Why DID the Chicken Cross The Road

MrRING

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I was checking out this fab page at fUSION aNOMALY and it was inteesting to see all the joke answers to the age-old query "Why did the chicken cross the road":

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (various authors)
Plato:
For the greater good.

Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida:
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams:
Forty-two.

Friedrich Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North:
National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell:
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
 

OneWingedBird

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I'm only surprised Skinner wouldn't have it crossing the road in a Chicken guided missile:blah:
 

ArthurASCII

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Edmund Hillary:
Because it was there.
 
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Anonymous

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Chicken skin humor

Why did the stoner cross the road?
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Who else would follow a chicken.
 
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Anonymous

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the road was cheating on it.

:rolleyes: That's original, folks.
 

UsernameHere1

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Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
 

Stormkhan

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Heisenberg:

"The chicken was potentially on both sides of the road, which side depends on the viewpoint of the observer. Therefore quantum probability dictates it was, in fact, on both sides of the road and spread across the middle.

Holding up my damn bus!"
 

OneWingedBird

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Dawkins:

That we speak of the chicken making a conscious decision to cross the road is purely for convenience, those chickens in earlier generations that did not cross the road were much less likely to pass on the gene for not crossing the road, whereas those that did cross the road were much more likely to pass on the gene for road crossing, so after a number of generations the gene for road crossing will become dominant in the population.
 

Spookdaddy

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Daily Mail

Blair’s catastrophic immigration policy to blame for flood of chickens from other side of road.
 

Spookdaddy

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James Joyce A Portrait of the Chicken as a Young Egg

Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a chickylicky coming along the road and this chickylicky that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...and says:

- Bugger me missus Mrs MacArdle, stood there all ringlets and boot-polish, if some unwashed and pale-witted gurrier hasn’t made off with me stout just while me back was turned and I was walking up the road there for a bit.
 

Spookdaddy

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M R James.

I regret that the various means by which the papers out of which I have reconstructed the following narrative came into my possession must for the present time remain obscured.

As obfuscated as they are in mystery and unenlightened supposition it was my very good acquaintance the late Venerable Percival Bentwood-Chair, DD, Archdeacon of ______ and Rector of ______ and ______ who gave me my first inklings as to the circumstances which led inevitably to the presence of our mutual friend the chicken on that lonely and isolated stretch of road by the Norfolk coast on a blustery autumn evening with an ancient parchment containing the single Latin phrase juggernautum henum flattenum clutched under its horribly mangled wing.






This afternoon I am mostly bored.
 

Imperial_Call

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Why did Ozzy Osbourne cross the road?


To bite the chicken's head off ...
 

river_styx

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The Chicken.

Buh-kwaaaark.


No way related to Burt Kwok or sub-atomic particles.


River_Styx, proud spokesman of the chicken nation.
 

Spookdaddy

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That CIA report.

Impeccable sources of the highest security grading close to this organisation have over the last few months noted a dramatic increase in chicken related activity across various lines of communication. Our analysts believe that this indicates that a poultry based attack on the United States mainland is imminent and inevitable.

After looking at the Agency’s Atlas for quite a long time we now believe we have incontrovertible proof that the nation most likely to be behind this proposed attack on our great nation is Turkey.

Our recommendations would be the immediate launch of surgical strikes against the known headquarters of Chicken Licken, Turkey Lurkey and the Little Red Rooster followed by a massive sea and land offensive against any nation deemed to be sheltering or offering succour to these aggressors.

Elmer Fudd. Director CIA
 

Spookdaddy

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River_Styx said:
Even Rhode Island?
We must hunt down and exterminate this fowl pestilence wherever it may exist and however close to home it may be.

E Fudd




I'll get me coat.
 

BuckeyeJones

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the opossum it could be done!:D
 

river_styx

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The Television Evangelist:

"Because it had seen the light good brothers and sisters and that light exists on the other side of the road. I can lead you there but the Good Lord and Sweet Baby Jesus have told me it's a toll road and for just a $10 donation you can join the chicken in the light on the other side...Can I get an AMEN?"
 
A

Anonymous

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Chandler from friends
Could the chicken be any more on the other side of the road?


Captain Picard
Because we were unable to interfere due to the prime directive


Gandalf
Because it was drawn to the ring


(I'm not really very good at this am I ?)
 

Melf

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michael caine:-

it was only spose to blow the bloody doors off

sigmund freud:-

sometimes a chicken and the road are just a chicken and a road

a skeptic (iron rod ;) ):-

there is no proof that the chicken and the road ever existed, because i havent proved that they existed in the first place

(zoe:- youre doing ok! :yeay: )
 
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Anonymous

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Thank you Melf


A spokesperson from McDonalds:
Clearly it was dissatisfied by a recent meal it had eaten at Burger King

A spokesperson from Burger King
Probably the chicken was dissatisfied because (unlike certain other burger chains) our meals are not designed to be eaten by poultry


A spokesperson from British Rail

We don't know why the chicken crossed the road but there will be a full enquiry and the trains should be running as normal within the next few days
 

CodenameThrow

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M R James.

I regret that the various means by which the papers out of which I have reconstructed the following narrative came into my possession must for the present time remain obscured.

As obfuscated as they are in mystery and unenlightened supposition it was my very good acquaintance the late Venerable Percival Bentwood-Chair, DD, Archdeacon of ______ and Rector of ______ and ______ who gave me my first inklings as to the circumstances which led inevitably to the presence of our mutual friend the chicken on that lonely and isolated stretch of road by the Norfolk coast on a blustery autumn evening with an ancient parchment containing the single Latin phrase juggernautum henum flattenum clutched under its horribly mangled wing.
*standing ovation*

"I only glanced once at his beak"
 

Anome

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Raymond Chandler:

Down these mean streets a chicken must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. … He is the hero, he is everything. He must be a complete chicken and a common chicken and yet an unusual chicken. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a chicken of honor, by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best chicken in his world and a good enough chicken for any world.
 

Melf

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carl jung:-

it was a coincidence thats all

delia smith (tv cook):-

to beat the egg

j t kirk:-

to boldly go, where no chicken has gone before

mib:-

you didnt see a chicken or a road, it was venus rising over marsh gas

a optomist:-

to get there

a pessimist:-

to try and get there

a apathetic person:-

who cares?, cos i dont

a apostate:-

to renounce his faith

a surrealist:-

yellow

a boy scout:-

to help a nother chicken across the road

bush (& co):-

it was (alleadgely) looking for wmds ;)

a satanist:-

to sell its soul
 

river_styx

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Morpheous.
Because it was, The One and there is no road.
Indeed if there was a road, which there wasn't, The One chicken would have rewritten The Matrix and then leapt across the road in bullet time.

Agent Smith.
Mr Chicken, how pleasant to see you again.

The One Chicken.
I know kung fu.
 
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Anonymous

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John the Baptist
I am not here to speak of this chicken but of the chicken that is to come after it


chicken
I was trying to change a light bulb but then I realised I was in the wrong joke


the invisible man
I don't know but I wish I hadn't been bending over in the middle of the road at the exact moment that it chose to cross
 

nickedoff12

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Edmund Hillary: Because it was there.
Television Evangelist:"Because it had seen the light good brothers and sisters and that light exists on the other side of the road. I can lead you there but the Good Lord and Sweet Baby Jesus have told me it's a toll road and for just a donation you can join the chicken in the light on the other side...Can I get an AMEN?"
:rofl:
 
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