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The World's Dumbest Criminals

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

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Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh.

Instead of heading directly to a hospital, Wilson instructed his girlfriend to first drive to Lincoln Park in Wenatchee, where he gave the pistol to a friend, the affidavit said. A 13-time convicted felon, it is illegal for Wilson to possess a firearm.

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Detectives declined to arrest Wilson at the hospital and instead issued an arrest warrant on suspicion of second-degree felon in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of meth. He was charged April 16.

During a strip search [as he was booked in at the gaol on 18th April], another balloon of marijuana slipped from Wilson’s anus...

https://www.wenatcheeworld.com/news...cle_bc761e90-7c07-11e9-9a2e-87ca3ce75ad3.html

maximus otter
 
A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

5ce4612195cb7.image.jpg


Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh.

Instead of heading directly to a hospital, Wilson instructed his girlfriend to first drive to Lincoln Park in Wenatchee, where he gave the pistol to a friend, the affidavit said. A 13-time convicted felon, it is illegal for Wilson to possess a firearm.

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Detectives declined to arrest Wilson at the hospital and instead issued an arrest warrant on suspicion of second-degree felon in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of meth. He was charged April 16.

During a strip search [as he was booked in at the gaol on 18th April], another balloon of marijuana slipped from Wilson’s anus...

https://www.wenatcheeworld.com/news...cle_bc761e90-7c07-11e9-9a2e-87ca3ce75ad3.html

maximus otter
Blink 182 first date WTF meme.gif
 
A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

5ce4612195cb7.image.jpg


Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh.

Instead of heading directly to a hospital, Wilson instructed his girlfriend to first drive to Lincoln Park in Wenatchee, where he gave the pistol to a friend, the affidavit said. A 13-time convicted felon, it is illegal for Wilson to possess a firearm.

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Detectives declined to arrest Wilson at the hospital and instead issued an arrest warrant on suspicion of second-degree felon in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of meth. He was charged April 16.

During a strip search [as he was booked in at the gaol on 18th April], another balloon of marijuana slipped from Wilson’s anus...

https://www.wenatcheeworld.com/news...cle_bc761e90-7c07-11e9-9a2e-87ca3ce75ad3.html

maximus otter
I'm surprised he didn't poop himself when he first shot himself. Talk about being anal retentive!
 
Another illustration of the dangers in being a drug mule ...

Man dies on plane after swallowing 246 packets of cocaine

A Japanese man died on board a flight from Mexico City to Tokyo with 246 packets of cocaine in his stomach.

Identified only as Udo N., the 42-year-old passenger flew from Bogota, Colombia, to the Mexican capital, where he transferred to a flight to Narita airport, Tokyo ...

"Crew noticed a person suffering convulsions and requested to make an emergency landing in Hermosillo, Sonora" ...

At 2.25 a.m. local time (5.25 a.m. ET) on May 24, paramedics boarded the plane and found the passenger had died.

An autopsy revealed that Udo N. died from a cerebral edema caused by an overdose ...

There were 246 plastic packets of cocaine in his stomach and intestines, measuring 1 by 2.5 centimeters each.

After his body was removed from the plane the flight continued its journey to Japan with 198 passengers on board. ...

FULL STORY: https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/28/americas/mexico-cocaine-plane-death-scli-intl/index.html
 
I'm pretty sure the Thieves Manual says to avoid intrusion tactics that result in eliminating access altogether ... :roll:

Florida thief takes blowtorch to ATM, welds it shut instead

Authorities say two Florida burglars thought they were clever when they used a blowtorch to break into an ATM machine, but they never hit the jackpot.

Instead, the burning heat actually welded the ATM’s hinges shut.

Okaloosa County Sheriff’s officials say video surveillance shows two male suspects entering the Boardwalk on Okaloosa Island on Friday. One was armed with a crowbar and appeared to serve as the lookout while the other took the blowtorch to the ATM.

Instead of cutting the ATM with the blowtorch, authorities say the would-be thief welded the metal parts shut and the pair left with nothing.

