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The You That Might Have Been

Few years ago, working as a caretaker in a gym, I came to know lots of the members and am still friends with some.

One was a cheerful young Polish woman, around my kids' age, who was in there most days. She would lend a hand with little jobs like helping pull the tight-fitting tops off metal bins or reaching up to switch off TVs that I couldn't get to.

I learned that she worked as a pizza chef and hated it, and wished she could find a job in the fitness industry.
When another caretaker was leaving I suggested to the manager that Ms Krakow might fit the bill, as she nearly lived there already!

He agreed and said I could offer her the job. I did and she was wildly enthusiastic, and started as soon as was legally possible.
She worked hard and was offered free course in fitness training, and in time was running Spin and other classes.

Me, I was cleaning bogs and buffing floors. :rolleyes:

At some point I suggested she get a bicycle and join a cycling club, and she did, soon becoming Queen of Strava. Techy and I'd see her flying past at the head of her adoring peloton. She became a local fitness legend and is well-loved. Born to it.

All because she was friendly and helpful towards a lowly caretaker. :)

Sometimes you just need the one break.
 
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All because she was friendly and helpful towards a lowly caretaker. :)

Sometimes you just need the one break.

... And a thoughtful snail to take interest in what she was saying and do something about it when the opportunity arised - not everyone does! :)

But yes, I've found opportunities can come from anywhere and it helps to be friendly and kind towards others.
 
The thing is that we might like to daydream about having gone down the wrong (or right!) leg of the trousers of time, but there are infinite possibilities that we leave out in our daydreams. We tend either to catastrophise ('I'd be dead, I'd be miserable,') or over estimate ('I'd be rich', I'd be happy') but the chances are that we'd be the same people we are now, only with more or less money. Yes, a different road taken may have resulted in fame and fortune, but it equally could have resulted in being run over by the 345 bus.
 
The thing is that we might like to daydream about having gone down the wrong (or right!) leg of the trousers of time, but there are infinite possibilities that we leave out in our daydreams. We tend either to catastrophise ('I'd be dead, I'd be miserable,') or over estimate ('I'd be rich', I'd be happy') but the chances are that we'd be the same people we are now, only with more or less money. Yes, a different road taken may have resulted in fame and fortune, but it equally could have resulted in being run over by the 345 bus.
I know a lot will disagree with me on this, but I really do think that everything 'is written'. It's already happened really- we're just passing through.
If I go to take a sip out of my glass and change my mind and put the glass down, then I was always going to do that.
If only the person had left the house two minutes earlier or three minutes later, then they wouldn't have been killed by the drunk-driver.....
 
I know a lot will disagree with me on this, but I really do think that everything 'is written'. It's already happened really- we're just passing through.
If I go to take a sip out of my glass and change my mind and put the glass down, then I was always going to do that.
If only the person had left the house two minutes earlier or three minutes later, then they wouldn't have been killed by the drunk-driver.....
This is the best analogy I've heard regarding the difference between random chance and predestination. Imagine throwing a stone into a very still pond. The ripples go on for a considerable distance, possibly affecting the whole pond. Now imagine throwing the same stone into a fast flowing river. The stone still makes ripples but the effect is very local and the river quickly returns to the same flow as before.
Food for thought!
 
... And a thoughtful snail to take interest in what she was saying and do something about it when the opportunity arised - not everyone does! :)

But yes, I've found opportunities can come from anywhere and it helps to be friendly and kind towards others.
So true! You both have to be in the right place at the right time. :)

A mate got me my present job after he'd jumped ship from some fiasco we'd both found ourselves in, after he'd been lured there by another pal who'd got out first. It was like a steady leak. :chuckle:

Interestingly, some people move on from our place to much better jobs in the same industry. They've had that leg-up and made the most of it.
 
