The Shit Thread: Excremental Discussion

Tribble

Furry Idiot
Joined
Apr 21, 2015
Messages
2,086
Likes
3,878
Points
154
Here's a toilet seat that weighs you before and after you've had a poo .. not for sale, it's a concept seat

.. why not just poo on some scales like normal people?

https://awesome-things.com/toilet-seat-scale/
Obligatory Hitch-hiker's Guide quote :

"the fabulously beautiful planet Bethselamin is now so worried about the cumulative erosion by ten billion visiting tourists a year that any net imbalance between the amount you eat and the amount you excrete while on the planet is surgically removed from your body weight when you leave: so every time you go to the lavatory there it is vitally important to get a receipt. "
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
Joined
Aug 2, 2001
Messages
12,136
Likes
8,875
Points
309
I kind of miss seeing dogshits with a wooden icelolly stick jammed into them lying on the pavement.
I think this page of dog-dirt nostalgia may appeal, even without a lolly-stick! :exercise:

My home-town was full of the stuff. We dreaded certain roads, especially at night, when some streetlamps were out.

One day, we were a few miles from home, when my brother fell into a horrible mound of the stuff. My Grandmother was convinced that she knew someone in the neighbourhood, so we went from door-to-door in search of her. The horrific looks on the faces of the ladies who answered the door have stayed with me to this day.

No, we could not come in anyway. Go away! :omg:
 

Kryptonite

Stanley Unwin enthusiasty. Deep joy!
Joined
Sep 22, 2018
Messages
388
Likes
787
Points
93
Location
Glasgow
I think this page of dog-dirt nostalgia may appeal, even without a lolly-stick!:exercise:

My home-town was full of the stuff. We dreaded certain roads, especially at night, when some streetlamps were out.

One day, we were a few miles from home, when my brother fell into a horrible mound of the stuff. My Grandmother was convinced that she knew someone in the neighbourhood, so we went from door-to-door in search of her. The horrific looks on the faces of the ladies who answered the door have stayed with me to this day.

No, we could not come in anyway. Go away! :omg:
One of the few things I find better about modern life is that because most people now pick up their dog's stools, its rare to walk along the street and see a huge swarm of flies rise up in front of you as you approach a jobby on the pavement.
 

maximus otter

Recovering policeman
Joined
Aug 9, 2001
Messages
4,476
Likes
8,131
Points
234
...my brother fell into a horrible mound of the stuff.
One Christmas Eve in the late Nineties l had to work. To make things even better, l ended up in a fight with some gobby drunk. l eventually got him prone and went to cuff him, but noticed that his struggles seemed to increase in strength (and volume) the more l pushed his head down.

Long story short, l eventually managed to get the Speedcuffs on him and get him back on his feet. lt was only at this point that l realised that his epileptic threshings and incoherent howls had been due to the fact that l’d splatted him face-down into an enormous pile of dog toffee. He was liberally slathered in canine exhaust, and l too had picked up some fallout.

Booking in before the custody sergeant was...strained.

Even more clenched was the tiny gathering of my shift at midnight. As an indulgence, management allowed us into the nick for a small glass of sherry. lt was very obvious that the rest of my crew was trying to project an image of shift solidarity, while trying to cram themselves into the corner of the custody office farthest from wherever l was.

Thank goodness for wash-and-wear uniforms.

maximus otter
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
24,971
Likes
29,912
Points
284
Strange as it might seem, I kind of miss seeing dogshits with a wooden icelolly stick jammed into them lying on the pavement.
I saw a dog shit on our street a couple of years back that some genius had lovingly carefully placed a plastic knife and fork on either side of and a triangular folded napkin. I was inspired by this cheerful street art so made a little pirate flag using paper and a cocktail stick and spiked it into the next one I saw.
 

AlchoPwn

Public Service is my Motto.
Joined
Nov 2, 2017
Messages
1,604
Likes
2,193
Points
154
Strange as it might seem, I kind of miss seeing dogshits with a wooden icelolly stick jammed into them lying on the pavement.
I saw a dog shit on our street a couple of years back that some genius had lovingly carefully placed a plastic knife and fork on either side of and a triangular folded napkin. I was inspired by this cheerful street art so made a little pirate flag using paper and a cocktail stick and spiked it into the next one I saw.
So tell me if I'm wrong, but was the point of this to try to get toddlers and young children to eat it? When I was in UK back in my 20s and saw this, that was what I was told. I also know that the trap was often successful, with distraught parents winding up in Hospital emergency with their little coprophages over it ( I was dating Anna Neisthetist at the time, and her nurse buddies told me).
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
Joined
Jul 30, 2005
Messages
6,225
Likes
15,173
Points
294
I saw a dog shit on our street a couple of years back that some genius had lovingly carefully placed a plastic knife and fork on either side of and a triangular folded napkin. I was inspired by this cheerful street art so made a little pirate flag using paper and a cocktail stick and spiked it into the next one I saw.
Cromer - always classy
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
Joined
Aug 2, 2001
Messages
12,136
Likes
8,875
Points
309
was the point of this to try to get toddlers and young children to eat it?
The same Grannie who took us door-to-door in a vain attempt to find somewhere to clean up my little brother had some earlier experience of dog-shit. Unwisely, perhaps, she once confided that one of her merriest recollections of childhood was preparing a dog-shit* sandwich for a schoolmate. The fact that Grannie had done this, and admitted it, may have been our excuse for the day we ran up to her and a stately friend, proffering a dog-sausage in a Mars Bar wrapper.