SOURCE: https://www.apnews.com/308c154206444031b71b62d73b8d3a3f
 
Note to self ... Next time you devise a fake license plate, make sure it displays the actual name of the state and not a slang label for it ...
Badly-made fake license plate leads to arrest in California
A big-rig truck driver has been arrested after authorities spotted a phony license plate on his rig.

How could they tell?

Well, the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department says the 1960s-style yellow-on-black plate had wobbly letters and numbers. Also, instead of “CALIFORNIA,” it read “CALIFAS.” ...

The driver was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of drugs, possessing methamphetamine, being an unlicensed driver and having an active arrest warrant.

The tractor-trailer was towed away because authorities say it was unsafe.

SOURCE: https://www.apnews.com/9b5d27080a324014af62e738a55f310c
 
... And today's Criminal Mastermind Award goes to the thief who never paused to question whether the surveillance camera he was stealing was providing a live feed of the theft in progress.

Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor’s surveillance camera

Louisiana authorities say a burglar effectively caught himself red-handed, unwittingly livestreaming his theft of a neighbor’s new surveillance camera.

The Bossier Parish Sheriff’s Office says the neighbor watched the crime unfold in real time, and recognized the culprit as 43-year-old Franklin Welzbacher Jr.

A sheriff’s statement says the stolen camera also showed things inside Welzbacher’s house.

Sheriff’s spokesman Bill Davis said Tuesday that Welzbacher told deputies he had permission to borrow a paint brush, but had nothing to say when asked about the camera.

SOURCE: https://www.apnews.com/f138e2ffadf64947b3144bc3f3485d84
 
Alabama investigators say a man kept a caged “attack squirrel” in his apartment and fed it methamphetamine to ensure it stayed aggressive.

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Mickey Paulk

The News Courier reports authorities are seeking 35-year-old Mickey Paulk on multiple charges including possession of a controlled substance.

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Squirrel Jeff Conway: “You’ll never take me alive, copper!”

Law enforcement was warned of the animal prior to executing a search warrant of the Athens home Monday.

Officials from the state’s Department of Conservation recommended releasing the animal, which deputies did successfully.

https://www.springfieldnewssun.com/...k-squirrel-police-say/nZf1NTPjgss8BXWDmGljhM/

maximus otter
 
Alabama investigators say a man kept a caged “attack squirrel” in his apartment and fed it methamphetamine to ensure it stayed aggressive.

5d0907ec6a994.image.jpg


Mickey Paulk

The News Courier reports authorities are seeking 35-year-old Mickey Paulk on multiple charges including possession of a controlled substance.

3000.jpeg


Squirrel Jeff Conway: “You’ll never take me alive, copper!”
Law enforcement was warned of the animal prior to executing a search warrant of the Athens home Monday.
Officials from the state’s Department of Conservation recommended releasing the animal, which deputies did successfully.https://www.springfieldnewssun.com/...k-squirrel-police-say/nZf1NTPjgss8BXWDmGljhM/maximus otter

An Alabama man who denied feeding methamphetamine to a so-called “attack squirrel” he considered a pet has been arrested.

The Limestone County Sheriff’s Office said on Twitter that 35-year-old Mickey Paulk was caught on Thursday night following a chase in which he rammed an investigator’s vehicle.
Authorities had been seeking Paulk on multiple arrest warrants unrelated to the squirrel named “Deeznutz”, made infamous after police said they were warned about a meth-fuelled, trained attack squirrel.​

https://www.irishexaminer.com/break...uirrel-owner-arrested-after-chase-933519.html
 
CLAY COUNTY, Mo. (FOX 9) - When tracking down a suspect, law enforcement might use a K-9 to track down a scent.

This was not necessary for a recent arrest in Missouri.

According to the Clay County Sheriff's Office, over the weekend, Liberty police were searching for a person who a felony warrant for arrest. The person was wanted for possession of a controlled substance.

The suspect hid to avoid police, but apparently let out a fart so loudly, it gave up their hiding spot.

"We’ve gotta give props to Liberty PD for using their senses to sniff him out!" read a Facebook comment from the Clay County Sheriff's Office.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fo...es-away-suspect-s-hiding-spot-leads-to-arrest

maximus otter
 
Police in Sydney's north-western suburbs have scored an easy result after allegedly finding more than $200 million worth of methamphetamine in a van that crashed into police cars parked outside Eastwood Police Station.

