Worst Movie EVER?

Ogdred Weary said:
I think he's done five or more "feature films" now. He is apparently insane but doesn't mind audiences laughing at his films, I'm not sure he understands why they are laughing though...

He's also done a filmaking course, so you too can make cinematic marvels:


Breen discussion starts 20 or so minutes in.
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Magnificent .. and I've got a sudden urge to re watch Rawhead Rex now, I haven't seen that since the 80's. All I can remember about Rex is the bit in Clive Barker's book when Rex pisses in a willing priest's mouth.
 
Swifty said:
Magnificent .. and I've got a sudden urge to re watch Rawhead Rex now, I haven't seen that since the 80's. All I can remember about Rex is the bit in Clive Barker's book when Rex pisses in a willing priest's mouth.
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I have a funny feeling that that bit didn't make it to screen.

Sadly.
 
WanderingFox said:
Time of the Apes was a Japanese sort-of spin on POTA with truly atrocious dubbing. King Dinosaur was notable only for trying to pass off real lizards as Big Scary Dinosaurs via ropey cross-cutting.

Village of the Giants, on the other hand, was an absolute cracker: giant cat, giant dog, giant ducks that literally shake their tail feathers at a dance party then get roasted on a giant spit, giant spider electrocuted via gymnastic swinging to break a ceiling cable and multi-coloured optical flashes, giant prop legs, giant prop bosom people kept hanging from, David vs Goliath complete with slightshot, all wrapped up in swinging 60s vibes. Pretty sure copious quantities of dubious chemicals were involved in the making of it. A hoot to watch.

Now I'm on to The Mole People, a black and white pseudo-serious - it started with a short lecture, for crying out loud - Verne wannabe, of which there seemed to be many.
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I don't care!
 
Village of the Giants is a Bert I. Gordon ("Mr B.I.G.") movie, he was obsessed with making movies about giant things. He also made The Mad Bomber, which was a 70s thriller in unbelievable bad taste (I recommend the uncut version for the full rotten effect!).
 
Dinobot said:
I don't care!
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About the dubbing? Fair enough. :)

The Mole People eschewed badly comped critters in favour of a long-buried matte painting city of light-sensitive, highly religious albinos and their scaled, bug-eyed, long-clawed, burrowing, humpbacked, mostly feral yet neatly dressed slave race. Unfortunately, these wonderfully gonzo elements play in a plot so dull I don't even remember how it ends beyond the latter revolting. The lifeless lead characters don't help, either.

What happens when Hammer go sci-fi? Moon Zero Two happens, a confounding mix of zany animated opening, ebullient jazz score that hardly ever shuts up, random costuming and wacky hairdos with lots of shiny plastic textures, a weirdly-accented Warren Mitchell, a permanently bemused Bernard Bresslaw, a low grav 'fight' that's just the actors fumbling awkwardly in slow motion around an oddly stagey bar that randomly changes theme twice during the film, a moon lander treated as multi-purpose space vehicle, and a lead with no discernible personality. I have no idea what the film was trying to be, and I'm pretty sure no-one involved knew, either.

GNC said:
Village of the Giants is a Bert I. Gordon ("Mr B.I.G.") movie, he was obsessed with making movies about giant things. He also made The Mad Bomber, which was a 70s thriller in unbelievable bad taste (I recommend the uncut version for the full rotten effect!).
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Yeah, as a friend I was chatting with on Telegram as I watched noted, there was something almost fetishistic about VotG. To Gordon's credit, it's a pretty decent film technically, with some nice composites, it just also happens to be deranged. Speaking of, The Mad Bomber is certainly tempting, if only in a morbid curiosity kind of way. How bad can it possibly be...?
 
Moon Zero Two was a space western, of course!

The Mad Bomber is for seasoned bad movie fans only, I'd say, especially those immune to routine 1970s offensiveness.
 
WanderingFox said:
What happens when Hammer go sci-fi? Moon Zero Two happens, a confounding mix of zany animated opening, ebullient jazz score that hardly ever shuts up, random costuming and wacky hairdos with lots of shiny plastic textures, a weirdly-accented Warren Mitchell, a permanently bemused Bernard Bresslaw, a low grav 'fight' that's just the actors fumbling awkwardly in slow motion around an oddly stagey bar that randomly changes theme twice during the film, a moon lander treated as multi-purpose space vehicle, and a lead with no discernible personality. I have no idea what the film was trying to be, and I'm pretty sure no-one involved knew, either.
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I remember seeing this as a kid, liked it at the time.
 
Dinobot said:
It's a line from Time Of The Apes - as the boy is heading out to the lab, an earthquake hits. His mother says don't go, it's too dangerous, and he responds "I don't care..." and ships merrily off to his doom...
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:doh:Well, now I feel silly. Shows how much of the dialogue landed for me, I guess.

GNC said:
Moon Zero Two was a space western, of course!
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Well, that explains the western bar theme, but not a single thing else! Maybe they shared the chemicals Gordon was imbibing when he made Village of the Giants. Speaking of Gordon...

