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The World's Dumbest Criminals

North Carolina Man Arrested for Allegedly Stealing From Bank After Showing Off Money on Social Media
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BYFNR TIGG
The Reason The Cutlass Is Blue |FNR_TIGG


Image via Facebook/New York Daily News
One North Carolina man proved once again that social media is the easiest way for a person to dry snitch on themselves.
Arlando Henderson, an employee at a Charlotte financial institution, allegedly stole money from deposits made by customers that were held in the vault on at least 18 separate occasions in 2019. Per the indictment, he'd allegedly taken over $88,000 in cash.

Authorities were able to track Henderson's activity because he showed them the money via his social media. Henderson posted pictures to Facebook and Instagram showing him holding stacks of the stolen money and the things he purchased with the cash. In July, Henderson allegedly stole $70,000 from the vault and then made a $20,000 cash down payment on a 2019 Mercedes-Benz. According to the local Fox affiliate, Henderson's Facebook shows him posing with the white Mercedes-Benz in September.

https://www.complex.com/life/2019/1...ault-after-flexing-with-money-on-social-media
 
In this instance, the first paragraph says it all ... :roll:
Protip: Do Not Make It Easy For The Cops By Hiding Your Meth Stash Inside A Box Labeled "Dope"

A Louisiana woman is behind bars on a felony drug possession charge after police discovered her methamphetamine stash in a small plastic container that was helpfully labeled “Dope.” ...
FULL STORY: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/dope/dope-dope-bust-712038
 
I guess it could have been worse ... The cops might have notified her she had to be decapitated because they detected traces of rabies ...
Police: Woman submitted dog urine during drug screening

A Kentucky woman gave her probation officer a dog urine sample during a drug screening, police said.

Julie Miller, 40, of Arjay, was arrested Monday on a charge of tampering with physical evidence, the Pineville Police Department said in a release on its Facebook page. She also was charged with a parole violation and trafficking in a controlled substance.

Miller admitted she tried to use the dog urine as her own sample given to officers at the Bell County Probation and Parole Office during a regular probation visit, the statement said.

Miller pleaded guilty in Bell County Circuit Court in November to a charge of first-degree possession of a controlled substance.

Miller was being held in the Bell County Detention Center.
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/419682399c3603b364edd3d5b55e80dc
 
Even if I give this guy credit for understanding the legalities and details of buying real estate his actions qualify as "dumb."
Man gets prison for stealing home deed without signing loan

A Florida man was sentenced to prison for trying to steal a new $219,000 home by snatching and filing a signed deed without signing loan documents.

Stanley Livingston, 45, was given a three-and-a-half-year sentence last month in Polk County court ... A jury convicted him in September of grand theft and filing a false document against real property. Livingston, who represented himself, had faced up to 30 years in prison.

In his closing argument at trial, Livingston said he had no intention of stealing the home. He said he believed that the seller, Starlight Homes Florida, already had been paid.

Livingston had contracted to buy a new house in a Haines City subdivision, trial witnesses testified. During a May 2018 meeting to close the sale, he had asked to delay signing the mortgage documents until the end of the meeting. His signature would have committed him to repaying the home loan. At some point, Livingston grabbed the deed, which Starlight Homes officials already had signed, and ran to his truck. A closing agent testified that she ran after Livingston but he quickly drove away.

The deed was filed with the Polk County Clerk of Courts two days after the meeting, according to testimony. He told workers he had paid $1 for the house and property, where he was now living, officials said. Later that day, he went to the subdivision sales office to tell the developer that he now owned the house and to leave him alone. They called police, and Livingston was arrested. ...
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/148b32524148b52163f80016420c3835
 
Mississippi suspects tried cashing in lottery ticket after gluing on the winning numbers
by WBFF
Wednesday, January 8th 2020

MISSISSIPPI (WBFF) Two Mississippi men wanted to claim a $100,000 lottery so bad that they glued the winning numbers onto a losing ticket, according to officials.

47-year-old Odis Latham and 48-year-old Russell Sparks reportedly tried to claim the scratch off winnings at lottery headquarters in Mississippi.

Fox News reports that the ticket was determined to have been changed using glue to paste on the winnings numbers to match the prize.

More at https://foxbaltimore.com/news/natio...ket-after-gluing-on-the-winning-numbers-offic
 
I'm not sure how either the requestor or the sender came to believe this would work ...
Christmas crystal: Man charged with mailing meth to inmate

A man sent some illegal holiday cheer to a woman in jail and he ended up getting arrested himself ...

News outlets report 40-year-old Timothy Lee Snow sent the woman a Christmas card filled with drugs.

