Shop Around: Tales Of Retail

Swifty

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When it comes to tales of retail, nothing will ever top Kevin Smith's 'Clerks' (unless something better than Kevin Smith's 'Clerks' comes along)

 

JamesWhitehead

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a whole leg of ham in a box for about 45 quid.
That's probably their celebrated dry-cured Serrano ham, which usually comes on its own stand, for slicing.

It's a bargain, though it takes a steady hand to cut it thinly enough! I suspect it ends up as the uneaten ornament on many a Christmas table! :(
 

hunck

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That's probably their celebrated dry-cured Serrano ham, which usually comes on its own stand, for slicing.

It's a bargain, though it takes a steady hand to cut it thinly enough! I suspect it ends up as the uneaten ornament on many a Christmas table! :(
That's the one - & it does indeed come with a stand. Is it actually celebrated?..
 

Swifty

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And shoplifters Swifty ..
Funny you should say, one of my co workers is a huge Morrisey fan .. you never ask a lady her age (she's 52, she told me) but we both have to keep an eye out for shoplifters now ..

 

Schrodinger's Zebra

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Entertaining thread. :)

In the town we normally do our shopping in there is a Home Bargains and one called The Range. Which I sometimes get confused with B&M as there used to be one of those where we used to live (and they're similar sort of shops). Handy for some things. Home Bargains does cheaper toiletries etc. than supermarkets.


Coles supermarket needs to up its game! When I did the shopping on Sunday, there were only two staff on the express lanes, one in the self scan section and not a single person at the proper checkouts. I ended up putting everything back on the shelves and went to Woolworths, where they actually employ people to be on checkouts!
We're the same. If there isn't a proper checkout in use, the shopping will be done elsewhere instead. :btime:
 

Swifty

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hee hee .. I caught my first shoplifters yesterday. Don't worry though, this has a happy ending ..

My staff supervisor asked me to keep an eye on a woman with a pram and three teenagers. I was told she'd somehow robbed a load of Christmas lights from us a few weeks ago.

So all the staff were sort of wandering past them pretending they weren't watching her but being a bit obvious about it all .. she had some stuff on the top of the pram as well, I said to her "Blimey, you've got a lot of stuff on top of your pram!, I'll be back in a moment .." .. I brought her one of our shopping baskets with an extendable handle (sort of like those cases you see in airports) and told her, "Let me help you get that stuff into this basket instead and have you got anything you've had to put inside the pram?" .. "Erm .. no" .. "Okay, we don't want to see the little nipper in there squished!" :) ..

Apparently my head fuck worked because the woman covertly dumped the stuff she was going to nick when I was out of site, my co worker retrieved it. My boss said "That was genius." .. first time I've ever been called a genius unless someone was being sarcastic :)

.. and every thread needs a tune so in tribute to the poor and/or greedy 'five fingered discount' enthusiasts .. and don't fuck with me, I'm from Birmingham, if I steal from your shop, it'll be your till and your checkout girl.


 
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Swifty

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I caught another shoplifter a couple of days ago (I hate having to do it, it's not even my job except we're told it is) .. I didn't have any back up, whatever she'd stolen was in her jeans pocket, her mum and a crowd or people were watching me and there's no way I'm frisking a young woman so I let her walk back through the barrier with it again going off .. all I could do was tell the boss she had a pink and white leather handbag shaped like a heart so we could spot her next time. I'll relax when we get an official security guard within the next couple of weeks and until then, fuck it .. I'm not batman, good luck to the thieves.

I've been brainstorming on a more psychological prevention is better than cure approach until then so I've been 'spotting' empty baskets around the large store in places where people can't trip over them .. I see someone carrying an arm full of stuff and it's "Hi .. you look like you could use a basket instead" with a big warm smile. Hopefully that'll make any thieves paranoid thinking they're being watched and non thieves will think "Oh .. what a nice bloke and store, I'll remember this place!" .. fuck knows .. I've had zero official training in store security techniques.

If Max is reading this, I'd appreciate any of your tips please man.

edit: one underhand trick of the trade that I've been let in on is to stick one of the security alarm censoring tags on your finger and hover near the barrier. When someone everyone thinks might be a thief walks through the barrier, you trigger the alarm yourself giving yourself a legit looking excuse to ask them back into the store. I don't like that approach and won't be using it.

meet Adam:


A lot of people won't know this but large retail stores actually monitor the way customers walk around a store. They even sell things to you that way without you even realising it ..
 
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A lot of people won't know this but large retail stores actually monitor the way customers walk around a store. They even sell things to you that way without you even realising it ..
I wonder why it is then that in our Tesco, to get a hand basket you have to walk into the shoppers leaving the store. It always creates a bit of a scrum at the entrance.
 

Swifty

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I went in the local Co-Op the other day and the door alarm beeped at me as I walked in!
It didn't beep when I walked out, though.
They probably had it set up wrongly.
That'll be your magnetic personality Mytho. I even triggered our alarm on my second day! .. we often have the alarm go off on people walking in.

As you walk towards our shop, you can often see in the pavement gutters where people have ditched security tags.
 

Schrodinger's Zebra

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Well done @Swifty for doing your bit :D

I'm always paranoid about the security buzzers going off when I leave the supermarket. I've developed the habit of holding the receipt in my hand so I can wave it in a "look I have a receipt for everything" sort of manner as I approach the exit.

Mr Zebra just stuffs the receipt in his wallet as soon as we leave the checkout.
"What if the buzzer goes off?" I always ask him.
"Well, then it'll go off." He says.

Livin' on the edge, 'e is.
 

Swifty

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Well done @Swifty for doing your bit :D

I'm always paranoid about the security buzzers going off when I leave the supermarket. I've developed the habit of holding the receipt in my hand so I can wave it in a "look I have a receipt for everything" sort of manner as I approach the exit.

Mr Zebra just stuffs the receipt in his wallet as soon as we leave the checkout.
"What if the buzzer goes off?" I always ask him.
"Well, then it'll go off." He says.

Livin' on the edge, 'e is.
Thanks Zebs but the thing is, I'm not really keen on doing it at all. I've not been trained or been given any guidance on how to go about it the correct way so I'm just using common sense .. or ignoring the buzzer all together unless the person stops and walks back into the shop.
 

Schrodinger's Zebra

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Thanks Zebs but the thing is, I'm not really keen on doing it at all. I've not been trained or been given any guidance on how to go about it the correct way so I'm just using common sense .. or ignoring the buzzer all together unless the person stops and walks back into the shop.
I can understand you being uncomfortable with it, (I wouldn't like to have to do it) but I think you're handling it in the best way you can.

And there's certainly nowt wrong with using common sense :hoff:
 
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