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Rules For Breakfast Cereal & Masturbation: The Proud Boys Manual/Training

MrRING

Android Futureman
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Aug 7, 2002
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5,832
The politicized bunch of nuts lnown as the Proud Boys are on trial in the USA for various malfeasancese outside the scope of this board. But from a family member I've heard two things have come out in evidence at one or more of their trials that boggled the mind that i thought i'd see if anybody here knew if they were indeed true, as they are tremendously weird. Supposedly these were discovered as part of their operations manual or group constitution:

1. Proud Boys were only allowed to eat 5 cereals. If asked by a higher ranking Proud Boy, you had to list the 5 cereals. If this is true, does anybody know what the 5 approved cereals were? I'm hoping they were Fruity Pebbles, Captain Crunch with Cruchberries, King Vitamin, Quisp, and Trix.

2. Proud Boys could not masterbate. They could only have intercourse with their girlfriend or wife. The loophole was that you could masterbate as long as the partner was still within a certain prescribed closeness to the wanking individual so that it could be loosely counted as sex. Zoom call masterbation with their partner would be outlawed due to the fact that they were not physically in close enough proximity.
 
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Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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Sep 15, 2013
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32,157
The politicized bunch of nuts lnown as the Proud Boys are on trial in the USA for various malfeasancese outside the scope of this board. But from a family member I've heard two things have come out in evidence at one or more of their trials that boggled the mind that i thought i'd see if anybody here knew if they were indeed true, as they are tremendously weird. Supposedly these were discovered as part of their operations manual or group constitution:

1. Proud Boys were only allowed to eat 5 cereals. If asked by a higher ranking Proud Boy, you had to list the 5 cereals. If this is true, does anybody know what the 5 approved cereals were? I'm hoping they were Fruity Pebbles, Captain Crunch with Cruchberries, King Vitamin, Quisp, and Trix.

2. Proud Boys could not masterbate. They could only have intercourse with their girlfriend or wife. The loophole was that you could masterbate as long as the partner was still within a certain prescribed closeness to the wanking individual you so that it could be loosely counted as sex. Zoom call masterbation with their partner would be outlawed due to the fact that they were not physically in close enough proximity.
The people 'in charge' just sound like a bunch of perverts to me who want to know about the private sex habits of their members.
 

maximus otter

Recovering policeman
Joined
Aug 9, 2001
Messages
11,534
The politicized bunch of nuts lnown as the Proud Boys are on trial in the USA for various malfeasancese outside the scope of this board. But from a family member I've heard two things have come out in evidence at one or more of their trials that boggled the mind that i thought i'd see if anybody here knew if they were indeed true, as they are tremendously weird. Supposedly these were discovered as part of their operations manual or group constitution:

1. Proud Boys were only allowed to eat 5 cereals. If asked by a higher ranking Proud Boy, you had to list the 5 cereals. If this is true, does anybody know what the 5 approved cereals were? I'm hoping they were Fruity Pebbles, Captain Crunch with Cruchberries, King Vitamin, Quisp, and Trix.

2. Proud Boys could not masterbate. They could only have intercourse with their girlfriend or wife. The loophole was that you could masterbate as long as the partner was still within a certain prescribed closeness to the wanking individual so that it could be loosely counted as sex. Zoom call masterbation with their partner would be outlawed due to the fact that they were not physically in close enough proximity.

Classic Rule 5 from Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals:

"Ridicule is man's most potent weapon. There is no defense. It is almost impossible to counterattack ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, who then react to your advantage."

maximus otter
 

CharmerKamelion

Who knows where it will end?
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Lightyears from Zanzibar
The politicized bunch of nuts lnown as the Proud Boys are on trial in the USA for various malfeasancese outside the scope of this board. But from a family member I've heard two things have come out in evidence at one or more of their trials that boggled the mind that i thought i'd see if anybody here knew if they were indeed true, as they are tremendously weird. Supposedly these were discovered as part of their operations manual or group constitution:

1. Proud Boys were only allowed to eat 5 cereals. If asked by a higher ranking Proud Boy, you had to list the 5 cereals. If this is true, does anybody know what the 5 approved cereals were? I'm hoping they were Fruity Pebbles, Captain Crunch with Cruchberries, King Vitamin, Quisp, and Trix.

2. Proud Boys could not masterbate. They could only have intercourse with their girlfriend or wife. The loophole was that you could masterbate as long as the partner was still within a certain prescribed closeness to the wanking individual so that it could be loosely counted as sex. Zoom call masterbation with their partner would be outlawed due to the fact that they were not physically in close enough proximity.
Wow. If this is true, MrRING, imagine how frustrating it could get for those guys! I mean if they bring out a tasty-looking new cereal and you see it there on the supermarket shelf and you can't have it. Man, I don't think I could cope.
 
