The Really Crap Excuses Thread

escargot

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The charges were thrown out. After all, he was the one who put his pet in danger.

That's what I'd expect. It's hard to see why a lawyer would have the brass neck to give such crap advice!
 

michael59

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That's what I'd expect. It's hard to see why a lawyer would have the brass neck to give such crap advice!
If it were possible and I was the judge. I would have added to his sentence for willfully/knowingly putting the dog in danger.
 

EnolaGaia

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Here's a new specimen of one of the classic crap excuses - drunkenness plus memory loss.
New Mexico man says he unknowingly stole TVs while drunk

A New Mexico man is facing charges after he told police he unknowingly stole two televisions while drunk.

The Gallup Independent reports Sage Aaron Cummins was arrested last week shortly following his arrival to the victim’s apartment to return the TVs.

According to Gallup police, an officer was investigating a burglary report when Cummins approached him and admitted he had stolen the televisions from the victim’s home.

Cummins told police he was ”very intoxicated” when he entered the residence. ...

A police report says Cummins said he only remembered knocking on the door and, when it was apparent that no one was home, he entered the residence. Cummins says he did not remember what happened after that.

“He woke up at 8:30 a.m. the next day and noticed he had two TV’s in his room,” the police report says.

Cummins was informed two days later who the televisions belonged to by a mutual friend of his and the victim. Cummins told police “he wanted to make things right and return the stolen items,” according to a police report. ...

The 24-year-old Cummins was arrested and charged with receiving stolen property.
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/1aa23e91699b0403b322b65d20e37027
 

EnolaGaia

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I debated where to post this, finally deciding the excuse given was the primary point of WTF-ness ...
Defendant, 22, Said He Did Not Think It Was Illegal To Masturbate In Your Own Car

The 22-year-old pizza deliveryman was allegedly pleasuring himself Tuesday night while seated behind the wheel of a 1996 Honda Civic parked outside a Circle K in Fruitland Park, Florida.

While Donovan was masturbating, a woman whose car was parked next to the Honda noticed that the vehicle’s sole inhabitant had penis in hand and was stroking himself in “up and down motions.”

Unfortunately for Donovan, the witness was an off-duty cop from a neighboring city. She copied down the Honda’s license plate (JACR06), which she subsequently provided to police dispatchers. ...

Cops tracked the vehicle to a residence where they found Donovan, who works for a Hungry Howie’s pizza franchise, and Maxine Munro, his 20-year-old girlfriend (and the car’s registrant). During questioning, Donovan reportedly told police that he drove to Circle K around 10:00 PM to grab a post-work drink.

After Donovan placed himself at the scene of the masturbation, he was arrested and placed in handcuffs. It was at this point that Munro asked to speak with Donovan, who was in the rear of a patrol car.

During the couple’s conversation--which was recorded by a dash cam--Donovan was “very apologetic to Maxine,” cops reported. Acknowledging that he was “horny and was masturbating to pornography,” Donovan “advised Maxine that he didn’t think masturbating in his car was illegal.”

Sadly, Donovan apparently did not further expound on his belief that a Honda’s interior was some kind of a sovereign zone. ...

FULL STORY: http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/circle-k/circle-k-jerk-386052
 

EnolaGaia

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Create an extravagant excuse for not coming in to work - e.g., a kidnapping - and you might end up with no job at all.
Arizona man accused of faking own kidnapping to evade work

Coolidge police arrested a man who claimed he had been kidnapped near 1st Street and Northern Avenue in Coolidge to get out of work.

The Casa Grande Dispatch reported at around 5:25 p.m. on Feb.10 that police say they found 19-year-old Brandon Soules near a water tower with his hands bound behind his back and a bandana stuffed in his mouth. ...

Soules told police he was kidnapped by two masked men. He says the men knocked him unconscious and drove him around in a vehicle before leaving him by the water tower he was found at.

Coolidge detectives conducted an investigation that found no evidence that a kidnapping or assault had occurred. Officers say when they looked at surveillance video to corroborate his story of him being hit over the head and stuffed in his car in front of hit home, they saw no signs of any of his story being true.

He also alleged the kidnapping occurred because of a large amount of money his father had hidden around town, which was also fabricated.

He was arrested on Feb. 17 for false reporting to police.

Officers say Soules admitted that he made up the story as an excuse to get out of work during an interview.

Coolidge police say Soules was fired from his job at The Tire Factory. ...

FULL STORY: https://www.abc15.com/news/region-c...ccused-of-faking-own-kidnapping-to-evade-work
 

EnolaGaia

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A woman and her boyfriend set multiple fires on properties surrounding their home. Their excuse was that they were trying to get rid of snakes.
Arson arrest; woman said fires were to get rid of snakes

A Louisiana woman accused of setting fires told investigators she and her boyfriend were trying to get rid of snakes, the state Department of Agriculture and Forestry says.

Robert Lee Ramirez, 34, of Leesville, faces two counts of arson and remained at large Tuesday ...

