Maybe I need to watch Eyes Wide Shut again. I kind of liked it *cringe* but I only saw it once and that was with my much older, much more religious aunt. I think I enjoyed it for the shock value it had on her more than anything.
That would be HOLLOW MAN. Here's a hint. Everything Paul Verhoeven makes is a piece of utter lowest-common denominator crap. Don't let his good European movies fool you.
Well...I've been on the recieving end of a certain amount of abuse for this, but * A Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover* (I think) was a film I walked out on, oh, is it fifteen years ago now, and somehow grows even more wretched in the memory of it. I remember offering to my companion that I'd be willing to wipe myself with a piece of celluloid, call it LIFE, and have critics all over the world hail it as ART. Visible shudder.
I can't stand The Matrix - bloody awful. Lots of SFX in search of a plot. Boring as hell Also didn't like Saving Private Ryan - very dire film. Basically a bog-standard war film with lots of gore and moody lighting to make it look 'real'. Too much flag-waving too!
i second many of the objections to kubrick's movies, especially eyes wide shut which turned a wonderful novel into crap; but i'll say more than a word in favor of <paths of glory>. probably the most beautiful movie against war. so moving, so deeply human, so terribly tragic.
You don't know bad. I was ostracised for a matter of months when I finished University and moved away from the town. I had left behind a box of my stuff for my mates to look after with a warning "Don't watch The Roller Blade Seven, its the worst film ever. Not in a its so bad its funny, but in a I want to gouge my eyes out or chew on my wrists to die from bloodloss or throw my head into the tv to make this thing stop but it has drained all the will from me".
They didn't believe me, they thought I was joking or exaggerating or that "it would be a laugh".
There were 15 of them watching it. They survived, but they each want 90 minutes of their lives back. That, including the 90 minutes from me is an entire day. That's an entire day. Think about it, that film has verifiably drained an entire day of existence from the world. The film is evil.
For many years Ed Wood's Classic 'Plan 9' has been considered the worst film ever made. Forget it The Roller Blade Seven is infinitely worse. The cast is made up of famous peoples brothers and almost famous or has been actors and actresses. The plot along with the budget and script are non-existent. The running time is made up not in the classic Ed Wood style of using stock footage. Instead there is endless slow motion and repeated action. And as for The Roller Blade Seven aren't even seven of them!
You must see this film just to know how bad film making can really be. Giving independent film makers everywhere hope.
It was (foolishly) with some degree of relish that I sat down to watch what a friend had promised would be the worst/best movie experience of my life, the mighty 'Roller blade 7'. 2 years on and I'm still in therapy. Oh yes my dear friends it REALLY IS THAT BAD. They obviously got about 40 minutes of footage in the can and then decided to use said footage endlessly and repeatedly to brain-numbing effect. My only fear of the kind of post-apocalyptic world featured in this turkey is that somehow, some way, a print of this abomination would survive. Truly the living would envy the dead.
About 15 minutes into 'The Roller Blade Seven' I nearly gave up, but decided (masochist that I am!) to go all the way, baby! Because this is one movie you just gotta see ONCE, if only as a yardstick of sheer crapness.
This is without doubt one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Now maybe you're thinking "goodie! I'm in for some 1990s version of 'Plan Nine From Outer Space', or 'The Incredibly Strange Creatures...' hilarious laugh-a-minute good times". NO!! When I say BAD I mean beyond entertainment. This movie is so awful in every way imaginable, and absolutely torturous to sit through, that you won't be able to think of ANY reason to continue watching it until the end.
The only movies off the top of my head that even come close to it are the unspeakably bad British vampire movie 'Razor Blade Smile', and the Godawful noir parody(??) 'Art Deco Detective'. At least the former had some unintentional laughs, and the latter featured a handful of funny lines from b-grade legend Brion James. 'The Roller Blade Seven' has no redeeming features whatsoever. What all three movies also share is that they were shot straight on video, making them all aesthetically unpleasant experiences. As well as cheaper than a pub crawl.
