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The World's Dumbest Criminals

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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During the time your car is hoisted on jacks to allow you to install the tires you've just stolen said car cannot serve as a getaway vehicle.
Man attempts to elude Bellevue police in car up on jacks

Bellevue police arrested a man accused of stealing tires from a dealership and attempting to flee from police with his own car still on jacks ...

A 23-year-old man was arrested Tuesday morning after police responded to a report of theft at a dealership lot. ...

The man is accused of stealing tires off a black Dodge Challenger, then driving across the street and attempting to put the tires on his own red Dodge Challenger.

When police arrived, the man dove into his car to flee, but since his car was up on jacks to swap out the tires, the car didn’t go anywhere.

After he was arrested, police found a loaded stolen gun. ...

The man was booked into jail on seven felony warrants.
FULL STORY: https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/ma...lice-car-up-jacks/NI2QOZRUMNHIRNZOS2YMVOBTCM/
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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Note to wannabe vehicle thieves and joyriders ... If you want to steal an atypical vehicle, choose something other than a large fire truck. It's big, unwieldy, and you can't lose it amidst traffic. Furthermore, firefighters have no more sense of humor than the cops about such things. In any case, the authorities can't help but be motivated to recover something worth half a million dollars.
Man Steals Fire Truck Outside Hospital, Leading to an Unusual Pursuit in Orange County

A man was arrested on suspicion of stealing a fire truck and taking it on a wild pursuit through several cities before being detained in Anaheim Tuesday.

Truck 85, a half a million dollar truck, was stolen from UCI Medical Center in Orange at 1:40 a.m. as paramedics were taking a patient to the hospital, said Capt. Greg Barta of the Orange County Fire Authority.

"As they were dropping off a patient at the hospital the truck was stolen," Barta told City News Service.

The driver traveled through many Orange County communities, including Fountain Valley and Irvine, before finally stopping in Anaheim near Ball Road and Brookhurst Street. ...

An hour later the driver finally stopped in Anaheim where a man walked up to the window as if to say “don’t go any further.”

Richard Lynn Wilson, who said he lives on the sidewalk nearby, said he put himself in the middle of the chaos on purpose.

"I just did not want the kid to get shot," he said,

The driver was taken into custody. He has not been named. ...

The truck was damaged in the chase.
SOURCE: https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/...-pursuit-chase-orange-county-anaheim/2783282/
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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A Liverpool drug gang were imprisoned recently. One had taken a photo of his seasonal decorations which included £20 notes and packs of cocaine.
Though wasn't actually stupid enough to post the photo online it was used in evidence nonetheless.

Safe Liverpool Echo link -
Drug Dealer Decorated Christmas Tree With Money And Cocoaine

I can't copy/paste from the website but it's worth a click to see the highly tasteful xmas tree. :chuckle:
 

maximus otter

Recovering policeman
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A Liverpool drug gang were imprisoned recently. One had taken a photo of his seasonal decorations which included £20 notes and packs of cocaine.
Though wasn't actually stupid enough to post the photo online it was used in evidence nonetheless.

Safe Liverpool Echo link -
Drug Dealer Decorated Christmas Tree With Money And Cocoaine

I can't copy/paste from the website but it's worth a click to see the highly tasteful xmas tree. :chuckle:

ln my experience, drug dealers should think twice before buying cameras.

Exhibit A:

A CID colleague and l hoofed in a dealer’s door, and seized an intact nine bar of resin. At court, behind the scenes, his brief intimated that he was going to claim in mitigation that the bar was “personal”, i.e. not for resale. I drew his attention to the (dated, recent) photo we had also seized, showing said dealer with a second, partly-consumed bar, and pointed out that he’d have lungs like tarry bellows if he were getting through almost a pound of resin in that time frame. Brief goes to Plan B…

Exhibit B:

Local shitbag Class A & B dealer wanted to make a fight of it at court. I showed his brief the photo we had seized, depicting said turd administering her very first IV drug shot to a sweet-looking young girl of about fourteen. l then invited him to consider the reaction of our local “hang ‘em and flog ‘em!” magistrates to his corruption of Boringtown’s young innocents. Guilty plea…

:dsist:


maximus otter
 

hunck

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Flytippers caught red handed when their van gets stuck in mud

‘The Mercedes Sprinter van was confiscated after officers attended a rural location at Pendenden Heath on Boxing Day.

‘We were called at 5.45pm to a report from a member of the public that the van had become stuck in mud, after rubbish as well as old toys and children’s scooters were dumped in a wooded area.

