when i fell over and broke my arm.(or whatever) see em write up that report!
Not for the squeamish


A Californian builder is recovering from a freak accident in which he drilled through his head.
Ron Hunt fell off a stepladder and landed face down on his on his 18-inch (46 centimetre) drill.

"I ran my hands up the drill bit, up to my eye, and put my other hand in the back of my head and felt it coming through the back of my head," Mr Hunt said.

"That's where pretty much the shock set in".

"Right then, I just started praying to God. Please don't let me die. Don't let me bleed to death. I was scared," he said.

Doctors said Mr Hunt was spared death or paralysis because the drill bit pushed his brain aside, instead of pushing into it, the Associated Press reported.

In a four-hour operation they later unscrewed the 1.5 inch (3.8 centimetre) diameter drill from Mr Hunt's head.

Mr Hunt lost the sight in one eye and in the future will wear a glass eye.