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The Stalker / Cyberstalker Thread

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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'Jenny Madden fell in love with a man she met on an internet dating site. It was only much later - after a romantic week together in Spain - that she realised the only reason they seemed to have so much in common was that he had been hacking into her email... '

Edit- I forgot to put the link in!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/women/story/0,3604,688312,00.html

This story boggled my mind. Talk about mind-games!
 
To be fair though, this doesn't happen that often, and in terms of seeking romance, internet flirting is just as floored as picking up some random, unknown person down your local.
 
I think this woman is extremely silly and when I have time I'll look up her fictitious online journal for a laugh!

Seriously, it's easy to get carried away by online romances. I'm not casting the first stone as I met my present BF on the net. I wasn't using chatrooms, I just....... never mind.

My brother married a woman he met in a Yahoo chatroom! She moved 200-odd miles up here and they are blissfully happy.
 
I'm married to someone I met online. How sad is that! We've been together 3 years though. He's called Simon too . . . :eek!!!!:
 
I can see how he managed to engage her in email conversations with what she thought were other people. But I don't understand how he managed to 'hack' her email account and read messages to and from people not connected with the chat room.

It isn't possible, is it, that this story isn't quite what it seems? She doesn't give much away in the article. Could this, possibly, be an example of clever victim journalism?
 
Very simple. called social engineering. Think about it, are your passwords not easily remembered numbers like your social security number or passport or date of birth or names of your pets, long dead aunts ect. All it takes is a little concentration, saving the chat and hunting for clues. Most people are so secure in their knowledge that no-one will ever figure out their password/s that they unintentionally let them slip.
I have been known to indulge in the odd occasion but nothing too malicious and nothing I can be prosecuted for.
The best defence is to have such an obscure passowrd, totally unrelated to your present shere and then to make sure it has at least 32 characters in a combination of letters and numbers. And even that isn't safe.

I met my current boyfriend on the net nearly 2 years ago and we're still together (although if we didn't have 5 pc's on a home network - I doubt we would be :)
 
chilli said:
Very simple. called social engineering. Think about it, are your passwords not easily remembered numbers like your social security number or passport or date of birth or names of your pets, long dead aunts ect

Nope!
 
Plus there are those nasty little trojan horse viruses which steal passwords. My passwords are none of the types of things that chilli described, but I've had one of my passwords stolen once. I tend not to download things that come from people I think aren't careful enough, but this girl would most likely have trusted anything that came from this guy after a while... The virus may have been embedded in a picture that he sent her of himself...

At least that's my understanding of how trojan horse viruses work...
 
I feel all left out!

No internet romances for me.

No dirty weekends in Spain.

I can't even find any decent porn sites that aren't just pr*ck-teasers or cost an arm and a leg!

Think I'll go out and look at some planets instead...
 
If the various govmnt. organisations can hack your mail then I'm sure computer geeks can too. But I'm not bothered, I don't encrypt anything either, though sometimes I think that would get them going:D
I would go and look at the planetary alignment, but typically it's foggy at this end of Kernow!!!
 
Isn't all courtship based on deceit at various levels?

It appears that the stigma attached to meeting people over the Internet is evaporating. It's a good thing that people can seek out like-minded people instead of relying on pure chance and crappy nightclubs.
 
I'm not sure about the stigma attached to meeting people on the internet. I was lucky, but a friend of mine ended up meeting some ugly old pervert. She is incredibly naíve though. I am too ashamed to tell anyone IRL apart from very close friends about how I met my husband. We tend to make up stories about meeting in a pub instead. People do take the piss, and I guess I would too. Least we got in touch from a Pagan contacts page, rather than a chat room.

How much do you think fate is involved in this? Surely with the old idea that everyone has someone out there for them, the internet makes it even easier for you to meet them. I believe that if I hadn't met my Hubby online, I'd have met him somehow.
 
. I believe that if I hadn't met my Hubby online, I'd have met him somehow.

Awww Kitty, that's SOOOOOO sweet!
I was amazed to find such a wonderful chap as I did online and am proud to tell anyone who'll listen.

I usually say, 'I ordered him off the Internet. You can get anything that way nowadays!' which goes down a storm.

