The World's Dumbest Criminals

EnolaGaia

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Two Scottish men succeeded in setting a hair salon ablaze - along with themselves.
BLAZE BUNGLE Moment Scots dad sets himself alight while firebombing Hamilton hairdressers

THIS is the moment a bungling firebug set himself alight while torching a Hamilton hair salon.

Dad-of-two Alexander Bill, 35, was rushed to hospital by cops who found him bleeding and scorched on a nearby waste ground after fleeing the scene. ...

The construction worker has been jailed for 32 months after causing £18,000 worth of damage to a building occupied by a beauty salon, skin clinic and clothes shop in May last year.

He required skin grafts and plastic surgery after being hospitalised with burns to his face and hands when cops found him.

CCTV shows Bill and another hooded figure approaching the property with a plastic jerry can before pouring liquid through a letterbox.

A huge fireball is then sent into the air after the liquid catches fire and the pair's clothes set alight.

Emergency services raced to the blaze and a police dog handler found Bill, whose hands were covered in blood and clothes badly scorched around his groin. ...

John Kilcoyne, defending, said: “He is under no illusion that this is very serious."

“He was offered money to set fire to the premises and was involved in a negative peer group but it did not go well and he set fire to himself." ...
FULL STORY (With Photos): https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/8281375/hamilton-hairdresser-firebombing-alexander-bill-jail/
 

CALGACUS03

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Yeah, here's another one - a guy who decided that if his wife didn't want him then she didn't deserve to live. He firebombed her and killed her and managed to injure himself in the processs. I got served by the areshole in his takeaway several times..

https://www.scotsman.com/news/murder-investigation-after-stirling-salon-fire-1558130

There used to be footage on the internet of him bursting out of his ex-wifes saloon, on fire, and being put out by passers by.

IMOP he should have been left to burn.

found a video of the attack: here. 2:37 sees him descending to his wife's salon.
:(

Sometimes I'm ashamed to posses a 'Y' chromosome.
 
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Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
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IbisNibs

Exotic animal, sort of . . .
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Yeah, here's another one - a guy who decided that if his wife didn't want him then she didn't deserve to live. . . .

Sometimes I'm ashamed to posses a 'Y' chromosome.
It's not just people with Y chromosomes who do horrible things. :(

And don't forget that there are many, many good people with Y chromosomes in the world.
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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A bit of a dickhead...


Falkirk teen vandal had genitals drawn on his face​

After receiving a description of a young man with a male member drawn on his face police did not have too much trouble tracking down a vandal who had smashed up car wing mirrors.​

By Court Reporter
Monday, 24th January 2022, 8:44 am
Updated6 hours ago



Shane Ross (19) had been out celebrating his 18th birthday with pals but, after consuming too much alcohol, they went on a car wrecking rampage, damaging the wing mirrors of cars parked in a street.

Unfortunately for Ross, who at some stage during the night had a depiction of male private parts drawn onto his face, police were able to quickly ascertain that he matched the description of one of the culprits.
https://www.falkirkherald.co.uk/new...HCE883sNmUjXJ02CM9xZfGfN23522_2TrinSp5njq23KM
 

EnolaGaia

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They'll do it every time, even though Crime for Dummies lists the #1 rule as "never return to the scene of your crime." This Kentucky man robbed a home and then returned to make good on a threat, only to walk straight into a police trap.
Man arrested on burglary charges by Richmond Police

Errich Schmidt, 32, reportedly forced his way into a home on Evansdale Avenue in Richmond armed with a knife. While inside, Richmond Police said Schmidt attacked someone inside the home and took control of a handgun. Schmidt was said to have fired the gun inside the home before stealing some medication and fleeing the scene.

While investigating, Richmond police said that Schmidt contacted the victims on social media and threatened to return and use the stolen handgun on them. Schmidt did return to the residence where a standoff occurred after being confronted by police. ...

After a two-hour negotiation Schmidt surrendered himself and was taken into custody.
FULL STORY: https://foxlexington.com/news/local/man-arrested-on-burglary-charges-by-richmond-police/
 

maximus otter

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Brazen woman busted ‘wearing ring’ she moaned hadn’t arrived AS she demanded refund

In November 2021, Amani Zubair - who owns a jewellery business - sent out an order for a £26 18-carat gold-plated signet ring.

