The World's Dumbest Criminals

This burglar left his keys inside the office he'd broken into, and he had to make a second trip to retrieve them.
Police: California burglar forgot keys inside crime scene

A Northern California burglar returned to the scene of the crime this weekend after he forgot his keys inside a doughnut company’s corporate office.

The thief stole some petty cash from Johnny Doughnuts’ office in the San Francisco Bay Area on Saturday night, police said. In another twist, he also grabbed the keys to a bakery vehicle, but didn’t steal the vehicle itself.

San Rafael police are seeking the public’s help to identify the burglar, who used an unknown tool to “manipulate” the office’s doorknob and get inside around 10 p.m. ...
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FULL STORY: https://apnews.com/article/oddities-crime-california-san-francisco-0e6da3c1b370e91f61fabee4a1c96c5e
 
This Missouri thief apparently butt-dialed 911 while he and his 3 partners in crime were pulling their first heist of the night. Sheriff's deputies set out to track down the source of the aborted 911 call and were able to arrest the gang about as soon as they'd finished their spree.
Accidental 911 call in Eugene leads to four arrests in Jefferson City

An accidental 911 call in Eugene lead to the arrests of four people in Jefferson City Wednesday morning. ...

... Wednesday at 4:51 am, a Cole County deputy went to the 10000 block of Old Highway 54 in Eugene to investigate after someone had called 911 and hung up the phone.

When the deputy got there, the homeowner said they had not made the call. But, they did notice that one of their vehicles had been stolen.

Just minutes later, someone else called to report a theft in the 5000 block of Monticello Road. ...

While the person was filling out the report, they got a notification that one of their credit cards, which had been in their car, was being used at the Break Time Convenience Store on Ellis Boulevard.

When the deputy checked the surveillance video from the store, he identified the person who tried to use the card from a previous encounter.

The person was also connected to the phone number that made the accidental 911 call to Old Highway 54. ...

A 33-year-old woman, a 35-year-old woman, a 32-year-old man, and a 35-year-old man were arrested, for a number of charges including felony stealing, tampering with and the theft of a motor vehicle, and fraud. ...

Sheriff Wheeler wrapped up the release by saying, "we appreciate the suspects calling 911 and allowing us to solve this crime in a timely manner."
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FULL STORY: https://krcgtv.com/news/local/accid...-madison-missouri-division-of-family-services
 
maximus otter said:

Criminal Gangs in Europe Are Blowing Up ATMs – and the Cash Inside​


Criminal gangs armed with explosives are stalking the ATMs of the Netherlands, Belgium and northern Germany each night, hoping to find an unprotected machine to blast open and rob.

On Sunday night a gang tried to hit a shop in east Amsterdam with an ATM inside despite the building being locked behind metal grates at 2:30 AM.

“There was an initial bomb to break into the building, then another charge set against the ATM,” said a police official without permission to speak to media.

“They can’t work out the proper charge for the bomb and keep blowing up the fucking money,” said the cop.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/93ab4e/europe-atms-blown-up

- And my countdown clock is running...

maximus otter
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Probably been inspired by watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
 
‘What to do with £3m’: Would-be burglar caught out by Google search history

A would-be burglar was caught after police found Google searches for "what to do with £3 million" and "how to open a locked window" on her mobile phone.

Jordan Malcom-Taylor, 28, and Nikisha Hosten, 22, had planned to raid a property in Virginia Water, Surrey in 2020.

But they were spotted running through the back garden and, although they escaped a chasing occupant, were caught by police soon after.

Officers later tracked down Hosten’s phone where they found web searches for 'what to do with £3 million', 'where to get a gun' and 'how to open a locked window' in her browser history.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...ould-be-burglar-caught-google-search-history/

maximus otter
 
maximus otter said:
‘What to do with £3m’: Would-be burglar caught out by Google search history

A would-be burglar was caught after police found Google searches for "what to do with £3 million" and "how to open a locked window" on her mobile phone.

Jordan Malcom-Taylor, 28, and Nikisha Hosten, 22, had planned to raid a property in Virginia Water, Surrey in 2020.

But they were spotted running through the back garden and, although they escaped a chasing occupant, were caught by police soon after.

Officers later tracked down Hosten’s phone where they found web searches for 'what to do with £3 million', 'where to get a gun' and 'how to open a locked window' in her browser history.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...ould-be-burglar-caught-google-search-history/

maximus otter
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Wow - 9 years 9 months & 11 years prison sentences respectively for a crime in the planning stage but not yet carried out is somewhat surprising.
 