The thing is that we might like to daydream about having gone down the wrong (or right!) leg of the trousers of time, but there are infinite possibilities that we leave out in our daydreams. We tend either to catastrophise ('I'd be dead, I'd be miserable,') or over estimate ('I'd be rich', I'd be happy') but the chances are that we'd be the same people we are now, only with more or less money. Yes, a different road taken may have resulted in fame and fortune, but it equally could have resulted in being run over by the 345 bus.
For sure. I mentioned earlier that I narrowly avoided two nasty RTAs in a week by being held up for no good reason. Here's hoping my good luck holds!
 
So true! You both have to be in the right place at the right time. :)

A mate got me my present job after he'd jumped ship from some fiasco we'd both found ourselves in, after he'd been lured there by another pal who'd got out first. It was like a steady leak. :chuckle:

Interestingly, some people move on from our place to much better jobs in the same industry. They've had that leg-up and made the most of it.
100% right Scargy. If someone is fortunate enough for lady luck to open that door, then cross that threshold and don’t look back. Make the most of it if you can.

I often wonder what if to be honest. It’s an interesting concept I think.

If I hadn’t walked into that nightclub on the 5th of February in 1997, and not got talking to that pretty young brunette girl with the amazing eyes, then I wouldn’t be sitting here today - very happily married with my lovely wife and kids.

Or, If I haven’t walked into a certain pub on that Tuesday summer’s afternoon in 1996, then I wouldn’t have got chatting to the guy who offered me a job that I no right of getting as I was massively unqualified, but which I still do to this today.

Take the luck if it comes your way, is my advice.
 
Doing any sort of family history quickly makes you realise how fragile the circumstances that led to your existence are. I'm always surprised on these celeb "Who do you think you are" programmes when they start bemoaning some past circumstance without which they wouldn't have existed. Even terrible events like war, slavery, plague, etc. can bring people together who otherwise would never had met.

I had a distant ancestor who had the great opportunity of going from a police constable in England to an inspector by moving to Singapore. He moved there with his young wife in late 1938. They both died in Japanese internment camps before they had a family.

If my father's first wife hadn't died young he would probably not even have met my mother and had not poor Violet died so young
I wouldn't be me.

It's all "for want of a nail" stuff but while the shot heard around the world at Lexington may have changed world history and thousands of lives all sorts of seemingly minor choices can also have a huge effect.
 
Take the luck if it comes your way, is my advice.
That's what I say.

A nephew asked me whether I thought he should move to New Zealand with his gorgeous Kiwi fiancee. He'd foolishly taken her to see a Lord of the Rings fillum, with views of places familiar to her, and she was homesick. :chuckle:

Nephew was keen to go but didn't want to leave his parents and siblings.
I said 'You will lose her if you let her go alone. She won't come back. Someone else will snap her up. Go for it! Shake the dust from your feet. Your family love your girl and they will understand.'

He went (with the help of a gigantic coincidence) and is now happily married with a family of his own.
My input didn't decide it for him. He was just sounding off.
But perhaps he needed someone to remind him to put his relationship first, and I was handy. :cool:
 
That's what I say.

A nephew asked me whether I thought he should move to New Zealand with his gorgeous Kiwi fiancee. He'd foolishly taken her to see a Lord of the Rings fillum, with views of places familiar to her, and she was homesick. :chuckle:

Nephew was keen to go but didn't want to leave his parents and siblings.
I said 'You will lose her if you let her go alone. She won't come back. Someone else will snap her up. Go for it! Shake the dust from your feet. Your family love your girl and they will understand.'

He went (with the help of a gigantic coincidence) and is now happily married with a family of his own.
My input didn't decide it for him. He was just sounding off.
But perhaps he needed someone to remind him to put his relationship first, and I was handy. :cool:
If she's an elf it may not end well though.
 
