They Fuck You Up, Your Mum & Dad

skinny

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This woman's father has just received a 45-year prison sentence for the extensive abuse of his own daughter when she was 4-11yo. What it caused her to become is extraordinary. I don't know what to feel - glad for her that she found a way to survive it, pain at her shattered sense of identity or fascination at how it has affected her cognitive capacities.

Anyway, here's the article that brought the horrible story to my attention, and then a video of her changing personalities in an interview.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-09...tenced-to-45-years-in-jail-for-rapes/11484760

 

ramonmercado

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Really bad.

One of the surviving children of Sarah Barrass and Brandon Machin fears they could go on to kill "because that's what mum and Brandon did".

Barrass and Machin, who is her half-brother, strangled Tristan and Blake Barrass, aged 13 and 14, in May. The pair were jailed at Sheffield Crown Court for a minimum of 35 years. They had both previously admitted murder, conspiracy to murder all six of their children, and five counts of attempted murder. All the surviving children, who cannot be named for legal reasons, are under the age of 13.

The court heard the children wanted their parents, from Shiregreen in Sheffield, to go to prison for "300 years".

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50394907
 

Jim

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Really bad.

One of the surviving children of Sarah Barrass and Brandon Machin fears they could go on to kill "because that's what mum and Brandon did".

Barrass and Machin, who is her half-brother, strangled Tristan and Blake Barrass, aged 13 and 14, in May. The pair were jailed at Sheffield Crown Court for a minimum of 35 years. They had both previously admitted murder, conspiracy to murder all six of their children, and five counts of attempted murder. All the surviving children, who cannot be named for legal reasons, are under the age of 13.

The court heard the children wanted their parents, from Shiregreen in Sheffield, to go to prison for "300 years".

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50394907
Well they could just shoot or hang the f...king bastards.
 

Bad Bungle

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There was at least one report (from memory, please don't make me look it up tonight) that found a large proportion of kids bullied at school grew up to be bullied in the workplace - and eveyone went 'well yeah, that's obvious'.
Nexy year was another report that found a large proportion of kids bullied at school grew up to be bullies in the workplace - and everyone went 'well yeah, that obvious'.
 

Mikefule

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There was at least one report (from memory, please don't make me look it up tonight) that found a large proportion of kids bullied at school grew up to be bullied in the workplace - and eveyone went 'well yeah, that's obvious'.
Nexy year was another report that found a large proportion of kids bullied at school grew up to be bullies in the workplace - and everyone went 'well yeah, that obvious'.
This is classic phenomenon described in Transactional Analysis: a branch of psychotherapy.

TA proposes the concept of the "game": a recognisable series of interactions that an individual learns and unconsciously repeats throughout their life.

The classic example is the alcoholic. Their "game" or "script" requires someone to be the alcoholic, someone to be the "rescuer" (trying to cure them) and someone to be the "enabler" (trying to encourage them to lapse).

So an alcoholic joins Alcoholics Anonymous and gives up being the alcoholic. The easiest way to give up being the alcoholic is to be come the "rescuer". They already know "the game" so all they are doing is adopting another role within the same game.

Now apply that to bullying. Some people will simply learn to be victims of bullying, and they will consistently find themselves in situations where they are the victim.

Other people will try to break out of the role of victim. They only know one "game" so they move round one place in the game and become the bully. They already know the words, the behaviours, the opportunities, and all they need to do is find a victim.

This is not inevitable, but it is common. Many people break out of the pattern altogether. I'm not being judgemental about individuals, but describing an recognised phenomenon.
 

escargot

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From the North Wales News,
Marc Waddington
  • 18:06, 27 JUL 2020
  • UPDATED20:24, 27 JUL 2020
This is rather weird and nasty. Dunno why a mother would do this to her own child.

Anglesey woman held after image of 'baby being strangled sent to child's dad'

A woman has been arrested after an image of a baby 'being strangled' by its mother was shared on social media.

The shocking image began to circulate on Saturday night. North Wales Live understands it was sent to a man said to be the child's estranged father.

The image - which is too graphic to publish - shows what appears to be some sort of ligature wrapped around the neck of a clearly distressed baby. The image appears to have been taken from a video call on the social media site Snapchat.
 

hunck

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Mum arrested after toddler found living in tiny cage with 10ft boa constrictor

Police were called to the trailer in Henry County, Tennessee, after receiving reports of animal neglect, and were stunned with the sickening scene.

The little boy was found in a 4x4 cage in the living room.

Three adults have been charged after the one-year-old was found by police inside a 'kennel' surrounded by mice and snakes.

Following the raid in June, Henry County Sheriff Monte Belew said there were eight snakes in the room, stating: "With all of the law enforcement experience up here, it's hard to find something that actually shocks us.