NINTCHDBPICT000709085746.jpg


But a few days later, the customer got in touch to say that the package which arrived had been empty.

Naturally, this raised Amani's suspicions - but they initially suspected that something might have happened to it in transit.

"We thought it might have fallen out, so we asked her to show us the packaging."

Hoping she was going to get a refund, the customer happily sent over a photo of her alleged "empty" parcel - and that's how Amani caught her out in the lie.

She continued: "We received receive a picture of her hand holding the packaging bag, and she's got the ring on her finger. It was one of our designs so we knew it was ours."

NINTCHDBPICT000709085728.jpg


Trying to be as polite as possible, Amani then pointed out the ring in the photo - and was immediately blocked. Awkward.

She added: "We were just like 'What? Is that not the ring on your finger?', and that's when our emails stopped going through.”

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17531404/brazen-customer-fail-missing-ring-photo-lying/

maximus otter
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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I used to work with someone this thick. They would lie about the dumbest things and were easily caught out when you told them that they were contradicting some fact about themselves that they had told you before. These idiots get themselves into a pickle.
My parents used to tell me "Don't lie about things because you'll never remember all the lies you told"
 

hunck

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I used to work with someone this thick. They would lie about the dumbest things and were easily caught out when you told them that they were contradicting some fact about themselves that they had told you before. These idiots get themselves into a pickle.
My parents used to tell me "Don't lie about things because you'll never remember all the lies you told"
What you need is a plethora of media supporting you then you can get away with it with impunity.
 

Floyd1

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I used to work with someone this thick. They would lie about the dumbest things and were easily caught out when you told them that they were contradicting some fact about themselves that they had told you before. These idiots get themselves into a pickle.
My parents used to tell me "Don't lie about things because you'll never remember all the lies you told"
This is why I'd be useless as a spy.
 

EnolaGaia

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The police secretly monitoring this drug dealer's encrypted Dark Web communications couldn't associate a face with the dealer until the dealer posted a selfie and sealed his fate.
EncroChat: Selfie lands Wirral cocaine dealer in jail

A drug dealer who sent a picture of himself in an encrypted phone network which linked him to a £225,000 conspiracy has been jailed.

Jon Hassall, 23, from Birkenhead, Wirral, distributed cocaine and cannabis through the service EncroChat.

Merseyside Police tracked his messages sent on the dark web which revealed his part in the plot.

Hassall admitted conspiring to supply Class A and B drugs and was jailed for seven years at Liverpool Crown Court.

Using the EncroChat handle, Trusted-bat, Hassall had distributed about 3kg of cocaine and 40kg of cannabis, police said.

Hassall was caught after he sent a selfie to another EncroChat user which identified him. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-merseyside-60337690
 

EnolaGaia

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An Australian woman has been sentenced to prison for murdering her latest husband, but she screwed up and left a huge Google search history that traced her research into how to do the deed.
Even stranger - this wasn't the first time she'd tried sedating and killing a husband ...
'Widow of Walcha' sentenced to 40 years for murdering farmer Mathew Dunbar

Natasha Beth Darcy has been sentenced in a New South Wales court to a maximum of 40 years jail for murdering her partner Mathew Dunbar in 2017.

In June last year a jury found Darcy guilty of sedating and murdering the farmer after she was made the sole beneficiary of his multi-million-dollar merino property at Walcha, near Tamworth, on the state's northern tablelands.

She sedated him with a cocktail of drugs - blended in a NutriBullet - before gassing him. ...

At the time of Mr Dunbar's death on August 2, 2017, Darcy told police and friends the 42-year-old had died by suicide using a combination of helium and drugs.

Darcy's murder trial heard how she pressured Mr Dunbar to change his will months after they met on a dating site, and of her extensive web searches on how to kill him undetected.

Between February and August 2017, Darcy Googled hundreds of different ways to murder Mr Dunbar. ...

