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They Fuck You Up, Your Mum & Dad

Thing is, it's good for people to gather the strength to speak out.
For right or wrong, decided in court or not, people should not be forced to feel they cannot restrain their cry.
This is freedom of speech - chuck it out from your being, be right or be wrong - but don't feel intimidated into staying quiet.

A 'close friend' of mine was subjected to incestuous abuse.
No way of proving it in court, no way of getting the abuser punished. She knew this and it, of course, it affected her mentally. She felt close and safe enough to tell me. I helped her leave her family home, get a place for herself, and move on - in a very small, gossipy town. She had no contact with her abuser after that, nor her mother - who was complicit in her silence - but stayed in contact with her siblings. She knew the abuser wouldn't be held to account but, as she said to me - "Just knowing someone else knew, and believed me was enough." It also meant that on the only occasion I had met him, in public, I had the ability to say to him straight "I know, you piece of shit, what you've done. And I'm going to make sure you don't do it with [female, younger sibling]. You are being watched!"
Ultimately, she felt relieved that she'd been listened to and believed. Nothing had punished her abuser - but it was something to know someone heard her scream.
 
From the perspective of someone who has strong parental instincts but no biological children of my own I can truly say that so many people really don't deserve to have babies!

The more people (in general) denigrate social workers, the fewer are retained, the more cases are missed, the more SWs are blamed and the cycle endures...

I say: Be nosy. Be the person with the safeguarding nous. Make the calls - anonymously if you need to. If you're incorrect then you can be relieved, but if you were right then maybe you've prevented death or injury or gross emotional damage to a child.
 
Dick Turpin said:
Not their real surname of course, but the street nickname for the family were the pissing palmers, as all 4 kids kids had a tendency to wet the bed, even until into their mid teens (including the boys). That's a clue there isn't it that something wasn't right at home.

I guess the trauma of what the daughter was going through affected all the kids..?
Click to expand...

Or they might have been victims too. ☹️
 
We know of a female who nearly lost her children because of lack of cleanliness. The toys and everything were apparently filthy. Her response was to go on Facebook and moan about the 'stupid social worker'.

It's very sad. A lack of education and many other factors gives some kids no chance. I don't know things can change as there are many factors.
 
A Michigan woman got revenge on her mother in a scathing obituary published recently:

obi.jpg
 
At my brothers funeral, the vicar gave a glowing eulogy, even though he never ever met him. He claimed that it was after talking to my two sisters ... and even they were puzzled about the rubbish he was coming out with.
I assume there's a template for the service.
 
Words truly fail me.

A mother accused of murdering her three-year-old son claims she used a bamboo cane on him because the Bible told her she could “chastise her child”, a court in England heard.

Christina Robinson, 30, who denies murdering her son Dwelaniyah and child cruelty, was accused by the prosecution of using the teachings of the Bible as a “moveable feast” after it emerged she was having an affair while her husband was away serving with the RAF.

She called the emergency services to the family home in Bracken Court, Durham, in November 2022, and claimed her son had gone limp while eating a cheese bun.

But Richard Wright KC, prosecuting, told Newcastle Crown Court that Dwelaniyah had suffered a serious, fatal head injury after being shaken violently by his mother.

She was pregnant at the time having used a sperm donor, while also dating a man she met online.

https://www.breakingnews.ie/world/m...-old-because-the-bible-allows-it-1594365.html
 
Stormkhan said:
At my brothers funeral, the vicar gave a glowing eulogy, even though he never ever met him. He claimed that it was after talking to my two sisters ... and even they were puzzled about the rubbish he was coming out with.
I assume there's a template for the service.
Click to expand...
I wasn't having any of that for my parents.

We spent a lot of time with my mum's celebrant beforehand and I wrote my mum's eulogy, which was delivered by an old school friend (who knew her and does public speaking).

And similar for my dad - though we had a celebration of his life as he donated his body to medical science.