Bibb County Jail inmate Mary Beth Odum, 40, had told Snow over the phone how to put meth and other drugs into a card to send to her in jail ...

Deputies intercepted a contraband-filled card filled with methamphetamine and Suboxone and began investigating Snow. On Jan. 9, deputies followed Snow as he left his residence and found him with meth, Xanax and a revolver. When they searched his home, deputies found more meth, Suboxone, marijuana, steroids, packing materials, a shotgun and a rifle.

Snow was arrested and charged with possession of a firearm, possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute and giving an inmate drugs ...

Odum, who was already in jail, now faces additional charges including attempt to commit offenses pertaining to the possession of drugs and use of communications facilities in a drug transaction. ...
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/8cc2117791562ea9a4fbd5416841e11f
 
A not quite cunning disguise
Bank robber pillow case disguise had no eye holes
  • 17 January 2020


A bank robber put a pillow case over his head to hide his identity - then had to take it off as he could not see.
Matthew Davies failed to create eye holes in the cover ahead of the armed raid at a bank in Dunfermline, Fife last September.
etc

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-51154331
 
If you're going to steal sizable appliances, it's a good idea to practice your hand truck skills ...
Clumsy burglar drops dishwasher in road in front of home

Police in Australia shared footage of a clumsy thief wheeling a pilfered dishwasher away from an under-construction home and dropping the appliance on the street.

South Australia Police said in a Facebook post that three under-construction homes were burglarized Monday morning in Wallaroo and the culprit was caught on camera using a dolly to carry a Vento dishwasher out of one of the homes.

The security camera footage shows the man wheeling the dishwasher out of the home and down a sidewalk.

The man goes over the curb into the road and the dishwasher falls off the dolly, landing on its side in the road. ...
SOURCE: https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2020/0...-in-road-in-front-of-home/5791579636108/?sl=6
 
The dumbest part concerned the crime he was planning to commit ...
Police: Man man asks gym mates to borrow guns for robbery

Police in Louisiana have charged a man with drug possession after he approached two people in a gym parking lot and asked to borrow their guns to commit a robbery, according to arrest documents.

West Monroe Police charged Landon Wayne Duke, 19, after two men flagged down an officer and informed him of Duke’s comments.

Duke had approached the men, whom he reportedly knew, in a Planet Fitness parking lot and noticed they had guns in their truck, according to a police arrest report obtained by The Monroe News Star. The men told investigators Duke said he wanted to borrow the guns to rob someone of enough money to leave town. The men said no and entered the gym, according to the report.

Duke allegedly followed and worked out with the men while continuing to talk about robbing someone, investigators wrote. Police later spotted Duke at nearby a gas station and found what they believed to be methamphetamine wrapped in a $100 bill in is pocket, the newspaper said.

Duke was booked into Ouachita Correctional Center on Sunday on one count of possession of a schedule II controlled dangerous substance. He remained in custody Monday, the News Star said.
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/285379ade50c5f713a42361d31e45e38
 
Cars abandoned on flooded Fens road by suspected hare coursers

A group of suspected hare coursers had to swim to safety after falling foul of a flood-prone stretch of road.

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Officers patrolling The Fens in Cambridgeshire came across two abandoned cars partially submerged at the A1101 Welney Wash Road.

"Seven men with dogs reported swimming from the area," the police tweet said.

A Cambridgeshire Police spokeswoman said they were called to "reports of a group of people walking away from submerged vehicles in Welney wash".

The occupants had left the scene by the time police arrived, and police said the vehicles would be recovered once the water subsided.

"Cambridgeshire's flat and rural landscape can make it a popular area for hare coursing," according to force's rural crime team.

The illegal practice involves using dogs to kill hares.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-51283097

maximus otter
 
Handy Tip:

If you're going to participate in a felony murder attempt, choose clothing that doesn't fly off as you flee and provide DNA evidence.
DNA in sock leads to arrest of gang member in St. Pete shooting, police say

A suspect in a shooting ran away so fast that some of his clothes came off, including a sock. Inside: DNA.

When St. Petersburg police arrived on the scene of a shooting in November, they learned that a man had been shot multiple times and that the suspects had run away to an awaiting car, which took off from the scene.

One of the suspects had run away so fast, apparently, that some of his clothes came off while he was sprinting to the car. Officers found a pair of jean shorts, a sandal and a sock.

On Thursday, nearly three months after the shooting, police made an arrest in the case.

A key piece of evidence? The sock.

Arrest reports say that DNA pulled from that sock matches Octavius Jessie Henderson, 19, of St. Petersburg. He was booked at the Pinellas County jail Thursday on an attempted murder charge. ...
FULL STORY: https://www.tampabay.com/news/crime...medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
 
Florida troopers find narcotics in bag labeled ‘Bag Full of Drugs’

Two men were not discreet in their plans to sell drugs in the Florida Panhandle, according to officials.