On the night of his murder, possibly after she had killed him, she used his phone to search "Does helium show up in an autopsy?" Some of the searches include:

11 toxic wild plants that look like food
How to commit murder
99 undetectable poisons
Plastic bag suffocation
How long after suicide is there a crime scene?
Can police see deleted text messages ...

Mr Dunbar also helped care for Darcy's three children after she went back to jail in 2016 for breaching her parole - having served time for sedating her estranged husband Colin Crossman and burning down their family home while he slept in 2009. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.9news.com.au/national/n...lcha-nsw/2ed18f38-3ceb-4524-9065-2310e8e0ac00
 

EnolaGaia

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This Scottish man wasn't necessarily dumb for keeping his buttocks clenched, but it was dumb to let the situation escalate to the point it brought additional charges against him.
Cocaine search: Dalry man 'refused to unclench buttocks' for police

Paul Lamont, 38, pleaded not guilty to refusing to comply with the drug search, threatening behaviour and drug possession when he appeared at Kilmarnock Sheriff Court earlier this month.

Court papers allege Mr Lamont, of Laigh Baidland Farm, Dalry, refused to comply with instructions and repeatedly clenched his buttocks in an alleged attempt to conceal an item on January 17 at Kilmarnock Police Station.

It’s alleged he also shouted, swore, behaved aggressively to officers while threatening violence and was allegedly also in possession of cocaine.

Mr Lamont pleaded not guilty to the three charges. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.ardrossanherald.com/new...h-dalry-man-refused-unclench-buttocks-police/
 

maximus otter

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EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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Here's another would-be catalytic converter thief who ended up crushed to death beneath the vehicle.
Man found dead under car; believed to have been stealing catalytic converter

A 35-year-old man who was found dead underneath a car Saturday morning in Seattle was believed to have been attempting to steal its catalytic converter.

Seattle police said at about 6:55 a.m., someone called 911 to report a car had fallen onto a man in the 6100 block of Fourth Avenue South.

The caller told dispatchers he believed the man was trying to steal the car’s catalytic converter.

When police arrived, they found the man dead under the car underneath the catalytic converter with tools around him, authorities said. ...
SOURCE: https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/ma...talytic-converter/T3ODGDBPGVBINOHTFHRMOG7PIQ/
 

EnolaGaia

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If you're going to do a series of armed robberies, change your shoes so as to avoid being identified by them. Even more importantly, don't flaunt yourself on TikTok consistently wearing the same shoes.
TikTok Star Arrested By FBI After Being Identified By Sneakers

Rising TikTok star Chozen Terrell-Hannah has been arrested by the FBI after investigators were able to connect him to a string of armed robberies that took place in the Metro Detroit area. The 22-year-old was identified as he was seen dancing on TikTok in what has been described as his “stick-up shoes.” Investigators noticed that Terrell-Hannah was wearing a pair of white Nikes with red highlights that were spotted directly at the scene of the crime. ...

As investigators were gathering evidence, they used over a dozen TikTok videos by Terrell-Hannah to build a case. ...

Chozen Terrell-Hannah admitted to robbing four stores after investigators raided his home on Wednesday, February 23rd. The robberies took place over a three-month period, between December 2021 until February 2022.

All four robberies had a similar storyline, leading investigators to believe that this was the act of a single individual. ...

Terrell-Hannah is charged with robbery affecting interstate commerce and possessing a firearm during a violent crime. These charges could result in more than a 20 year sentence. ...
SOURCE: https://www.nicekicks.com/tiktok-star-arrested-by-fbi-after-being-identified-by-sneakers/
 

EnolaGaia

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Dear "Wasted In Washington State":

Dude ... If you're gonna roll out in your Jag carrying a stolen handgun, over $35K in cash, and circa $200,000 worth of illegal drugs, don't pass out in your mobile dope emporium and invite the search that's gonna cost you a lot of time behind bars.
Meth, heroin, cocaine, pills and thousands in cash found in unconscious man’s car

... On Feb. 25, an officer was dispatched to a report of a driver slumped over in a running Jaguar.