If you're going to burn down your business to collect the insurance it's best if (a) your actions during the fire aren't caught on surveillance video and (b) you make a point to mimic the events of an actual fire in the correct sequence. This Washington (state) guy can now attest to the wisdom in these tips.
Lynden tire store owner charged with arson after police investigation

The owner of a Lynden tire store is charged with burning down his own business after security footage showed a different version of events than the business owner told police.

When investigators arrived at Bolton Tire Service the night of July 16, they said owner Kerry Bolton told them he had been filling up a generator with gas when it caught fire.

However, court documents obtained by KING 5 News tell a different story.

At 11:09 p.m., surveillance video shows the suspect spraying a fire extinguisher, but there is "no fire present."

Thirteen minutes later, flames appear.

Over the next seven minutes, the "fire is increasing in intensity," with Bolton still inside.

Twenty-three minutes after spraying the fire extinguisher, investigators say the suspect "calls 911."

After additional investigation, prosecutors determined the business owner was five months behind in his rent to the tune of $34,375.

They say he was about to be "evicted at the end of the month" and "had nowhere to move."

The documents also state a neighbor told investigators the suspect told him, "I should burn Bolton Tire down."

After the fire, the suspect went to Facebook to post his thanks to the community for their outpouring of support. Dozens of people posted responses saying they were praying for him.

Nine days later Bolton posted again, asking for "a recommendation for an attorney."

Kerry Bolton now stands charged with first-degree arson.

Investigators also determined Bolton declared bankruptcy in 2017 and made an insurance claim for more than $130,000 shortly after the fire.
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FULL STORY: https://www.king5.com/article/news/...rson/281-fa211021-d5ee-45fb-9b1f-ca780dded00b
 

Money pit: Bank robber rescued after digging himself into a tight spot​


A hapless Italian robber who became stuck for eight hours in a tunnel that was dug as part of an alleged attempt to raid a bank had to be rescued after his gang called the authorities for help.

The four-man band allegedly started excavating the tunnel from an abandoned shop near the Vatican in Rome but when a section of it under a road collapsed, one of them found himself trapped around 20ft underground.

A massive rescue operation was launched, with a large red digger gouging a huge hole in the road to allow around 30 firefighters and other specialists to access the tiny tunnel.

TELEMMGLPICT000305662513_trans_NvBQzQNjv4Bqg0QhGUrJBLC1cMiJLC7a7zUEbGQ3noEEeRSTuykLLUo.jpeg


The three other members of the gang had raised the alarm by calling the emergency services number and leaving an anonymous message.

They tried to flee the area but were caught by Carabinieri. All four alleged members of the gang were reported to have previous convictions for theft and armed robbery.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2022/08/12/money-pit-bank-robber-rescued-digging-tight-spot/

maximus otter
 
maximus otter said:

Money pit: Bank robber rescued after digging himself into a tight spot​


A hapless Italian robber who became stuck for eight hours in a tunnel that was dug as part of an alleged attempt to raid a bank had to be rescued after his gang called the authorities for help.

The four-man band allegedly started excavating the tunnel from an abandoned shop near the Vatican in Rome but when a section of it under a road collapsed, one of them found himself trapped around 20ft underground.

A massive rescue operation was launched, with a large red digger gouging a huge hole in the road to allow around 30 firefighters and other specialists to access the tiny tunnel.

TELEMMGLPICT000305662513_trans_NvBQzQNjv4Bqg0QhGUrJBLC1cMiJLC7a7zUEbGQ3noEEeRSTuykLLUo.jpeg


The three other members of the gang had raised the alarm by calling the emergency services number and leaving an anonymous message.

They tried to flee the area but were caught by Carabinieri. All four alleged members of the gang were reported to have previous convictions for theft and armed robbery.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2022/08/12/money-pit-bank-robber-rescued-digging-tight-spot/

maximus otter
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Thank goodness his accomplices didn't just leave him. They may be stupid, but not cold hearted.
 
An 18-year-old Florida drug dealer screwed up and called a wrong number to offer drugs for sale. The misdirected call went to a county commissioner, who notified the sheriff's department and participated in the undercover meeting / sale at which the dealer was busted.
Jack Edward Fisher arrested after allegedly offering to sell cocaine to Florida pol

An 18-year-old suspected drug dealer in Florida was arrested after asking a county commissioner if he wanted to buy cocaine in a “random text message,” authorities said Monday.

Jack Edward Fisher was arrested after an undercover buy-bust operation in Palm Coast, the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office said.

Flagler County Commissioner Joe Mullins alerted the sheriff’s office that he received a text from someone offering to sell him an “eight-ball” of cocaine, Sheriff Rick Staly said.

