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Strange Strangers

"That's a smashing blouse you're wearing Skargy, would you like to scratch my dog's head?" ..... like that you mean?

:D What a chat up line!

INT21 I don't mind compliments one bit. At my age I am grateful. Doesn't matter from whom usually. It is just that they are used as an 'opener' as Escargot suggests by creepy blokes. I had a lovely compliment last Summer from an elderly gentleman I did't know who called out that he liked my dress it suited me. Made my day and I thanked him. I always thank people ( even the creeps) as it is politeness. I am not adverse to empty conversation about the weather or something to break a silence or whatever. It is just the creepiness I don't like. I think it is something only women would understand tbh.
 
Ah yes, 'what is a compliment, what is not. when should you compliment, when should you just say nothing. When is a compliment sexist etc'

Plenty of scope for raising a few hackles there ;)
 
The MTGOW man gets to decide how the date finishes. He generally calls a taxi and sends her home.
 
Coal,

I'd love to cross swords with you on this, but haven't we been through it all not so long ago ?

Please feel free to bump the old thread.

:)
 
INT21 said:
Ah yes, 'what is a compliment, what is not. when should you compliment, when should you just say nothing. When is a compliment sexist etc'

Plenty of scope for raising a few hackles there ;)
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Compliments in themselves are fine, and to accept a compliment gracefully is also a polite accomplishment. I like to give sincere compliments, it lifts people and costs me nothing. I'll give them to men, women, children -but only if it's true.

But 'compliments' are sometimes given as an opener into a come-on. That kind of compliment usually isn't sincere and free-of-charge, or it's much too personal/sexual. It's already got a quid pro quo attached.

I would advise anyone unsure of whether it's appropriate to imagine would you be happy if an unknown person said it to your daughter/sister/mother/wife?

For example "you have a lovely smile" is fine but "you have a gorgeous figure" isn't.
 
It is safer not to compliment women directly at all; and complimenting men can get you into some misunderstanding.

But surely..'For example "you have a lovely smile" is fine but "you have a gorgeous figure" isn't'. would appear to be a bit disingenuous. both imply the Quid Pro Quo you allude to above. There is a response expected from the recipient.
 
Vida Loca said:
This could sadly be an undiagnosed case of Dementia. My Grandmother used to be found wandering and waiting on the landing in her Sheltered Accommodation. When asked why she would state she was waiting for her Husband to come home from work. She did it to me a couple of times and my Dad too. Dad dryly said he hoped he didn't arrive as she expected given he had been dead for years! Dementia was the cause.
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I hadn't even considered that. I think I was too caught up in the Tragic Mystery Woman show that I just screened out any possibility of something as mundane (and even more tragic) as Dementia.
 
AnonyJoolz said:
Compliments in themselves are fine, and to accept a compliment gracefully is also a polite accomplishment. I like to give sincere compliments, it lifts people and costs me nothing. I'll give them to men, women, children -but only if it's true.

But 'compliments' are sometimes given as an opener into a come-on. That kind of compliment usually isn't sincere and free-of-charge, or it's much too personal/sexual. It's already got a quid pro quo attached.

I would advise anyone unsure of whether it's appropriate to imagine would you be happy if an unknown person said it to your daughter/sister/mother/wife?

For example "you have a lovely smile" is fine but "you have a gorgeous figure" isn't.
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I agree with you on the whole, but if a total stranger came up to me and said "you have a lovely smile", out of nowhere, I'd be suitably creeped out. I'd probably look out for the bunch of heather, or the Big Issue, if anything...
 
Body language, tone of voice and the social context exert a lot of influence on intended meaning and perceived meaning. Some people don't read the signals well. Some people take advantage of the fact that there can be ambiguity, and so "stroll across the line" and keep going until extreme measures must be taken. ("F**k off!")

Initially I was going to say that I don't compliment men, but only women (being a woman myself), but I realized this is not true anymore. When young, I couldn't risk complimenting a man in case he thought it was an invitation to get cozy. Now that I'm older, I sometimes can't refrain from "nice tie!" or "that's a good color on you." But I don't stay engaged in the exchange as if waiting to get something back. (I also never say anything like "nice shoulders, dude!" even if I think it.)

Creepy people, women as well as men, sort of hang on after complimenting you in a way that feels like they're trying to attach you to themselves, like a spider starting to bind their prey. I think that, unfortunately, men are a higher risk of being perceived by women as potentially predatory, since men in general, apparently (I hate to rely on stereotypes!), tend to be more interested in connecting with a potential sexual partner than women usually are.

Clear communication is so difficult . . .
 
Well said Ibis. Sometimes even suggesting they get involved with sex and travel ( being polite there lol ) doesn't work. Some people ( and I am including women here) have skins as thick as a Rhino. Bottom line is yes accept compliments gracefully and give polite thanks for them but also as has been said there are lines that shouldn't be crossed by some. I am not adverse to a bit of banter and innuendo believe me but there are those I wouldn't give the opportunity to. It all depends on the type of person you are faced with and your judgement of the situation. Give some people an inch and they take a mile. Give some men a chance and they get the totally wrong idea as they are thinking differently to you or have ulterior motives. Take for example the Marshmallow and Money Box ( LOL ) character who got the wrong impression entirely with me.
 
Ogdred Weary said:
I only give gentlemanly compliments like "that's a wazzer pair of norks you got there" or "I've got a free five minutes, fancy a quick knee-trembler?"