Defence attorneys have denied that the boy was made to live in a kennel, instead describing it as a “makeshift playpen for a lower-income family”.

Authorities removed 86 chickens, 56 dogs, 10 rabbits, four parakeets, three cats, eight snakes, one pheasant, 531 mice, rats and hamsters, one gecko.

They also seized 17 guns and 127 marijuana plants.
 

Jim

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Naughty_Felid

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Coming home after a nightshift to get a phone call from my mother telling me off that I needed to spend more time with a close family member who is going through various surgeries at the moment.

I explained that I couldn't attend one gathering as I was working nights. This wasn't good enough I was only interested in working and money. I'm neither, I'd love to retire and have never been fussed about money.

She doesn't realize that I can't simply just not turn up for work and actually getting cover for annual leave is a mission in its self as there are only so many people who can cover my role. We've also got a senile and semi-senile cat, as well as the trauma of the little cat running off so it's not easy just dropping everything and a night away just isn't feasible at the moment.

We've also just had a series of massive vet bills, plumber bills and are looking at a sizeable bill to sort out some drainage issues on our property. We also have a conservatory that's leaking that will have to be demolished and basically rebuilt at one point.

I'd love to reduce my hours but that's just not feasible. My sister is at a similar job level, with similar responsibilities but in a completely different field and can work from home and has reduced her hours due to illness. I can't work from home. I can't change the times I work. My mother just doesn't get that. Also when you get to a certain level in a workplace going the extra mile comes with the territory - that's fine as I don't mind the job.

I was really pissed off about the whole conversation - If she was actually interested in what I was doing with my life, (it's only ever superficial questions about what I'm up to), then she'd probably have a bit more understanding but she lives in a fantasy world half the time.
 

Min Bannister

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I was really pissed off about the whole conversation - If she was actually interested in what I was doing with my life, (it's only ever superficial questions about what I'm up to), then she'd probably have a bit more understanding but she lives in a fantasy world half the time.
You can't make them care but you can learn to care less about what they think.
 

feinman

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I was really pissed off about the whole conversation - If she was actually interested in what I was doing with my life, (it's only ever superficial questions about what I'm up to), then she'd probably have a bit more understanding but she lives in a fantasy world half the time.
Arrgh! Hang in there. Sometimes the universe tries to grind you into a fine powder. I know about frustrating conversations with parents, and I've been near estrangement with my own before. Embrace the suck.
 

Cochise

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Coming home after a nightshift to get a phone call from my mother telling me off that I needed to spend more time with a close family member who is going through various surgeries at the moment.

I explained that I couldn't attend one gathering as I was working nights. This wasn't good enough I was only interested in working and money. I'm neither, I'd love to retire and have never been fussed about money.

She doesn't realize that I can't simply just not turn up for work and actually getting cover for annual leave is a mission in its self as there are only so many people who can cover my role. We've also got a senile and semi-senile cat, as well as the trauma of the little cat running off so it's not easy just dropping everything and a night away just isn't feasible at the moment.

We've also just had a series of massive vet bills, plumber bills and are looking at a sizeable bill to sort out some drainage issues on our property. We also have a conservatory that's leaking that will have to be demolished and basically rebuilt at one point.

I'd love to reduce my hours but that's just not feasible. My sister is at a similar job level, with similar responsibilities but in a completely different field and can work from home and has reduced her hours due to illness. I can't work from home. I can't change the times I work. My mother just doesn't get that. Also when you get to a certain level in a workplace going the extra mile comes with the territory - that's fine as I don't mind the job.

I was really pissed off about the whole conversation - If she was actually interested in what I was doing with my life, (it's only ever superficial questions about what I'm up to), then she'd probably have a bit more understanding but she lives in a fantasy world half the time.
Sympathy.

As many of you know, I've made my career basically with computer software. My Mum never got it - it was always 'why don't you get a proper job like your brother?'. He was a bus driver. OK, that stops being funny when you realise the senile old bat decided to make our family home over to my brother because he had a 'steady job'. Said brother promptly borrowed every penny he could against the house, couldn't afford the resulting (now huge) mortgage, and had to flog the nice semi my Dad had worked his arse off to get bought for the family - his idea of protection for us.

Dad had particularly awful experiences of rented accommodation, and had started with literally no more than the clothes he was wearing and what he could carry when walking from the North West to London.

We - my wife and I - ended up supporting Mum in a rented terraced house until her senility got too much and she had to go into a - fortunately very nice - home. It wasn't really her fault - she'd no real experience of the world and its monetary wiles. She just had absolute belief in my brother whatever he did. (Good boy, stayed at home with his poor old Mum - etc. etc.)

I've always been very polite about this but in the current circumstances unloading feels rather good.
 
