Toilet Talk

Min Bannister

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Here we go, from imdb.

Adm. Bolgolam: [the Emperor, his sons, General Limtoc and Admiral Bolgolam, Clustril and other s are in the Lilliputian campaign room, discussing Gulliver's 'inventive' way of extinguishing a fire] This is an outrage! He made water in the royal grounds! It's a treasonable offence!

Emperor of Lilliput: But he saved the Empress' life!

Gen. Limtoc: At what cost? Our stepmother may never go out in public again, convinced that she's the laughing stock of Lilliput!

Emperor of Lilliput: But she's not that...

[to Clustril]

Emperor of Lilliput: Is she?

[Clustril sniggers]
I can go to bed now that I have seen to this important matter. :cool2:
 

Swifty

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The Magic Poo Trap for dogs. Don't watch this while you're having your breakfast .. :welc:

 

Jim

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Well, who hasn't done that after a shandy or two?
I've known many that took a pee outside after a few -many cocktails. But shi*ing on another's property is Frickin gross. You'd have thought that he would have been the bugger that got hit and not the home owner for bringing it to the idiots attention.
 
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AnonyJoolz

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Having a nice cup of tea and a sit-down.
Apropos of toilets, but really in the sphere of sociology, I remember a 'Thinking Allowed' episode on BBC R4 at least 10 years ago which mentioned a family that apparently had always used the toilet facing the cistern for at least 3 generations.

Since toilet use is generally only learned from parents/close relatives, they were not surprised - an initial adult, maybe when confronted with their first flushing toilet, had chosen to use it facing the 'wrong' way. And then had taught their children to do so, not knowing this was 'unusual'!

I swear on Mr Fort's grave this was an actual feature and is not a Mandela false memory. At least I hope not...
 
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Now you can piss a brick.

Human urine has been used to create environmentally friendly bricks by university students in South Africa.

They combined urine with sand and bacteria in a process that allows the bricks to solidify at room temperature.

"It's essentially the same way that coral is made in the ocean," Dyllon Randall, their supervisor at the University of Cape Town, told the BBC.

Regular bricks need to be baked in high-temperature kilns that produce large amounts of carbon dioxide.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-45978942#
 
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You could almost build a shit brick-house, not a brick shit-house...
I referred to a work colleague once as a shit brickhouse.

You mean 'brick shithouse', said another.

No, I did not - said I.

It's actually a very useful insult as, should anyone notice, you simply claim an involuntary spoonerism.

Another favourite is 'buttock force'. Employed when being ordered to perform an action by someone rude.
 

escargot

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Apropos of toilets, but really in the sphere of sociology, I remember a 'Thinking Allowed' episode on BBC R4 at least 10 years ago which mentioned a family that apparently had always used the toilet facing the cistern for at least 3 generations.

Since toilet use is generally only learned from parents/close relatives, they were not surprised - an initial adult, maybe when confronted with their first flushing toilet, had chosen to use it facing the 'wrong' way. And then had taught their children to do so, not knowing this was 'unusual'!

I swear on Mr Fort's grave this was an actual feature and is not a Mandela false memory. At least I hope not...
In the Daily Mirror in the early '70s there was a series of readers' letters about 'plug-enders', who sat next to the taps in the bath. They all thought that was normal, too.

You might have a go at searching the Thinking Allowed archives, or even emailing the programme.
 

Swifty

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Apparently these are still being made and sold .. three questions: what if you need to do more than one wipe, who cleans it and how?

abottomwiper.jpg
 
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Kryptonite

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Apparently these are still being made and sold .. three questions: what if you need to do more than one wipe, who cleans it and how?
And a fourth question, since it has a gift aid label: who the hell would want to buy a second-hand arse wiper?
 

escargot

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And a fourth question, since it has a gift aid label: who the hell would want to buy a second-hand arse wiper?
You could easily google all that. This is an aid to independence for people with disabilities. Mock ye not, you might need one some day and you'll be grateful.

As Swifty will know, one of the secret skills of careers is to discreetly assess a client's lavatorial capabilities without asking. A client who possesses one of these items is determined to keep their independence.

In fact, a very famous fillum's big reveal was ruined for me when I didn't see evidence of one of these.
 

Swifty

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You could easily google all that. This is an aid to independence for people with disabilities. Mock ye not, you might need one some day and you'll be grateful.

As Swifty will know, one of the secret skills of careers is to discreetly assess a client's lavatorial capabilities without asking. A client who possesses one of these items is determined to keep their independence.

In fact, a very famous fillum's big reveal was ruined for me when I didn't see evidence of one of these.
Promoting independence and fostering dignity and equality as I remember the training Skargy ..

I saw the independence writing on the box but it's honestly the first time I've seen one of these .. after use, are they put in some sort of sterilising solution bowl similar to a bog brush?. I presume you can buy replacement foam parts?
 

escargot

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I saw the independence writing on the box but it's honestly the first time I've seen one of these .. after use, are they put in some sort of sterilising solution bowl similar to a bog brush?.
They're used with bogroll or medicated wipes so it's not like a strigil (where everyone shares a sponge on a stick). It's a tricky skill to master, I'm told, but someone determined enough to manage alone can do it.
 

Kryptonite

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You could easily google all that. This is an aid to independence for people with disabilities. Mock ye not, you might need one some day and you'll be grateful.
I'm sure I'd be grateful for anything that made life easier, but I think that, if affordable, I'd feel much more comfortable if my toilet paraphernalia was new and not second-hand, being a bit of a germophobe.
 

Swifty

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They're used with bogroll or medicated wipes so it's not like a strigil (where everyone shares a sponge on a stick). It's a tricky skill to master, I'm told, but someone determined enough to manage alone can do it.
So that's what the hole in the middle of the sponge is for? ... to sort of slot in the paper or wipes?. Clever.
 

Swifty

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I'm sure I'd be grateful for anything that made life easier, but I think that, if affordable, I'd feel much more comfortable if my toilet paraphernalia was new and not second-hand, being a bit of a germophobe.
I expect it's never been used.
 

escargot

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I'm sure I'd be grateful for anything that made life easier, but I think that, if affordable, I'd feel much more comfortable if my toilet paraphernalia was new and not second-hand, being a bit of a germophobe.
As it's in its box it's probably an unwanted gift from a well-meaning adult daughter or son to their parent whose health was deteriorating.

I could tell you exactly how and why such a situation could come about but after reading it you'd have to burn your laptop.
 
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