GNC said:
The Mad Bomber is for seasoned bad movie fans only, I'd say, especially those immune to routine 1970s offensiveness.
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Noted. Will think on it a bit.

Bumped into Gordon again last night, an earlier, black and white effort called Earth vs the Spider, which was sadly nowhere near as wackadoodle as VotG, but shared a lot of the same elements, including dopey teens, random dances and lame prop legs. Would also have more accurately been titled Small Generic American Town vs the Spider.

The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy was a lot better, but then Mexican genre films of the 50s and 60s never seem to disappoint. The Robot, when it finally appeared after most of the movie was taken up by recaps of the prior entries in the series and a villainous monologue that never seemed to end, was something to behold...

the-robot-vs-the-aztec-mummy.jpg


It might even have been nuttier than Samson vs the Vampire Women, and that featured a luchador hero who could really take a hit and undead minions who ran with heads down, arms out and capes spread.

GNC said:
Kitten with a Whip doesn't need MST3K, it's a camp classic on its own. Ann-Margret at her best.
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Now I've seen it, I wholeheartedly agree!
 
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WanderingFox said:
The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy was a lot better, but then Mexican genre films of the 50s and 60s never seem to disappoint. The Robot, when it finally appeared after most of the movie was taken up by recaps of the prior entries in the series and a villainous monologue that never seemed to end, was something to behold...

View attachment 48495

It might even have been nuttier than Samson vs the Vampire Women, and that featured a luchador hero who could really take a hit and undead minions who ran with heads down, arms out and capes spread.



Now I've seen it, I wholeheartedly agree!
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Hooray! Also, on a Mexican trip, check out The Wrestling Women vs The Aztec Mummy, which is one of the best Mexican wrestling movies. And from the same era, The Brainiac is really quite something too.
 
New levels of utter garbageness achieved in Stonehenge Apocalypse - Horror Channel earlier. I don’t know how this ever got made.

An American film largely about & set around Stonehenge, filmed entirely on location…..somewhere in the US. Stonehenge has a large range of hills in the background. There’s a fairly cheap looking mockup of the stones with fairly cheap cliched characters.

Geomagnetic powersurge weirdness starts happening at Stonehenge - stones actually move - maverick American scientist hears about it, promptly goes there, arrives delivered in black London cab - manages to walk into the stones despite it being militarily sealed off - Stonehenge linked to other ancient sites forming worldwide grid - powersurge provokes volcano eruptions & other disasters around the world - American military, abundantly situated there for some reason, with Hummers etc, want to nuke it - at first they dismiss maverick scientist as crazy but gradually come round to his view - new age cult find key to worldwide power grid which will wipe out old world, replacing with new ‘pure’ one - pyramid rises from the ground in Maine USA - maverick scientist saves day despite being shot, twice, just as the nuke missile is seconds from impact. Phew.

I only flicked to it once in a while so I may have missed some vital details.

0.5 out of 10.
 
Interesting manifestation of bad moviedom, this film has been released by Vinegar Syndrome who specialise in highly quality blue ray releases of bad/weird/cult films for a necessarily niche market.

They acquired a load of films and footage from a company, which included a huge amount of footage from an unreleased and possibly unfinished film. They decided to edit together and complete the film, even dubbing in dialogue using the actors mouth movements - the original audio was lost/not recorded.

Here's Redlettermedia discussing New York Ninja:

 
hunck said:
New levels of utter garbageness achieved in Stonehenge Apocalypse - Horror Channel earlier. I don’t know how this ever got made.

An American film largely about & set around Stonehenge, filmed entirely on location…..somewhere in the US. Stonehenge has a large range of hills in the background. There’s a fairly cheap looking mockup of the stones with fairly cheap cliched characters.

Geomagnetic powersurge weirdness starts happening at Stonehenge - stones actually move - maverick American scientist hears about it, promptly goes there, arrives delivered in black London cab - manages to walk into the stones despite it being militarily sealed off - Stonehenge linked to other ancient sites forming worldwide grid - powersurge provokes volcano eruptions & other disasters around the world - American military, abundantly situated there for some reason, with Hummers etc, want to nuke it - at first they dismiss maverick scientist as crazy but gradually come round to his view - new age cult find key to worldwide power grid which will wipe out old world, replacing with new ‘pure’ one - pyramid rises from the ground in Maine USA - maverick scientist saves day despite being shot, twice, just as the nuke missile is seconds from impact. Phew.

I only flicked to it once in a while so I may have missed some vital details.

0.5 out of 10.
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You watched a heck of a lot more than I could ever manage...
 
Ogdred Weary said:
Interesting manifestation of bad moviedom, this film has been released by Vinegar Syndrome who specialise in highly quality blue ray releases of bad/weird/cult films for a necessarily niche market.

They acquired a load of films and footage from a company, which included a huge amount of footage from an unreleased and possibly unfinished film. They decided to edit together and complete the film, even dubbing in dialogue using the actors mouth movements - the original audio was lost/not recorded.

Here's Redlettermedia discussing New York Ninja:

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I don't know how good or bad the film is but I couldn't last more than a couple of minutes with the braying jackasses of Redlettermedia!
 