CCTV footage showed a white van turning onto Ethel Street before veering too far to the right side of the road and smashing into the parked police vehicles about 10.30am on Monday.

One of the police cars was significantly damaged in the crash but nobody was injured, NSW police said.

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The driver allegedly fled the scene in the van, which was stopped and searched about an hour later on Church Street, Ryde.

During the search, police allegedly seized 273 kilograms of the drug ice, which has an estimated potential street value of more than $200 million.

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The 26-year-old male driver was arrested and taken to Ryde Police Station. He was charged with large commercial drug supply, negligent driving, and not giving particulars to police.

https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/man-charged-after-crashing-his-van-containing-meth-into-police-cars-20190723-p529tc.html

maximus otter
 
A Jennings County, Ind., woman is accused of stealing another woman's dentures and wearing them to a meeting with her probation officer, according to the sheriff's office.

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Joanne Childers is accused of stealing another woman's dentures from the Country Squire Lakes area Monday. The victim told the sheriff's office that Childers stole the teeth.

The same morning, Childers met with her probation officer and "had worn teeth that were clearly not hers," according to a Facebook post from the Jennings County Sheriff's Office.

On Wednesday morning, deputies went to Childers house and found the dentures in "plain view." The dentures also had the victim's name on them, according to investigators.

Childers is facing charges of theft.

https://www.wdrb.com/news/indiana-w...cle_ecd3f684-ae48-11e9-b061-079477c7ae59.html

maximus otter
 
Woman says meth found hidden inside vagina is not hers:

A Louisiana woman allegedly caught with meth hidden inside her vagina said she didn't know where the drugs came from, police said.

Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, was accused on July 31 of stealing $5,000 from the apartment of a man she'd been staying with for about a week, according to documents published by the Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office.

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The man told the West Monroe Police Department that while he was showering, Rolland swiped his cash and left. Rolland allegedly confessed to police she did take the man's money and left his apartment.

The documents said a female correctional officer later searched Rolland and, inside of Rolland's vagina, discovered $6,233 along with "a clear plastic bag" of roughly one gram of meth — which Rolland denied was hers.

Rolland was arrested and charged with theft and narcotics possession.

https://www.fox5atlanta.com/amp/nat...-vagina-is-not-hers?__twitter_impression=true

maximus otter
 
Yea, like someone sneakily slipped it in her vagina when she wasn't looking, all women have that problem dontcha know
 
Tip For Bullies: You'll seem a lot more intimidating if you don't whack yourself in the head with the nunchuks you're brandishing.
Florida man arrested for threatening others with nunchucks

Police say they’ve arrested a Florida man who’s accused of threatening his neighbors with nunchucks and bug spray before cutting his own head when he accidently hit himself with the weapon.

Daytona Beach police spokesman Messod Bendayan says 61-year-old Larry Adams complained about his neighbor’s loud music coming from a car in the parking lot of their Daytona apartment complex.

Police say Adams sprayed four of his neighbors with roach spray and swung his nunchucks in a threatening manner and hit himself.

Adams is charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon.

SOURCE: https://www.apnews.com/0323b96500b540a7bc3d2153eaa75710
 
Police in Sydney's north-western suburbs have scored an easy result after allegedly finding more than $200 million worth of methamphetamine in a van that crashed into police cars parked outside Eastwood Police Station.

I don't know anything about Meths, but anyone paying AUS $183 for a typical quarter gram 'dose' should rank as the-worlds-dumbest-punter.
 
It's considered good practice to check the liquid you pout into your car's gas tank and ensure it's gasoline.
Sheriff: Trio of thieves thwarted by misleading gas jug

Authorities in Kentucky say three thieves thought they were stealing gasoline from a property for their broken down car until the car stopped working again.

Laurel County Sheriff’s Office on Facebook said the three stole a 5-gallon gasoline jug from a garage for their car. Except there wasn’t gasoline in the jug. It was peroxide.

News outlets report Latasha Bryant, Timothy Storms and Dustin Napier were arrested Wednesday on various charges including burglary. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.apnews.com/a3d1dc21d0fa4f7a9c5c219dda83c78f
 
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