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The World's Dumbest Criminals

Dumb Thief Tries to Cut Down Tree Stand, Loses Chainsaw to Tree


Conservation officers believe the suspect was attempting to steal a tree stand that was set up on public land in Crow Wing County.

Because the stand was locked to the tree, the suspect used a chainsaw to try and take the whole kit and caboodle. As they cut into the trunk, however, the weight of the falling tree compressed on the bar of their chainsaw, pinching it solidly in place. The suspect was then forced to leave their saw in the tree, where it was eventually found by the hunter who owned the stand.


stand_thief_loses_chainsaw_to_tree.jpeg


If the tree-cutting suspect is identified, they’ll likely be charged with attempted theft as well as hunter harassment, which is a misdemeanor in Minnesota punishable by a $375 fine.

https://www.outdoorlife.com/hunting/tree-stand-thief-loses-saw-to-tree/

maximus otter
 
Dumb Thief Tries to Cut Down Tree Stand, Loses Chainsaw to Tree


Conservation officers believe the suspect was attempting to steal a tree stand that was set up on public land in Crow Wing County.

Because the stand was locked to the tree, the suspect used a chainsaw to try and take the whole kit and caboodle. As they cut into the trunk, however, the weight of the falling tree compressed on the bar of their chainsaw, pinching it solidly in place. The suspect was then forced to leave their saw in the tree, where it was eventually found by the hunter who owned the stand.


stand_thief_loses_chainsaw_to_tree.jpeg


If the tree-cutting suspect is identified, they’ll likely be charged with attempted theft as well as hunter harassment, which is a misdemeanor in Minnesota punishable by a $375 fine.

https://www.outdoorlife.com/hunting/tree-stand-thief-loses-saw-to-tree/

maximus otter
I'll be posting this puppy on our Evil Dead website in off topic humour :chain:
 
what is a Tree Stand?
It seems to be a seat that is attached to a tree by hunters in north America so they can injure themselves and each other more easily.

https://eu.jsonline.com/story/sport...e-important-than-bagging-big-buck/2157626001/

Although much attention is given to firearm-related accidents, a hunter is statistically far more likely to be injured in a fall from a tree stand than from a bullet.
Assuming current rates of shooting incidents and participation, if you hunt the Wisconsin gun deer season for the next 50 years you would have about a 0.05% chance of sustaining a firearm injury.
Yet if you were to use a tree stand to hunt deer, no matter what equipment or season, you would have a 33% chance of falling.
That's right – one in three hunters report a fall from a tree stand at least once over their hunting career, according to hunting safety and industry sources.
The average age of the patient was 48, with a range of 15 to 69. The average height of fall was 18.2 feet.
All patients fell to the ground with the exception of one who landed on rocks, and many hit the tree or branches on the way down.
 
“Blind” seems to be USA usage for what I’d call a hide:

Depending on the scale, that could be something you walked around wearing. Then settled once you found a likely spot. Most fetching.

Any USA people about to give us what they personally call these things?
 
Depending on the scale, that could be something you walked around wearing. Then settled once you found a likely spot. Most fetching.

Any USA people about to give us what they personally call these things?

Way ahead of you. The Bundeswehr “sniper” sleeping bag:


GERMAN-SLEEP-BAG.jpg


(Lower end zips open & attaches to the back so you can walk around in it.)

maximus otter
 
‘This is too funny’: sleepy China burglar dozes off mid-robbery, loud snoring wakes up homeowner who calls police


A burglar in China who fell asleep during a break-in and snored so loudly he woke up the homeowner has faced widespread ridicule on mainland social media.

The robber entered a house in Yunnan province in southwest China at around midnight on November 8, but became spooked when he heard people talking inside. So, he decided to wait in a separate room until the homeowners went to sleep.

The waiting criminal then smoked a cigarette and fell asleep.

The homeowner, surnamed Tang, had gone to sleep with her young child when she was woken by loud snoring, which she initially ignored, assuming it was coming from a neighbour.

However, Tang noticed the snoring had grown louder and realised it was coming from another room in her own home.

Tang quickly left the room, told her family and called the police, who arrested the man.

https://www.scmp.com/news/people-cu...loud-snoring-wakes-homeowner-who-calls-police

maximus otter
 
TikToker who enters people's houses for laughs (O! how my sides split...) was in court on Wednesday.

Among other things: "Judge Crangle issued him with a two-year criminal behaviour order, including that he must not directly or indirectly post videos on social media without the documented consent of the people featured in the content."

