gattino
Justified & Ancient
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2003
- Messages
- 2,520
I was torn between simply telling my small experience and making it a wider discussion of a phenomenon. A friend says its happened to him on at least 3 occasions. Deciding to get in touch with someone from the past only to find you're a moment too late.
Today I was clearing out bedroom drawers. At least twice a year i have a clear out and every time i put something back on a "I might need" or a "just in case" or a "I'd feel bad if i did" basis. Today i tried to be merciless. If I have no use for it, it goes.
This had to apply to the letters inexplicably kept since the early 90s. Before the internet and social media i had overseas penpals. The Australians survived the transition to the age of Facebook. Others were a correspondence that came and went. The only person in the latter category whose missives i kept was an American with a striking and exotic to my ears name (which i'll omit here for obvious reasons). Joshua X from South Dakota. I have 5 letters, a couple of photos, an audio tape and, to be honest, no actual memory of the content of the correspondence. I kept them, i didn't say i ever re-read them.
The main reason i kept Joshua's letters was he stood out in my memory because he was American (before the internet shrunk the world that alone was hollywood glamorous), looked somewhat native American, and his name was hard to forget. maybe once every 6 or 7 years it might pop into my head and id do a quick facebook search out of curiosity, but to no avail. He has many namesakes, but none were him. Today I started reading his letters for the first time in 27 years before chucking them. He was 19, approaching 20. What would he be like now i wondered. So I decided to do a google search one last time.
And after all these years i did actually find him.
It was his obituary.
From about 3 weeks ago.
He had an additional first name and 46 doesn't look like 19 so I wasnt sure it was him til I saw his date of birth. I'd just been reading him five minutes before telling me that exact detail.
His only other online presence was a news alert that he had been identified as the body found on a walking trail. No foul play but no other details appear anywhere.
His obituary mentions a long list of close relatives he'd lost , so I wondered if it could be suicide. I was reading his 19 yo self planning his future just minutes earlier.
I went to the last of his letters - I'd apparently admonished him for doing a disappearing act - in it he explains his absence as "some close family members " had died of cancer and it had effected him badly.
The obituary mentions his love of music and name checks the Bangles as a favourite to listen to. I had to retrieve from the bin the audio cassette he'd sent me of him singing. In a last touch of the timely , if not uncanny, it says in his hand Side A: Joshua X. Side B: the Bangles.
Neither he nor any of his listed relatives appear to have ever had any visible online presence. The only additional insight into what became of the boy was a lady commenting under the police news about the body. She said he worked in a particular thrift store for years and "he was a nice, kind man".
Reading the boy, I imagine so.
I can have no emotion for a stranger. But there's something ...not spooky, not psychic..just...not quite a coincidence ..about finding your mind on someone so soon after they've left the stage. Maybe he's shouting "remember me!" from the wings.
Goodnight Joshua. I hardly knew ye.
PS...after making that "remember me!" from the wings comment earlier to others i found in one of his letters song lyrics he had just completed, as music was a passion. The last verse has a certain eerie resonance.....
Today I was clearing out bedroom drawers. At least twice a year i have a clear out and every time i put something back on a "I might need" or a "just in case" or a "I'd feel bad if i did" basis. Today i tried to be merciless. If I have no use for it, it goes.
This had to apply to the letters inexplicably kept since the early 90s. Before the internet and social media i had overseas penpals. The Australians survived the transition to the age of Facebook. Others were a correspondence that came and went. The only person in the latter category whose missives i kept was an American with a striking and exotic to my ears name (which i'll omit here for obvious reasons). Joshua X from South Dakota. I have 5 letters, a couple of photos, an audio tape and, to be honest, no actual memory of the content of the correspondence. I kept them, i didn't say i ever re-read them.
The main reason i kept Joshua's letters was he stood out in my memory because he was American (before the internet shrunk the world that alone was hollywood glamorous), looked somewhat native American, and his name was hard to forget. maybe once every 6 or 7 years it might pop into my head and id do a quick facebook search out of curiosity, but to no avail. He has many namesakes, but none were him. Today I started reading his letters for the first time in 27 years before chucking them. He was 19, approaching 20. What would he be like now i wondered. So I decided to do a google search one last time.
And after all these years i did actually find him.
It was his obituary.
From about 3 weeks ago.
He had an additional first name and 46 doesn't look like 19 so I wasnt sure it was him til I saw his date of birth. I'd just been reading him five minutes before telling me that exact detail.
His only other online presence was a news alert that he had been identified as the body found on a walking trail. No foul play but no other details appear anywhere.
His obituary mentions a long list of close relatives he'd lost , so I wondered if it could be suicide. I was reading his 19 yo self planning his future just minutes earlier.
I went to the last of his letters - I'd apparently admonished him for doing a disappearing act - in it he explains his absence as "some close family members " had died of cancer and it had effected him badly.
The obituary mentions his love of music and name checks the Bangles as a favourite to listen to. I had to retrieve from the bin the audio cassette he'd sent me of him singing. In a last touch of the timely , if not uncanny, it says in his hand Side A: Joshua X. Side B: the Bangles.
Neither he nor any of his listed relatives appear to have ever had any visible online presence. The only additional insight into what became of the boy was a lady commenting under the police news about the body. She said he worked in a particular thrift store for years and "he was a nice, kind man".
Reading the boy, I imagine so.
I can have no emotion for a stranger. But there's something ...not spooky, not psychic..just...not quite a coincidence ..about finding your mind on someone so soon after they've left the stage. Maybe he's shouting "remember me!" from the wings.
Goodnight Joshua. I hardly knew ye.
PS...after making that "remember me!" from the wings comment earlier to others i found in one of his letters song lyrics he had just completed, as music was a passion. The last verse has a certain eerie resonance.....