I recorded a film called 'Nautilus' (from 1999) a few days ago and decided last night to give it a go.
The basic premise of the film is that people travel back in time from the 21st century to prevent some weapon being created, or some such bummocks.
Well it began with an all action scene of someone (who had their identity concealed by lots of clothing and headwear etc) escaping some compound by stealing an armoured vehicle, smashing through stuff, flames and explosions, being chased, getting to the beach, having a gunfight before stripping off to reveal (of course) an 'Angelina Jolie' lookalike, who proceeds to swim out to sea before diving down and entering a conveniently waiting submarine.
Well.....it was terrible.
Right from the off it was clear that the budget and special effects were not keeping up with the imagination of the designers.
The acting was awful.
Continuity was sketchy at best.
And the believability of the whole thing was totally blown by the 'Jolie-alike' doing the diving down and getting into a submarine, apparently just by opening a hatch in the side and getting in, and then stepping through another hatch on the inside into what was clearly a studio shot, with somebody chucking a cupful of water through the hatch behind her.

I didn't watch beyond that - and that all took place in the first 3 minutes.
On a scale of 1 - 10 with '10' being the best score, I would give it a 'minus 47'.

(I am considering actually going onto my tellybox and 'undeleting' it so I can watch some more just to confirm how atrocious it is - kind of like circling around to drive back past a car crash for another look)
 
gordonrutter said:
You watched a heck of a lot more than I could ever manage...
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I found myself fascinated by the sheer dreadfulness & preposterousness & kept having to flick back to check. It was like the writers had made a list of things to include then picked them out of a hat-

Mysterious unexplained planet threatening weirdness - check
Ancient monuments - check
Maverick scientist everyone thinks is crazy at first - check
Gung ho US military - check
Weird cult discovers hidden secret - check
Chase around a bit - check
Maverick saves day by skin of neck - check

Needed a whole tin of this-
1639330670542.png
 
We've just finished watching 2016's 'USS Indianopolis - Men Of Courage' starring Nicolas Cage and Tom Sizemore and **** it was bad. With a $40,000,000 estimated budget, it's worldwide gross was only $2,158, 568. The Mrs wants to know what they spent the money on. I reckon at least half of if must have gone to Nicolas Cage. The CGI was awful as was the acting but we did get some enjoyment out of the terrible dialogue that got some genuine laugh out loud moments from us: During one sequence where we see all manner of carnage, explosions, fires, sailors jumping overboard etc leading to the ship eventually sinking, this all culminates with a sailor holding onto some floating debris actually say out loud "This isn't safe!". :rofl: .. extra enjoyment can be had, after all survivors had been watching the sharks picking them off one by one by watching the remaining survivors inexplicably sitting and/or sleeping on the edge of the life rafts with their legs dangling in the water?. When the one survivor wouldn't stop banging on about the girl he loved back home for the entire film, we actually cheered when he died.
 
I did stumble upon the 'Turkish Star Wars' movie that has been mentioned on these pages before. I watched the first 15 minutes in disbelief and fast fowarded through the rest stopping now and again.
Despite all of the other shockingingly bad movies mentioned on this thread, it may just be the worst. Certainly top 3 baddest of the bad.

Full movie with sub titles below if you dare:

 
GNC said:
Sounds like it should have been called "USS Indianapolis - Men of Breakfast".
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I was wondering if Mel Brooks had directed it. It make Pearl Harbour look accomplished. The sharks also coasted along in a way that make it look like someone had just though fuck it and put upper shark bodies on some remote controlled boats, they were poking out of the top of the water.
 
Lord Lucan said:
I did stumble upon the 'Turkish Star Wars' movie that has been mentioned on these pages before. I watched the first 15 minutes in disbelief and fast fowarded through the rest stopping now and again.
Despite all of the other shockingingly bad movies mentioned on this thread, it may just be the worst. Certainly top 3 baddest of the bad.

Full movie with sub titles below if you dare:

Click to expand...

Not a patch on Turkish Star Trek.
 
Swifty said:
We've just finished watching 2016's 'USS Indianopolis - Men Of Courage' starring Nicolas Cage and Tom Sizemore and **** it was bad. With a $40,000,000 estimated budget, it's worldwide gross was only $2,158, 568. The Mrs wants to know what they spent the money on. I reckon at least half of if must have gone to Nicolas Cage. The CGI was awful as was the acting but we did get some enjoyment out of the terrible dialogue that got some genuine laugh out loud moments from us: During one sequence where we see all manner of carnage, explosions, fires, sailors jumping overboard etc leading to the ship eventually sinking, this all culminates with a sailor holding onto some floating debris actually say out loud "This isn't safe!". :rofl: .. extra enjoyment can be had, after all survivors had been watching the sharks picking them off one by one by watching the remaining survivors inexplicably sitting and/or sleeping on the edge of the life rafts with their legs dangling in the water?. When the one survivor wouldn't stop banging on about the girl he loved back home for the entire film, we actually cheered when he died.
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You've put too many zeros on the budget, Swifty.

It was actually $40.
 
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