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Toilet Talk

Comfortably Numb said:
When around 6 years old, we lived in a Glasgow tenement block which had a shared toilet.

By shared, I mean it was located at the top of stairs mid-tenement and used by all the tenants.

You have reminded that the, 'toilet paper' therein was always neatly cut squares of newspaper, impaled onto a small wall-hook. :)
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Eee, luxury!
 
Comfortably Numb said:
24 Types of Poop (Funny But True)

Poo comes in all shapes and sizes. It also comes is various odors and effort levels. In this article we’ll review the most common types of poop.
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Nope, seven:

iu


Anyone who says there are 24 is full of...himself.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale

maximus otter
 
What if they are more than one type at once?

Or long and hard and unflushable??

Enquiring minds need to know.
 
Kondoru said:
What if they are more than one type at once?
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You should register that as a new no. 8 on the chart. If we can find new planets from time to time, I can't see why we should rule out a new turd.
 
escargot said:
I was standing behind you when you test-drove it. Not my fondest memory.
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:).

I'd had a few glasses of wine and forgotten I'd posted that. The reason was {{{wavy lines}}}...

Back when that ad was published in Viz, I was working for pharma company Glaxo and they had this 'mensa' style IQ test you had to do when you joined up. Basically this was to see whether you had the aptitude for either working a machine producing hundreds of thousand of pounds worth of drugs or were better suited to packing boxes.

One section of the quiz was images of lines of cogs of different sizes with the direction of the first cog marked with an arrow. You had to say which direction the end cog would be turning and if it was turning faster or slower than cog number 1.
As soon as we saw the ad, me and my mate realized the design flaw in the Clag-Gone. How we laughed.

I am now a managing-director for a firm making cuckoo clocks. I show that ad to potential recruits and ask them if they see anything strange.
 
maximus otter said:
Nope, seven:

iu


Anyone who says there are 24 is full of...himself.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale

maximus otter
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Last summer, when my husband was in hospital for two months, this was a multiple-times-daily form filling exercise for us before his major surgery. It helped fill the time between transfusions and IV feeding :)

By the way, I now have intimate knowledge of how permanent stomas (commonly known as colostomy) work. People seem very curious about them so if any of my fellow FMBers have questions, just ask!
 
AnonyJoolz said:
Last summer, when my husband was in hospital for two months, this was a multiple-times-daily form filling exercise for us before his major surgery. It helped fill the time between transfusions and IV feeding :)

By the way, I now have intimate knowledge of how permanent stomas (commonly known as colostomy) work. People seem very curious about them so if any of my fellow FMBers have questions, just ask!
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Not all stomas are colostomy don't forget ileostomies.
 
Tin said:
Not all stomas are colostomy don't forget ileostomies.
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Exactly :) (hence 'commonly known as') and Mr J happens to have an ileostomy; but most folks seem to have never heard of them. They just know of "the colostomy bag" bit I think. There is a whole other world you only find out about when one of you becomes an ostomate. Some of the kit is really innovative!
 
AnonyJoolz said:
Exactly :) (hence 'commonly known as') and Mr J happens to have an ileostomy; but most folks seem to have never heard of them. They just know of "the colostomy bag" bit I think. There is a whole other world you only find out about when one of you becomes an ostomate. Some of the kit is really innovative!
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Ah sorry yes I know exactly where you're coming from, when you mention ileostomies people look blank and you have to say 'it;s like a colostomy but on the other side'. It's true what you say about innovation - there is a lot of thought put into the bags now like size, shape and even colours. Also all the kit that goes with it.
 
AnonyJoolz said:
...I now have intimate knowledge of how permanent stomas (commonly known as colostomy) work. People seem very curious about them so if any of my fellow FMBers have questions, just ask!
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ls it true that women have been known to refuse colostomies on the grounds that they can’t find shoes to match the bag?

maximus otter (Courtesy of the late great Joan Rivers)
 
One of my tasks at work used to be emptying the bags. Not changing them. I was actually required to open the lower end and squeeze out the contents.

I have assisted in many revolting processes (mechanical suction of congested lungs springs to mind; especially emptying the collection vessel afterwards.The smell is indescribable) but emptying the bags was the worst.

My stomach is strong but that job tested me. Dunno why proper disposable bags weren't used. Not hygienic or dignified.
 
escargot said:
One of my tasks at work used to be emptying the bags. Not changing them. I was actually required to open the lower end and squeeze out the contents.

I have assisted in many revolting processes (mechanical suction of congested lungs springs to mind; especially emptying the collection vessel afterwards.The smell is indescribable) but emptying the bags was the worst.

My stomach is strong but that job tested me. Dunno why proper disposable bags weren't used. Not hygienic or dignified.
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Disposable bags would require pretty regular bag changes and that causes soreness for the skin where the sticky seal contacts. The sore area can become infected quite easily.
 
Tin said:
Disposable bags would require pretty regular bag changes and that causes soreness for the skin where the sticky seal contacts. The sore area can become infected quite easily.
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The bags can be removed and replaced safely by a skilled worker. I was very skilled indeed and patients had no problems.
 
escargot said:
The bags can be removed and replaced safely by a skilled worker. I was very skilled indeed and patients had no problems.
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Yes they can but changing them often can cause problems for some with the skin around the stoma becoming sore.

There is another issue that each bag has to be tailored to make it fit which is easy enough but it would be a faff to do everytime you ate.
 
Tin said:
Yes they can but changing them often can cause problems for some with the skin around the stoma becoming sore.

There is another issue that each bag has to be tailored to make it fit which is easy enough but it would be a faff to do everytime you ate.
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The bags don't need to be tailored. Their inlets have to fit the stoma. They have snazzy 'portholes' which can be cut to size if necessary. Each comes with a stencil.
 
This may be a marketing disaster waiting to happen ...

Toilet techies demonstrate toilet capabilities for monitoring what's excreted into the units, identifying who's doing it, and uploading all the data into the cloud.

According to these researchers, buttholes are as unique as snowflakes or fingerprints.
Health-Monitoring ‘Smart Toilet’ Remembers Your Distinctive Butthole

What do your butthole and a snowflake have in common? Turns out no two of these are the same, allowing this “smart toilet” to differentiate your sphincter from others. By doing so, this toilet can monitor changes to your health over time and flag signs of disease.

New research published in Nature Biomedical Engineering describes a mountable toilet system that’s capable of monitoring a person’s health by analyzing their urine and poop. The system is modular, and its various gizmos can be fitted onto standard toilets, according to the team behind it. As a person does their business, the system works silently in the background, scanning their biological waste and then uploading the data to the cloud ...

Of course, toilets are typically used by more than one person, so the device needs to be able to discern one user from another. To that end, Gambhir and his colleagues fitted the system’s flush lever with a fingerprint scanner. Not content to stop there, the scientists added a camera that sits inside the bowl. Powered by machine learning, this camera identifies people by remembering their idiosyncratic buttholes.

“We know it seems weird, but as it turns out, your anal print is unique,” explained Gambhir. ...
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FULL STORY: https://gizmodo.com/health-monitoring-smart-toilet-remembers-your-distinc-1842726039
 
AnonyJoolz said:
Last summer, when my husband was in hospital for two months, this was a multiple-times-daily form filling exercise for us before his major surgery. It helped fill the time between transfusions and IV feeding :)

By the way, I now have intimate knowledge of how permanent stomas (commonly known as colostomy) work. People seem very curious about them so if any of my fellow FMBers have questions, just ask!
Click to expand...

Bristol stool chart cake:
1587379000087.png

Mmmm, appetising!:dinner:
 
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