Stories You've Heard At Work

escargot

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Or indeed, anywhere else.

We had a thread like this years ago. What yarns have you heard on your travels? Not necessarily Fortean, but hopefully interesting.

Here's one I was told yesterday -

An elderly man who was living in a care home had become foul-mouthed and coarse. His wife was telling a nurse how much this embarrassed and distressed her, as he'd always been such a gentleman!

The nurse assured the wife that it was done to his condition and that this sort of thing often crept up on dementia patients. The wife said 'No, it wasn't gradual, it was very sudden - happened last year, in fact.'

The story went that the husband had a painful phimosis (tight foreskin) and as he wouldn't see a doctor about it, the couple never had sex. While that is grounds for divorce, we're taking about events of 60 years ago so the wife wasn't about to make it public either.

Eventually, in his 80s, the husband had to have some minor operation and the phimosis was noticed. He was offered a quick circumcison along with the other surgery and agreed. However, there was a problem with the anaesthetic and he woke up with slight brain damage and a new marine vocabulary. UNnlucky.
 
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Naughty_Felid

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Expanded vocabulary, a working organ and the freedom to act like a git in public - unlucky, really?
 

Swifty

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A hospital ward nurse I used to work with told me about a care home she used to work in ... two very elderly couples were involved in this anecdote, the husband of one was screwing the wife of the other ... this only came to light when the nurse started wondering why staff were sometimes finding a male catheter under her bed .. it seems they were both sneaking into her room to have it off and he was physically pulling his catheter out so he could do the deed ..
 

titch

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Just after I started work in my cemetery I noticed a plague in one of the prayer halls, in memory of the children buried in the cemetery with no known grave.

After I had been here a while I asked my boss about it. He said some rabbis of a certain synagogue believed that a baby wasn't considered alive if it hadn't drawn breath outside of its mum, so stillborn babies where taken by the rabbi from the parents and buried without the parents knowing where.

The cemetery workers would be given a poly bag with a dead baby in it and told to bury it anywhere. I asked was this in victorian times and he said no, upto the 1980's.

Now he is a Grade one bullshitter, but I fear he is telling the truth here.
 
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I recently heard about someone who fell off a pair of stepladders in their back garden and broke a leg. Pretty mundane until the detail about how a bone protruded through the flesh and pinned them to the ground.

Not from my workplace - Someone's daughter works as a 'Taster'. Every day they are presented with a selection of foodstuffs which they then have to work out the flavourings by sampling them. Biscuits, crisps, ready meals and drinks. Why? I don't know but I suspect someone is trying to copy winning formulas. Why can't they work this out by reading the label? Again, no idea.
 

Min Bannister

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Why can't they work this out by reading the label? Again, no idea.
Because whatever lab creations have been added to the "food" to give it flavour will just be listed as "flavourings".:meh:

My folks used to have a shop and we had a few characters come in. One of my favourites was an elderly chap with two sweet wee west highland terriers. He was deaf so he always shouted. It helps if you shout in your head in a strong Irish accent.

" I put my glasses on the dog the other day and do you know who he looked like? He looked like Gerry Adams"

To this day I cannot look at Gerry Adams without laughing and it has only got worse as the years have gone by and he has gone grey. :rollingw:

Another time his bitch was in heat and he was having to try and keep her separate from his dog ("terrible trouble I'm having, terrible") and he stomped around the shop complaining about this as he went. As he left the shop he turned round, raised his fist and shouted even louder than before "IF I'M NOT GETTING ANY, NEITHER ARE THEY!" :rollingw:

(Sorry, I know these aren't actually interesting as such but I bet you are interested to find out that Gerry Adams looks like a west highland terrier in spectacles aren't you?)
 

escargot

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All great stories! :domo:

C'mon folks, we're not after the Nobel Prize for Literature here, just a nice entertaining yarn!

Gruesome ones might be, er, diverting too. We could spoiler them.
 

RaM

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Dont know the score now but still bornes were often buried with
both families consent in the coffin of unrelated adults, I always thought
this a quite nice arrangement.
 

