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The Unbearable Strangeness Of Edmonds

How do YOU address a poll?

  • Read, then vote

    Votes: 9 33.3%
  • Vote, then read

    Votes: 9 33.3%
  • Noel Edmunds is my dad

    Votes: 9 33.3%

  • Total voters
    27
After Cosmic Ordering, Noel Edmonds reveals his latest interest - ORBS!

By Lara Gould 13/09/2008

NOEL Edmonds tells me he has two “orbs” bouncing on his shoulders – and they contain the souls of his dead parents.

I look hard, but I can’t see them.

“Don’t you know about orbs?” he asks, seeing the reaction on my face. And then it dawns on me he’s being deadly serious.

This is, after all, the man who two years ago told the Sunday Mirror how he had got his life under control using Cosmic Ordering – asking the planets for help by writing a wish-list on a piece of paper.

“Orbs are little bundles of positive energy and they think they can move between 500 and 1,000 miles per hour,” Noel tells me with total sincerity. “They look like little round planets but they come in all shapes and sizes.”

Noel, 59, says he was introduced to the phenomenon by his 37-year-old girlfriend Liz Davies – the woman he has been dating for nearly two years.

And together, he says, they have picked up the presence of two balls that Noel believes are his late parents – Dudley, who died in 1990, and Lydia, who passed away in 2004.

“Conventional photography can’t pick them up but digital cameras can,” Noel says earnestly in what I’m starting to feel is a David Icke-style confession.

“My belief is that these are something to do with some form of spiritual energy. And possibly because I miss my parents like mad, I like to think they are them.

“I’ve got loads of photos of me at home with two orbs that visit me.

The two that I have are about the size of melons. One sits on my arm and the other is usually in the back of the shot, sitting just over my right shoulder.

“They like very happy occasions and positive environments, so if you are a positive person you will undoubtedly have orbs around you.”

We were here to talk about Noel’s new Sky One TV show, Noel’s HQ – his attempt to get the public to fix what’s wrong with “Broken Britain”.

Noel is dressed in one of his trademark patterned shirts and he’s instantly recognisable by his thick bouffant hair. Sitting opposite him, it’s easy to feel you know this man. He has, after all, spent more than 30 years on the box. But I’m beginning to see a very different side to the former Telly Addicts host.

And our conversation turns surreal as Noel – who has an £80million fortune – continues to expand on his new field of interest.

“We are all made up of energy – we vibrate all the time,” he says.

“It’s inconceivable to me that when we die, that energy just disappears. That energy has to go somewhere.

“That’s what orbs are. I’m absolutely certain now that there is something else out there because I’ve got the proof.

More HERE and in todays Sunday Mirror :shock:
 
Next, Noel reveals that he is the second coming of the Messiah...losing it big-time I'm afraid...he's got the beard for it though...
 
sherbetbizarre said:
And something altogether different in todays News of The World

Scrolling down to see the comments on that NoW article, I found the following gem:

"i just read a comment from some one sayin well done nole where will all the dentist and nurses come from we dont have enough of our own .. well maby the reason for that is coz they r takin all the jobs because they will work for next 2 nuffin .. wats the employer gonna do. take on someone with a lot of experence | qulifications but above the minimum wadge no some one who works for 3.50 an hour"

Campaign for a Minimum Wadge now! :|
 
...and I was rather taken with:
I agree 100% with Noel. I say bring back capital punishment, there are ways now of knowing the truth. Why should the tax payer have to pay for criminals to stay in luxury albeit in prison. Pensioners would love to have a spell in prison no worries about food, gas, electricity bills etc.
Bring back National Service, a spell in the forces would soon sort out the bully boys,
..surely the last thing we need is pensioners in the armed forces?

Back OT, I'm sure I mentioned that I stood next to Edmonds in a local newsagents not long ago (they film DOND just down the road from me.) He really is quite short and somewhat older looking in real life.
 
stuneville said:
Back OT, I'm sure I mentioned that I stood next to Edmonds in a local newsagents not long ago (they film DOND just down the road from me.) He really is quite short and somewhat older looking in real life.

Edmonds' appearance (along with his behaviour) just screams 'mid-life crisis' - which rather raises the terrifying prospect that he may well be on his way to becoming a centenarian :shock:

Either that or he's any one of the Count St. Germain, the Wandering Jew or Enoch :?
 