He arrived and found an unconscious man in the driver’s seat. Once awakened, the man provided his driver’s license and admitted he might have an arrest warrant.

After a discussion with the officer, the man got out and was arrested for his warrant. ...

When the officer went to lock the Jaguar, he saw a handgun on the driver’s seat where the man had been sitting.

The Jaguar was impounded, and the officer obtained a search warrant to recover the gun and related accessories. Once the warrant was granted, the officer discovered the gun was reported stolen ...

While the officer was searching a backpack that was in the car for other guns, he found a large container of what he believed to be methamphetamine ...

Because the search warrant was for firearms and accessories, the officer stopped and applied for a second search warrant for evidence of possession of narcotics and the intent to sell.

Once the second warrant was granted, the officer found a total of $35,654 in cash, about 5,100 blue M30 oxycodone pills, 3 pounds of methamphetamine, 1½ pounds of black tar heroin and a quarter pound of cocaine, the police department’s post said.

The approximate street value of the drugs is $200,000. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/me...onscious-mans-car/TTMSRW7EGFCXZD32IRRUPYP2II/
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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Yes, it's authentic and you're nicked.

Florida man calls 911, requests for meth to be tested for authenticity, police say​


By Andrew McMunn
Published: Mar. 14, 2022 at 8:29 PM GMT|Updated: 14 hours ago
SPRING HILL, Fla. (Gray News) – Police in Florida arrested a man after they say he called 911 and requested them to test his meth.
Deputies with the Hernando County Sheriff’s Office were dispatched to a home in Spring Hill, Florida, after a resident called 911 to request that a deputy come and “test the methamphetamine” he had bought.
https://www.live5news.com/2022/03/1...fGohSNEaQPTXiTRHWqnrZLV4OY1z7V-UiWea9kqC4K-14
 

EnolaGaia

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It's difficult to outrun the cops in a stolen car if you didn't bother to top up the fuel level ...
Sign Of The Times: Man Driving Stolen GR Car Runs Out Of Gas

In these days of high gas prices, it doesn't pay to be a thief.

When Mecosta County Sheriffs Deputies responded to an alarm going off at a rural home last week, they encountered a man fleeing the scene.

After running his license plate on their computer, they found that the car had been reported stolen in Grand Rapids and immediately gave chase.

The chase didn't last that long.

The thief led deputies eastbound on M-20 at a high rate of speed before slowly coming to a stop. It seems the man, identified as 41 year old Jared Thielbar of Norton Shores, had forgotten to gas up before going on his little crime spree, and ran out of gas just west of Mount Pleasant. ...

It turns out that gas was so expensive that Thielbar couldn't afford to gas up his newly stolen rig. That's why he broke into the house setting off the alarm ... : he was in the process of stealing gas.
FULL STORY: https://wfgr.com/sign-of-the-times-man-driving-stolen-gr-car-runs-out-of-gas/
 

hunck

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Judge’s surprisingly honest advice to criminal who’s ‘not very good at it’

Lee Andrews, from St Neots, Cambridgeshire, broke into a shed at a property in his home town and stole a bike and tools worth almost £1,000 on December 29.

Weeks later, he and a group of other burglars broke into an industrial unit in the same town and stole £3,000 worth of tools.
The 48-year-old was serving a suspended sentence at the time for a previous conviction, which meant he was known to local law enforcement.

On both occasions he was easily visible on security footage, which allowed neighbourhood officers to quickly identify and arrest him.

He pleaded guilty to two counts of burglary and three breaches of a suspended sentence and sentenced to three years and 27 weeks’ jail at Cambridge Crown Court on Friday.

Recorder Patrick Fields, sentencing, told him: ‘The best advice is to give up crime because you are not very good at it and keep getting caught.’
He’s looking a bit penitent

1648647780180.png


 

EnolaGaia

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Bear in mind ... When traveling to court to face charges of car theft it doesn't help your cause to arrive in a stolen car. Maybe this northern California woman thought it was a job interview and she needed to demonstrate her skills ...
Woman arrested for car theft drove another stolen car to court appearance: Dublin police

A woman was scheduled to make a court appearance on Monday in Dublin after being arrested for stealing a car.