You needn't feel embarrassed about meeting Mr Cyber-Right this way. Love finds a way, and Love's way is sometimes the most up-to-date!
 
I don't really see anything wrong with internet romances, if that's your thing - as long as care is taken. (I was going to say 'take precautions', but I know that would elicit a load of witty and rude comments from you lot!)

You would know just as little about the person you might meet in a bar, disco or other place, apart from the fact that you would know what they looked like straight away.

Carole
 
There are many programs on the net which will attempt to find the passwords for people's e-mail accounts. You don't even have to know anything about computers to do it (well, except for the e-mail address and mailserver name). Usually two techniques are used. Firstly the program may try every word in a dictionary, secondly it may use 'brute force' and steadily try evey combination of letters and numbers. So, the moral is to make your password as long and nonsensical as possible!
 
A bit like that movie "The Net". The only difference meeting somebody online instead of real life, is you don't have preconcieved opinions on them from the way they look. So you end up falling in love with the inside of somebody. Is there any real reason why the guy you meet in a bar couldn't also be a big pervert?

Problem is though, people only tell you the stuff about themselves that they want you to hear. Which you might be a bit faster to pick up on in real life. I read a story in a magazine about how two people happened to find love over the internet. Made it out to be all romantic and such. But I happen to know how the previous marriage of the woman in the relationsship went, and if that guy did I don't think he would be there.
 
AND with a 'net romance, you can suss out the person a little first.

I gleaned enough about my chap to find his house and knew what hours he worked. I was just about to pop over and weigh up his dwelling (you know, women's knickers on the line, crying babies, frilly net curtains) when he unsportingly told me his address himself!
Very trusting of him, I could have burgled him.
 
Attitudes to romance portrayed in Hollywood films can turn lovesick men into stalkers, an academic says.

Men are often seen pursuing the woman of their dreams in such movies even if she has rejected their advances.

But Dr Bran Nicol - author of Stalking - said: 'The contemporary attitudes to love can function as triggers in the minds of socially inept individuals with stalker potential.' He says TV shows and films such as Pretty Woman, The Graduate and Il Postino present women as sexually-charged and always available.

The problem, he says, is compounded by an unrealistic approach to love and seduction where it seems acceptable to pursue someone despite repeated rejections. 'The plots of innumerable Hollywood films feature men who are initially rejected by a woman only to finally win her over through sheer dogged determination,' he said. 'The assumption in these movies is that love is long-lasting - something that can endure forever. 'It is put forward as a powerful force beyond our control that can unhinge us and make us behave like madmen.'

http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,7 ... html?f=rss
 
JohnnyMolten said:
Finally the truth about Hollywood. Now maybe everyone will understand why I feel compelled to live in a cave and dress as a bat while fighting crime. :roll:
You think you have problems, have you any idea how many Sarah Conner's there are in the phone book?
 
I was just thinking about this last night when watching some TV programme (Ok. It was Will and Grace :oops: ) where a man was pursuing a woman who kept saying no, but he finally won her over by finding out where she lived and turning up on her doorstep. I was thinking that in real life a) no man would ever behave like this and b)if he did you'd call the police. I can't imagine it has enough influence on your average man on the street to turn them into a stalker but there are some men who learn all their social skills from television (I know - I've met some) and I can see how some people would take this as an acceptable way to behave.
 
What's the line? "A restraining order is just another way of saying 'I love you'" ;).

No means no, by and large. Most blokes get that general idea.
 
mindalai said:
I was just thinking about this last night when watching some TV programme (Ok. It was Will and Grace :oops: ) where a man was pursuing a woman who kept saying no, but he finally won her over by finding out where she lived and turning up on her doorstep. I was thinking that in real life a) no man would ever behave like this and b)if he did you'd call the police. I can't imagine it has enough influence on your average man on the street to turn them into a stalker but there are some men who learn all their social skills from television (I know - I've met some) and I can see how some people would take this as an acceptable way to behave.

i can never understand the mentality that thinks constantly hassling a woman is something that she'd want. in films they portray this as being the irrepressible charm of the (generally catalogue-handsome) man. eventually the woman relents to his persistent and unrelenting heart as if she can't be bothered resisting anymore. it also suggests that when a woman says no she means "try harder".

all seems confusing to me - i've never sensed any ambiguity in the word "no" let alone "f**k off you cheap dirty little p***k." :?
 