Detectives took screenshots from the text conversation between Mullins & the suspect’s phone number ... Later, it was traced back to Fisher.

Mullins kept in touch and organized a meeting at a local lake for Fisher, in coordination with the authorities. Fisher was arrested without incident after walking up to the undercover detective vehicle to make the sale ...

Authorities found Fisher with 3.17 grams of Fentanyl in a bag ... This could potentially have resulted in the death of 1,585 people. ...

Fisher was charged with felony possession of fentanyl with intent to distribute and unlawful use of a two-way communications device. He was detained at the Sheriff Perry Hall Inmate Detention Center on a $3,000 bond. ...
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FULL STORY: https://www.baystpost.com/world-new...edly-offering-to-sell-cocaine-to-florida-pol/
 
Would/could that be thrown out of court under some kind of 'entrapment' rule?
 
Trevp666 said:
Would/could that be thrown out of court under some kind of 'entrapment' rule?
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Generally speaking ... In US law entrapment is evaluated based on whether the participating authorities enticed or tricked someone into committing a crime he / she wouldn't have committed on his / her own.

In this case, the accused solicited the drug transaction (indicating intent to sell the drugs) on his own motion. My guess is that this one fact kills any hope of an entrapment defense.
 
This Georgia man should have known someone would come looking for the $31,000 mistakenly deposited in his bank account. Instead, he went on a spending spree. Now he's been sentenced to a decade of probation and repayment of his misspent windfall.
Man convicted for spending spree after $31,000 bank error

A northeast Georgia man has been sentenced for spending part of a $31,000 check that was mistakenly deposited into his bank account.

Steven Fields, 18, was sentenced to 10 years of probation and is ordered to pay restitution to a 70-year-old victim of the same name who lives in the same small town.

Madison County sheriff's officials said in March 2014 that Fields was charged with theft by taking after a bank teller accidentally deposited a check for about $31,000 into his account that was intended for another customer also named Steven Fields.

After receiving the mistaken deposit, the 18-year-old withdrew $20,000 and then made $5,000 in purchases with his ATM card ... When he tried to take out more money the next day, the bank informed him of the error and called police. ...

Authorities said Fields spent the money at a car dealership, various stores and a fast-food restaurant. Authorities are hoping to auction off the BMW convertible Fields purchased.
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FULL STORY: https://abc7.com/spending-cash-bank...ats-not-yours-what-happens-if-a-check/553519/
 
EnolaGaia said:
Generally speaking ... In US law entrapment is evaluated based on whether the participating authorities enticed or tricked someone into committing a crime he / she wouldn't have committed on his / her own.

In this case, the accused solicited the drug transaction (indicating intent to sell the drugs) on his own motion. My guess is that this one fact kills any hope of an entrapment defense.
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Oddly, in UK law there is no defence of entrapment; it can only be used in mitigation. (R v. Sang 1980)

maximus otter
 
This Oklahoma woman was detained for erratic behavior and placed in the back of a police cruiser. She was only detained; she wasn't subject to being arrested just for erratic behavior. She then took "erratic behavior" to a new level by getting out of her handcuffs, figuring out how to unlock the cruiser's weapon storage, figuring out how to load the AR-15 she thus acquired, and firing off multiple shots at the detaining officer and a civilian. Now she's jailed for shooting with intent to kill on a $1,000,000 bond. As testing revealed, meth was involved ...
Woman escapes cuffs in cruiser, shoots deputy with AR-15

A woman being detained in a police car in Oklahoma is accused of slipping out of her cuffs, getting her hands on an assault rifle in the car, and opening fire.

A deputy and another man on the scene were grazed by bullet fragments. The incident was caught on camera and is prompting changes. ...

"When we detain somebody they actually go in handcuffs [and] they place you in the back seat of the patrol car," said Grady County Undersheriff Gary Boggess. "While in the back seat of a patrol car, she was able to get her wrist free from the handcuffs and the handcuffs were put on properly. She was able to reach up on our consoles. There's several switches, one is a gun switch to unlock the gun lock and she found it, unlocked the gun lock and was able to retrieve an AR-15 rifle. Then she was able to figure out how to put a round in it, put it on fire and she fired approximately 10 rounds at our deputies and a civilian."

Both the officer and civilians sustained non-life-threatening injuries and have been released from the hospital. ...

Clay barricaded herself in the car and surrendered nearly three and a half hours later.