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The Florida Highway Patrol arrested two alleged drug traffickers after troopers pulled them over on Saturday and found drugs in a bag labeled “Bag Full of Drugs”.

Troopers made the discovery after the men were pulled over for speeding on I-10.

The Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office assisted in the search of the vehicle, which turned up methamphetamine, GHB (also known as the “date rape” drug), cocaine, MDMA and fentanyl.

Note to self- do not traffic your illegal narcotics in bags labeled ‘Bag Full Of Drugs’. Our K-9’s can read,” the Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office posted Monday night on social media.

https://www.wowktv.com/news/u-s-wor...m_medium=social&utm_source=twitter_WOWK13News

maximus otter
 
Professional tip: When you go out to burglarize someone's home, leave your thieves' journal at home, not at the crime scene ...
Prosecutors: Thief dropped journal with list of homes to hit

Authorities in Tennessee say they busted a well-organized burglar after he allegedly dropped a notebook during a break-in that contained a list of other places he planned to target.

Robert Shull Goddard, 49, is accused of smashing a glass door and breaking into a Nashville area home on Jan. 29, stealing a TV and a gun from the residents, according to records filed in Davidson County court.

But prosecutors said Goddard left something behind that allowed authorities to solve the case — a notebook that listed multiple addresses, including one for another home a few miles away that had been burglarized that same day, The Tennessean reported. Investigators were able to identify the suspect, in part, through notes his daughter left in the journal, along with her address.

Goddard was caught on video kicking in the back door of another house the next day, court records state.

He was arrested last week and was being held on a $15,000 bond for felony burglary and theft charges, jail records showed. ...
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/d4664d3ebf74a70c6e1844ed67f36976
 
When you go out to burglarize someone's home, leave your thieves' journal at home, not at the crime scene ...

Thread diversion but this always strikes me as an ugly & clunky word & contains an unnecessary syllable. What's wrong with just burgle?

Are there any other similar examples in US speak? I'm strugglerizing to think of any.
 
Tip: When driving drunk, carrying cocaine, and needing to ask someone for directions it may be wise to flag down someone other than a cop ...
Man looking for auto parts store gets directions to jail

A 63-year-old Florida man who stopped a sheriff’s deputy to ask how to get to an auto parts store on Saturday night instead got directions to jail when the deputy arrested him on DUI and cocaine possession charges.

Juan Zamora was driving near Ocala when he flashed his headlights at a Marion County Sheriff’s deputy’s squad car, an arrest report said. Deputy Calvan Batts pulled over and Zamora asked him for directions to the auto parts store.

Batts wrote in the report that he could smell alcohol and observed Zamora’s bloodshot and watery eyes. The deputy also noted that Zamora was “unsteady on his feet.”

Zamora told the deputy he had two shots of bourbon hours earlier. He also said he was “legally disabled” but agreed to take a sobriety test, the Ocala Star-Banner reported.

The deputy wrote that Zamora had difficulty with the sobriety tests, which he blamed on his disability.

Batts wrote that he found a small bag with a powdery substance in Zamora’s shirt pocket that field-tested for cocaine.

Zamora initially declined a breath test, telling the deputy, “You didn’t pull me over. I pulled you over.” He later took the test, which registered blood alcohol levels of 0.137 and 0.136, which are higher than the 0.8 (*) which is considered legally impaired in Florida.

The arrest report said Batts also found a bottle of whiskey in the car. Zamora was traveling with a 15-year-old passenger. ...
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/d34468bf498db4cc75b9b38b2dcfd961

*NOTE: The "0.8" blood alcohol level cited is a typo. The Florida limit is 0.08.
 
I wonder whether this failed escapee was drinking the perfume that pretty much guaranteed his capture ...
‘Perfume cloud’ helps German police sniff out drunk driver

He just didn’t smell right.

German police say they nabbed a drunk driver who tried to flee a traffic stop after finding him hiding behind a hedge “in a cloud of perfume.”

Police in the southwestern town of Speyer said Saturday that officers saw the 26-year-old man pass them at high speed Friday night with his car lights off and gave chase.

The suspect pulled over and ran away, but officers noted a strong smell of perfume in the car and followed the trail until they discovered the man hiding behind the hedge.

Police said “due to the cloud of perfume that was detected inside the car and on the man, it was possible to identify him as the driver.”