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escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Wow. If this is true, MrRING, imagine how frustrating it could get for those guys! I mean if they bring out a tasty-looking new cereal and you see it there on the supermarket shelf and you can't have it. Man, I don't think I could cope.
Breakfast cereals and masturbation are linked, in that eating the cereals rather than meat was claimed by the inventors to make customers less likely to succumb to the temptations of onanism.
 

hunck

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Breakfast cereals and masturbation are linked, in that eating the cereals rather than meat was claimed by the inventors to make customers less likely to succumb to the temptations of onanism.
I thought that as well but on looking it up on Snopes it seems that aspect has been exaggerated & is ‘largely false'.

It originated instead with a 2012 article by Mental Floss, which reported that "Kellogg developed a few different flaked grain breakfast cereals — including corn flakes — as healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meals.”

He does however seem to have been anti sex in general. According to the internet he never consummated his marriage & adopted his 8 children.
 

CharmerKamelion

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"Kellogg developed a few different flaked grain breakfast cereals — including corn flakes — as healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meals.”

I guess that's ok then. I don't usually indulge until the sun is over the yardarm.
 

escargot

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I thought that as well but on looking it up on Snopes it seems that aspect has been exaggerated & is ‘largely false'.



He does however seem to have been anti sex in general. According to the internet he never consummated his marriage & adopted his 8 children.
I heard about the intended lust-deadening properties of cereals from the 1994 fillum The Road to Wellville, based on the novel published the year before.
Haven't read the book but may have to now.
 

brownmane

off kilter
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I heard about the intended lust-deadening properties of cereals from the 1994 fillum The Road to Wellville, based on the novel published the year before.
Haven't read the book but may have to now.
I saw the same movie. Pretty entertaining, though I tend not to believe in whatever is portrayed in movies, even ones "based on a true story".
 

James_H

And I like to roam the land
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May 18, 2002
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1. Proud Boys were only allowed to eat 5 cereals. If asked by a higher ranking Proud Boy, you had to list the 5 cereals. If this is true, does anybody know what the 5 approved cereals were? I'm hoping they were Fruity Pebbles, Captain Crunch with Cruchberries, King Vitamin, Quisp, and Trix.
In this article from 2018, Gavin McInnes (Proud Boys founder and Vice co-founder) tell it slightly differently - as part of the initiation, you are beaten by members until you can name 5 different breakfast cereals.

“You must get the crap beaten out of you by at least five guys until you can name five breakfast cereals,” McInnes wrote. “If you hammer out, ‘Chex, Cheerios, Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, and Special K’ in a matter of seconds, you’re free to go. If you get flummoxed by the punches and cannot think straight, well, sorry, you’re going to get pounded.”
McInnes said that this is all to train for "better 'adrenaline control'." "Both physical fighting and arguing require you to maintain your composure and not get petty... Defending the West against the people who want to shut it down is like remembering cereals as you're being bombarded with ten fists," he said.

Here are the four degrees of initiation:

1. Publicly declaring yourself a Proud Boy.
2. Being beat up by other members until you name five kinds of breakfast cereal. This degree also includes a vow to stop masturbating.
3. Getting a Proud Boy tattoo.
4. Engaging in physical violence with members of antifa, the leftist anti-fascist movement.
 

Reverend D

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Breakfast cereals and masturbation are linked, in that eating the cereals rather than meat was claimed by the inventors to make customers less likely to succumb to the temptations of onanism.
If they wanted the cereal-eaters to masturbate less, they should have made them wear a glove made out of Frosties.
 

CharmerKamelion

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“If you hammer out, ‘Chex, Cheerios, Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, and Special K’ in a matter of seconds, you’re free to go."

If you get it in the right order, do you get extra points?
 

CharmerKamelion

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Shoulda made them wear gloves with Frosties inside. Then we'd hear them coming.
That puts a whole new spin on 'snap, crackle and......POP!'

(and I know that's Rice Krispies, not Frosties, but the Frosties slogan is 'They're Grrrrrrrrrrrreat!' which didn't work :bored:)
 
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escargot

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I saw the same movie. Pretty entertaining, though I tend not to believe in whatever is portrayed in movies, even ones "based on a true story".
Yup, films are not generally a reliable source of evidence. However, it seems that the claims of anti-masturbatory qualities for cereals goes back quite a long way.

Considering other methods apparently in use at various times - spiky bed-gloves or whatever - you'd think boys would be hugely enthusiastic about having a nice bowl of cornflakes instead.
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Broadcasting from the moon...
Yup, films are not generally a reliable source of evidence. However, it seems that the claims of anti-masturbatory qualities for cereals goes back quite a long way.

Considering other methods apparently in use at various times - spiky bed-gloves or whatever - you'd think boys would be hugely enthusiastic about having a nice bowl of cornflakes instead.
Ever see Reefer Madness? I have, and what is depicted therein has never happened to me.

What happens in Plan 9 From Outer Space, however....
 
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