How did she get to said court appearance?

The 41-year-old woman identified as Brandy Jones used another stolen car to get to said court appearance, Dublin police announced on Wednesday. ...

When she arrived at the Dublin courthouse, authorities determined Jones was driving a stolen vehicle.

Right after, authorities took the woman back to Santa Rita Jail ...
FULL STORY: https://www.kron4.com/news/bay-area...stolen-car-to-court-appearance-dublin-police/
 

EnolaGaia

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Successful "legal / legitimate" businesses are often successful because they advertise. Advertising is not considered good practice for illegal enterprises ...
17-year-old poses with drugs, guns and cash — then was arrested, Texas sheriff says

A photo of a male teenager posing with drugs, guns and cash led to the arrest of the 17-year-old along with his passenger ...

The Bexar County Sheriff’s Office says it began an investigation on March 29 after learning the teen was posting to social media that he had THC cartridges, weapons and cash. The photos were “reportedly posted to Instagram.”

Investigators tracked down the teen and pulled him over, according to a March 30 news release. Deputies found hash oil, a loaded handgun and money in the vehicle. ...

Authorities say they received a search warrant for the teenager and his 21-year-old passenger’s home in southwest San Antonio, where they found “two handguns, a high powered pistol, cocaine, hash oil, marijuana, and $15,000.00 in cash.” ...

Both were arrested and booked into the Bexar County Jail ...
FULL STORY: https://www.yahoo.com/news/17-old-poses-drugs-guns-224132304.html
 

EnolaGaia

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During a traffic stop this West Virginia driver handed the police officer his vehicle registration documentation, and a packet containing meth fell out. Oops ...
Man hands officers meth instead of registration at traffic stop

Two men have been charged after officers found drugs during a traffic stop in Bridgeport. ...

On April 17, officers with the Bridgeport Police Department were conducting a traffic stop on a vehicle for improper registration ...

Officers spoke with the vehicle’s driver, Roy Porter, 57, who handed officers a packet that they thought was the registration of the vehicle, however, a small plastic bag fell out ...

Inside the bag, were “a couple pieces of crystal-like substance,” and officers led a K9 unit around the area of the vehicle to perform a free-air sniff which resulted in a positive indication ...

Porter was found to be in possession of 4 grams of meth, and a passenger in the vehicle, Jared Mayle, 21, of Salem, had 220 grams of meth, officers said ...
FULL STORY: https://www.wvnstv.com/news/west-vi...meth-instead-of-registration-at-traffic-stop/
 

maximus otter

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Police Arrest Burglar After He Accidentally Shoots Himself While Fleeing Scene of Break-In


Police arrested a burglar on Wednesday after he accidentally shot himself in the head while fleeing the scene of a break-in in North Seattle.

A resident in the 8200 block of Mary Avenue Northwest heard sounds coming from his home just before 7 AM this morning and found a burglar had broken into his garage.

As the victim approached his garage, he saw the masked suspect, who turned and ran. The victim grabbed a broom and followed the suspect, who fled to a van in a nearby parking lot.

As the suspect was getting into the van, he pointed a gun at the victim and told him to get back. When he saw the gun, the victim turned around, and heard a gunshot moments later. The suspect in the van then sped away.

The victim returned home and called 911. Officers arrived on scene and began checking the area for evidence, and soon received a radio broadcast that a man had arrived at a First Hill hospital with a gunshot wound to his head.

Officers went to the hospital, found the injured man was wearing the same clothing as the suspect in the earlier burglary. Police believe the suspect accidentally fired his handgun while climbing into his van, striking himself in the head. Officers also learned the suspect’s van was reported stolen and had been used in another crime outside of Seattle. Additionally, the suspect is also a convicted felon, unable to legally possess firearms.

Once the suspect receives treatment for his injuries, police will book him into the King County Jail for burglary, unlawful possession of a firearm, felony harassment, and possession of a stolen vehicle.

https://spdblotter.seattle.gov/2022...oots-himself-while-fleeing-scene-of-break-in/

maximus otter
 
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