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Toilet Talk

Ive peed next to a tree behind the toilets cause the buggers were closed, unfortunatlely i was wearing a jumpsuit and i was practically naked, there was a field next to it with a van there and a small fire, no people were in sight, i didnt give a toss, i had drank that much tea at Whitby it had to come out, and i doubt the bus driver would have been impressed by me peeing on his seats.
Dont know if ive mentioned this but i have always had a fear of sinks and baths flooding, it is worse with those toilets where the water is high up, i will not sit down on them, when the water flushes on my own it moves quite high up the bowl, it scares me, i know that is stupid and i cannot explain it
I've a loo that does that. Every time I flush it I have a moment where I think it's going to come over the top. It never does but I still have a slight fear it will.
 
I had a drunken encounter with the first bidet I'd seen.
At a posh friends house, I found it and wondered (not what it was for - I already knew) but how it actually functioned. After turning various taps and levers, I found the ones that a) stopped the water jet and b) opened the drain. While it emptied, I discovered the airing cupboard with plenty of bath towels. After a panicked mopping up, I neatly folded them up, replaced them in the cupboard ... and got the hell out of there.
 
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