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The World's Dumbest Criminals

A Florida Woman arrested for trespassing was hit with a second criminal charge when, after being asked to identify herself, she repeatedly told cops that her name was “My butt just farted.”

melindaguerrero20.jpg


Melinda Lynn Guerrero, 33, was collared Wednesday evening after refusing to leave a Mobil gas station in St. Petersburg.

Officers subsequently identified Guerrero as the accused trespasser--likely due to the fact that her photo and fingerprints are on file in connection with a series of arrests over the past several years. Also, she has “Guerrero” tattooed on her back.

Police noted that Guerrero may have been under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster

maximus otter
 
From a local police Facebook feed, just now -

(I have bolded the relevant word 'yesterday')

Two men from Warrington – David Holt, 44, and Simon Baker, 50 – have been charged following a robbery at a shop in the town centre yesterday. The pair, both of O’Leary Street, are set to appear before magistrates today, via video link.
For more details see http://orlo.uk/pRftb
http://orlo.uk/pRftb?fbclid=IwAR0a6E1ZrLRuSOk1Re_AMqmTWUD0XtcIA1Y7BBQNhKx9dKOcMhGe4SztlDo

If they're the perps, they're not exactly criminal masterminds. Sounds like they were caught almost before they did it!
 
Tip: When you're pulled over by a cop while holding drugs it's never a good idea to hit him with the stash when you attempt to throw it away.
Woman Busted After Hitting Cop With Meth

In her haste to ditch a bag of methamphetamine during a traffic stop, a Louisiana woman allegedly tossed the drug out her car window and promptly hit a patrolman with the airborne narcotics.

Stephanie Dowdy, 33, was behind the wheel of a Honda Civic that was pulled over late last night after a cop spotted the vehicle traveling in the middle of a roadway in West Monroe (where Dowdy resides).

While approaching from the Honda’s passenger side, a deputy was struck in the leg by a plastic bag thrown out the passenger window. The bag, a probable cause affidavit states, contained about half-a-gram of “suspected Methamphetamine.”

Dowdy, who was alone in the car, initially “claimed she did not throw any Methamphetamine out of her window.” But she then reportedly recanted and admitted ownership of the narcotics (as well as tossing the small baggie).

... Dowdy was charged with a felony narcotics possession charge and obstruction of justice (for trying to ditch the meth). She was also cited for driving without a license and improper lane use.

FULL STORY: http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/flying-meth-arrest-987240
 
Hopefully helpful tip ... When committing a felony, make a point to NOT leave any tools or personally identifiable possesions like your cell phone at the scene. And above all - don't leave any of your body parts behind ... :doh: :roll:
Severed finger leads to arrest in log splitter theft in Tennessee

A severed finger pointed deputies to a suspect Thursday during an investigation into a recent theft in Tennessee.

The Anderson County Sheriff’s Office responded to a report of a stolen log splitter at a property where the severed finger was found along with a cell phone, tools and other items.

Detectives found that Hugh Seeber had been dropped off at Methodist Medical Center with a missing finger. The 50-year-old was then transported to the University of Tennessee Medical Center in Knoxville for treatment. ...

Anderson County Detective Sean Flynn met him there, taking the severed finger with him.

Seeber was later charged with felony theft of property.

SOURCE: https://www.wavy.com/news/national/...to-arrest-in-log-splitter-theft-in-tennessee/
 
I'd claim self-defense: Log splitter attacked me, so I had to make away with it.
 
I'm not sure how this woman thought she could keep a U-Haul rental van forever and not get caught. She's been arrested, and she's facing vehicle theft charges.
Altoona woman arrested with stolen U-Haul, charges filed

An Altoona woman is facing charges after she failed to return a U-Haul for more than 40 days.

Police report that 37-year-old Donna Colabove was arrested and charged on Nov. 3rd after the owner of a U-Haul called to file a report for a stolen van. Colabove had rented the van on Sept. 21, 2020, and paid a $90 deposit. She reportedly failed to return the van on Sept. 23 and allegedly changed her phone number and moved. U-Haul was unable to contact her at this point.

They called police on the 41st day to file a report. The van was found when they contacted a family member on the 300 block of 1st avenue and saw the van pull in behind the house and park. Colabove was taken into custody.

The victim assessed the mileage and damage. The amount owed totaled $4,000 while the damage to the roof of the van would be assessed at a later date. ...

FULL STORY: https://www.wearecentralpa.com/news...an-arrested-with-stolen-u-haul-charges-filed/
 
A North Carolina arsonist / burglar stole a bag of money from a resort office and apparently intended to torch the place to hide his tracks. He ended up torching himself and the money bag, and he fled in flames.