However: "In a video posted to Twitter on Friday, O’Gorro was seen being arrested by a plainclothes police officer who referred to videos published on social media on Wednesday and Thursday."

Hmm, stupid? Totally braindead? Likes the taste of prison food? (A joke that probably went out in the 1970s...).

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news...zy-charged-breaching-criminal-behaviour-order


That scumbag has been sent to prison.

TikTok prankster Mizzy has been locked up for 18 weeks by a judge who said his pranks were “not funny” and were motivated by his “desire to be famous”.

The star, real name Bacari-Bronze O’Garro, was found guilty of two counts of breaching a court order prohibiting him from sharing videos of people without their consent at his trial last month.

In one of the offending videos, passersby were visible in the background as Mizzy said to the camera: “The UK law is a joke.”

At Stratford Magistrates Court on Tuesday, Judge Matthew Bone sentenced him to 18 weeks’ detention in a young offender institution and told him “put bluntly, your pranks are not funny”.

Wearing a black jacket and black trousers, O’Garro did not react as his sentence was read out.

Other videos shared on O’Garro’s Snapchat account, which were also in breach, showed him grabbing hold of a schoolboy by his uniform and another showed him fighting a man with dwarfism, which O’Garro claimed were hoax videos made with their prior agreement.

O’Garro’s claim that one of his friends, who had access to his login details, posted the Twitter videos without his consent, was dismissed by Judge Matthew Bone as “inconceivable”.

https://www.breakingnews.ie/world/t...cked-up-for-court-order-breaches-1554470.html
 
Killer found guilty in New Zealand arson murder after hidden devices record her watching her own cold case on TV

A woman who killed her father by setting his house on fire was recorded on hidden devices watching a TV show about the cold case.

Lynne Martin was found guilty of murder in Gisborne, New Zealand, on Wednesday, 10 years after killing her father in an arson attack.

She was accused of starting the fire that killed him by leaving a pot of oil on the stove when the 88-year-old was asleep.

In 2020, the case featured on Cold Case, a New Zealand crime-solving series.

Martin's house had been bugged by police. As she watched the show and in the hours afterwards, her conversations with her husband were recorded.

https://news.sky.com/story/killer-f...her-watching-her-own-cold-case-on-tv-13013397

maximus otter
 

Drug Suspect Claims Someone Put Meth In His Underwear While He Slept

When a corrections officer found a “plastic cylinder” containing methamphetamine under his penis, a Florida Man denied ownership of the narcotics and claimed to be “unsure of how the package got in his underwear.”

calebphillips23.jpg


The discovery of drugs in the drawers of Caleb Phillips, 46, came yesterday evening as he “undressed from his civilian clothing and changed into his jail clothing” at the Indian River County Jail.

Phillips was arrested Monday on a warrant charging him with failure to appear in court in connection with a pending 2022 DUI case.

Phillips reportedly told a sheriff's deputy that he “did not place the cylinder in his underwear,” but speculated that the meth was somehow “placed there while he was asleep.” Phillips apparently did not identify who purportedly accessed his underwear for the meth delivery.

While disavowing knowledge of the cylinder, Phillips “advised that he believed it" to contain Advil pills. Cops noted that the meth was inside a small package of Advil inside the cylinder, indicating that Phillips was aware of what the clear container held.

Phillips was charged with narcotics possession and smuggling contraband into a detention facility, both of which are felonies.

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/meth-in-his-underwear-026941

maximus otter
 
In one of the offending videos, passersby were visible in the background as Mizzy said to the camera: “The UK law is a joke.”
Reminds me of when the late Max Clifford stood behind TV reporter Tom Parmenter and mimicked him outside the courtroom.

 
From above article: "A strip search located two plastic bags containing marijuana “tucked next to Boyd’s scrotum.”"

And from earlier article:

Drug Suspect Claims Someone Put Meth In His Underwear While He Slept


https://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/meth-in-his-underwear-026941

maximus otter
"When a corrections officer found a “plastic cylinder” containing methamphetamine under his penis, a Florida Man denied ownership of the narcotics and claimed to be “unsure of how the package got in his underwear,” "

Apparently this looks to be a common practice for drug transport. I lead a very sheltered life.
 
From above article: "A strip search located two plastic bags containing marijuana “tucked next to Boyd’s scrotum.”"