Boggess says Clay tested positive for methamphetamine. She faces three charges of shooting with the intent to kill and is being held on a $1 million bond. ...
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FULL STORY: https://local12.com/news/nation-wor...a-suspect-injuries-handcuffs-arrest-arrrested
 
EnolaGaia said:
This Oklahoma woman was detained for erratic behavior and placed in the back of a police cruiser. She was only detained; she wasn't subject to being arrested just for erratic behavior. She then took "erratic behavior" to a new level by getting out of her handcuffs, figuring out how to unlock the cruiser's weapon storage, figuring out how to load the AR-15 she thus acquired, and firing off multiple shots at the detaining officer and a civilian. Now she's jailed for shooting with intent to kill on a $1,000,000 bond. As testing revealed, meth was involved ...

FULL STORY: https://local12.com/news/nation-wor...a-suspect-injuries-handcuffs-arrest-arrrested
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giphy.gif


That is Matrix-level WTF-ery…

maximus otter
 
EnolaGaia said:
This Oklahoma woman was detained for erratic behavior and placed in the back of a police cruiser. She was only detained; she wasn't subject to being arrested just for erratic behavior. She then took "erratic behavior" to a new level by getting out of her handcuffs, figuring out how to unlock the cruiser's weapon storage, figuring out how to load the AR-15 she thus acquired, and firing off multiple shots at the detaining officer and a civilian. Now she's jailed for shooting with intent to kill on a $1,000,000 bond. As testing revealed, meth was involved ...

FULL STORY: https://local12.com/news/nation-wor...a-suspect-injuries-handcuffs-arrest-arrrested
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So there are no bars separating the back seats from the front? I thought this would be standard in the USA.
 
Floyd1 said:
So there are no bars separating the back seats from the front? I thought this would be standard in the USA.
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Yes - there was a barrier between the front and back seats. She figured out how to access the locked firearm storage in the back and fired off her shots from inside the cruiser.
 
EnolaGaia said:
Yes - there was a barrier between the front and back seats. She figured out how to access the locked firearm storage in the back and fired off her shots from inside the cruiser.
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Seems a bit daft to have the consoles/switches for the said gun storage in the back then- where the criminals are placed. ?
 
The switch to unlock the gun was apparently in the front, and (judging from the video) she managed to slip a hand through the barrier to reach it.
 
A baggage handler working at a Florida airport was arrested for stealing items from luggage in two reported incidents this summer. He was tracked down via the only item he confessed to stealing in the first reported incident - an Apple AirTag (tracking device).
Florida Man Steals Over $15,000 in Items From Airport Luggage, Including the Apple AirTag That Got Him Caught

A former employee at Destin-Fort Walton Beach Airport has been arrested for stealing more than $15,000 worth of items from passenger luggage. The 19-year-old baggage handler was charged with two counts of grand theft following his arrest on August 10, according to NBC. And it was all thanks to an Apple AirTag that was among the stolen items.

Multiple luggage mishandling cases had been reported at the Destin-Fort Walton Beach Airport from July through August. One incident was filed after a woman said her suitcase never made it to her destination and was assumed to be lost or stolen by the (unnamed) airline. The woman said her luggage contained an estimated $1,600 worth of items, including an Apple AirTag. ...

The woman told Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputies the AirTag in her suitcase relayed its location, pointing to a road in a neighboring city: it was in Mary Esther, Florida, somewhere on Kathy Court.

Then, on August 9, another report of lost or stolen luggage was filed at Destin-Fort Walton Beach Airport. This time, the value of the items, which included jewelry among other things, was over $15,000. This prompted the Okaloosa County deputies to use the information from the first report, as they claim, to cross-reference “employees who lived in the vicinity of Kathy Court.” That narrowed down the suspects, and led deputies to the home of the baggage handler who stole the items from both incidents, worth over $16,600 in all. ...

Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies arrested the baggage handler and later charged him. The Sheriff’s office claims the handler admitted to rummaging through the suitcase reported lost in July and taking the Apple AirTag. Under what impulse would someone willingly steal a tracking device? ...

The rest of the woman’s things still haven’t been found, but at least the jewelry and other items from the second incident were recovered. ...
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FULL STORY: https://jalopnik.com/florida-man-steals-over-15-000-in-items-from-airport-l-1849434729
 
EnolaGaia said:
The switch to unlock the gun was apparently in the front, and (judging from the video) she managed to slip a hand through the barrier to reach it.
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There's a safety protocol and features that will be changed.
 

Florida man on his honeymoon arrested for allegedly soliciting prostitution while new wife slept​

A newlywed’s honeymoon took a turn after a man allegedly responded to an ad for sex and was arrested during a sting operation.