The video at the link below shows the whole thing.
Surveillance Video Shows Lake Norman RV Resort Arson Suspect Catch Fire During Breaking And Entering

An arson suspect caught themselves on fire after breaking into an RV resort in Sherrills Ford. Investigators with the Catawba County Sheriff’s Office are asking for the public’s help in identifying the suspect who set the office of the Lake Norman RV Resort on fire after breaking into the business.

Firefighters were called to the business around 1am on November 1st due to the blaze.

The suspect was dressed in black pants, a black hoodie with the hood pulled over their head, and a white face mask. The suspect was carrying a pry bar and a red gas can. Surveillance video shows the suspect breaking into the office and then dousing the office with an accelerant. The video shows an explosion as soon as the suspect ignited the accelerant.

Moments later, the suspect was seen running from the business with flames engulfing their feet and a bag of money they reportedly took from inside the business. Detectives believe the suspect suffered burns during this incident. ...

SOURCE (With Video Of The Act):
https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2020/...pect-catch-fire-during-breaking-and-entering/
 
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A North Carolina arsonist / burglar stole a bag of money from a resort office and apparently intended to torch the place to hide his tracks. He ended up torching himself and the money bag, and he fled in flames.

The video at the link below shows the whole thing.


SOURCE (With Video Of The Act):
https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2020/...pect-catch-fire-during-breaking-and-entering/
Literally hot-footing it from the scene of the crime! Boom-tish!!! And if the police catch him red-handed the gag'll be even better...
 
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A pair of thieving home invaders invaded the wrong house, tied up the occupants, went on to rob folks at their originally intended target, then returned to apologize before fleeing. They've now been arrested and arraigned.
Ann Arbor father, 3 children tied up during violent home invasion

Spencer John Payne and Cedrick Michael Sims were arraigned Wednesday in connection to two violent home invasions.

According to authorities, the two men are accused of breaking into two houses, tying up and threatening the occupants.

Police said it happened between 3 a.m. to 4 a.m. Oct. 8 at two houses, one on Sharon Drive and one on Macomb Street. Police are still investigating who directed them to the homes as they believe the houses were targeted.

Police say in the home on Macomb Street, the family -- a single father with three children, ages 5, 13 and 17 -- were tied up with electrical cords and clothing around their hands and feet.

Authorities said the two men realized they were in the wrong house, made a phone call and then went to the house next door on Sharon Drive.

Police said the family was threatened with death if they called the police.

At about 4 a.m., police said they broke into the house next door, where they found nine people inside ranging from age 3 to 62.

None of them were tied up, but they were led around at gunpoint, police say.

Authorities said the two stole a backpack, money and electronics, and demanded driver’s licenses of victims from both homes and warned them to not call police. Still, they called police.

Police said they then went back to the first house, apologized, untied the father and told him not to untie the children yet.

Residents found different places to stay until the two suspects were apprehended by police. ...

FULL STORY: https://www.clickondetroit.com/all-...ection-with-violent-ann-arbor-home-invasions/
 
Let's see ... This Kansas City guy's checklist for the day's errand(s) ... Felonious possession and transport of meth - check ... Carrying loaded firearm configured to shoot oneself if subjected to impact - check ... Racing motorcycle through city streets - check ... Getting run over by another / anonymous driver - well, that was just coincidental serendipity.
Man with meth crashes bike, accidently shoots self and gets hit by car in KCK

A man is left with critical injuries after a spin on his motorcycle in the Armourdale Neighborhood took a horrible turn on Thursday, November 19.

Police responded to reports of an injury crash in the area of 12th Street and Kansas Avenue, according to a statement on Twitter from the Kansas City, Kansas Police Department.

After investigating, officers found out that a man had been racing his bike when he lost control and wrecked. When he hit the ground, a gun that he had in the waistband of his pants fired, striking him in the hip.

The man was also then struck by another vehicle. The driver fled the scene. ...

The motorcyclist was transported to a hospital with critical but non-life-threatening injuries.

Police discovered that the man was also a felon. When searching his motorcycle, they found a large bag of suspected methamphetamine. ...

FULL STORY: https://fox4kc.com/news/man-with-me...ently-shoots-self-and-gets-hit-by-car-in-kck/
 
Helpful Hint for the Heinous: If you run out of gas in a newly-stolen vehicle, don't call the police for assistance.
Man in stolen SUV runs out of gas, calls police for help

An Allegheny County man is in Blair County Prison after state police say he called for help after running out of gas in a stolen SUV.