Police say a breath test showed the suspect was far over the alcohol limit.
SOURCE: https://apnews.com/6a2aa81a9866791282026074603fd8d0
 
Thread diversion but this always strikes me as an ugly & clunky word & contains an unnecessary syllable. What's wrong with just burgle?

Are there any other similar examples in US speak? I'm strugglerizing to think of any.
Burglarize is the correct form, because burgle, you know, just sounds funny. It's awkward, like gurgle. Over here we gurglerize in the evening after a post-dinner cup of coffee, and, as the dishwater runs down the drain, so do our kitchen sinks. Our kitchen sinks are made of aluminum, not that strange stuff you have, aluminium. It is not even a real element, aluminium. It must be an interloper from outer space.

Frankly, Hunck, strugglerizing is good for you. It builds character. If more people strugglerized in their daily lives, and gurglerized after dinner to protect their oral health, and used kitchen sinks built of aluminum, then all the world's problems would be solved, ipso facto.

I hope you've found this instructive.
 
Burglarize is the correct form, because burgle, you know, just sounds funny. It's awkward, like gurgle. Over here we gurglerize in the evening after a post-dinner cup of coffee, and, as the dishwater runs down the drain, so do our kitchen sinks. Our kitchen sinks are made of aluminum, not that strange stuff you have, aluminium. It is not even a real element, aluminium. It must be an interloper from outer space.
Of course. We should really remove the 'i' from the other element names. Plutonum, Neodymum, cadmum, calcum, helum... ;)
 
Maybe he thought the perfume would disguise the smell of the alcohol?

I’ve had at least one drink-driver stuff his face with an entire pack of peppermint chewing gum between the blue lights going on, and me reaching the driver’s window of his car.

Note: lt doesn’t work; you just smell like the vile mix of stale beer and peppermint that a rational, sober person would expect.

maximus otter
 
Last edited:
I’ve had at least one drink driver stuff his face with an entire pack of peppermint chewing gum between the blue lights going on, and me reaching the driver’s window of his car.

Note: lt doesn’t work; you just smell like the vile mix of stale beer and peppermint that a rational, sober person would expect.

maximus otter
Yes, it's about as effective on that as it is on the stink of fag smoke!
 
Burglarize is the correct form, because burgle, you know, just sounds funny. It's awkward, like gurgle. Over here we gurglerize in the evening after a post-dinner cup of coffee, and, as the dishwater runs down the drain, so do our kitchen sinks. Our kitchen sinks are made of aluminum, not that strange stuff you have, aluminium. It is not even a real element, aluminium. It must be an interloper from outer space.

Frankly, Hunck, strugglerizing is good for you. It builds character. If more people strugglerized in their daily lives, and gurglerized after dinner to protect their oral health, and used kitchen sinks built of aluminum, then all the world's problems would be solved, ipso facto.

I hope you've found this instructive.

Thanks for elucidatizing.
 
Add item to caper getaway checklist: Do NOT jettison evidence during escape that serves as a trail by which you can be tracked.
They held up a Clearwater CVS. A trail of pill bottles led cops to their door, police say

The alleged robbers made off with garbage bags full of opioids worth about $320,000. But they shouldn’t have tossed the empty bottles out the car window.

The three men who held up a CVS Pharmacy on New Year’s Day planned their moves meticulously.

The robbers hit at 5 a.m. They wore blue surgical gloves so they wouldn’t leave prints. They waved guns at employees and bound several of them with zip ties. Detectives would later review store surveillance video that showed one of the suspects casing the place the day before.

And they made off with a boatload of drugs in white garbage bags — more than 10,000 pills that contained the opioids hydrocodone and oxycodone, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office. It had an estimated street value of about $320,000. ...

But as detectives investigated the area around the store, ... they started noticing pill bottles, according to an arrest warrant. The robbers, it appeared, had emptied the bottles as they made their getaway, then tossed them out the window of their car.

Detectives started following the pill bottles like bread crumbs, eventually leading to a house ... There, they found the same White Chrysler 200 that had been recorded on surveillance camera fleeing the scene. White cotton and a pill bottle cap lay on the ground nearby.

The deputies detained the two men inside the Chrysler: ... They matched the descriptions of two of the robbers seen inside the store ...
FULL STORY:
https://www.tampabay.com/news/crime...ail-of-pill-bottles-led-police-to-their-door/
 
Do NOT jettison evidence during escape that serves as a trail by which you can be tracked.

Very shortly after l retired, l walked into town one Saturday morning. A window had been punched in by some macho drunk who had, evidently, cut himself badly in the process. I followed the blood trail right to the front door of a local residence.

l then strutted into my former nick, reported the facts to my old mate the Station Clerk, and strode out with a Parthian shot of “Somebody should do something!

maximus otter
 
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