"Is it choclit?" enquired the friend, affecting not to hear what we had actually shouted.
What goes around, comes around. We were certainly in deep shit for it later! :dpoo:


*At least, I think it was dog-shit. This incident was well over a century ago! Had Grannie, perchance, dealt the dollop herself? Probably not, though I would not have put it past her!
 
Last edited:

AlchoPwn

Public Service is my Motto.
Joined
Nov 2, 2017
Messages
1,604
Likes
2,193
Points
154
What goes around, comes around. We were certainly in deep shit for it later! :dpoo:
I'm a simple soul. Here I am, over 50 and a goddamn academic, and I still laugh hard at toilet humor. I suppose it is better than not laughing, but aren't I supposed to have grown out of it by now? Is nature or nurture to blame?
 

Tribble

Furry Idiot
Joined
Apr 21, 2015
Messages
2,086
Likes
3,878
Points
154
The same Grannie who took us door-to-door in a vain attempt to find somewhere to clean up my little brother had some earlier experience of dog-shit. Unwisely, perhaps, she once confided that one of her merriest recollections of childhood was preparing a shit sandwich for a schoolmate. The fact that Grannie had done this and admitted it may have been our excuse for the day we ran up to her and a stately friend, proffering a dog-sausage in a Mars Bar wrapper.

"Is it choclit?" enquired the friend, affecting not to hear what we had actually shouted.
What goes around, comes around. We were certainly in deep shit for it later! :dpoo:
Someone did the opposite at a supermarket where I briefly worked. There had been a spillage of cat litter from a damaged bag so they swept it up and put it in a litter tray. Then they bought a chocolate bar, stuck it in the canteen microwave and placed the gooey, lumpy mess on top of the litter for the day shift to find.
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
Joined
Aug 2, 2001
Messages
12,136
Likes
8,875
Points
309
I supposed to have grown out of it by now?
I do remember spending some time on Youtube one night, watching variations on the dog-shit sandwich theme, trying to work out which ones were the real thing and which faked. I was not proud of this. I could only explain it to myself as a way to avoid the pile of unmarked exercise books beside me! :rolleyes:
 

XBergMann

Fear not, I mean no harm to your planet
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
322
Likes
522
Points
109
I have rarely pondered the nature of excrement but after reading some of this collection here in the forum I have had a thought.

But first a little background...

Until I was 7 in 1971 I lived in Newmarket (UK).

People didn't pick up dog pooh in those days if it was produced in the public arena and there was quite a lot of it about.

The strange thing is that I remember there being lots of white or very light beige dog turds littering the pavement. Not every dog turd you understand (some of them were brown) but enough of them for it to be statistically significant.

I don't see white dog turds anymore, anyone know why?

Could it be the ingredients of dog food have changed, could it be that dogs have changed or could it be my memory playing tricks on me?

Does anyone else remember white dog turds back in the 70s .... if so where have they all gone?
 

Tribble

Furry Idiot
Joined
Apr 21, 2015
Messages
2,086
Likes
3,878
Points
154

Krepostnoi

Popular orange vegetable
Joined
Jul 9, 2012
Messages
2,712
Likes
4,863
Points
159
Someone did the opposite at a supermarket where I briefly worked. There had been a spillage of cat litter from a damaged bag so they swept it up and put it in a litter tray. Then they bought a chocolate bar, stuck it in the canteen microwave and placed the gooey, lumpy mess on top of the litter for the day shift to find.
I remember reading of a tremendous prank played by some squaddies. It's FOAF to the power of N, so requires a big pinch of salt, but anyway: the devil makes work for idle hands, so our heroes have been set to work cleaning the barracks. Here comes the sergeant to inspect the results, and he is predictably horrified by the horrid brown streak in one of the toilet bowls. Somewhat rhetorically, he asks what it is, at which one of the squaddies scoops some up on his finger and licks it. "It's chocolate, sergeant." The NCO is tickled by this, and resolves they should do it again when the platoon commander does his rounds. It all plays out the same way, although this time its the NCO who does the scooping. Oh, and this time the streak isn't chocolate...
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
Joined
Jul 30, 2005
Messages
6,225
Likes
15,173
Points
294
Well, you learn something new every day.
No, You Can't Make A Working Knife Out Of Frozen Feces
TECHNOLOGY



By Stephen Luntz
12 SEP 2019, 11:33

In a peer-reviewed piece of myth-busting research, scientists have sadly concluded it is not possible, even in the polar winter, to freeze your own shit and use it as a knife. Just in case you were wondering.
Explorer Wade Davis tells the story in his book Shadows in the Sun of an Inuit man whose family took his tools away in an effort to force him to move to a settlement. According to the story, which has since become wildly popular online (more bacterial than viral we think), the old man took a dump outside the igloo and shaped it into a knife. In the bitter cold, this became hard enough for him to use it to kill a dog, turn its rib cage into a sled and have another dog pull him into the trackless wilderness.
etc
https://www.iflscience.com/technology/no-you-cant-make-a-working-knife-out-of-frozen-feces/
 
Top