And from earlier article:


"When a corrections officer found a “plastic cylinder” containing methamphetamine under his penis, a Florida Man denied ownership of the narcotics and claimed to be “unsure of how the package got in his underwear,” "

Apparently this looks to be a common practice for drug transport. I lead a very sheltered life.
This has always gone on. Henri Charrière 1969 book Papillon, wherein he describes his escapes from various penal colonies, goes into detail about the prisoners' chargers. We had a lively discussion about them on the Modern Urban Legends thread.
 
This guy deserves some kind of award!

An "incredibly inept" burglar caught dangling upside down by his shoelaces during a break-in has been jailed.

Stricken Lee Kenneth Moore, 41, woke the couple living in the York apartment with his "moaning and groaning", the city's crown court was told. They found the "intoxicated" inverted intruder hanging by his laces from the frame of an open window. Moore, who has 116 previous offences, was jailed for two years and four months after admitting burglary.

Prosecutor Leila Taleb said on 15 July Moore had clambered up recycling bins outside the city centre building to help him get through a small living room window, left open due to the summer heat, in the ground floor flat, But as he crawled through the frame, his laces became snagged and his foot ended up stuck in the window lock.

After being awoken by the noise, one of the residents found Moore hanging upside down from the window with his head on a sofa. The woman asked Moore what he was doing, to which he replied: "I don't know where I am."

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-67703347
 

Climate activists declare war on ‘gas guzzler’ cars... by vandalising an electric Tesla


Environmental activists who have declared war on “gas guzzler” cars have vandalised an electric-powered vehicle.

The controversial group, who call themselves the Tyre Extinguishers, targeted a Tesla car in Clifton, Bristol.

The owner was out walking his dog while the group deflated his tyres and left their signature leaflet on the windscreen, which states: “Your gas guzzler kills.”

It does not mark the first time the activists have seemingly erroneously deflated the tyres of electric vehicles, with a similar incident on a Tesla in the London area of Notting Hill last year.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...ts-declare-war-on-gas-guzzlers-by-vandalisin/

maximus otter
 

Cops: Urine Big Trouble Now, Florida Woman

In a monumentally moronic scheme, a woman admitted that she plotted to submit dog urine she had “collected” in an attempt to cheat a court-ordered drug screening, police report.

According to investigators, Jessica Beatty, 42, was subject to random testing as a stipulation of release terms related to her December 28 arrest for possession of drug paraphernalia and driving with a suspended license.

jessicabeatty24a.jpg


Beatty, a Clearwater, Florida resident, has a lengthy rap sheep with numerous cocaine convictions and related incarceration terms.

Beatty had an appointment Thursday to pee in a cup at the county’s Misdemeanor Probation Unit. The test is designed to “detect the presence of chemical substances or controlled substances,” cops noted.

Beatty apparently was concerned that her urine would turn up dirty, with such a finding likely to result in a bond revocation and her immediate jailing.

So Beatty showed up with a “fraudulent urine sample,” according to a criminal complaint.

When confronted about the phony sample, Beatty reportedly admitted that she “collected urine from her aunt’s dog,” which she “intended to provide during testing.”

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/dog-pee-caper-286934

maximus otter
 

Cops: Urine Big Trouble Now, Florida Woman

In a monumentally moronic scheme, a woman admitted that she plotted to submit dog urine she had “collected” in an attempt to cheat a court-ordered drug screening, police report.

According to investigators, Jessica Beatty, 42, was subject to random testing as a stipulation of release terms related to her December 28 arrest for possession of drug paraphernalia and driving with a suspended license.

jessicabeatty24a.jpg


Beatty, a Clearwater, Florida resident, has a lengthy rap sheep with numerous cocaine convictions and related incarceration terms.

Beatty had an appointment Thursday to pee in a cup at the county’s Misdemeanor Probation Unit. The test is designed to “detect the presence of chemical substances or controlled substances,” cops noted.

Beatty apparently was concerned that her urine would turn up dirty, with such a finding likely to result in a bond revocation and her immediate jailing.

So Beatty showed up with a “fraudulent urine sample,” according to a criminal complaint.

When confronted about the phony sample, Beatty reportedly admitted that she “collected urine from her aunt’s dog,” which she “intended to provide during testing.”

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/dog-pee-caper-286934

maximus otter
So, she has no friends?:dunno::rofl:
 
My son had to give a sample, witnessed by an officer.
He'd rigged up a gizmo which a tube ran parallel to his member from a small rubber bulb containing a chums alcohol-free urine.
While dismayed at his evasion, I was also somewhat admiring of his ingenuity.
 
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