EnolaGaia

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... The cemetery workers would be given a poly bag with a dead baby in it and told to bury it anywhere. I asked was this in victorian times and he said no, upto the 1980's.

Now he is a Grade one bullshitter, but I fear he is telling the truth here.
I found this, on a website for an organization dedicated to memorializing stillborns:

In the early 19th century right up until the 1960s and even 70s, a baby that was stillborn or died shortly after birth was usually buried in a communal grave with other babies or in a grave with a female adult.

Hospitals used to take care of the burial at that time which meant that most parents didn't know where their baby was buried. ...
SOURCE: http://www.brieflives-remembered.co.uk/page_2555949.html
 

MrRING

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At work, there is rumor that in the 1980's an international student who couldn't afford rent lived in a hard to access mechanical closet in the library for the time it took him to finish his degree. It was before my time, so I can neither confirm not deny it happened, but knowing the space it could have.
 

onetwothree

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My folks used to have a shop and we had a few characters come in. One of my favourites was an elderly chap with two sweet wee west highland terriers. He was deaf so he always shouted. It helps if you shout in your head in a strong Irish accent.

" I put my glasses on the dog the other day and do you know who he looked like? He looked like Gerry Adams"

To this day I cannot look at Gerry Adams without laughing and it has only got worse as the years have gone by and he has gone grey. :rollingw:
I LOVE this! I'm have the same problem when I see Gerry Adams on TV and remember Steve Coogan saying "Sinn Feinn is a legitimate political party" through inhaled balloon gas on The Day Today.

I don't have any interesting work stories. Poor me.
 

RaM

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Was pulling away from the office in the van one day and a woman flagged me
down, "I have just been flashed by a man up there"
What did he do?
"He opened is coat and was naked underneath"
What did you do?
"Said no thanks I will smoke my own"
A search reviled no one but it was a wile before I stopped laughing.
 

Bigphoot2

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Was pulling away from the office in the van one day and a woman flagged me
down, "I have just been flashed by a man up there"
What did he do?
"He opened is coat and was naked underneath"
What did you do?
"Said no thanks I will smoke my own"
A search reviled no one but it was a wile before I stopped laughing.
A nurse I knew had a patient on her ward who thought it was the height of wit to flash the nurses. When he tried it with her she said "Oh, that looks just like a penis...only smaller."
 

Anonymous-50446

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A nurse I knew had a patient on her ward who thought it was the height of wit to flash the nurses. When he tried it with her she said "Oh, that looks just like a penis...only smaller."
A pre-matrimonial ex, who was a nurse, told me a good whack on the tip with a pen usually discouraged that kind of thing.
 

Spookdaddy

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This is going to sound like a UL, but a guy I was working with earlier in the autumn in Edinburgh turned up one morning with the following tale to tell of his previous night's experience. And I believe him.

Said workmate had a panicky late night call from a friend who was familiar with one of his hobbies.

This friend of his had recently been disturbed by what he described as an odd feeling in his flat; couldn't pinpoint the feeling, or its focus - he was just convinced something wasn't 'right'.

He had recently bought a second hand sofa - and after a shift at work he'd often return home to crash out on the sofa for half an hour or so before cooking his tea. Woke up one evening feeling something had shifted underneath him. Eventually tipped sofa over and unstapled the hessian base.

Found very large snake.
 

Naughty_Felid

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This is going to sound like a UL, but a guy I was working with earlier in the autumn in Edinburgh turned up one morning with the following tale to tell of his previous night's experience. And I believe him.

Said workmate had a panicky late night call from a friend who was familiar with one of his hobbies.

This friend of his had recently been disturbed by what he described as an odd feeling in his flat; couldn't pinpoint the feeling, or its focus - he was just convinced something wasn't 'right'.

He had recently bought a second hand sofa - and after a shift at work he'd often return home to crash out on the sofa for half an hour or so before cooking his tea. Woke up one evening feeling something had shifted underneath him. Eventually tipped sofa over and unstapled the hessian base.

