Unexpected Pages in Publications?!

[Trevp666]

I wasn't sure where I could put this, so started a new topic, but if it fits elsewhere then I apologise, maybe someone can move it for me.

Basically I found this odd entry in a day-to-a-page 'desk calender' thingy that I got bought for me last christmas.
It's a 'How to survive almost anything' type of thing - each day you rip off the previous days 'tip' to reveal todays 'tip'.
It's a very americanised publication, with tips that usually say something like "How to find water in the desert", or "How to survive a bear attack" etc etc.
Anyhoo....this morning I ripped off the previous days tip to reveal this odd entry;

How to Foil a UFO Abduction

1; Control your thoughts.
Do not think of anything violent or upsetting - the extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may have the ability to read your mind.

2; Resist verbally.
Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone.

3; Resist mentally.
Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light, or in a safe place. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.

4; As a last resort, go for the EBEs eyes - you will not know what its other more sensitive areas are.

(this is accompanied by a line drawing of a rather sinister looking 'grey')

Now this has raised a few thoughts for me.
Why did the publishers think it an appropriate 'survival tip' considering that the rest of the tips are pretty much firmly based on things that might actually happen, albeit some of them fairly unlikely?
Why do the remarks at #1 and #3 contradict eachother?
And why 'go for the eyes'? Assuming that this is a real world situation and that the prospective abductee is not paralysed by some kind of force-field thing, would you not advise them to just be really 'punchy', or kick them in the family jewels area?

 

[JamesWhitehead]

The copy for these publications is probably supplied by bored penny-a-liners who cut and paste, paraphrase or invent stuff in a mad rush towards deadlines. Throwing the odd curve-ball into the mix comes with the territory since these days they are expected to supply material that receives little or no editing.

Browsing around bargain book outlets, you see hundreds of these opportunistic novelty titles that are sold on the appeal of the concept or cover. Reading them closely may be a somewhat surreal experience, as you have discovered!

 

[Mythopoeika]

The copy for these publications is probably supplied by bored penny-a-liners who cut and paste, paraphrase or invent stuff in a mad rush towards deadlines. Throwing the odd curve-ball into the mix comes with the territory since these days they are expected to supply material that receives little or no editing.

Yes, that is the most likely explanation (I think).
I've done it myself, as a technical writer. Somebody, somewhere has cracked open one of my dry-as-dust manuals and found a little gem. 8)

 

[PeniG]

Well, the "Worst Case Scenario" handbooks include ones for Zombie Apocalypse and so on. Humor sells.

And "go for the eyes" makes far and away the most sense if you're going to try to attack a grey. They don't seem to have any other features - assuming those smooth sexless grey bodies are space suits, they don't give anything away about the anatomical vulnerabilities, other than those oversized eyes.

And the advice to "go for the family jewels" makes two dubious assumptions: 1. That the species possesses them in the same location and state of vulnerability that ours does and 2) that the grey you're facing possesses the more vulnerable set. What makes you think it would be a male alien abducting you?

 

[Trevp666]

I dunno.....seemed like a fair bet though!

 

[PeniG]

Why? Given what we know about aliens, it may not even be a 50-50 shot.

 

[Maviself]

And the advice to "go for the family jewels" makes two dubious assumptions: 1. That the species possesses them in the same location and state of vulnerability that ours does and 2) that the grey you're facing possesses the more vulnerable set. What makes you think it would be a male alien abducting you?

Absolutely, never forget the "Ballchinian" in Men in Black 8)

 

[George_millett]

And the advice to "go for the family jewels" makes two dubious assumptions: 1. That the species possesses them in the same location and state of vulnerability that ours does and 2) that the grey you're facing possesses the more vulnerable set. What makes you think it would be a male alien abducting you?

Absolutely, never forget the "Ballchinian" in Men in Black 8)

I have to admit I saw the first quote and though of the slightly older line from Star Trek 6, "Not everyone keep's their genitals in the same place.' in response to Kirks 'I'm just glad he had kneecaps'.

Slightly more classic but conveys the same meaning.

 

[Anome]

Actually, that would be my advice. Go for anything that looks like a joint, as it is much more likely to be a point of vulnerability. And rendering it immobile is bound to be more useful than just blinding it.

After all, it's only an accident of evolution that we (well, at least the males) have external and vulnerable genitalia.

 

[GNC]

I pity the friendly alien who meets someone who reads these calendars!

 

[amarok2005]

The calendar creators were probably just cribbing from Ann Druffel:

http://www.anndruffel.com/articles/eart ... uction.htm

 

[sirwiggum]

I don't think 1 and 3 are mutually exclusive

1; Control your thoughts.
Do not think of anything violent or upsetting - the extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may have the ability to read your mind.

3; Resist mentally.
Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light, or in a safe place. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.

You could imagine yourselve envoloped in a protective white light, almost womb-like, without it being agressive or violent.

Either it is a public service guide that has gotten out before it's invasion embargo, or they googled 'how to survive' as their source material.

Freakiest unexpected entry in a publication from when I was a kid, some comic book annual that had a section on myths, such as King Arthur and his knights sleeping in a cave but being disturbed when someone tried to take their sword, or St George riding across a lake every year.

 

[Mythopoeika]

Freakiest unexpected entry in a publication from when I was a kid, some comic book annual that had a section on myths, such as King Arthur and his knights sleeping in a cave but being disturbed when someone tried to take their sword, or St George riding across a lake every year.

I remember reading that in a comic book when I was a kid too.
Was it in 'Ranger' comic or 'Look & Learn'?