Not a lot of cosmic order at play in this little clip of Edmonds completely losing it for no apparent reason - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAo-xyIEEkI. [WARNING: Also contains Keith Chegwin :shock:]

He's apparently incensed that a local council refused planning permission for a disabled man's bungalow - the disabled man apparently being a member of the armed forces (adding fuel to the "IS THIS WHAT MADE BRITAIN GREAT?!!!!!11!!!" fire). However, Noel's anger seems to be more about the fact that a certain press officer at the council said that they don't give interviews to "light entertainment programmes", against which old Noel seems to have taken some umbrage. :D

Some people have described this as Partridge-esque in it's awfulness, but I see it as more of a televisual Daily Mail article, complete with the infamous "...AND WHO'S PAYING YOUR WAGES!!!1!!!" argument.

Regardless of how you view the "issue" here, this is audience-baiting insanity... :roll:
 
Yaay! Conviction stuff!

Edmonds for P.M! :D :D :D


(Can't do any worse than the present one, anyway... 8) )
 
I'm still waiting for the episode of Deal Or No Deal where they all drink Kool Aid laced with cyanide in preparation of the landing of The Great Mothership.
I can even envisage an ending with a close up of Noel pulling back a Scooby Doo style rubber mask to reveal Jim Jones smug visog grinning down the camera.
 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/8307304.stm

Edmonds pictured using bus lanes

Television presenter Noel Edmonds has admitted driving his personal taxi in Bristol bus lanes.

The Deal Or No Deal host was spotted using the red lanes in his unlicensed black cab, which has a sign on the back saying "action against time-thieves".

Edmonds' spokesman said he was being "slightly cheeky" using the lanes.

But he added by using empty bus lanes Edmonds was "making a serious point about the congested state of Bristol roads".

He was seen using the lanes twice in two weeks, his spokesman confirmed.

The star risked a £60 fine if caught by council detection units, which are soon to be activated.

A CCTV bus lane monitoring trial is expected to end later this month, after which fines will be issued.

Bristol City Council transport chief, Jon Rogers, said: "Bus lanes are there for buses, [licensed] taxis and cyclists - not for celebrities."

Edmonds was photographed earlier this month on journeys from his home and the Endemol West studios, in Bristol, where the Deal Or No Deal game show is filmed.

The 'action against time thieves' sign on Edmonds' cab is a reference to his campaign against people who waste his time, including time spent in traffic jams.

He's a law unto himself! Does he bow to no authority other than his own ego?! Mind you, he was always in a hurry on Saturday night TV, always running about everywhere, so old habits die hard I suppose.
 
I cannot guarantee the veracity of the following 100% because I wasn't there. But the guy who told me the story isn't a bullshitter - in fact he'd far rather sit quietly in a corner than spin a yarn.

Anyway, he was working security for some TV gig and I have no idea how it got that far because he's normally very quiet and a consummate professional, but at some point he called Noel Edmonds a wanker - under his breath, but loud enough to be heard.

Anyway, shit hits fan and facelikeacatsarse Edmonds minces around demanding our man be escorted off-site/sacked/shot/whatever. Eventually he gets hold of the boss of security and tells him to sack the guy. 'What's the problem Mr Edmonds', says the boss. 'That man called me a wanker', says the wanker.' 'Well,' says the boss, 'in the interests of your effective and continuing security our men and women are all taught the importance of observational skills.'
 
gncxx said:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/8307304.stm

Edmonds pictured using bus lanes

Television presenter Noel Edmonds has admitted driving his personal taxi in Bristol bus lanes.

The Deal Or No Deal host was spotted using the red lanes in his unlicensed black cab, which has a sign on the back saying "action against time-thieves".

Edmonds' spokesman said he was being "slightly cheeky" using the lanes.

But he added by using empty bus lanes Edmonds was "making a serious point about the congested state of Bristol roads".

He was seen using the lanes twice in two weeks, his spokesman confirmed.

The star risked a £60 fine if caught by council detection units, which are soon to be activated.

A CCTV bus lane monitoring trial is expected to end later this month, after which fines will be issued.

Bristol City Council transport chief, Jon Rogers, said: "Bus lanes are there for buses, [licensed] taxis and cyclists - not for celebrities."

Edmonds was photographed earlier this month on journeys from his home and the Endemol West studios, in Bristol, where the Deal Or No Deal game show is filmed.

The 'action against time thieves' sign on Edmonds' cab is a reference to his campaign against people who waste his time, including time spent in traffic jams.

He's a law unto himself! Does he bow to no authority other than his own ego?! Mind you, he was always in a hurry on Saturday night TV, always running about everywhere, so old habits die hard I suppose.

A new game that's sprung up here in Bristol is trying to spot Edmonds cab and shout 'oi wanker!!!' at him as loud as possible.
 
I travel the self-same stretch of road every day (and live within spitting distance of it) and have been poised to do just that :). It's only a matter of time...
 
It's almost worth moving to Bristol, getting a PSV license and then applying for a job driving a bus, just on the offchance that you might get to flatten the nasty little twat.