On Thursday, Aug. 25, the Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister mentioned a few cases that stuck out to him the most, including that of 34-year-old Paul Turovsky. Turovsky reportedly got married July 15 and was honeymooning in Tampa. That same day, while his new wife was asleep, he allegedly responded to an ad for sex that had been placed by an undercover agent.

Turovsky allegedly went to the designated hotel to buy sex and was "placed under arrest immediately."

Chronister said, "I know we probably have questions about how long this marriage lasted."

https://truecrimedaily.com/2022/08/...moon-soliciting-prostitution-sting-operation/

maximus otter
 
This Florida woman ending up being arrested, so I'm calling this a "Dumbest Criminals" story.
Video: Florida woman dances during sobriety test, tells deputy ‘you sound like my ballet coach'

A Madeira Beach woman ended up in handcuffs after trying to impress a Pinellas County deputy with pirouettes during a field sobriety test following a car crash.

According to an arrest report, Amy Harrington, 38, had rear-ended another vehicle along Gulf Boulevard shortly before 10:30 p.m. on April 27.

A deputy responding to the crash said Harrington had slurred speech, glassy eyes and was unsteady on her feet. The affidavit also states that the deputy smelled alcohol on Harrington, who refused to provide a breath test.

In body camera video, the deputy can be heard giving Harrington explicit instructions to walk along the yellow line. When asked if she understood the directions, Harrington said, ‘yes’, but added that she thought the deputy’s instructions were ‘ridiculous’.

The video then shows Harrington using a yellow traffic line as a stage as she performed a one-woman dance show ranging from ballet to an Irish jig. However, the deputy giving her the field sobriety test was not amused. ...

The deputy asked Harrington several times if she understood the directions, but she kept dancing instead of following directions.

When asked if there was any reason she could not follow the instructions, Harrington replied with, ‘because you sound like my ballet coach.’ ...

Harrington was charged with DUI with property damage and refusal to submit to testing. She was also arrested in 2019 in Pinellas County for refusing a breath alcohol test.
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FULL STORY (With Video): https://www.fox13news.com/news/vide...t-tells-deputy-you-sound-like-my-ballet-coach
 
In case you wish to extend the benefit of the doubt on the issue of whether drugs caused this incident, just follow the link below and check the mug shot.
Florida News: Man Attempts To Cash Check for $368 Billion Dollars

This story is strange even for the state of Florida. Jeff Waters reportedly walked into a Jacksonville, FL Bank of America last week and attempted to cash a check for $368,000,000,000 dollars.Yes, $368 BILLION dollars. This obviously drew the suspicion of bank tellers. Waters' explanation was that a homeless man named "Tito" sold him the blank check several months ago for $100. This Tito person apparently told Waters that the check would clear for any amount of money.

Waters wrote the U.S. Bank of Idaho check to ‘Cash’. Now what did he plan on doing with the money? Looks like he wanted to enter the restaurant industry. Waters told officials he wanted the $368 billion to start an Italian restaurant. ...

Needless to say he was arrested after police were called. In addition to a forgery count, Waters was charged with unlawfully carrying Chinese stars and possessing bath salts...though that's not a surprise. What is a surprise is that he somehow posted the $23,000 bail. ...
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FULL STORY: https://wpdh.com/florida-news-man-attempts-to-cash-check-for-368-billion-dollars/
 
This Florida criminal genius was approached by cops in a traffic stop. He had a false ID and drugs in his car. His response to the precarious situation? Pull out a 3-foot-long sword ...
Florida man pulls 3-foot sword on deputies during traffic stop, report says

... NBC affiliate WBBH reported that 34-year-old Randy Austerman, of North Fort Myers, was stopped by deputies as his parked Nissan Altima partially blocked a bicycle lane. As deputies approached, they found Austerman reclined in the driver’s seat. ...

When deputies asked Austerman to step out of his vehicle, he reached towards the center console and pulled out a three-foot steel sword ... Deputies immediately backed off as Austerman attached a metal dragon-shaped handle to the base of the blade.

The deputies tried to use their tasers but were unsuccessful in stopping Austerman, who began to stick the sword out of his windows at the deputies. Austerman was eventually incapacitated as he tried to flee through the vehicle’s passenger side door.

Following his arrest, deputies found methamphetamine, marijuana, and a glass pipe in Austerman’s car ...

Austerman was charged with resisting an officer, possession of a controlled substance without a prescription, marijuana possession, drug equipment possession, and false ID given to a law enforcement officer.
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FULL STORY: https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/f...-on-deputies-during-traffic-stop-report-says/
 
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