Found very large snake.

Good story.

I've often found a large snake whilst amusing myself on the sofa.



 
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Austin Popper

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Back in the late 80s I worked with several members of an American Indian family. They were interesting people, and D was quite a character. He told me about a weird thing that happened on the res not long before. D lived with his girlfriend, who rented a house that belonged to the tribe. An owl got to roosting on the TV antenna, which apparently freaked out everyone in the area quite a bit. No amount of noise or shooing or other measures had any effect on the owl. D said that in that tribe, owls hanging around houses were not good omens. D was sent to talk to the old guy who dealt with such things, and a time was arranged.

At the appointed hour, the shaman or whoever showed up, and D followed him back to his car after he had assessed the situation. The guy opened the trunk of his car and pulled out a shotgun and two shells. D was expecting something more subtle than just blowing the thing off the antenna, but then he said the shaman performed a little ceremony over the shells and loaded them in the gun. He then fired one shot high over the owl, which didn't move. Then came the second round, at which the owl let out a bone chilling screech, which still visibly affected D as he told the story, and promptly flew away, never to be seen again. D grew up in the country and was familiar with all the local fauna, but he said the screech was more like a human scream. Apparently the old guy knew his business.
 

Naughty_Felid

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Back in the late 80s I worked with several members of an American Indian family. They were interesting people, and D was quite a character. He told me about a weird thing that happened on the res not long before. D lived with his girlfriend, who rented a house that belonged to the tribe. An owl got to roosting on the TV antenna, which apparently freaked out everyone in the area quite a bit. No amount of noise or shooing or other measures had any effect on the owl. D said that in that tribe, owls hanging around houses were not good omens. D was sent to talk to the old guy who dealt with such things, and a time was arranged.

At the appointed hour, the shaman or whoever showed up, and D followed him back to his car after he had assessed the situation. The guy opened the trunk of his car and pulled out a shotgun and two shells. D was expecting something more subtle than just blowing the thing off the antenna, but then he said the shaman performed a little ceremony over the shells and loaded them in the gun. He then fired one shot high over the owl, which didn't move. Then came the second round, at which the owl let out a bone chilling screech, which still visibly affected D as he told the story, and promptly flew away, never to be seen again. D grew up in the country and was familiar with all the local fauna, but he said the screech was more like a human scream. Apparently the old guy knew his business.

Good story.

I've often found a few pump-action shots will put a bird in it's place.



 

escargot

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I found this, on a website for an organization dedicated to memorializing stillborns:
SOURCE: http://www.brieflives-remembered.co.uk/page_2555949.html
Indeed. Esther Rantzen made a documentary called The Lost Babies about this process in the 1980s. Until she raised a fuss about it, stillborn and newly-born babies who'd died were still buried in unmarked graves. This caused extra grief and
suffering to their parents, who were told never to mention the death again and to try for another baby right away.

I already knew about this as the exact thing happened to my own parents. I've never even heard the name of the boy they had a couple of years before I came along, and nobody knows where he is buried.

Edit - here's a mention of the documentary: The Lost Babies
 

onetwothree

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Indeed. Esther Rantzen made a documentary called The Lost Babies about this process in the 1980s. Until she raised a fuss about it, stillborn and newly-born babies who'd died were still buried in unmarked graves. This caused extra grief and
suffering to their parents, who were told never to mention the death again and to try for another baby right away.

I already knew about this as the exact thing happened to my own parents. I've never even heard the name of the boy they had a couple of years before I came along, and nobody knows where he is buried.

Edit - here's a mention of the documentary: The Lost Babies
That's so sad. I can't imagine how many people suffered because of this practice.
 

escargot

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That's so sad. I can't imagine how many people suffered because of this practice.
Yup, seems plain cruel. The final scene of the doc shows an elderly couple for the first time in a cemetery where their baby was buried. They'd never known before where he (I think it was a boy) was buried. They were standing close together, holding hands and crying quietly. At this point Rantzen and the camera crew politely withdrew.
 
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