(Hmmm...)
 
Noel Edmonds says death doesn't exist and 'electrosmog' is more deadly than Ebola or AIDs
Noel Edmonds has given a bizarre new interview claiming that Wi-Fi is 'destroying' our electro-magnetic fields and that death doesn't actually exist.

He also explains that the key to happiness is to re-imagine your physical body as a "container of energy" that will return to a "massive, incomprehensible universal web" once you die. Of course.

"The Wi-Fi and all of the systems that we are introducing into our lives are destroying our own natural electro-magnetic fields," he explained to The Mirror. "All you are is energy, remember that."
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/p...-more-deadly-than-ebola-or-aids-10439536.html
 
The Noel Edmonds story gets odder (and this thread might be worth moving to Fortean Culture):



www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1746165,00.html

A late April Fools Day joke? Apparently not:



Source

See also:

Ooo Aah Daily Star

Glasgow Record and again.

www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006150268,00.html

--------
Just checking and the book has been out for a while:

The Cosmic Ordering Service: A Guide to Realizing Your Dreams
Barbel Mohr (2001)





www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/15717 ... ntmagaz-21
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1571742 ... enantmc-20

Of course the Church of Satan have been advocating this for years but obviously wrapping it in fluffy New Agisms and avoiding those early morning wanks (probably) has made it more acceptable ;)


I agree with the man - even though I don't know him from Adam - and have always told my daughters to ask the Universe for what you want.

As my lovely Grandad used to "Divvent ya knar bonny lad, sooky bairns get nowt!"
 
No the stunt never got as far as being shown on the programme live - He died in rehearsals, was in all the papers.

However I do remember seeing Tommy Cooper collapse ironically on "Live at Her Majestys"- he seemed to be snoring - there was nervous laughter from the audience and the curtains closed hurriedly around him as the live programme went to a hasty commercial break.

He was pronounced dead in hospital

-

I definitely remember seeing that. Was only a nipper but I definitely saw it, and I assume they didn't replay it later on the news so it must have been live.
 
I agree with the man - even though I don't know him from Adam - and have always told my daughters to ask the Universe for what you want.

As my lovely Grandad used to "Divvent ya knar bonny lad, sooky bairns get nowt!"

"Shy bairns get nowt" is how I learned that phrase from my wife. She is a Mackem though. :)
 
I had to google that McAvennie - being out of country for the last 53 years - we might sound a wee bit different at times - but we all talk properlike...eh.
 
I see Noel managed to shoehorn Cecil the Lion into that interview. But as for his statement
"My energy will return to where it came from - part of a massive, incomprehensible universal web of energy."
..isn't he right in a way? Doesn't the First Law of Thermodynamics state that the total sum of matter/energy in the universe remains constant? So nothing is really destroyed, just transformed into a different state.

Noel doesn't seem to be claiming that his individual consciousness will survive death - merely that the matter and energy in the Universe currently taking the form of Noel Edmonds will go on to take other shapes and forms in the 'universal web'. That seems fairly consistent with what physics tells us.

I would have liked Noel to also have addressed the process of entropy, as outlined in the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Namely that everything in the universe is gradually moving from a state of order to a state of disorder. So the matter and energy that currently occupies the orderly state of being defined as Noel Edmonds will inevitably become increasingly disordered after his passing. I wonder how Noel feels about that?
 
I see Noel managed to shoehorn Cecil the Lion into that interview. But as for his statement

..isn't he right in a way? Doesn't the First Law of Thermodynamics state that the total sum of matter/energy in the universe remains constant? So nothing is really destroyed, just transformed into a different state.

Noel doesn't seem to be claiming that his individual consciousness will survive death - merely that the matter and energy in the Universe currently taking the form of Noel Edmonds will go on to take other shapes and forms in the 'universal web'. That seems fairly consistent with what physics tells us.

I would have liked Noel to also have addressed the process of entropy, as outlined in the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Namely that everything in the universe is gradually moving from a state of order to a state of disorder. So the matter and energy that currently occupies the orderly state of being defined as Noel Edmonds will inevitably become increasingly disordered after his passing. I wonder how Noel feels about that?


Maybe Gralien, because this universe seems to be a case of dualities, or polarities, maybe we follow the law of entropy and then, somehow, that dissipated energy is focused, once more into matter.


Energy determines matter, and from chaos, comes order.
 
The Curse of Noel Edmonds - a shouty Channel 5 documentary about Edmonds and his various projects produced just before he bounced back with Deal or No Deal and the whole New Age shtick.


There was a time when it was quite legitimate to hugely dislike Noel Edmonds, but now that so many light entertainment stars of his era have been outed as pedophiles, Noel seems quite harmless by comparison.
 
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