We actually had his cremation last week, which was a very small affair based around the music he loved - from the Bonzo Dog Band (The Intro and the Outro) through Mozart and Faure to the Marx Bros (Lydia the Tattooed Lady!) and Mose Allison before finishing with the Goons' Ying-Tong Song. It should have had Bruckner, Mahler and Nielsen but they don't lend themselves well to a 30-minute service!!
 
This woman has permanently harmed the health of a child by overdosing him on laxatives her several years, leaving him 'emaciated'.

Woman jailed after harming child with laxatives in Aberdeen

A former auxiliary nurse convicted of harming a child with laxatives with “devastating” consequences has been jailed for seven years.

Tracy Menhinick, 52, was found guilty of wilfully ill-treating the boy in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury on various occasions over a three-year period from 2014.

She administered a non-prescribed medication, namely the laxative lactulose, which affected his development and mobility and led to him being admitted to hospital.

Menhinick, of Aberdeen, then consented to treatments, procedures and operations on the child that she knew were unnecessary, “all to his permanent disfigurement, permanent impairment and to the danger of his life”, the indictment said.
Click to expand...
 
Stormkhan said:
At my brothers funeral, the vicar gave a glowing eulogy, even though he never ever met him. He claimed that it was after talking to my two sisters ... and even they were puzzled about the rubbish he was coming out with.
I assume there's a template for the service.
Click to expand...
I had the same for both my parents funerals. People who didn't know my parents. No one spoke to me. I would not have given the glowing eulogies given.

I only went because I didn't want to then have the discussion with my brothers and sisters. I felt nothing at both funerals and didn't give much of a thought to either since then. They did their best when I was a kid as they didn't know better. What they never realised was the f*cked up wayward and troubled kid they kicked out of home aged 15 and 9 months was as a result of their upbringing. In their eyes it was always all my fault and nothing to do with them as I'd always been a problem from day one and my mother when I was young never stoped reminding me of that. My mother also destroyed my self confidence from early on to the point at when 16, I had a really bad stutter because I felt no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I felt I had nothing worth while to say whereas my brothers and sisters, what they said mattered. I was the youngest child.

Fortunately, what they did teach me although without me realising it was independence, making up my own mind and to go my own way so in many ways despite being the black sheep of the family, they did me a favour although at the time it was hell.

The stutter went soon after I got my first job at 15 years and 9 months old by walking into an large engineering and manufacturing factory and extremely nervously asking if they had any jobs goings. I got a job sweeping the common ways. I became curious about the tool room and all the machinery and took a test and got a job as an apprentice tool maker (making die sets and platterns) for other machines that stamped stuff out of steel. I went on to go to paid for night school 3 evenings and one day a week and over 5 years got an OND in mechanical engineering and still my parents were unimpressed despite going from nothing to achieving something with no outside help. Their reply was my brothers got this qualification at Oxford and both your sisters got this qualification...... blah blah blah. Forget their education was paid for by them. I was never in their eyes good enough. The echo of my years when young persisted into my young adulthood up until they both died years later even though I was a very different and evolving person to that kid when younger.

Even later on in life in my mid 30's when I got a job as a train driver my father said that with my attitude I wouldn't keep it for long even though I was told by those interviewing me that my attitude was exactly what they were looking for and I told him that. He still dismissed it as he knew best.

So, due to my parents, I've had an amazing life. I've traveled the world, worked in many counties and as a Hare Krsna when younger been to many odd places and seen many incredible things.

I'm still just a bit sad I felt nothing at both their funerals. Still, I'm happy to be the person I am now.
 
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I admit that my parents emotional neglect, combined with their 'training' to be independent, meant that I'm very self-contained and happy to do domestic tasks such as cleaning or cooking, washing or sewing.
Some people comment on this, saying that I'm a rarity as they are used to 'blokes' doing 'blokey things'. I can only pity them.
 
All sounds very familiar kesavaros i was eldest child but my mother was unmarried and a catholic to boot then she got married and I had a s**t life till I left home/thrown out at sixteen and had a few tough years but like you guys totally independent and relied on no one.I can do any kind of domestic chores simply because I had to do them at home
 
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