The Narcissism Thread

EnolaGaia

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#64
IMHO wanting - much less paying - to see your own face adorning your cup o' coffee qualifies you for citation in this thread ... :roll:

London cafe unveils the 'selfieccino' - self portraits in froth
A cafe in London is taking barista art to a new level by giving customers the chance to sip on their own self-portraits.

The Tea Terrace, based in House of Fraser’s Oxford Street branch, has become Europe’s first location to deliver the “Selfieccino,” which features an image of customers’ faces on the frothy topping of their drinks.

Patrons send their headshots via an online messaging app to the barista and are given the choice of either a cappuccino or hot chocolate as their canvas.

The image is uploaded to the “Cino” machine while the drink is placed in position. The picture is then scanned and reproduced onto the froth using a flavorless food coloring. ...

”Due to social media, the dining experience has completely shifted,“ Ehab Salem Shouly, owner of The Tea Terrace told Reuters. ”It’s not enough any more to just deliver great food and great service - it’s got to be Instagram worthy.”
SOURCE: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-...ieccino-self-portraits-in-froth-idUSKBN1ED2BZ
 

Min Bannister

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#68
Apparently more and more people are getting married to themselves. Yes cake, flowers, guests, everything.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-42415394


They are spending thousands of pounds on it. Some of them are already married.

In the UK, Sophie Tanner married herself in 2015. "For me, it was an important ceremony that demonstrates my commitment to self-compassion, " she told the BBC.

"The wedding was the best day of my life, complete with vintage gown, teary dad giving me away, and dancing bridesmaids."

But not everyone welcomes the sologamy trend. Some call it narcissistic and others criticise it as a pointless submission to a patriarchal institution.

Karen Nimmo, a clinical psychologist in New Zealand, says: "Self-dislike is at the root of so many psychological issues, so where marrying yourself is about healing from past trauma or relationship issues it can be helpful.

"But it's important to make sure your other relationships are healthy. If you rely too much on yourself and constantly put your own needs ahead of everyone else you may be slipping into narcissistic territory - and that's an unhealthy and lonely place to be."
]
Seems terribly sad to me. I would be horrified if someone invited me to a self wedding. I can't believe their families and friends go along with it.
 

EnolaGaia

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#69
Thanks, MB - you've provided me a new word for Xmas ...

'Sologamy' struck me as less precisely descriptive than, say, 'autogamy'. However, it turns out 'autogamy' is already on record as meaning 'self-fertilization'. I suppose we'll have to keep the terms separate - at least until such time as a functional sologamous hermaphrodite forces a deeper review.

I can see how such a ceremonial exercise might contribute to a process of self-healing or state of self-affirmation. Within the limits of this context I don't think it's necessarily narcissistic (at least not in any pathological sense).

By the same token, I have a hard time construing the hoopla and expense of a staged self-wedding before an audience as anything but an intrinsically narcissistic spectacle. It is, after all, solely for show and imparts no legal effect(s) whatsoever.

There are two things that definitely trigger cynicism regarding this trend:

(a) The irony, if not outright hypocrisy, of seeking an alternative to the conventional social construct of marriage by conducting a marriage ceremony. This does nothing toward affording me confidence the person involved is thinking coherently.

(b) The fact your cited article appears in the Business section and focuses on people who are making money facilitating sologamous marriage ceremonies. This makes me think that faint scent I'm detecting really is eau de hucksterism.
 

henry

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#71
I can see how such a ceremonial exercise might contribute to a process of self-healing or state of self-affirmation
surely not ! seems to me more likely a sign of a problem not effectively dealt with
 
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#72
Thanks, MB - you've provided me a new word for Xmas ...

'Sologamy' struck me as less precisely descriptive than, say, 'autogamy'. However, it turns out 'autogamy' is already on record as meaning 'self-fertilization'. I suppose we'll have to keep the terms separate - at least until such time as a functional sologamous hermaphrodite forces a deeper review.

I can see how such a ceremonial exercise might contribute to a process of self-healing or state of self-affirmation. Within the limits of this context I don't think it's necessarily narcissistic (at least not in any pathological sense).

By the same token, I have a hard time construing the hoopla and expense of a staged self-wedding before an audience as anything but an intrinsically narcissistic spectacle. It is, after all, solely for show and imparts no legal effect(s) whatsoever.

There are two things that definitely trigger cynicism regarding this trend:

(a) The irony, if not outright hypocrisy, of seeking an alternative to the conventional social construct of marriage by conducting a marriage ceremony. This does nothing toward affording me confidence the person involved is thinking coherently.

(b) The fact your cited article appears in the Business section and focuses on people who are making money facilitating sologamous marriage ceremonies. This makes me think that faint scent I'm detecting really is eau de hucksterism.
It think it could be in part that the 'marriage' narrative that parts of out society drum into us from an early age need to be vented. If you spend you whole life being bombarded with narrative about happy endings, dream weddings and handsome princes, in films, stories, and other media, then it's possible to see how you can end up with a situation where the the desire and drive to have the wedding and it accompanying dress and accoutrements becomes the object in an of itself, plus in a solo wedding there's no chance you'll marry a twat.

(I don't doubt there are people who will happily take the money at the same time, but they already rook couples already so...)

So, it might be these women are basically freeing themselves from the narrative. so a banishing ceremony or ritual is a nice way of putting it, but it's banishing the nagging feeling that one life isn't complete until the ritual is carried through.

A fun study would be to see how, if they do later marry, just how pragmatic the weddings then are. My guess is 'quite pragmatic', short service, very few friends, conspicuous lack of 'meringue' dresses etc.
 