‘Two men were questioned at scene. The vehicle was also found to have no road tax and seized.
1640880947903.png
 

Ronnie Jersey

Justified & Ancient
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I recall the story of a young couple several years back in NJ, who decided to rob a small bank in the town where they resided. Well, this bank was in a strip mall and they parked their car in the parking lot for that mall, which was all the way at the end of the strip.
Upon robbing the bank, the two of them ran the length of the strip mall to get to their car - whereby they had to pass a deli that they frequented, and which they owed quite a bit of money to, and had refused to pay the owner.
Yes, the owner knew who they were and turned them in, they both served years in the slammer.
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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This Montreal area teen thief-wannabe was foiled by car owners simply locking their vehicles overnight, and he was easy to track down by following his footprints in the snow.
Teen would-be thief prowling after curfew arrested after 15 attempted robberies in one night

A teenage night owl was arrested in the early morning hours of Sunday for a series of attempted thefts committed during the night in Les Cèdres, Montérégie, west of the Island of Montreal.

The suspect is a 17-year-old boy with no prior criminal record. He could face charges of attempted theft of or from vehicles, as well as trespassing at night. He was also issued a ticket for violating the curfew in effect in Quebec.

According to information provided by the Sûreté du Québec (SQ), a citizen heard noise and surprised the perpetrator who was trying to break into his vehicle, at approximately 2:45 a.m. ...

Once on the scene, the police took advantage of a new layer of snow to follow the suspect's tracks and pick him up in the Montée Ménard area. ...
FULL STORY: https://montreal.ctvnews.ca/teen-wo...15-attempted-robberies-in-one-night-1.5725604
 

Alchymist

Junior Acolyte
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Western Canada
Flytippers caught not quite red-handed . . .

I used to live on Saltspring Island, B.C., Canada, many years ago. Dealing with garbage was very much a do-it-yourself business. There was a municipally-approved landfill site, but you had to pay to dump stuff there, so many residents resorted to flytipping. I was hiking a trail one day, not far from where I lived, and discovered a mound of miscellaneous garbage, with tire tracks leading away. On top of the pile were several opened envelopes, complete with name and address. I took one of the envelopes to the local police station and reported the situation.

I hiked the same trail a few weeks later and the pile was gone. I never found out what happened to the perpetrators, but I assume they learned a valuable lesson . . . .
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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Let's say you're a convicted murderer who's been on the run for 20 years. It's now the Covid Era, and people are actually encouraged to hide their faces behind masks when out in public. Why wouldn't you wear a mask so as to continue to evade discovery? Maybe this guy has an answer ...
Polish murderer on the run for 20 years arrested for not wearing facemask

Police in Poland have arrested a convicted murderer who had been on the run for 20 years because he was not wearing a face mask.

Warsaw police said they had detained the 45-year-old fugitive at a shop northeast of the capital.

"The man was stopped by police in the Bielany district because he did not have a mask," sub-inspector Elwira Kozlowska told AFP on Tuesday.

The man has now been transported to a prison where he is due to serve a 25-year sentence for murder. No further details were provided. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.euronews.com/2022/01/04...or-20-years-arrested-for-not-wearing-facemask
 

maximus otter

Recovering policeman
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…a mound of miscellaneous garbage, with tire tracks leading away. On top of the pile were several opened envelopes, complete with name and address...

The time l’ve spent, in the days after Christmas, in ditches, laybys and farm entrances, going through bin liners full of wrapping paper, hoping for a name & address…

Never. Not flippin’ once.

:glum:

maximus otter
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Flytippers caught not quite red-handed . . .

I used to live on Saltspring Island, B.C., Canada, many years ago. Dealing with garbage was very much a do-it-yourself business. There was a municipally-approved landfill site, but you had to pay to dump stuff there, so many residents resorted to flytipping. I was hiking a trail one day, not far from where I lived, and discovered a mound of miscellaneous garbage, with tire tracks leading away. On top of the pile were several opened envelopes, complete with name and address. I took one of the envelopes to the local police station and reported the situation.

I hiked the same trail a few weeks later and the pile was gone. I never found out what happened to the perpetrators, but I assume they learned a valuable lesson . . . .
Here's another way of doing it.


:chuckle:
 

EnolaGaia

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This Mobile, Alabama, man decided to steal a set of metal bleachers from a local park. He simply fastened the bleacher section to the rear of his car and dragged the metal structure away down the street. In broad daylight ...
MPD arrests man for allegedly stealing bleachers and dragging with his car

... Mobile Police say they pulled over 60-year-old Michael McClellan Tuesday after an officer saw him dragging a set of stadium bleachers behind his car.