I've met very few men (or women for that matter) in real life who wouldn't back off as soon as they got a definite "no". Most people's egos just wouldn't be up to repeated attempts on someone who'd made it clear they weren't interested.
 
If Pretty Woman turns men in to stalkers, does it turn women into prostitutes too?

And Il Postino isn't a Hollywood film.
 
gncxx said:
If Pretty Woman turns men in to stalkers, does it turn women into prostitutes too?

And Il Postino isn't a Hollywood film.

Yeah and the Graduate came out in 1967!

Another "academic" with a book to plug.

Expect it to appear soon on the BBC website for a free ad-
 
I have a suspicion that it's being quoted out of context to make it appear that Hollywood movies are the principal trigger for stalking behaviour, not just a possible trigger along with, for example pornography, or music, the internet or any of the other "bad influences".

If it's exactly what he's saying it's simplistic nonsense, if he's actually saying it's one of a lot of contibutory factors it's at least debatable.

Still, I'm sure some lawyer will pick it up as an excuse for some idiot's behaviour.
 
mindalai said:
...I've met very few men (or women for that matter) in real life...

So how many have you met in unreal life?

Sorry. You could argue that 'everything' affects 'everyboby'. And this must be true. But all this just seems so silly.

Are we just not looking at an emotional trigger here? The same kind of thing that triggers off, er, triggers?
 
LOVELORN PENSIONER ADMITS HARASSMENT

11:00 - 09 December 2006
A besotted pensioner who tried to woo a neighbour 30 years his junior by showering her with cash, gifts and a Barry White tape has been handed a restraining order.Lovelorn John Wimpenny, 71, also offered Jane Powrie half of his winter fuel allowance, telling her "never felt cold" when she was around.


He wrote her romantic poems with a note reading "love makes fools of wise men" in a bid to strike up a relationship with the 41-year-old, a court heard.

But he became so obsessed with Mrs Powrie that he ended up making threats towards her after she repeatedly rejected his advances.

Wimpenny has now been banned by magistrates from contacting her or going to her home after admitting a charge of harassment.

Despite this, Wimpenny, of Bridport, West Dorset, still professes to be in love with his neighbour.

His unrequited love began when the two neighbours shared pleasant chats over their garden fence.

He latched on to mother-of-one Mrs Powrie after her husband died and started to leave her gifts on the fence and her garden table.

Speaking after the courts case, Mrs Powrie said she received flowers, lime pickle for a curry she was cooking and a DVD of the Bee Gees in concert.

She said: "I used to talk to him over the fence, just passing the time of day really. But then he started making quite inappropriate remarks."

To her surprise Wimpenny began declaring his undying love for her.

She said: "I told him straight away that I wasn't interested but then he gave me a big bunch of flowers.

"After that the gifts were just continuous. He would lean over the fence and leave them for me on the table. He left DVDs, one of Madonna live in concert and the other was a Bee Gees one.

"He left me plant bulbs and a tape of love songs with Barry White on and then there was the book of poems. I told him that there was no relationship and it was all in his head. But he said something like his feelings ran too deeply for him to just leave it."

She said Wimpenny's attitude later changed and he began threatening and pestering her.

Mrs Powrie said: "He is a vile man and he wouldn't leave me alone. I have lost a stone in weight since all this started and my blood pressure has gone sky high."

The police were called and, despite being warned to leave her alone, Wimpenny continued offering the presents.

Last month he sent Mrs Powrie £100 along with a copy of his winter fuel allowance and a note explaining she was welcome to 50 per cent.

Max Owen, defending Wimpenny, told Blandford Magistrates Court his client was still in love with his neighbour and would continue to be. He said: "He began to have strong feelings for her and fall in love - and still is.

"It may seem, with hindsight, that he was thoroughly deluded.

"He is sadly not over this infatuation but he accepts that he must not give her any more gifts or continue with this behaviour."

Blandford Magistrates gave Wimpenny a two-year restraining order, a two-year conditional discharge and ordered him to pay costs of £43.
http://tinyurl.com/yz3aj5
 
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