Laura Ashley Lee, 34, also of Leesville, was released on $3,500 bond after being arrested March 18 on one count of arson ...

According to the statement, investigators say Ramirez set multiple fires along the road and in woods owned by others around their home. ...

FULL STORY: https://apnews.com/article/lousiana...id-of-snakes-22de32b32109fecf046f7920e0be6099
 

Shady

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EnolaGaia

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Tigerhawk

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Bigphoot2

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Someone starting young :)

Scots girl's hilarious attempt to get out of PE class with note 'from mum' goes viral​

Myla Smith, 6, from Renfrewshire, went to great lengths to skip her PE class.

A Scots schoolgirl's genius attempt to get out off her PE class with a sick note 'from mum' has gone viral.
Six-year-old Myla Smith, from Johnstone, presented her teacher with a handwritten letter claiming it had been written by her mum, Siobhan McLelland.
The cheeky youngster was caught red-handed after spelling errors - and some questioning handwriting - landed the schoolgirl in hot water.
https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/scots-girls-hilarious-attempt-out-24845433
 

ramonmercado

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Hmmm

A corporate lawyer claimed she was almost four times over the drink-drive limit after drinking her friend's home-made yeast and mushroom tea.

Louise Taylor, 41, of Holmes Chapel Road, Sandbach, Cheshire, said she did not believe the Kombucha was alcoholic. Her solicitor said it appeared the wrong type of yeast was used and the drink had brewer's yeast in it.

Taylor was seen veering "all over the road"in her Range Rover an the A55 in north Wales and admitted drink-driving. Her breath-alcohol count was 135 - the legal limit is 35mg per 100ml of blood, Llandudno magistrates' court heard. Taylor said her friend brewed it using yeast and mushrooms and did not know the drink was also alcoholic at the time.

But court chairman Graham Edwards said: "There's no evidence to support there was a significant
level of alcohol in the Kombucha."
There was also "inconsistency" in Taylor's evidence as to how much wine she drank that day.
"We don't believe the level of alcohol was impacted by the Kombucha. We don't find special reasons not to disqualify you," he added.

Taylor was bailed for a pre-sentence report and an interim driving ban was imposed.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-58690866
 

CarlosTheDJ

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Hmmm

A corporate lawyer claimed she was almost four times over the drink-drive limit after drinking her friend's home-made yeast and mushroom tea.

Louise Taylor, 41, of Holmes Chapel Road, Sandbach, Cheshire, said she did not believe the Kombucha was alcoholic. Her solicitor said it appeared the wrong type of yeast was used and the drink had brewer's yeast in it.

Taylor was seen veering "all over the road"in her Range Rover an the A55 in north Wales and admitted drink-driving. Her breath-alcohol count was 135 - the legal limit is 35mg per 100ml of blood, Llandudno magistrates' court heard. Taylor said her friend brewed it using yeast and mushrooms and did not know the drink was also alcoholic at the time.

But court chairman Graham Edwards said: "There's no evidence to support there was a significant
level of alcohol in the Kombucha."
There was also "inconsistency" in Taylor's evidence as to how much wine she drank that day.
"We don't believe the level of alcohol was impacted by the Kombucha. We don't find special reasons not to disqualify you," he added.

Taylor was bailed for a pre-sentence report and an interim driving ban was imposed.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-58690866

Do we know what type of mushrooms though?
 

Spookdaddy

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Do we know what type of mushrooms though?

What's that miss? You have entered the body of an arctic fox in order to commune with the great singularity of everything? And I appear to be a three headed reindeer with eyes made of stars, my bell adorned antlers supporting the overarching mantle of the arctic sky, the aurora borealis pouring forth from my steaming nostrils?

Miss, if you don't mind me asking - do we think we might have been overdoing the fly agaric tonight?
 

Mythopoeika

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What's that miss? You have entered the body of an arctic fox in order to commune with the great singularity of everything? And I appear to be a three headed reindeer with eyes made of stars, my bell adorned antlers supporting the overarching mantle of the arctic sky, the aurora borealis pouring forth from my steaming nostrils?

Miss, if you don't mind me asking - do we think we might have been overdoing the fly agaric tonight?
That's imaginative writing! You should become a SF/fantasy writer.
 

Nosmo King

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Now I'm not a woman, and cant possible know how the menstrual cycle effects people, but I find it hard to believe that starting your period can make you put on over a kilo in weight over night.

"Shannon Courtenay is set to be stripped of her WBA bantamweight belt after missing the weight for her title defence against Jamie Mitchell.

The 28-year-old Briton weighed in 2.5lbs over the 118lbs (8st 6lb) limit on Friday afternoon in Liverpool, although the bout will still go ahead.

"We was on weight and ready to go yesterday," she said on Instagram.

"Then last night unexpectedly my menstrual cycle started, which makes women gain weight.""

https://www.bbc.com/sport/boxing/58824480
 

WeeScottishLassie

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Now I'm not a woman, and cant possible know how the menstrual cycle effects people, but I find it hard to believe that starting your period can make you put on over a kilo in weight over night.