Chivalry is not dead.
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When a friend introduced me to her new boyfriend, his first words to me were 'Hello (Scargy), you gonna show me yer tits?'
Couldn't believe it. I assumed he'd done that to belittle her in front of me. She still married him.
 
A good looking man I had fancied for ages made a rather lewd comment as I passed him in the pub going to the loo.

Reader I married him ( eventually). He has persisted in being lewd ever since but hey ho!

I wouldn't take it off anyone else though. Not to the extent he can go to. Funnily enough he can get away with it with people as well. I just cringe but everyone falls about laughing.
 
escargot said:
When a friend introduced me to her new boyfriend, his first words to me were 'Hello (Scargy), you gonna show me yer tits?'
Couldn't believe it. I assumed he'd done that to belittle her in front of me. She still married him.
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He was clearly a "keeper", a very wise woman.
 
Vida Loca said:
A good looking man I had fancied for ages made a rather lewd comment as I passed him in the pub going to the loo.

Reader I married him ( eventually). He has persisted in being lewd ever since but hey ho!

I wouldn't take it off anyone else though. Not to the extent he can go to. Funnily enough he can get away with it with people as well. I just cringe but everyone falls about laughing.
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I think there's a lot of nuance to the way people interact and things are not as cut and dried as may people like to believe. You married a bloke who made what many might rightly regard as a harassing remark, context is important and people can make a bad first impression then "recover" from that.

I wouldn't make a "phwoarr show us your tits" type comment to a stranger but I might make a fairly lewd comment relatively early in a conversation, again, context dependent and it's a judgement call. I think I come across as non-threatening (I certainly hope so) and I'm a lot more careful now that middle-age is beckoning, I'd be more relaxed about what I said to someone my own age than I would be to a much younger woman because there are social power dynamics whether people want to admit that or not.

I'm not criticising you for your choice of husband, or criticising anyone else for that matter. It's a more complex than can perhaps be done justice on an internet forum, where it's hard to convey said nuance. I think there is a slightly crazy situation with dating where men are (still) expected to make the first move but are far less socially aware than women, so often fuck up innocently. Nervous/shy/socially unskilled men may go the other way and fuck up by not picking up on hints, even confident socially competent men may do so. Other times it's not so innocent but again, every situation is different.

I'm not attacking women, it's just I can't speak from a woman's experience. I also think many men who may be at worst inept, don't realise how much low level (and not so low level) harassment women have to out up with regularly, woman also have to be cautious as we are, on the whole, bigger, stronger and more aggressive and they don't know whether we are psychos or not. I wear a badge announcing I am a psycho to save confusion.
 
escargot said:
When a friend introduced me to her new boyfriend, his first words to me were 'Hello (Scargy), you gonna show me yer tits?'
Couldn't believe it. I assumed he'd done that to belittle her in front of me. She still married him.
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You should have replied with "Show us yer cock," .. he probably would have though by the sounds of it.
 
Ogdred Weary said:
I think there's a lot of nuance to the way people interact and things are not as cut and dried as may people like to believe. You married a bloke who made what many might rightly regard as a harassing remark, context is important and people can make a bad first impression then "recover" from that.

I wouldn't make a "phwoarr show us your tits" type comment to a stranger but I might make a fairly lewd comment relatively early in a conversation, again, context dependent and it's a judgement call. I think I come across as non-threatening (I certainly hope so) and I'm a lot more careful now that middle-age is beckoning, I'd be more relaxed about what I said to someone my own age than I would be to a much younger woman because there are social power dynamics whether people want to admit that or not.

I'm not criticising you for your choice of husband, or criticising anyone else for that matter. It's a more complex than can perhaps be done justice on an internet forum, where it's hard to convey said nuance. I think there is a slightly crazy situation with dating where men are (still) expected to make the first move but are far less socially aware than women, so often fuck up innocently. Nervous/shy/socially unskilled men may go the other way and fuck up by not picking up on hints, even confident socially competent men may do so. Other times it's not so innocent but again, every situation is different.

I'm not attacking women, it's just I can't speak from a woman's experience. I also think many men who may be at worst inept, don't realise how much low level (and not so low level) harassment women have to out up with regularly, woman also have to be cautious as we are, on the whole, bigger, stronger and more aggressive and they don't know whether we are psychos or not. I wear a badge announcing I am a psycho to save confusion.
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The Mrs doesn't mind banter with her male co workers and likes to crack the odd saucy comment herself, she says she has to keep reminding herself that some of the lads are only 16 though and she worries she could be taking things too far sometimes as their manager so I think age is a factor definitely.
 
Group dynamics, age and sexual make up makes a huge difference too. I will take remarks from some people that, from someone else, would have me phoning the police. It's so difficult to explain how it all works, I don't blame men for being utterly confused.

Although I do blame like hell those who pretend to be confused and use it as an opportunity to...errr...press their point, as it were.
 
Yes I also think age comes into matters. I also think having a certain sense of humour ( or lack of) counts as well. There is also an art in banter and innuendo without going over to the dark creepy side. Some blokes make me roar with laughter and others make me feel nauseous. There is a difference in being a bit of a 'character' to being a 'dirty old man' or similar. Some guys just give people the creeps men and women. Some don't know when to stop and when not to even go there. I guess a lot of factors come into play but a creepy odd ball is just that. You need a keep away look with those types and not give them any chances to cross the line. However as many of us know they carry on regardless. Such is life.
 
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