It happened in the middle of the day. The officer pulled McClellan over around 12:22 p.m. on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Avenue across from Catholic Cemetery.

McClellan was booked into Metro Jail about 45 minutes later and charged with theft of property first degree.

According to investigators, the bleachers were stolen from Lyons Park. They've since been returned. ...
FULL STORY (With Video): https://www.fox10tv.com/news/mobile...cle_9a6e54f4-6f69-11ec-8149-379168111e32.html
 

maximus otter

Recovering policeman
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Whoopsie! Old Town hijacking fails when carjacker is hit by their tail car


Here’s a story that will warm the coldest corners of your heart on this 15-degree day.

An attempted carjacking in the Old Town neighborhood failed early Wednesday when the hijacker fell during the crime and was then struck by their tail car.

iu


CPD spokesperson Kellie Bartoli said a 26-year-old man was trying to park on the 1300 block of North LaSalle around 4:15 a.m. when a black Chrysler 300 with tinted windows pulled to a stop nearby.

A man stepped out of Chrysler’s back seat, opened the victim’s door, and ordered him to get out.

That’s when the would-be carjacker lost his footing and fell to the pavement, Bartoli said.

Then, whoever was driving the Chrysler hit him with their car.

According to Bartoli, the hapless hijacker gave up on the whole carjacking idea and climbed back into the Chrysler, which fled north on LaSalle and east on Schiller.

No arrests have been made. The victim was not injured. We’re not so sure about the failed carjacker.

https://cwbchicago.com/2022/01/whoo...-when-carjacker-is-hit-by-their-tail-car.html

maximus otter
 

Herr Cloaca

Ephemeral Spectre
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Trevp666

Don't blame me - I didn't cook it.
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Well if nothing else, at least he has turned his car into a 35 seater.
 

hunck

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Intruder found stuck in chimney after reported home burglary

When a possible break-in was reported at a Maryland home, police turned up empty-handed — only later when the family said they still heard noises did the police return to find a man stuck in their chimney.
Officers arrived within minutes and searched the house and yard, eventually concluding that there was no one there.

After officers left, the strange sounds continued. Khan then heard someone shouting out from inside his fireplace.

Police officers then returned, and later summoned two dozen firefighters to the scene to begin a rescue. Firefighters hacked away at the brick wall of Khan’s home, working to free the wannabe-burglar.

After a night-long mission, at about 7.30 am, a man unknown to the family was removed from the chimney and taken to a trauma center for treatment of serious injuries. He is expected to survive, officials said.
1641904263163.png


The damage to the room

1641904343006.png
 

escargot

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Trevp666

Don't blame me - I didn't cook it.
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What I don't understand is why did they have to make a bloomin great big ugly hole in the decorated interior wall when they could just as easily have made a hole in the outside wall, or removed whatever was blocking the fireplace from the chimney, or made a hole in that?
 

Frasier Buddolph

CAUTION: May not know what he's talking about.
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What I don't understand is why did they have to make a bloomin great big ugly hole in the decorated interior wall when they could just as easily have made a hole in the outside wall, or removed whatever was blocking the fireplace from the chimney, or made a hole in that?

. . . or just lowered a hook from the top of the chimney and taken the perp out in several easy-to-handle pieces.

Tsk, tsk. Just not thinking.
 

escargot

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What I don't understand is why did they have to make a bloomin great big ugly hole in the decorated interior wall when they could just as easily have made a hole in the outside wall, or removed whatever was blocking the fireplace from the chimney, or made a hole in that?
The exterior wall is usually thicker and provides support. You don't want to be interfering with that.
Chummy was stuck fast - chimneys aren't straight shafts, they have bends - so he needed to be released ASAP before he died of heart failure or compression of the chest.
 

Mythopoeika

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escargot

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House is trashed!
I'd have left him there to stew for a bit until the schadenfreude had worn off.
He'd die though, which would be an embarrassment for the authorities because it would happen on their watch.
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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So why haven't you moved this lot to it?

The only current thread dedicated to chimney entrapments concerns death and corpses. In this case, the trapped fellow didn't die.

Another possibility would be Dumbest Criminals (which holds multiple such non-lethal cases), but this fellow hasn't yet been charged with a crime. If there's follow-up basis for presuming he was attempting to break into the house it might be moved there.

There are also the possibilities of either (a) assembling a compendium thread for non-lethal within-building entrapments or (b) expanding the scope of the chimney deaths thread to include non-lethal entrapments - a project for which I don't have the time at the moment.

So for now let's just leave it at the explanation a certain crabby aunt of mine would have given:

"To make little girls like you ask questions."

:evillaugh:
 
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