The guy responsible for this gem is Donald G. Jackson who is also the brains behind the moderately amusing 'Frogtown' movies, which I have seen, and works such as 'Mimes: Silent But Deadly' and 'Lingerie Kickboxer', which I haven't. He produces/directs and also co-writes with the movie's star Scott Shaw. Yeah I don't know him either but apparently he's some kinda martial arts expert and has appeared in movies with titles like 'Samurai Vampire Bikers From Hell' and 'Samurai Johnny Frankenstein', so you know he's class all the way. The Supporting cast includes Frank Stallone (Sly's brother) and Joe Estevez (Martin Sheen's brother and star of 'Motorcycle Cheerleading Mommas') (read that title again!!) , and somehow, cos I can't believe it myself, bona fide cult legends William Smith, Don Stroud and Karen Black. If you are a fan of any of those three all I can say is best stay away...
The "plot" concerns a Hawk (Shaw), a futuristic Ninja dude, who has to rescue his sister from evil baddies led by the crippled Pharoah (Smith), who is some kinda cult leader who invented a popular skateboard or something. Hawk meets up with all kinda weirdos, both good and bad, most of whom dress funny and use roller blades, and one of which continually plays the banjo. I say good and bad, because I honestly couldn't tell most of the time who was who, or what side they were on. Especially that banjo fella. And I suppose there was seven of them, but I wasn't counting, and who really cares? One of the roller bladers was Don Stroud but I never worked out which one, and eventually forgot he was even supposed to be in it. By the credits I didn't even care any more, and that says a lot because I LOVE Don Stroud and he was the main reason I watched this crap in the first place!
The plot, or lack of it, is only the half of it. Jackson directs like he has both eyes shut, and the editing was done (I believe) by someone with one hand tied behind their back, who insists on showing us every "action" sequence three or four times consecutively, for no apparent reason. There's about twenty minutes of (bad) dialogue spread throughout the ninety minutes of the movie, and the soundtrack, which includes everything from "moody" electronics to "smokin'" rawk to the banjo fellas limited repertoire of licks, is probably even worse.
The only thing that will amaze you after sitting through this offal is the fact that there was not only a sequel, but TWO!! Whether they are better than this or could even conceivably be WORSE I'll leave up to you because frankly, I value my sanity, and one 'Roller Blade Seven' flick is my absolute limit!
A post-apocalyptic warrior goes off to save some kind of Nun and on the way meets some cyber-punks on skates who want to kick his ass. This is one of the hardest to watch films ever, There are scenes with silence that seems to last hours before somebody comes out with the next badly written, badly acted line. There are action sequences that keep repeating - and we're not talking the quickfire 1-2-3 action repeat on a particularly good kick that was made popular by eastern directors, we're talking many, many repeats of long, bad fight sequences. This is incredibly confusing at first but then quickly becomes annoying as you're watching a 30 second sequence for the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time. Any kind of plot or vision is lost within the confusing continuity, the only thing thats keeps this film in the videoplayer (apart from the bet from a friend that i couldn't watch it all the way through without begging for it to be turned off and disposed off safely so it may harm no-one else) is the fact that although painful, this film is unintentionally hilarious, i'm not at all a fan of those "so bad that it's funny" type of films but at parts i was in tears. Other points to note are the quality of the sound and picture but this is forgiveable as it's obvious money was a major problem in the making of this film. Final verdict - King of the "so bad they're funny" genre, anybody having that kind of genre video night should get themselves a copy. Also lets not forget that it is actually the worst film i've ever seen.
I knew that I was not about to see a quality film when this title was included in a 'B-grade video night' at a friends place. Despite the warnings, I was still surprised at just how bad this film was. It was fortunate that there were a lot of us there to share the pain with each other... The film attempts to tell the story of a dark future, one in which Hawk (a Mad Max type of character) heads off to rescue a damsel in distress. In reality, the plot is a thinly disguised excuse for the producers to promote their own philosophies on life (watch the end credits and the 'these people are not real' disclaimer at the end for a real laugh). The movie is frequently lacking direction, and fails to develop its characters to any degree whatsoever. What's even worse though is the editing of this film. The film repeats scenes (often 10 to 20 seconds long) up to 4 or 5 times in a row. I think that this was an attempt to emulate things like Jean Claude Van-Damme fight sequences, but if it is it fails utterly. The film would probably be about 1/3 of its length if we weren't forced to watch the main character move his head in front of the setting sun half a dozen times (yes, that's all that happens in that repeated scene). I give this movie my 'worst film I've ever seen' award. I doubt that it will be topped any time soon.