"Shannon Courtenay is set to be stripped of her WBA bantamweight belt after missing the weight for her title defence against Jamie Mitchell.

The 28-year-old Briton weighed in 2.5lbs over the 118lbs (8st 6lb) limit on Friday afternoon in Liverpool, although the bout will still go ahead.

"We was on weight and ready to go yesterday," she said on Instagram.

"Then last night unexpectedly my menstrual cycle started, which makes women gain weight.""

https://www.bbc.com/sport/boxing/58824480
It can make you put on weight because I always feel like a bloated dead whale but not that much!!
 

Mythopoeika

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Now I'm not a woman, and cant possible know how the menstrual cycle effects people, but I find it hard to believe that starting your period can make you put on over a kilo in weight over night.

"Shannon Courtenay is set to be stripped of her WBA bantamweight belt after missing the weight for her title defence against Jamie Mitchell.

The 28-year-old Briton weighed in 2.5lbs over the 118lbs (8st 6lb) limit on Friday afternoon in Liverpool, although the bout will still go ahead.

"We was on weight and ready to go yesterday," she said on Instagram.

"Then last night unexpectedly my menstrual cycle started, which makes women gain weight.""

https://www.bbc.com/sport/boxing/58824480
Water retention. But... a kilo?
 

EnolaGaia

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At least one of this man's explanations for how his wife was stabbed is false and clears him of blame, so I'm putting this item here in the Crap Excuses thread.
Johnstown man allegedly stabs wife, blames it on their dog

A Johnstown man is accused of stabbing his wife and lying to police about what happened, giving two different stories after evidence debunked his first story.

Johnstown police noted they arrived at Oakhurst Homes for a report of a stabbing victim Friday ... They found a woman that had significant bleeding from her lower left abdomen and had a swollen face.

David Lawrence, 36, told police that his wife was at the playground trying to break up a fight between a group of boys when she was stabbed. However, police noted there was no blood trail to be found.

As the wife was transported to the hospital, Lawrence took police inside his apartment ... While in the apartment, police reported they saw blood in the bedroom on rags and the bedding. ...

Lawrence again said his wife was stabbed at the playground, though she allegedly didn’t know she was injured until they were sitting together on the bed, and he attempted to stop the bleeding with rags and duct tape.

However, police reviewed surveillance footage and told Lawrence no one had left or come into his apartment, nor was there a fight at the playground ...

Lawrence then changed his story.

He said he and his wife were eating food in bed, and on the plate was a knife. Lawrence said their dog jumped on the bed, and while he tried to grab the knife, he accidentally stabbed his wife.

Lawrence was arraigned on charges including felony counts of aggravated assault as well as minor counts of simple assault, false report and recklessly endangering another person. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.wearecentralpa.com/news...-allegedly-stabs-wife-blames-it-on-their-dog/
 

hunck

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Teacher sacked for staring at students’ breasts claims he had wrong contacts in

Taylor, whose eyesight is affected by his diabetes, tried to say he was not able to stare at anything during class because he was wearing old contact lenses which had given him a headache.

The Cardiff tribunal heard: ‘He said that he couldn’t read due to this and couldn’t stare at anything.

‘He said he was not in a position to stare at anyone with focus, particularly on that day, and was not looking at those people sexually.’
 

ChasFink

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From the article:
Around four months before this lesson, Taylor had already been given a warning for emphasising the word ‘c**k’ in a female pupil’s name.
Is the double asterisk a common letter of the Welsh alphabet?
 

Swifty

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I don't know about this one. Me and the ex went on holiday to Crete a couple of decades ago and to skip to the end, she freaked out at me because she thought I was checking out bikini women yards away .. impossible because I wear glasses and I wasn't wearing a pair that day (I'm short sighted so I couldn't perv at women in bikinis even if I wanted to .. plus I didn't even own a pair of glasses at the time). How the hell can anyone legitimately get sacked for looking in the direction of a woman's breasts?! .. he should contest the decision .. let's say he was deliberately looking at her breasts .. what is she going to call that? .. she was traumatised beyond repair because a man looked at her clothed breasts? .. give me break, I'm sure she'll live.
 

hunck

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I don't know about this one. Me and the ex went on holiday to Crete a couple of decades ago and to skip to the end, she freaked out at me because she thought I was checking out bikini women yards away .. impossible because I wear glasses and I wasn't wearing a pair that day (I'm short sighted so I couldn't perv at women in bikinis even if I wanted to .. plus I didn't even own a pair of glasses at the time). How the hell can anyone legitimately get sacked for looking in the direction of a woman's breasts?! .. he should contest the decision .. let's say he was deliberately looking at her breasts .. what is she going to call that? .. she was traumatised beyond repair because a man looked at her clothed breasts? .. give me break, I'm sure she'll live.
I suspect there’s more to it..

Hang on - you wear glasses but you didn’t own a pair at the time? Don’t tell me you weren’t doing a bit of window shopping whilst on the beach - the ‘short sighted, no glasses’ story is the oldest one in the book.
 
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