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escargot

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Sympathy.

As many of you know, I've made my career basically with computer software. My Mum never got it - it was always 'why don't you get a proper job like your brother?'. He was a bus driver. OK, that stops being funny when you realise the senile old bat decided to make our family home over to my brother because he had a 'steady job'. Said brother promptly borrowed every penny he could against the house, couldn't afford the resulting (now huge) mortgage, and had to flog the nice semi my Dad had worked his arse off to get bought for the family - his idea of protection for us.

Dad had particularly awful experiences of rented accommodation, and had started with literally no more than the clothes he was wearing and what he could carry when walking from the North West to London.

We - my wife and I - ended up supporting Mum in a rented terraced house until her senility got too much and she had to go into a - fortunately very nice - home. It wasn't really her fault - she'd no real experience of the world and its monetary wiles. She just had absolute belief in my brother whatever he did. (Good boy, stayed at home with his poor old Mum - etc. etc.)

I've always been very polite about this but in the current circumstances unloading feels rather good.

Rings a bell here too, in the sense of having a brother who can do no wrong even when he's robbing the auld folks blind.

Literally, in my case - when we were teenagers my brother showed me how he'd learned to access my mother's locked drawer where she kept the household bills money. He bragged that he'd help himself whenever he felt like it, must have taken pounds and pounds.

I KNOW our mother must have known who it was because if she'd had the slightest doubt it that was him and not me she'd've kicked me out.
 

Kondoru

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Naughty Felid; I know how you feel, -family making demands on your time when you are busy doing something important (But they dont comprehend that)

Or, Family putting you down and correcting you on matters you happen to be a quoted authority on because since you are younger than them and dont know nothing.

(I remember meeting a little boy and listening to him complain his aunt treated him like a four year old; I told him to wait until you were my age; then you would still be treated like a four year old. He nodded very wearily at that).
 

EnolaGaia

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I'm posting this developing story here, because it's not clear what's going on beyond the fact it involves a mother and an adult child.
Sweden: Mother suspected of locking up her son for 28 years

Police in Stockholm are investigating a woman in her 70s suspected of having kept her son locked up — reportedly for 28 years — in an apartment south of the Swedish capital, investigators said Tuesday.

Prosecutor Emma Olsson, who heads the preliminary investigation, said the woman who was held on suspicion of unlawful deprivation of liberty and grievous bodily harm.

Olsson said the 41-year-old son was found by a relative who then alerted authorities.

The woman has denied wrongdoing, Olsson said, adding that the son was admitted to a hospital to be treated for “the physical injuries he had when he was found.” ...

FULL STORY: https://apnews.com/article/sweden-mother-locked-up-son-28-years-8cf1ae372e299385927b7ac345dada98
 

ramonmercado

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I'm posting this developing story here, because it's not clear what's going on beyond the fact it involves a mother and an adult child.


FULL STORY: https://apnews.com/article/sweden-mother-locked-up-son-28-years-8cf1ae372e299385927b7ac345dada98

A twist to the tale.

Swedish prosecutors are dropping a case against a woman accused of imprisoning her son, saying there was no evidence he had been held against his will.

The 70-year-old woman was accused of having kept her son confined to their flat in a suburb of the capital, Stockholm, for up to three decades.
She denied false imprisonment and grievous bodily harm after the son, now aged about 40, was found injured and living in squalor. The woman has been freed from custody.

"We haven't found any indications that he has been locked up, tied up or physically prevented from leaving the scene. There are no indications that there have been locked spaces," prosecutor Emma Olsson told AFP news agency. "The man himself has said that it was up to him if he wanted to leave the apartment," she said. "He's an adult and could go out if he wanted," she added, noting that witnesses had also seen him outside on occasion.

Ms Olsson told reporters the man's injuries could not be attributed to violence. ...

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-55172065
 

Frideswide

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This post and the follow-on responses to it have been transplanted from:
Pathological / Compulsive Lying
https://forums.forteana.org/index.php?threads/pathological-compulsive-lying.23206/
==============


Let's hear more about compulsive liars we have known.


My (possibly late) mother! Some of my earliest memories are of listening to her talk to someone (family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues, people on the bus, the GP....) and thinking " But it wasn't like that, I was there." And more specifically thinking things like "But the house doesn't have a lawn in front it has flower beds."

She said things that, as far as I could or can see, made no difference to the actual subject. She would add a throwaway lie :rollingw:

Bafflement turned to rage when I realised that she's been lying every time she said my beloved grandparents were seriously ill. She told the school that, age about 9, I was a destructive evil child and should be kept away from matches and scissors!

I mean :wtf:. Seriously, WHY?????