Thing is, others might spot potential in others that they themselves might not consider.
On the other hand, one might go through life and choose your own direction based on past experience. That you've not shared with others. What others 'choose' you are capable of has nothing to do with your own course.
Look at this in this way:
The government has indicated that it is not happy with those, after covid, has reassessed their life and opportunity and decided to take retirement. Word is, the government will offer 'life MOT's' to show those who've retired the potential to be re-employed.
So those who could retire have taken it are being 'advised' to get back into the workplace.
Now, great. I'm all for opportunity if you want it.
Bottom line - you might see the potential for someone, you can give advice, you can open doors for them, but - really - it's up to them. You don't know what they want out of life; shit, they don't know what they want.
But, ultimately, you are not the judge.
I regularly go through the 'What if ...' machine. I'm no celeb, I'm no Earthshaker. But I understand the impact I've had on the people I care about, the people I've interacted with over the years. This, more than any crap sci-fi has affected me.

You do you, all the time. As a parent you advise, but they don't have to take that advice. Just be around to support or celebrate. They are them, not you.
When I die, I don't want a clone to live. I want my child to live, a conclusion.
 
I wanted to be an actress when I was younger - not a film star, but a theatrical actress. (Too much time hanging around amateur dramatic societies waiting for my dad.). My parents kiboshed it - lousy pay and no job security. So I went off on the journey I have taken, and ended up as a research scientist - lousy pay and no job security, but I do have a PhD...
 
Doing any sort of family history quickly makes you realise how fragile the circumstances that led to your existence are. I'm always surprised on these celeb "Who do you think you are" programmes when they start bemoaning some past circumstance without which they wouldn't have existed. Even terrible events like war, slavery, plague, etc. can bring people together who otherwise would never had met.

I had a distant ancestor who had the great opportunity of going from a police constable in England to an inspector by moving to Singapore. He moved there with his young wife in late 1938. They both died in Japanese internment camps before they had a family.

If my father's first wife hadn't died young he would probably not even have met my mother and had not poor Violet died so young
I wouldn't be me.

It's all "for want of a nail" stuff but while the shot heard around the world at Lexington may have changed world history and thousands of lives all sorts of seemingly minor choices can also have a huge effect.
But equally, if a different sperm had fertilised the egg that became you, then you would have been different. So it doesn't even depend on circumstance, just swimming speed.
 
Few years ago, working as a caretaker in a gym, I came to know lots of the members and am still friends with some.

One was a cheerful young Polish woman, around my kids' age, who was in there most days. She would lend a hand with little jobs like helping pull the tight-fitting tops off metal bins or reaching up to switch off TVs that I couldn't get to.

I learned that she worked as a pizza chef and hated it, and wished she could find a job in the fitness industry.
When another caretaker was leaving I suggested to the manager that Ms Krakow might fit the bill, as she nearly lived there already!

He agreed and said I could offer her the job. I did and she was wildly enthusiastic, and started as soon as was legally possible.
She worked hard and was offered free course in fitness training, and in time was running Spin and other classes.

Me, I was cleaning bogs and buffing floors. :rolleyes:

At some point I suggested she get a bicycle and join a cycling club, and she did, soon becoming Queen of Strava. Techy and I'd see her flying past at the head of her adoring peloton. She became a local fitness legend and is well-loved. Born to it.

All because she was friendly and helpful towards a lowly caretaker. :)

Sometimes you just need the one break.
Ms Kraków went from strength to strength (in many ways!) and is still a star in the local fitness industry.
Here she is, posing.
 

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My Dad was in the Royal Navy and during the Battle for Crete in 1941 he was temporarily drafted to a destroyer to help drop urgent supplies to the allied troops there. The port was quite small and under constant air attack and shelling and it was too risky to send larger or slower ships in.
The plan was that they would get as many spare hands as possible on the destroyer to unload as quickly as they could whilst the ship kept steam up ready to leave. They had to take the supplies inland a short way to cover and when the time came my Dad followed another rating. When they reached a fork in the track some were going left and some right. The rating in front went one way and my Dad the other and shortly after a German shell landed near the chap in front and he literally vanished.
It is quite sobering to think if or where I would be now if the other route had been taken or if my Dad was always somehow destined to get away with it.
 
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