Min Bannister

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#74
You're welcome. I wish all Christmas presents were that easy to find. ;)
i calculate the probability is the same
I make it 0% but perhaps I am missing something!

The example also linked to in my post is just one example but I suspect it is indicative. I find it quite excruciating.

My marriage isn’t legally recognised in the UK, but, for me, it was an important ceremony that demonstrates my commitment to self-compassion.
Really, why should that be important to anyone but herself?
Organising the wedding was easy. There was only me to please!
Umm, your guests maybe? She does say they enjoyed it but then most people enjoy a party. I would be surprised if the emotion she projected on to them was really present but it seems likely they have been enabling this sort of stuff all along. Otherwise how did it even happen? As I already said, I feel sure none of my friends would ever do such a thing. But it may be feasible or even normal among people who are already like that to start with.
And the next morning I woke up – a married woman.
No, you really didn't.

If the above isn't narcissistic, I really don't know what is!
 
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#75
If the above isn't narcissistic, I really don't know what is!
Like I suggested, it could be the fulfilment of an expectation that has been drilled into her, her whole life and she's free of it now. Not everyone can just shrug of their upbringing's imprint with a 'meh'.
 

Min Bannister

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#76
Like I suggested, it could be the fulfilment of an expectation that has been drilled into her, her whole life and she's free of it now. Not everyone can just shrug of their upbringing's imprint with a 'meh'.
Yes but then that's where narcissistic tendencies come from. It is worth reading the rest of the thread I think (it is only three pages). Very few people are claiming it is anything but the result of upbringing.

I very much doubt she is free of that now.
 
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#78
Yes but then that's where narcissistic tendencies come from. It is worth reading the rest of the thread I think (it is only three pages). Very few people are claiming it is anything but the result of upbringing.
Yep, have/did. My point is that this specific behaviour is not narcissism per se, but a response to a narrative and expectation, which may appear narcissistic, but is just a broken clockwork toy running down, even though it's missing one of its parts.

I very much doubt she is free of that now.
Possibly not but it's a start maybe.
 

henry

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#79
i nearly got married this year, had the stag do and everything, things unravelled over the summer, tore apart in texas in august ... in hindsight the whole affair had the cachet of a late 80s rom-com, not one of my best ideas ... but who knew i couldve carried on and just married myself ! that definitely wouldnt have made a fourth-rate b-movie

at some point youre bound to fall out with yourself, cheat, wind up in a acrimonious divorce, lose the house, job, hound and descend into alcoholism (fake, as im still not drinking for charity) ... goddam you cant even trust yourself these days
 

Min Bannister

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#80
Yep, have/did. My point is that this specific behaviour is not narcissism per se, but a response to a narrative and expectation, which may appear narcissistic, but is just a broken clockwork toy running down, even though it's missing one of its parts.
That may be the underlying thing which has led them to perform this particular ceremony but I respectfully disagree that it isn't narcissistic. :hoff:
 
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#81
...at some point youre bound to fall out with yourself, cheat, wind up in a acrimonious divorce, lose the house, job, hound and descend into alcoholism (fake, as im still not drinking for charity) ... goddam you cant even trust yourself these days
I wonder if you get to shout at yourself for never doing the washing up, while your doing the washing up?

And what about mother-in-law jokes - what happens to them?

My mother-in-law...no, seriously, listen. My mother-in-law; I'm not saying she's fat...

Because...erm...she doesn't exist.
 

INT21

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#83
Judge to self married person.(SMP).

'Why do you want a divorce ?'

SMP

' My other half refused to consummate the marriage. In fact told me to go F*** myself''

Judge.

'But wasn't that the whole point of the marriage ?'


INT21
 

henry

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#85
dunno ... vulnerable people, low self esteem, bad direction, looking for a step up, wind up marrying themselves as part of a ten point plan ...
 
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#86
You're so vain, you probably think this thread is about you

This is such a good thread I signed up, so forgive a new boy, but to my mind most people do not know who they are. In polite social discourse they nearly always define themselves by what they do. Now, if you are a cheeky sort, it is quite easy to de-rail them by answering with a polite challenge. That can end the conversation right there to be honest, but about 10% will carry on to a higher level of conversation to both our benefit. These tend to be the 'interesting people' that seem so rare these days, which to me suggests they have an innate identity. If some poor human does not have an identity they will forever flounder in whatever words the psychologists wish to frame them, because what they do certainly does not define anyone. Unfortunately it is my firm belief that only 10% have an identity and within that 10% lie all the saints and sinners, original thinkers, leaders, villains etc.
This inherent identity is there right from the start, it is quite possible to attain but most Western societal forms make it very chancy. The poor buggers washed in self absorption are to be avoided, quite frankly.
 

INT21

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#88
..Not an old-fashioned duel I assume !

Handbags at Dawn Min, My seconds will call on you to make the arrangements.

INT21
 

INT21

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#89
quartermaster,

Consider the challenge accepted.

Your move.

INT21:dinner:
 
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#90
Hello and welcome to the board!
Thanks you, most kind.
Consider the challenge accepted.
Ha, not in any aggressive way I assure you...just say 'did you buy that tie or your wife?' This in answer to his polite and acceptable conversation about his job, house, son, holiday etc. It is a challenge because most people wear a persona they believe is them, only them mind; whereas what is under the persona, what you might call their essence, and quite independent of the persona, possibly never realized, is how their friends see them. To have a worthwhile conversation, to me, you have to blow away the ho-hum platitudes thusly. It is no longer a surprise when the conversation ends right there frankly, but there are other people about...
 
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