EDIT to add that if people can explain this to me then I would love it! :itslove:
 
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WeeScottishLassie

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My (possibly late) mother! Some of my earliest memories are of listening to her talk to someone (family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues, people on the bus, the GP....) and thinking " But it wasn't like that, I was there." And more specifically thinking things like "But the house doesn't have a lawn in front it has flower beds."

She said things that, as far as I could or can see, made no difference to the actual subject. She would add a throwaway lie :rollingw:

Bafflement turned to rage when I realised that she's been lying every time she said my beloved grandparents were seriously ill. She told the school that, age about 9, I was a destructive evil child and should be kept away from matches and scissors!

I mean :wtf:. Seriously, WHY?????

EDIT to add that if people can explain this to me then I would love it! :itslove:
Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that.

She sounds just like my ex who I thankfully only knew for just under a year but the damage he inflicted with his lies is an ongoing battle.

I wish I could explain it to you but I can't.
 

escargot

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EDIT to add that if people can explain this to me then I would love it! :itslove:

It's not about you.

My parents did the same to me (I was a wild out-of-control child, later a prolifically promiscuous teenager, followed by my career as a drug/drink-crazed gangster's moll) and my siblings joined in as I grew up.

I either have a shocking reputation or am a Local Legend depending on who you talk to.

Why? They think it makes their own personal failures look better. In my mother's case she could be a martyr.

One of my sisters used to repeatedly accuse me of smoking when I was about 13. I wasn't a smoker then or ever, but SHE was, and it wrecked her health.

Another sister told me how her husband felt sorry for me because I had no self-respect (being the Whore of Babylon an' all) which is funny now because they are swingers. :rofl:

There's loads more of this nonsense but I don't care any more.
 
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Endlessly Amazed

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My (possibly late) mother! Some of my earliest memories are of listening to her talk to someone (family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues, people on the bus, the GP....) and thinking " But it wasn't like that, I was there." And more specifically thinking things like "But the house doesn't have a lawn in front it has flower beds."

She said things that, as far as I could or can see, made no difference to the actual subject. She would add a throwaway lie :rollingw:

Bafflement turned to rage when I realised that she's been lying every time she said my beloved grandparents were seriously ill. She told the school that, age about 9, I was a destructive evil child and should be kept away from matches and scissors!

I mean :wtf:. Seriously, WHY?????

EDIT to add that if people can explain this to me then I would love it! :itslove:
Frideswide - you and I (and Escargot and Catseye and so many others) are all graduates of the world's largest orphanage. My personal resolve to be the best person I can be in terms of compassion and non-reactivity comes from my childhood. As does my rage at night, which still keeps me warm after 65 years. Fuck 'em.
 
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EnolaGaia

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My (possibly late) mother! ...
She said things that, as far as I could or can see, made no difference to the actual subject. She would add a throwaway lie :rollingw:

Bafflement turned to rage when I realised that she's been lying every time she said my beloved grandparents were seriously ill. She told the school that, age about 9, I was a destructive evil child and should be kept away from matches and scissors!

I mean :wtf:. Seriously, WHY?????

The two examples cited above strike me as lies of (her) convenience intended to evade effort or responsibility. The lie about your grandparents being ill can be seen as a tactic for relieving her of the effort of visiting them (or maybe supporting your visiting them). The lie about your being destructive can be seen as a tactic for pushing the school to keep an eye on you (when perhaps she was remiss in doing so herself). Alternatively, the school lie could be construed as a preemptive move to absolve herself of responsibility for any serious mischief you might cause (i.e., "I told you so ...").
 
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escargot

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Frideswide - you and I (and Escargot and Catseye and so many others) are all graduates of the world's largest orphanage. My personal resolve to be the best person I can be in terms of compassion and non-reactivity comes from my childhood. As does my rage at night, which still keeps me warm after 65 years. Fuck 'em.
Yup, spot-on, especially fuck 'em. We are the better people and we know it. They probably do too but that's up to them.

When I was divorcing the ex my family made a big show of still including him in family events. They openly fawned over him in front of me. Hurtful and most disloyal.

I eventually thought 'OK then, you can 'ave'im!' and left them all to it.

Their Best Mate the Ex was soon afterwards convicted of a heinous crime.

Well, fancy that. Who looks like a bunch of twats now, eh? :rollingw:
 

Frasier Buddolph

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Florida man took his son on paintball ‘drive by,’ police said. The boy, 10, ended up shot with a real gun.​

This is appalling on the face of it; it just becomes more jaw-dropping the more you read. The level of bad judgement and irresponsibility displayed by this guy simply beggars belief. This troglodyte (a "Florida Man", wouldn't you know it) deserves to lose his son and be sterilized.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/06/02/florida-boy-shot-paintball-driveby/
 
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