A selection of reviews from IMDB and they don't do it justice. Honestly (and joking aside) I think it is an indoctrination film for a cult in California. This cult features heavily in the film as a source of enlightenment (or sh!t as the rest of us know it) and the repetative images combined with the will-sapping nature of the film seem to buzz in your brain for months after.
Totally agree. saw it the first time on TV the other night. shows a glimmer of tension about two hours in after the 'Orgy Party' then just gives up like it can't be arsed anymore. Utter Bollocks. And it was Stanley Kubricks parting shot. Sad
Wnet to see 'Men in black 2' at the cinema. Pointless film.
Well, I've seen more than my fair share, i can tell you. Agree with the paring of Robin Williams on previous messages. His gurning, simpering, wheedling approach to acting is truly a marvel to behold (Flubber anyone?), but the following two are IMHO a couple of 50ft turkeys:
Sewer Baby - "Flushed away at birth", so bad IMBD doesn't concede it ever existed. It does honest, I can remember it. You do believe me, don't you??
*Eljubbo looks across at Cognitive Pyscologist sitting next to him, who nods with sympathetic encouragement*
The Vineyard - "An island of Death fuelled by the blood of its victims". Even the usually excellent (and utterly inscrutable) James Hong couldn't get this lumbering shite-fest off the ground.
Well last night I had two hours of my life stolen watching xXx - what a crock of sh!t. At least I didn't have to pay to see it - the AMC in Manchester is giving away free tickets for all their films this month on their website - tis a pity they're all sh!te.
Short Cuts - four hours of my life that would have been better spent shaving my legs, shaving my partner's legs, anyone else's legs, anybody else's anything, really. Four hours of my life I will not see again.
I once went with a friend to the cinema and pursuaded him that Tomb Raider would be "fun" to see. I sat there for the next one and a half hours squirming with embarrasment as the images passed across the screen - images with no discernable meaning, motive, reason to exist. Scenes were hung together randomly, people being filmed spoke lines of gibberish with a straight face (I assume they were actors), John Voight was there and there were big stone monkeys with swords. Angelina Jolie prayed in a buddhist temple and then skidooed across Siberia in her T-shirt looking for a big clock. And then it ended. I guiltily offered my friend the money back for his ticket. To cleanse ourselves we went in to the next showing of Shrek and tried to bury the memories...the terrible memories that still sometimes come to me in the night to wake me with a scream.
Armageddon. Loud, dumb and loud again. From the "if in doubt blow something up" School of filmaking.
Other bad movies: Anything with Burt Reynolds, The Carry On films, Eyes Wide Shut (like watching paint dry - although Paths of Glory is a film well worth seeing and sadly overshadowed by Kubrick's later films)
Except for Deliverance, and possibly boogie nights.
I have to agree with everyone about Eyes Wide Shut though, overblown, dull, pretentious crap. Kubrick did achieve one amazing cinematic masterstroke in that movie though, he managed to make Nicole Kidman, sans kit, completely unattractive!
Oh c'mon, what's good about Forrest Gump? It's basic premise was done 1000 times better by Woody Allen in Zelig, and the basic message appears to be that if you're an idiot who does as he's told you'll succeed, but if you challenge authority you'll die.
"The Mummy" - quite simply the worst script ever, plus John Hannah (there's just something about him which makes me want to kill)
"Eyes Wide Shut" - mine were, ZZzzzzzzz.....
"Jumanji" - a low point even for Robin Williams
"The Exorcist" - I actually decided not to watch this in the cinema in case I got too scared. Fat chance.