Daniel M. Rizza, 20, of McKeesport, called state police and asked for assistance after running out of gas in a gray Audi on Nov. 27 just after 5 p.m., but when he was told a trooper was responding he said he didn’t want an officer before hanging up, according to charges filed ...

Rizza was on old Route 22 in Juniata Township and parked on state game land. While state police were on their way, a Pennsylvania State Game Warden arrived.

The trooper also learned as he drove to where Rizza was parked that a gray Audi had been reported stolen in Altoona earlier that day.

State police noted Rizza was out of the vehicle and talking to the Game Warden when he arrived and a check of the SUV’s make, model, vehicle identification number and registration confirmed it was stolen.

Rizza was charged by state police with a felony count of receiving stolen property. ...

FULL STORY: https://www.wearecentralpa.com/news/man-in-stolen-suv-runs-out-of-gas-calls-police-for-help/
 
Well they wouldn't suspect a thing, probably normal to see Santa and elves and less chance of getting shot, maybe?
 
In July 2019 this German woman attempted to purchase a new car with fake money she printed out at home.
German woman tries to buy car with cash she printed at home

A German woman's plan to save money on a car backfired after the dealership noticed something wasn't quite right with her method of payment. ...

A German woman walked into a car dealership in the southwestern German city of Kaiserslautern on Friday ready to buy, but instead ended up riding in a police car after she was arrested when the dealership quickly noticed that her wad of €15,000 in cash was counterfeit.

But uncovering the woman's plan did not take much detective work. Local police said Monday that the 50 and 100-euro notes had been printed out on an ordinary ink jet printer, using ordinary printer paper.

After searching the 20-year-old woman's home in the nearby city of Pirmasens, police said they found a printer loaded with freshly printed "money," along with €13,000 worth of fake euros. ...

FULL STORY: https://www.dw.com/en/german-woman-tries-to-buy-car-with-cash-she-printed-at-home/a-49608317
 
It's a pity the guy who had the senior moment in the Silly Mistakes thread didn't know that lady, or that she couldn't wait long enough to get a car. They were in about the same area of Germany. They could have swapped their bundles of cash. That way, he wouldn't be missing real cash, and she wouldn't have been arrested for using fake cash. Tsk—people just need to get themselves better organized.
 
This would-be bank robber was cognizant enough to follow directions, but clueless on the bigger picture ...
Albuquerque man, 21, charged with attempted bank robbery

A 21-year-old New Mexico man has been charged with attempted bank robbery after he allegedly demanded money from a teller at a bank’s drive-through window then fled the scene.

A criminal complaint filed Thursday in U.S. District Court says Daniel Hansen of Albuquerque is accused of entering the Bank of Albuquerque on Coors Blvd around 3:45 p.m. on Dec. 16.

Federal prosecutors say a teller told him that transactions must be handled at the drive-up window so he went there on foot and wrote a demand for money on a withdrawal slip.

A teller backed away and activated the security alarm, causing Hansen to flee.

SOURCE: https://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/albuquerque-man-21-charged-with-attempted-bank-robbery/5965373/
 
I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this, so Mods may choose to move it. Not so much a dumb criminal as a dumb attempt at getting away with it.

I was reading up on the musician and band leader, Spade Cooley (1910–1969).

In 1961, Cooley brutally murdered his wife, believing she had been serially unfaithful. (Indeed, she appears to have admitted to her friends that she had been having an affair with Roy Rogers.)

There is nothing Fortean about the crime itself: it was simply a savage example of domestic violence.

Cooley forced his 14 year old daughter to watch while he beat his wife's head against the floor. Then he stomped on his wife's stomach. Then he pressed a lighted cigarette into her skin to check that she was dead.

The dumb bit, is that he then claimed that she had suffered her injuries "falling in the shower".

No doubt this would have been a successful deception had it not been for the 14 year old eye witness, the victim's multiple head injuries, her abdominal injuries, and the cigarette burn.

Cooley escaped the death sentence and, a few years later, he performed in a benefit concert, received a standing ovation at the end of the first half, and then died backstage of a heart attack during the interval. There can be few better ways for a performer to "go out" and few less deserving cases.
 
...Cooley forced his 14 year old daughter to watch while he beat his wife's head against the floor. Then he stomped on his wife's stomach. Then he pressed a lighted cigarette into her skin to check that she was dead.

An account of the daughter's testimony and a broader description of the event(s) can be found archived at the Wayback Machine:

https://web.archive.org/web/2007121...orious_murders/celebrity/spade_cooley/10.html


... The dumb bit, is that he then claimed that she had suffered her injuries "falling in the shower". ...

There's a bit more to his claim / excuse - not that the additional bit made it any more believable ...

Law enforcers were called to the hospital. Spade Cooley, seated in the waiting room, told Kern County Sheriff's Sgt. Thomas Shuell that he may have slapped his wife once or twice. But he said her injuries came when she jumped from their moving car a few days before and then fell in the shower the previous night.

SOURCE: https://web.archive.org/web/2007121...orious_murders/celebrity/spade_cooley/11.html
 
Well ... Standing proud about what you did is one thing; advertising it so law enforcement can't help but find you is quite another ...
Wisconsin man charged with illegally entering US Capitol during riots

The FBI has filed federal charges against a Wisconsin man who was seen inside the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C.

Kevin Loftus, 52, of Eau Claire, was charged in U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C, with unlawful entry to a restricted building, disorderly conduct in a restricted building and unlawfully remaining on the floor of Congress. ...

Investigators identified Loftus through social media posts.

"I am wanted by the FBI for illegal entry," Loftus wrote on his Facebook page.

Agents said he also posted his photo from inside the Capitol with an American flag.

"That's right folks some of us are in it to win it," Loftus wrote in the Facebook comments.

Investigators said he stood on the Senate dais.

He admitted his activities during the riots during an interview with FBI agents in Eau Claire, according to federal court documents. ...

Loftus does not have a criminal history in Wisconsin other than a traffic violation for failing to wear a seat belt.

If convicted, he faces up to 10 years in prison.
(Emphasis added)

FULL STORY: https://www.wisn.com/article/wiscon...ly-entering-us-capitol-during-riots/35194631#
 
Pro Tip: If you use a rental car to transport or distribute contraband it's wise to make a point to remove the incriminating items when you return the car.
Report of car renters returning for forgotten drugs leads to arrests, drugs, Albany County Sheriff says

A report of an individual who rented a car leaving drugs behind in the vehicle, then returning to get them Wednesday morning led to two arrests, Albany County Sheriff’s officials said.

Aasim J. Hilts, 26, of Albany, was arrested on multiple felony drug counts in the incident, officials said. A second man, Shariff A. Frasier, of Schenectady, was also cited for violation marijuana possession, officials said.

The incident began Wednesday morning when deputies at the Albany County Sheriff’s Office’s Airport Station were alerted by a rental car company that an individual had left drugs in the vehicle they returned, officials said.

Upon arrival, the deputies encountered both Hilts and Frasier, “who had returned to retrieve the drugs they forgot,” officials said in a release.

After an interview, deputies found Hilts to be in possession of 140 glassine envelopes containing a quantity of heroin, more than 35 grams of MDMA, 62 counterfeit oxycodone pills pressed with fentanyl, 10 suboxone strips, a quantity of marijuana and more than $5,600 in cash, officials said. ...

FULL STORY: https://dailygazette.com/2021/01/13...-to-arrests-drugs-albany-county-sheriff-says/
 
Tip for Success: When stuffing your dismembered murder victim into suitcases for disposal, always remember to remove tags and stickers identifying you from the luggage.
Suitcase Killer Forgot to Remove Baggage Claim Sticker: Police

Investigators found a chopped up body inside the luggage... and the suspect's name and location on the outside.

Police didn't have to look too hard for clues to this case: they were literally stuck on the side.

A Colorado man has been charged with murder after he forgot to remove the baggage claim stickers from the luggage that contained his dismembered victim, police claim.

Benjamin Satterthwaite, 28, was charged in the killing of 33-year-old Joshua Lockard, whose remains were discovered stuffed into a pair of suitcases and dumped on a Denver sidewalk. ...

The cases were discovered near a creek by two city employees who were ploughing snow on December 29; they opened one and found a human foot.

After detectives arrived they found one case contained a right leg and left upper thigh; the other had a torso wrapped in a trash bag and bound in duct tape.

They also found something else on one of the purple suitcases: a United Airlines baggage claim sticker with the name "Satterthwaite" and the destination "Den" written on it.

A quick call to Denver International Airport revealed a Benjamin Satterthwaite had flown in on December 21; he had not reported any of his bags missing. ...

Satterthwaite has been charged with one count of murder in the first degree, and one count of tampering with a deceased human body. ...

FULL STORY: https://toofab.com/2021/01/21/suitcase-killer-forgot-to-remove-baggage-claim-sticker-police/
 
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